His Best Friend's Wife

by Gina Wilkins

  Unwanted attraction. Even though she agreed with the sentiment, the phrasing still stung a little. “I’ll try talking to her again.”

  “By saying what this time?”

  “The same thing I once said to you,” she answered flatly. “Jason made his own choices. Just because that last ride was your idea, it doesn’t mean you made him go.”

  “Just the opposite, actually,” Evan muttered.

  She frowned. “What do you mean?”

  After a slight hesitation that indicated he regretted the comment, Evan said, “Never mind.”

  “Evan—”

  “I know your family is waiting for you,” he said somewhat curtly. “Go make a snowman with your kids and drink hot cocoa with your mother-in-law. And sometime during this day, maybe you can think about whether you’re satisfied with a Wednesday-night affair with me, or whether you want to figure out a way to have a hell of a lot more.”

  He hadn’t given her an ultimatum exactly, she thought after he abruptly cut off the call. He’d simply made it clear that he was growing dissatisfied with their current arrangement.

  Why couldn’t Evan be like most men and be content with a no-strings affair? Instead, he wanted to make snowmen with her children and drink cocoa in her kitchen.

  And what had he meant by implying that the motorcycle ride hadn’t been his idea? Was there more to the story than she had heard?

  “Well?” Lucy asked grumpily from the doorway. “Are you going to have breakfast or are you going to let this oatmeal harden to concrete?”

  “I’m coming.”

  Lucy glared at the phone in Renae’s hand. “Is he coming over? Because if he is, I can go over to Daisy and Maxine’s for the afternoon, I guess. Just hope I don’t fall in the snow on my way over.”

  Still clutching the phone, Renae planted her fists on her hips. “You would really leave if Evan comes over?”

  “If he comes, I assume you would all be just as happy if I’m not here,” Lucy replied with an affecting little catch.

  “That’s ridiculous. The children and I are never happier when you’re not here.”

  Lucy’s lip quivered. “I saw how their faces lit up when you said who was on the phone. I told you they would get too attached to him if you kept bringing him around. If he’s here, they wouldn’t even notice that I’m gone.”

  “Lucy, this is not a competition.”

  “Fine. If you’d rather have him here than me, I won’t stand in your way.”

  Renae studied her mother-in-law in sudden realization. “You’re trying to make me choose between him and you.”

  Lucy twisted the hem of her baggy sweater between her hands. “I’m not trying to make you do anything, Renae. You make your own choices.”

  “Yes. I do. Or I should. Instead, I’ve been driving myself crazy trying to do what everyone else wants me to do, to be what everyone else needs me to be. But maybe it’s time I figure out what I want.”

  And the first thing she wanted, she realized abruptly, was to know what Evan had meant by that cryptic remark he’d muttered.

  “I have to go out for a little while,” she said, moving toward the doorway to fetch a coat and gloves. “I won’t be long.”

  “You’re going out? In this snow? Renae, that’s crazy.”

  “I’ve driven on snow before. I’ll be fine.”

  “But—”

  “Tell the kids I’ll be back in about an hour and a half to make that snowman with them. They can play video games until I get back.”

  “This is insane. You’re going to crash your car.”

  “I’ll be back in an hour and a half,” she repeated. “Tell the kids.”

  Lucy was still protesting when Renae left the room.

  Chapter Twelve

  It took her forty minutes to make the usually ten-minute drive from her house to Evan’s apartment. It would have taken even longer had it not been a little later than rush hour, and had she been driving in the other direction. Traffic in the westbound lanes into the city seemed to be at a standstill; she could only hope it had cleared some by the time she returned from this impulsive and probably ill-advised outing.

  It occurred to her only when she parked in his snow-covered lot that she hoped he hadn’t left his apartment since he’d called her. She was relieved to see his truck in its usual parking spot.

  The snow was falling harder when she climbed out of her car. She’d neglected to bring a hat, so she turned up her coat collar and huddled into it as she trudged across the lot, her boots sinking into the untouched snow. Some children from the apartment complex played in the usually green compound behind the apartments and ripped up and down the now-buried walkway that ran along the river. Adult supervisors followed more sedately behind or brushed snow off the benches along the river walk to sit and watch. Renae heard the children squealing and laughing as they threw sloppy snowballs and inexpertly gathered snow for snowmen.

  Her face felt half-frozen, her hair was damp and her teeth were chattering from both cold and nerves when Evan opened his door to her with a scowl. “What the hell are you doing here? You drove in this? After we talked about how dangerous it was?”

  She shivered. “We need to talk.”

  He drew her inside. She’d stomped most of the snow off her boots downstairs, but she was afraid she was tracking in moisture anyway. Evan didn’t seem to care. He disappeared for a few moments to return with a large bath towel that he draped over her when she stripped off her coat and gloves.

  “You’re cold,” he fretted. “Come over by the fire.”

  Drying her hair, she made an impatient gesture with her free hand. “I’ll be out in the snow with the kids later anyway.”

  “I hope you’ll bundle up somewhat better than this when you do. At least wear a hat.”

  She tossed the towel aside. “What did you mean by what you said on the phone earlier? When I said the motorcycle ride was your idea, you said it was just the opposite. What did you mean by that?”

  His jaw twitched. “Damn it, Renae.”

  She caught his arm when he would have turned away. “What did you mean? The ride was your idea, wasn’t it?”

  He hesitated, then nodded shortly. “Yeah, it was. You probably remember that I was in the state on leave visiting my grandparents in Batesville, at loose ends for the weekend. I thought Jason needed a day out to ride through the Ozarks, enjoy the fall colors. You know, before the babies were born. He’d seemed a little...well...”

  Stressed, she filled in silently. Anxious. Caged. All emotions she had sensed in Jason in those weeks before his death.

  He’d grown increasingly tense as the due date neared for the babies neither of them had planned on so early in their marriage. Just beginning his doctoral studies in addition to teaching high school, Jason complained about doing nothing but work and study and then having to help around the house. Renae, in turn, had pointed out acerbically that she was also working and doing most of the daily housework while carrying twins.

  “Anyway,” Evan continued, “when I found out he’d promised to help you that weekend, I tried to convince him that we could always go riding some other time. I even offered to help with the nursery instead.”

  His admission jolted her. She hadn’t known about that offer.

  “I’m sure I know what Jason said to you,” she said through a tight throat. “The same thing he said to me. He wouldn’t have many more free weekends to go out and have fun, and he didn’t want to waste a chance.”

  “Something like that, yeah.”

  “You should have told me this before,” she murmured.

  He gave a slight shrug. “There was no need.”

  She sighed. “I know this hasn’t been easy for you, Evan. It must have been so hard for you to be there when Jason died.”

  She saw the haunted look in his eyes when he said, “That’s an understatement. I had nightmares for a long time.”

  It was the first she’d heard of the nightmares. How self
-centered had she been to be so focused on her own loss, and Lucy’s, that she hadn’t even realized the full extent of Evan’s suffering?

  She thought back to the funeral. Her heart ached when she remembered the way she had parted from Evan. Lucy had burst into tears when Evan had approached them at the simple graveside service, stark misery on his face.

  “If you hadn’t talked him into going out on that motorcycle you encouraged him to buy, my son would still be alive today,” Lucy had accused him around her sobs. “I always hated those machines, but he had to have one to keep up with you.”

  His face pale, Evan had looked at Renae, as though trying to determine if she agreed with Lucy.

  Her own heart broken, Renae had wrapped an arm around Lucy’s shoulders, and turned to lead her away. She’d often wondered if Evan had taken her actions as a sign that she, too, had blamed him for Jason’s death. Maybe she had, at least at that moment. Maybe, in her grief and regret, she, like Lucy, had simply needed someone to blame—and Evan had been a handy target.

  He could have told her then that he’d tried to cancel the ride. But he’d seen no reason to do so. Perhaps because he’d understood their need to lash out. Or maybe because he had, perhaps unfairly, accepted some of the blame.

  “I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “After everything you’d been through, for Lucy to blame you... That had to have been devastating for you.”

  Though he shrugged, she saw the tightness in his face when he replied, “Like I said, I understood. And I still do, but I’ve got to say I’m tired of having to pay for the sins she thinks I committed.”

  “And I haven’t made it any easier for you.”

  A spark of irritation flashed in his eyes. “No,” he admitted. “You haven’t.”

  She almost winced, but she knew he was simply agreeing with her. “I’m sorry. I guess I had some issues of my own to work through.”

  “You didn’t trust me. You shared some of your mother-in-law’s recrimination toward me. And you didn’t think I would be interested in your daily life with your kids, so you thought I’d disappear once you started including me.”

  She frowned in bewilderment.

  His mouth twitched. “You think I don’t know how you think by now?”

  She twisted her thawing fingers in front of her. “You have to admit my life isn’t exactly exciting. I mean, between an office manager job and two first graders and a dog and a live-in mother-in-law, I’m always taking care of someone.”

  “You might not have noticed, but I’m hardly a party animal myself,” he said wryly. “And I happen to think you have a pretty good life.”

  “So do I,” she admitted, “but—”

  “Not all men find the idea of marriage and kids repetitive and restrictive,” he said gently.

  At first she was too startled by his use of the word marriage to understand the significance of what he’d said. And then it struck her. “You heard me talking to Kim when we had dinner?”

  “Unintentionally.” He ran a hand slowly up her arm. “Jason was very young, Renae. He’d have realized how lucky he was once the kids arrived and he got to spend time with them.”

  Maybe he’d put a few clues together, or maybe Jason had said some things back then. She nodded. “I’m sure he would have. It’s just that we weren’t getting along in the months before he died. That was hard for me to live with afterward.”

  This was the discussion she and Evan had been avoiding all these weeks. It was as difficult as she had expected—and yet, she felt a weight sliding slowly from her shoulders.

  “He loved you, Renae. And I know you loved him. But he wouldn’t have expected you never to love anyone again. That’s not what he would have wanted.”

  “I know,” she whispered, her gaze locking with Evan’s.

  Without taking his eyes from her, Evan rested his hands on her shoulders. “He would have wanted you to be with someone who appreciates all you’ve accomplished in the past seven years. Someone who admires your courage and your competence, your compassion, your commitment. Someone who loves you beyond all reason, even after he did his best to keep himself from falling for you.”

  Her throat was so tight now she could hardly breathe, much less speak. She blinked rapidly against a threatening film of tears, finally managing to force out a few words. “Yes. I think he would have wanted that.”

  He brushed a kiss against the top of her head. “Then I think he would have approved of us.”

  Her heart pounded against her ribs. Was he really saying—

  “I love you, Renae.”

  Her knees went weak. She managed to straighten them before she collapsed, though she steadied herself with her hands on his chest. “You do?”

  “I do.”

  Oh, wow. Something about the way he said those two words...

  He continued to look at her, obviously waiting for her to say something.

  “I love you, too,” she said, her voice husky. “Why else would I have risked my life driving through a blizzard to get to you?”

  He chuckled in response to the exaggeration, even as he covered her mouth with his.

  The kiss was filled with so much emotion that she could feel her heart weep and rejoice all at once. Wrapped in his arms, she felt heat seeping back into her, filling deep, hidden places that had been cold and empty for a very long time.

  She had loved Jason with all the intensity and drama of youth, with a gaping longing for a home and family of her own, someone to love and to love her in return. She had few regrets. She’d been fortunate to know him, and had been left with two amazing children and a wonderful mother-in-law because of him.

  She loved Evan with the maturity of a woman who’d had the security and responsibility of a home and family for almost a decade, who had learned that life did not come with guarantees and that happy endings required a great deal of work and commitment to maintain. There were obstacles ahead but they would work together to overcome them. She looked forward to the challenges, even as she acknowledged how daunting they would seem at times.

  Evan’s hand slid down her back, tracing the dips and curves, cupping her bottom and pulling her closer. She felt his arousal and ached with her own, knowing the shivers that rippled through her now had nothing to do with the snow.

  Snow.

  She broke off the kiss with a low moan. “I have to get home. The kids—”

  What might have been a sigh of regret escaped him, but he squared his shoulders and stepped back. “I’m driving you. There’s another good inch of snow on the ground since you arrived. Don’t worry—I won’t come in, but I don’t want you risking your neck in your car when I’ve got a four-wheel-drive truck.”

  “You’d better bring snow gear,” she informed him. “Daniel’s expecting you to help him build a snowman. And you know how he is—he’s going to want a big one. Dinosaur-sized.”

  Evan hesitated. “What about Lucy?”

  “Lucy is going to have to accept that you’re a part of my life now, just as she is,” she said firmly. “She tried to make me choose between you, but I refuse to make that choice. There’s room in my heart for both of you.”

  His mouth twisted in a grimace. “It’s not going to be easy.”

  “I think you’re the one who pointed out once that nothing between us has ever been easy,” she reminded him with a slight laugh, reaching for her coat. “We’ll make it work.”

  Heading to his closet to get his gear, he smiled over his shoulder. “I believe we will.”

  * * *

  A snowball hit Evan square in the middle of his back. Turning in the trampled snow to teasingly confront Daniel, he found Renae grinning at him instead, while her children giggled in delight.

  “You’re going to pay for that,” he warned her.

  She grinned. “We’ll see about that.”

  Her face was red with cold, surrounded by strands of damp blond hair that had escaped the striped knit cap pulled down over her ears. A striped scarf wound thi
ckly around her neck, and her puffy coat and gloves were covered with clumps of snow, as were her jeans from knees down and her waterproof boots. She looked silly, disheveled—and so appealing his blood heated despite the cold.

  Dressed in their warmest clothing, the twins romped around them, throwing snow, wrestling with their hyperactive dog. A funny-looking snowman watched them play, his stick arms outstretched, his pebble smile beaming approval. The sounds of other children enjoying the snow drifted from other homes on the street.

  Evan heard a distant siren and figured there’d been a fender bender nearby, ruining someone’s snow day. Thinking about Renae jumping into her car to go to him earlier still made his stomach lurch. It had been challenging enough driving her back home in his four-by-four truck. Still, despite his exasperation with the risk she had taken, he couldn’t help but be glad she’d come to him, he thought, smiling as he watched her playing with the twins.

  As if they’d sensed him watching them, the trio turned en masse and rushed toward him with gloved hands full of cold snow. Laughing, he tried to ward them off, but they surrounded him, aiming for any small patch of exposed skin. Feeling a trickle of snow slide down the back of his neck, he growled and caught a twin in each arm, lifting them off their feet kicking and squealing.

  “After I toss these two in the nearest snowbank, I’m coming back for you,” he warned Renae.

  Standing only inches in front of him, she hefted a snowball meaningfully. “You think so, do you?”

  He simply couldn’t resist brushing a quick kiss over her smile, savoring the feel of her cold lips beneath his.

  “Oooh, Evan kissed Mama,” Leslie crooned.

  “Yuck,” Daniel proclaimed, though he, too, seemed rather pleased.

  Something made Evan glance toward the house. Lucy stood framed in the kitchen window, looking out at them. She turned and disappeared before he could see her expression.

  He sighed and set the kids on their feet. So it wasn’t all going to be laughter and kisses. He still didn’t regret the commitment he had made to this family.

  “We’d better go in now,” Renae said a few minutes later, igniting a chorus of protest from the kids.