Thirty-Eight Days

by Len Webster

  Clara: Screw it! I need reckless! I need someone that will make me forget. I’ll be in control this time.

  Clara was about to text Stevie her reply when she got another text message.

  Annie: Hello, Clara. It’s Annie. Stevie just texted me. Just wanted to know if you’re coming to the party tonight? If you were, then we could hang out. Let me know. –Annie

  If Annie was going I would be in safe hands. I wouldn’t have to worry about going home with the wrong guy; she would make sure I didn’t.

  Clara: Annie, tell Stevie I’m on my way!

  It would be the first time Clara would be facing Darren since that night. She had to make sure he knew what he did. She went into her wardrobe and took out one of her tighter dresses. She knew it was a dress Darren never approved of. But she didn’t care. She would let any hot guy kiss her, and she would drink. This was his fault, and she wanted to rub it in his face. He was missing out.

  Anger and resentment built inside of her. After she had taken a shower, she slipped into the tight dress that showed off her figure perfectly. She sat at her dresser and started to apply her makeup. She carefully placed on her fake lashes and a bit of eyeliner. She added blush and a red glossy lipstick then tied her black-and-gold short dress together.

  Looking in the mirror, she didn’t look like herself. She looked sexier than she had ever looked before. Clara decided to leave her long curls as they were instead of straightening them. She needed to get to the club quickly and find herself a guy.

  Collecting her phone from her dresser, she headed for the lounge room. Grabbing her ID and some cash, Clara put them in a small gold clutch she left in a drawer in the old French cabinet. She was about to walk out and hail a taxi when she remembered that she and Noel were going to eat dinner together.

  “Noel,” she yelled out as she took out a twenty for pizza.

  “Yeah,” he said as he strolled in from the kitchen and stopped in his tracks.

  “What the hell are you wearing?” he asked in a growl that startled her. She noticed Noel’s clenched fists and she tensed.

  “I’m going to show Darren what he’s missing,” Clara replied matter-of-factly.

  “The hell you are, Clara!” Noel yelled. He was telling her off and that was starting to make her angry. He had no right.

  Asshole!

  “Why the hell does it matter to you, Noel? Last time I checked, this was a babysitting gig for you. Lay off! Here’s the money for the pizza. Don’t wait up!”

  “Of course it matters. Do you think Alex would like to hear about what you’re about to do tonight?”

  “Leave Alex out of this!” she yelled back at him, her skin starting to warm.

  “The hell I’m leaving Alex out of this! You are not going out like that!” he warned, causing her anger to rise.

  “Go screw yourself, Noel!” Clara watched as Noel closed his eyes and took in a couple of heavy breaths.

  “You are so stupid, Clara! No wonder he cheated on you. You make stupid decisions. If I was him, I would cheat on you, too,” his said sternly and Clara took a step back. He threw a hurtful blow.

  “Don’t. Don’t you dare go there,” she barely whispered. She couldn’t fight him about Darren. It would be too painful for her.

  “Why can’t I? Since you’re about to go show him what he’s missing. You didn’t think I knew? Hell, Clara, everyone knew, including Alex. Why do you think I’m here? Because you make stupid decisions!”

  The memories of the night she and Darren ended flashed before her. Clara balled her fists to stop herself from tearing up. Noel took another breath of air before he continued his onslaught.

  “He cheated on you, Clara! Why would you think he would miss you? Especially, when he slept with that other girl. He forgot about you. He never cared about you! I bet you were stupid enough to sleep with him right after he slept with that other girl. When you were making love to him, Clara, he wasn’t thinking about you and how much he loved you. He was thinking about how much he could sleep with you before you found out.” The tension on his face didn’t match the sorrow in his green eyes. For a moment, Clara believed his regretful gaze, but the delivery of his words told her otherwise.

  Noel took a deep breath and those regretful eyes disappeared. “Bet he didn’t even tell you to get yourself tested. Think about the times he was in her and any other girl. You, Clara, get cheated on and are stupid enough to want the bastard back. He doesn’t want you back! He never even wanted you! He just wanted to sleep with you and use you until he was done! Don’t you get that? You were a toy; nothing more! You’re pathetic, Clara! You drag Alex down!” Noel breathed out, letting his words settle in.

  Warm tears fell from her blurry eyes. He delivered a humiliating blow and was completely right. She was upset that he called her out on her intentions. The mention of Alex pained her. Clara never wanted to drag him down with the choices she made. She just wanted her brother to be proud of her. He looked pained that he had to tell her the truth to stop her from making a mistake, but she didn’t care.

  She wanted to tell him he was wrong, defend herself, but she couldn’t fathom the words that could defend herself with such justice. She only came up with two words that made sense to her.

  “You’re wrong,” she whimpered out and walked to her bedroom. She didn’t give him the opportunity to say anything else.

  Closing the door behind her, Clara slid down the surface until she sat on the floor. She couldn’t help the tears that came out, flowing beyond her control. Noel had hurt her more than Darren could have ever done. He didn’t even know her yet he knew everything about her. She grabbed her phone from the clutch and started to text both Annie and Stevie.

  Clara: I’m tired. I’m over it. I’m worn out from their betrayal. It’d be a pathetic move if I showed up. SHE WINS! Don’t expect me!

  She locked her phone and threw it along with her clutch across the room. Noel’s harsh words continued to play through her mind. But it was his last words that hurt her more than anything he could ever say.

  “I’m so sorry, Alex. I just wanted to be someone you’d be proud of,” she quietly sobbed. Clara let her tears continue to flow. She got up from the floor, took off her heels, and went straight to her bed, the pain and guilt consuming her and making the tears flow without an end.

  I have to be the asshole she expects me to be… I don’t want to be that! I want to be so much more than that to Clara.

  His actions last night haunted his dreams, and worse off, they were his reality. The morning filled with heat and he could feel himself stick from the sweat. He placed his hands over his face to clear the moisture and to make better sense of his actions.

  He screwed up last night; his good intentions made things worse between him and Clara. Noel sighed heavily. He knew what he said would hurt her, but he had to. He ran a hand through his messy hair and stared out the window. Her eyes had flickered with torment and hurt, but all he could really see was her sadness. He had hurt her and he hated himself for it.

  Clara didn't deserve any of it, but I had to. God, believe me, I had to.

  He continued to stare out the window, half expecting it to bring him the answers he desperately needed. But he knew he wouldn't have any. He needed to give her time, and maybe she would see why he did it. His feelings had to be pushed aside; he had to stop her, and it was the only way he knew how. To some extent, Noel believed Alex would have approved of his methods. However, if Alex had witnessed last night’s events, Noel would have a fist slammed into his face. The sick feeling in his stomach was one he didn’t enjoy. He shouldn’t have done that to Clara. He never wanted to treat her wrong ever again.

  It was early on Wednesday, just past seven in the morning. Noel was up an hour before usual, but he couldn't sleep. His selfishness cost him everything he had, or possibly could have had, with Clara.

  Footsteps from outside his room and her bedroom door closing sounded. She was up. He quickly jumped out of bed and ran to the be
droom door.

  She doesn't want to see you.

  He hesitantly stopped himself from turning the doorknob to see her and beg her forgiveness. She wouldn't want to hear from him, let alone see him. He inhaled a painful breath of air. Noel would let her have space. He rested his forehead on the door. He had to let her go. The front door closed and Clara's footsteps started to go faint with every second. He put more pressure on his forehead and placed his balled fists on the door.

  I'm sorry, Clara.

  Keys… How did I lose you? Oh, that’s right! When I stupidly threw my bag across the room!

  Clara mentally slapped herself for her stupidity. Now here she was at the lobby desk asking Don for a spare key for the day. Don had worked in the lobby for years, and he was one of the reasons why Clara loved this place. She loved to see his warm and vibrant face every morning. She nervously fiddled with the pamphlets that were on the desk. Clara looked up and caught sight of herself.

  Her bloodshot eyes were red and very noticeable. Her skin was pale, but the powder she used was enough to conceal her paleness as best as it could. She was tired; she’d spent the night crying and whimpering. She was weak, and cried over the words delivered by Nolan Parker.

  She shook her head. She promised she would forget about what he said. As impossible as it was, he had been right. But she wouldn’t let Noel break her… at least she wouldn’t let it show. The elevator dinged, and like a deer in headlights, Clara looked straight at it as the doors opened.

  To her relief, it wasn't Noel. Instead it was Liam along with Maggie from the fifth floor. She didn't need Liam on her case, so she quickly looked back at her reflection, still able to see them, and waited for the spare key.

  "No strings attached. Come on, Liam! You haven't had sex in ages, and I know because you haven't brought a girl home in weeks. And don't give me that shit about how you go back to theirs. I know you. You don't like to stay over," Maggie explained. Clara couldn't help but listen, her eyes moving to their reflection.

  "Maggie, I told you. I'm not interested in being your fuck buddy. That's not what I want, so drop it!" Liam replied, disinterested.

  Clara couldn't believe what she was hearing. Liam was turning down a desperate woman, practically begging him to be in her bed.

  “I don't believe you, Liam." Maggie raised her eyebrow. It was probably the only time she was ever getting a no from a guy.

  “Believe me, I'm not interested in you or anyone. So don't even try," he replied with conviction.

  "Who is she?" she pried, twiddling her apricot locks between her fingers.

  "What do you mean?" he asked. Clara removed her glare from their reflection and looked towards them. She wanted to know what Maggie meant, too.

  "You would only ever say no to sex if you were interested in actually being in a relationship with someone. And you don't want to slim your chances at that relationship," Maggie said as she made eye contact with Clara. She watched as Maggie's eyes reflected with understanding. Liam followed Maggie's curious gaze and his landed on Clara's.

  "Clara," he said out loud. He never broke their eye contact when he spoke. "I'll see you later, Maggie," Liam said as he stepped away from her.

  "Don't bother. I actually understand, Liam," Maggie called out. She nodded to Clara and walked back to the elevator.

  Clara wasn't sure what to say. She was as confused as Liam was over Maggie's comments. Liam made his way towards her and she started to scrunch the pamphlet between her fingers.

  "Hi," she managed to say when he was a foot or so in front of her. His concerned eyes inspected her.

  "What's wrong?" he asked as a frown started to form. Liam searched her eyes for something, but she looked away.

  "Nothing," she replied, forcing the best smile she could muster.

  "Don't lie to me. Please don't, because you're killing me with that sad look right now," Liam said softly.

  She looked at a pamphlet on the desk, desperately trying to distract herself from Liam's questioning glare.

  "Clara, look at me, please." His voice was saddened and strained. She couldn't stand to see him like this.

  Clara let out a heavy sigh. "Why do you bother with me, Liam?" she asked with more pain in her voice than she intended.

  Liam gently placed a hand on her face and then another. It was intimate and the way his eyes fixated on hers made her look deep into his hazel ones. "Why do I bother, Clara?" he asked, surprised.

  She simply nodded in his hands. A brittle smile etched his face.

  "Because it kills me to see you like this, seeing you so sad. I don't want to see you this sad. I want to make you happy. That’s why I bother, Clara. You are worth every bother."

  Clara tensed, her face filled with surprise. It wasn't just flirting. Liam had never said anything so deep and intimate. It was more than she was ever expecting.

  "You don't mean that, Liam," she assured him as a soft smile touched her lips. The pulse in his wrist made contact with her skin. Something stirred inside of her. He was starting to get to her. Her heart expanded and fluttered at the same time. The feeling was unusual to her.

  "I do, Clara. With every bone in me, I do," he confessed, and his forehead rested on hers. Liam closed his eyes, and she was shocked. He didn't try to kiss her; instead, he just comforted her.

  He didn't push her to act on his confession, and she liked that. She just let them stay like this; she shouldn't have, but she did. She closed her eyes and let Liam hold her. Clara forgot what it was like to be embraced in such a way. She missed the closeness and intimacy Liam offered.

  The ding from the elevator made her aware that someone was watching, but she didn't care. Liam's hand moved from her face and tightened around her shoulders. He just held her. She wanted to cry and unravel in his hold. Clara wrapped her arms around his waist and held him. He felt safe, and she needed this feeling more than anything. It was a drug that she needed to consume.

  The footsteps retreated from the elevator. She didn't care who it was. She was safe with Liam, and she liked the feelings that engulfed her. She held Liam tighter. Clara didn't want him to leave her, not yet.

  “Ahem." The sound of a deep voice cleared and she hesitantly released her grip. The sound of Liam groaning from their separation caused her to smile.

  "Nice one, Don," Liam whined.

  She watched as a playful smile spread across the old man's face. "You better keep your hands off my Clara, Liam," Don playfully said.

  "No can do, Don." Liam sneakily winked at her, and Clara’s cheeks immediately heated.

  "Your spare key, my dear." Don handed Clara the key.

  "Thank you. I'll return this to you after work," Clara said as she balled her hands over the key.

  "Take your time, dear," Don said as he returned to his paperwork, leaving her and Liam to talk.

  Clara felt something in her that she didn't understand. She was going to act on impulse. Liam cared for her, and she cared for him, too. The way he made her feel safe was a wonder to her. She needed that in her life. Someone who’d put her first and make her feel special. That wasn't Darren, and that wasn't Noel.

  It’s Liam. He can make me feel all this and more.

  As she played with the key in her palms, she looked up and stared at his hazel eyes. They were caring and warm. They weren’t those green eyes that haunted her.

  "I'm off to the bakery today. Did you want to walk me? We could sit and talk together before I open up shop. That is, if you want?" she asked on a whim.

  Liam looked a little surprised by her question. He started to pretend that it was a tough decision to make, and then a smile—that only angels could produce—spread across his face.

  "Thank you, God, for finally answering my prayers," he said, looking up to the heavens as if they could hear him. Clara let out a laugh.

  "Clara, you have no idea how long I've waited for you," he confessed as he faced her. The way he looked at her made her insides warm.

  This is it. I will give
Liam a chance. He could make it worth it all.

  Noel sat on the couch fidgeting so excessively that it was impossible for him to be comfortable. Clara had been gone an hour and still hadn’t returned. He should have been happy because it gave her the space she needed, but he had to beg for her forgiveness and explain. If only he knew where she was. Then the image of her downstairs in the lobby broke through his thoughts.

  Goddamn it!

  He went down to chase her. Stop her so he could explain. But when the elevator doors opened, his heart felt like it had been stabbed by a thousand knives. It shouldn’t have, but it did. Standing by the desk was Clara and Liam. If he had never met either of them, then he’d have witnessed a couple in a public display of affection. If he didn’t know better, they looked perfect for each other. It killed him to see Clara with him. The look in Liam’s eyes for her was nothing but adoration.

  He had driven her straight in the arms of Liam. If he ever thought he could have Clara for himself, he was wrong. The idea of him and Clara was wrong. She belonged to Liam, even if she didn’t know it yet. If he had any sense of being a man, then he would let her be with him.

  The last few days strengthened that thought. What he did last night was purely to protect her from him and any other guy. Noel didn’t know another way to protect her other than being so blunt and to the point. Revenge consumed her eyes and he feared she’d regret anything she might have done last night. Protecting Clara meant hurting her, even if it did make him look like the bad guy. Clara didn’t see him, and he would pretend he saw nothing. It killed him knowing that there was a chance that she’d fall in love with Liam.

  He was comforting her. That was it.

  “Urghh!” he groaned out loud. He couldn’t sit on the couch any longer. He stood up. He was upset with himself for everything that had happened. Noel wanted to punch something, anything. The feeling inside of him was eating him alive. The guilt was unbelievably painful. He didn’t know how he could hurt someone like Clara.