by Len Webster
“You don’t mind us going back to the apartment? I’ll pack up dessert and we can eat it on the balcony?” He wanted to give Clara the one thing he drove all the way to the suburbs for.
“Sure, I’ll wait here while you pack up. Should I start clearing the place out?” Clara asked as she looked at the table.
“Nope. I hired Josie to clean up after us. I’ll just be a second,” he replied as he walked into the kitchen and packed the little peach and tea cupcakes he made for her. It was the first cupcake of hers he ever tried, and planned on it being the first cupcake he ever made for her.
He left Clara sitting on the balcony as he sat on his bed. The drive home was quiet between them. He wanted to speak, but he was scared that he’d just blurt out that he loved her, and that wouldn’t have made things any easier for them. There was a lot riding against them. He knew that. It wasn’t just Alex that could break them; it was his job and where he lived. Boston wasn’t two minutes by car from her apartment. It was miles and miles away; oceans and other countries kept them apart. Noel shook his head. He’d worry about that later, because he knew they were on borrowed time.
Looking at the small box in his hand, he started to feel the suffocating nerves that settled within him. He wasn’t sure if giving Clara the small box was a good idea. When she asked him how he knew all those things about her, guilt rode up him. He’d been a horrible kid towards her when they were both young, but the longer he spent with her, the more he started to remember the good parts of their childhood together. Especially a memory that involved the small box he held.
I hope she remembers.
Standing up, he placed it in his pants pocket, patted his pants twice, and walked out of the bedroom. He stopped in front of the cupcakes on the kitchen counter. Noel thought about bringing them to Clara, but decided that the small box in his pocket was more important than the cupcakes. Walking over to the balcony doors, he saw Clara leaning over the railing, staring out at the city skyline. His heart started to beat faster as his stomach began to knot. He clenched his fists, deciding that he would give her what was in the box. Noel cleared his throat and Clara turned to see him. She looked more relieved than startled to see him.
“Hi,” she greeted. “Thank you for tonight. I know it was probably one of the worst dates of your life, but thank you for not laughing at me.” Clara bit her bottom lip and twiddled her fingers.
“Why would I laugh?” he asked as he walked towards her, only centimetres separating them.
“Because it just shows what a kid I am. You’re probably used to dating more mature women with successful careers who are more experienced in all of this than I am,” Clara explained with a sad tone in her voice.
“Clara, stop. To dance with you and be with you, it was the best date I have ever had. Trust me, please.” The pleading in his voice was strong. He couldn’t help it when it came to her. He felt like he had to fight her when it came to how he felt.
“I have something for you,” he said, trying to change the subject. He didn’t like Clara comparing herself to other women. No other woman could even compete. Digging into his pocket, he took out the small box and presented it to her.
“For me?” Clara asked, sounding so surprised. She eyed the box suspiciously before looking directly in his eyes. Noel offered her a reassuring smile before she started to untie the bow.
Clara removed the lid and froze. The anxiousness in him took over his body and he feared that she wouldn’t remember.
“Do you remember?” he asked as she brought up the small locket.
“This was my locket,” Clara breathed out.
Relief flooded his system, dispelling the anxiousness. Noel took the locket out of her hands and looked at it. It had spent many years in a box in his family’s garage, tucked away with his old comics and football jerseys. He looked up at Clara, her eyes wide with disbelief that this locket had made an appearance.
“You see, when I was four my best friend told me that he was going to be a big brother. I was pretty mad because George was a teenager and he never wanted to play with me. Alex and I were practically brothers. One day, I asked George why I was so angry, and he told me I had to accept that Alex was going to be a brother. George told me I had to protect you just like Alex would. So before you were born George took me out to get you a present, one that only we would know about. We looked everywhere, not sure what we were really looking for.
“And then I saw it in an old vintage jewellery store. I wasn't sure what the Celtic knot meant, but when I saw it, I told George to get it. I asked him what the knot on the locket meant, but he told me I’d know one day. Then when the old man took it out of the glass cabinet, I think I smiled so large that he smiled, too. I asked George if you would know it was from me and he said that unless I told you, you wouldn't know because you were just a baby. The old man heard and asked my name. When I told him, he took the necklace and went out the back. He returned to show me the locket. He had engraved an “N” in the middle of the Celtic knot.” Noel ran a finger over the engraved “N” and smiled at the memory.
Clara’s lips parted and he watched the disbelief consume her eyes. He had surprised her with another memory of them—one that had him caring before she was even born.
“I remember putting it on you when you were a baby. No one really knew where you got it from except for Gran. She told people it was always in the family, and when you were born, she knew it belonged to you. And then the memory got lost as we grew up. You didn't wear it much; maybe that's why I forgot, or maybe you never showed it. Anyway, I started to date Valerie when I was almost fifteen and I remember telling Alex how much I liked her and I wanted to give her something special for her birthday. The next day when I was over to your house you came up to me and presented me the box; the locket was inside, and you told me to give it to Valerie.
“I didn't connect the memories together straight away, but I knew I couldn't give it to Valerie. I couldn’t give it back to you because you had the biggest smile on your face when you gave it to me. I couldn’t break that smile of yours, so I held onto it. I think it was so I could give it back to you and tell you it was always yours. The other night I had a dream about George and I getting you the locket, and I knew I had to give it back. That’s what I spent the day doing, searching through my parents’ garage looking for it,” he finished explaining.
Clara’s eyes started to water and he knew she remembered, too. Stepping around her, Noel brushed Clara’s hair to the side as he placed the silver chain around her neck and clasped the locket securely. When he looked at Clara with the locket on, he couldn’t help but see how much it belonged to her. It was never meant for Valerie. He knew that even as a teenager.
“I can't believe you remembered,” she said breathlessly. “I always wondered what that “N” meant, but Alex told me it was vintage, and it probably belonged to someone in the 1920’s with a name that started with N or something.”
Noel felt his heart stop at her remembering.
If I hadn’t already been in love with her already, I’d have fallen in love with her in this moment.
“Kiss me,” Clara said, bringing him back from his thoughts. He looked at her, and he would never find another woman as beautiful as her in his life.
He didn’t have to be asked twice. There was something in her eyes that told him she was grateful. As he placed his palms on her cheek, he looked down at Clara and at the locket. It was always meant for her.
“Noel,” she whispered. Their eyes met, and he saw the desire in them. The way she whispered his name was new, and it made his heart stop; the desire laced in his name made him weak.
“I want to go further with you.” Clara didn’t look down. Instead she looked directly in his eyes, and he was sure she tore away any wall Noel built when it came to her. He stood there staring into her big brown eyes as she took the air out of his lungs.
“What are you saying, Clara?” he slowly breathed out.
“I want you t
o be my first,” Clara said as she glanced down at the locket and then him. He lost the ability to breathe, his mouth going dry. He took two steps back from her. Noel searched her eyes, but he didn’t see fear or indecision. Clara frowned at his need for space.
"Clara, I…" She dangled the locket in her fingers. She was thinking, maybe even reconsidering what she said. Clara closed the distance and stood in front of him. She rested her hand back on his cheek and kissed him. It took every ounce of control in him to not be more aggressive and take her then.
She walked them back into the apartment and guided them to the couch, neither one breaking their kiss. Clara’s kiss entwined with need and want, his heart racing and pounding. The back of Noel’s knees hit the couch cushions before she pushed them down, straddling him. When she removed her lips from his, Noel moved the loose strand of hair and put it behind her ear. Her beautiful golden brown eyes drew him further to a point of no return.
"Whether we do it now or tomorrow or next week, I want you to be my first, Nolan Parker," she breathed out and the look in her eyes told him she was speaking the truth.
"Are you sure you want me?" he asked, already regretting the question as it rolled off his tongue. He wanted her to want him and not anyone else. Noel wanted Clara to be sure. It wasn’t just her virginity. It was them making love for the first time together.
"The question is, Noel, do you want me?" Her eyes stared at his chest. Noel could see she was scared he would say no. He grabbed her hand and placed it on his chest, above his heart. Just like the night of the engagement party.
"You have no idea how much I want you, Clara. I want you so damn much it hurts. But you need to be sure you want this with me. This is your first time. I won’t be mad if you change your mind right now. I want you to be sure that this is something you won’t regret."
If it were any other woman, he wouldn’t try to change her mind, but it was Clara, and he fell in love with her. He was going to do this her way. The right way. She needed to be loved and treasured and he was going to prove his love for her.
"I want you to make love to me," she whispered without taking her eyes off his. He wasn't sure if he could refuse her demand.
"Clara, are you sure you're ready? Because once we start, I don't think I'm going be able to stop," he said truthfully as he caressed her cheek.
"I don't want you to stop."
Fuck.
“But are—" he tried to argue, but she stopped him by placing her other hand on his cheek.
"Stop over thinking this, Noel. I want this with you. I want you to make love to me, right here, right now. Only you, Noel, it’s always meant to be you."
I should refuse her, but I can’t. She makes me so damn weak. I didn’t deserve to be, but I want to be her goddamn first.
“Okay,” he breathed out. “But your first time isn’t going to be on this couch. I’m going to take you to bed and do this right. You deserve to be worshipped, and this couch is not the place. I will make love to you, Clara, because you deserve it to be gentle and loving. This isn’t a quick fuck in your sheets. I want this to last, and I want to make love to you the proper way.” As his lips crashed into hers, he knew he was a goner.
He was going to be her first. The thought sent his heart racing. Clara circled her arms around his neck. He supported her weight by placing his arms around her back as he stood up from the couch, Clara wrapping her legs tight around him. Each approving moan from Clara as he kissed the curve of her neck made him delirious. He wasn’t sure if they were going to make it to Clara’s bed. Noel removed his lips from hers and looked into her eyes. The need to be the first to say “I love you” hit him hard. But not yet; she would think it was just a line, but he had no doubt about it. As he reached Clara’s bedroom door, he stopped, removed his lips from her, and looked directly in her eyes.
“Clara, I need to hear it one more time. I want you to be sure,” he said softly. Noel felt her reassuring squeeze on his shoulders and she gave him a loving smile.
“I’m sure, Noel. I have never wanted anyone like I have with you. It’s you. It’ll always be you. Make love to me, please,” she whispered. He took one more look at his Clara.
I will never love another woman like I love her. In my arms, I hold my forever.
After asking her if she was sure, he opened her bedroom door, ensuring his eyes never left hers. If he saw fear or indecision, he’d instantly stop himself. He had a conscience; he couldn’t just take her virginity if she wasn’t ready. He’d blame himself until his very last breath if she ended up regretting him as her first. He’d have to pull away the moment she had second thoughts.
Noel stepped into her bedroom, the moonlight giving the room just enough brightness. Clara was in his arms and her legs wrapped tight around him. Walking over to the edge of her bed, he placed her gently in the middle of it. Clara quickly propped herself on her elbows to see what he was doing. He needed a minute. He needed to get his head wrapped around the idea that he would really be making love to Clara. This wasn’t a one-night stand or a quick fuck in her sheets.
It was Noel who started to back down first. The idea of him not being worthy enough to be her first infested his thoughts, and he knew Clara could tell he was second-guessing. She sat herself up and reached out for him, took his shirt in her hands, and lowered him on to the bed with her, bringing his lips to hers.
All Clara breathed out was, “It’s you, Noel,” and he went weak. He threw any voice of reason out the window the moment she spoke those words.
As he leaned her back down on the pillows of her bed, his hands trailed up her thighs, but didn’t go any further than the length of her dress. He heard the hitch in her breathing. His resolve was breaking. He couldn’t make himself rush this. He wanted this slow and savoured. He wanted to memorise every inch of Clara; he loved the paleness of her skin and the pinkness of her plump lips. When Clara’s head rested on the pillows, he looked into her golden-brown eyes and got lost. He was finding it harder to keep those three simple words in. They demanded to be said out loud, but not just yet; it was too soon.
A sweet smile spread across her face, and he needed to kiss those lips. When his lips touched hers, it felt new to him. He wasn’t used to soft and gentle, yet it gave him more pleasure and satisfaction than anything he had ever felt before. Noel trailed his lips along Clara’s jawline, down her neck, until he reached her collarbone and placed a lingering kiss on her skin. Clara’s breathing heaved as she dug her nails into his back. He skimmed his hands on her hips and up the side of her body until he felt the zipper. Clara tugged at his hem; he moved his hands off her body and helped her unbutton his shirt, and peeled it off his body before throwing it behind him.
Clara’s hands ran along every defined line of his chest until she wrapped her hands around his back and brought him down to her, their lips meeting. Noel’s right hand found Clara’s dress zipper again. He paused, breaking their contact, and looked right into her eyes. The tenderness in her gaze made him realise just how happy he would be if he got to keep Clara forever.
A soft smile appeared on her face, Clara’s hand resting on his cheek, caressing him. Noel held his breath as he tugged down Clara’s zipper until it reached the end, his eyes never leaving hers. He slid the purple chiffon dress off her body, Clara lifting her hips slightly off the bed so he could remove the fabric off her skin. He swore all breath fled his lungs. She was so breathtakingly beautiful that he edged himself off the bed.
He wasn’t sure if it was because he was taking in the image of her creamy skin against the black lingerie she wore under her dress, or that it was becoming real between them. Clara had chosen him, and his heart had chosen her. Every inch of him wanted her, but his head seemed to make it difficult for him. Clara’s hand brushed his as she took her dress from him and flung it on the floor next to the bed.
“Noel, I want this, please,” she softly begged. Her words settled into his heart, marking him for eternity. No other woman would ever claim him lik
e she did.
Noel had feared that he would hurt her, but that wasn’t the case. As he looked at Clara he knew one thing: he shouldn’t be afraid of breaking her heart; it was the complete opposite. He couldn’t let her be the one to break them. He had to cement the idea of them and make sure he fought for her. He’d make sure tonight would be unforgettable.
His first time had been awkward and fireless. Noel promised himself that Clara’s first time would be passionate and gentle. He loved her, and he would pour his heart and soul into hers. As his lips met hers, Noel leaned her back onto the bed, knowing that it would be the last time he’d ever doubt his love for Clara or the idea of being with her.
Clara’s silent gasp gave him the opportunity for his tongue to dance with hers as her hands tangled in his hair. Pulling back, he kissed and trailed his lips along her jaw. The moment he kissed the soft spot below her neck she moaned out and wrapped her legs around him tightly. He couldn’t help himself as he grinded against her.
“Oh, God,” Clara softly moaned, sending his heart aching. Noel let out a groan as she bucked against him. The fact that he was making her moan in pleasure made him possessive. He wanted to be the only man to give her such pleasure, the only man to hear her moan and see her eyes flutter closed as she gasped.
Clara’s hands pushed his head into her the curve of her neck. Pulling away from her soft skin, he looked up to see desire consume her eyes. He hoped one day love would fill them, too. For now, he’d make love to her tenderly, and hope tonight he’d mark her heart the way she marked his.
I love you, Clara.
Waking up to the warm morning sunshine, Noel looked down and smiled, contentment running through his body. He had never been so happy after being with a woman. Last night was a first for him, too. He had never made love to a woman the way he did with Clara, soft and gentle, completely ignoring his own pleasure and desires. Not that he was left unsatisfied; he was beyond it, but he put Clara’s needs before his own. Never had he been with a woman where he stayed the night and wanted more.