The Sage After Rain A love story

by Jaclyn Hawkes

  She wiped her nose and hid her face in his shirt. “I'm sorry. I don't know how you can help me. I'm not even sure what's wrong. I feel like the roller coaster queen this afternoon. One minute I'm laughing and the next bawling. I'm worried about the trial and my parents. John's going to hate me forever and he probably should. Joshua wants me to come back to work here. I'm afraid and I don't even know of what and . . . ” She looked up at him and then shook her head and looked back down. “I don't know. I'm just really confused. I'm sorry."

  He kept rubbing and kissed the top of her head. "It's okay. But I do wish I could help."

  "You are. I wish we had brought your guitar."

  "Sorry, no guitar. We could find some music though." He picked up the remote and fiddled with it until he found music and then found some soft rock and turned it down. "There, that will feel you better."

  Taya raised her teary face to look at him and he said, "That's what my niece says. It seems to work."

  It did. Taya laughed, and Matt smiled down at her and hugged her. "You're okay, babe. Now you've cried and you'll feel better and can get back to being a supermodel and a green vegetable. And have I got a deal for you. Drew and I were able to procure a fine set of Uno cards in the hotel gift shop. How's that for exciting? There were face cards too, but we decided not to buy those on the Sabbath."

  She shook her head and laughed again, and wiped at the tears that were still on her cheeks. "What did you say you ate for dinner?"

  He raised his hands in his own defense. "Hey, you know me. I’ve learned my lesson. The most dangerous substance that goes into this body is buffalo wing sauce. Well, and all kinds of ice cream toppings, but some of those have fruit in them, so I get veggie points."

  "Can I trust you two at Uno? I'm not going to get rooked, am I?"

  "Can you trust us? Listen to you! I am the most honorable cardsharp you've ever had the good fortune to be rooked by. Come on, I'll show you."

  "Okay, but first I'm going to call my old home teachers and see if I can talk them into giving me a blessing sometime before the trial in the morning."

  "What's a home teacher?"

  "In the church, every family, or in my case single, has a pair of priesthood holders who are supposed to visit them from time to time and sort of watch over them in case they need something. The women also have visit teachers who are ladies. It's God's way of making sure all of His sheep have someone looking out for them so no one falls through the cracks."

  "I keep being surprised by how organized everything is with the church."

  "God's house is a house of order. Just a minute, I'll call and then be in."

  Her home teachers agreed to come as soon as they could get to her hotel and she let the other guys know to expect them and then went in to play Uno with a little more hope of getting a handle on her emotions than she had been having. A priesthood blessing would help her to at least have some peace of mind with all of this.

  ****

  Matt had known even before she decided to try to nap that something was bothering her. It bothered him too even though he didn't know what it was because she was so not talking to him about it. Most of the times they were friends as usual, but every once in a while these last few days there was this invisible, silent elephant sitting between them. Worse than that, he didn't know what her plans were after this trial and when he'd tried to ask her about them, she hadn't really answered him. It had made him wonder if she was hedging for some reason.

  He loved her and he was relatively sure she liked him. At least she acted like it, so he wasn't at all sure what was going on here. He wasn't even going try to deal with her one time revelation that she didn't think she'd ever fall in love if she hadn't by the time she was twenty-four. He loved her enough to want to be with her even if she couldn't fall madly in love with him.

  Theoretically, she'd know after tomorrow if she was free to go or not as far as testifying against John, and he knew her old boss or partner or whatever he was, was pressuring her to come back to work here, which made Matt want to reach through the phone and throttle the guy. And the heck of it was that he didn't even know what his own plans were professionally or where he was going to be living because, he was hoping he could go in the same direction as her if she'd let him. Much as he didn't want to completely leave home and family to move to a huge metropolitan area in the east, he'd do it if she acted like she wanted him to. Which led back in a circle because they didn't seem to be able to talk about any of this.

  Then he'd known she was pacing. And now she was crying and calling for some men he'd never even heard of to come and give her a priesthood blessing. She was obviously struggling, and it killed him that she wouldn't even truly talk to him about what was going on and then turned to someone else who she hadn't seen for more than six months for help, instead of him. Which she couldn't because he didn't have the priesthood she needed. Gees, it made him confused.

  He pasted on a smile and played Uno, trying to help her to find her own smile again. When two sharp, polished young men showed up at the hotel in expensive suits an hour later, he was more frustrated than ever. These were not the fatherly type priesthood holders he had envisioned.

  Taya excused herself and took the two guys and went into her own suite of rooms and left Matt and Drew sitting at the table with their cards. Drew looked at him and asked, "Who are they?"

  "Two guys from her church. She's seriously uptight tonight and asked them to come over and help her."

  Drew looked at him for a minute and then asked him out right, "Why are they helping her instead of you?"

  "She wants something called a priesthood blessing. I don't hold the priesthood you need to give that to her."

  Drew fiddled with his cards for a second and then said, "Dude, if I was you, and felt the way you do about a girl like that, I'd be for doing whatever it took to get her what she needs. Those two pretty boys seemed more than happy to see her. You'd better get a little more serious or you're going to be kicking yourself for a long, long, long time."

  "I'm trying Drew, but it's not that easy. To hold the priesthood, I have to become a member of her church, which I'm going to do, but in the mix of all this contract and hiding mess, I'm not getting there fast enough. And since we've been back here, there's something else bothering her that she can't even talk to me about. I don't know what's going on."

  "When are you flying out?"

  "Same as you. Supposedly first thing day after tomorrow if she's through."

  "Is she coming, or is she staying here?"

  It about made him sick to say it right out loud, "I don't know."

  Drew was looking at him, but Matt didn't even want to look up to meet his eyes. He finally did, and Drew said, "Once you find her man, don't walk away."

  For a while they could faintly hear voices through the adjoining door, and then they heard her see the two home teachers out about a half hour after they arrived, but she didn't come back into his suite. Finally, at after ten o'clock, he had to know if she was okay and knocked quietly on her door.

  She said, "Come in,” and he let himself in, but there were no lights on, only the radio, and it took him a second to see that she was standing in front of the window in the dark looking out at the city lights spread out as far as you could see below.

  He came up behind her and she backed up to lean against him. When she did, he put both arms around her shoulders and hugged her and put his chin on top of her head. "Did the blessing help you?"

  "Yes. Not as much as I'd hoped. I guess I'm not having enough faith."

  He didn't know what to say to that, so he didn't say anything, just continued to hold her. In time, she moved in his arms and when he went to release her, she turned to him and put her arms around him and came back close to him. He wrapped her back into his hug and was torn between basking in holding and being held, and hating the fact that he had no idea what was going on.

  When she finally looked up at him, he studied her trying to see if he could
figure out what was in her head, but he couldn't. All he could see was that she was unhappy and needed him. He bent his head and tentatively kissed her and then after a minute kissed her with all the pent up feelings and frustration that had been building up in him. She met him half way, and pressed closer to him still. When he finally ended the kiss with almost a groan and rested his chin against her hair, he had definitely been the one to pull back. Crimony, she was so hard to figure out right now.

  He didn't know what she was thinking, and he didn't know what she needed and when she looked back up and then pulled his head back down to hers, he went with it and kissed her again. She was obviously as frustrated as he was, and just knowing that helped his heart. He'd give about anything for that funny, little trailer porch swing right now and a good, desolate patch of desert to go along with it. Friendship had come so easy there. He kissed her back until she took a little shuddering breath and hid her face against his neck. Holding her like this, even when they were upset, was heaven.

  After several more minutes, she took a long, deep breath and let it out. He knew she was tired and she had a big day tomorrow. Just when he was going to suggest she go try to rest, she said, "Kiss me one more time, Matt. Then send me to bed."

  He searched her eyes again. How could she look at him like that and not want to talk about their future? He gathered her so tightly in his arms he felt like his emotion would crush her except that somehow he knew she needed this. His kiss strengthened her. He could feel it, and he could feel her frustration dissipate under his mouth. He finally understood that she didn't know what she needed anymore than he did. Together they could figure it out. Maybe this wasn't something that talking fixed. Kissing had helped. Kissing had helped a lot. He'd have to remember that.

  He raised his head with a sigh, brushed her bottom lip one more time and kissed the pink scar above her brow. "Good night, Taya. I hope you're able to rest. I'll pray for you, okay." He gently touched his mouth to hers one last time and left her standing there in the dark. Man, he'd have liked to have kissed her for about another hour.

  Chapter 31

  When she emerged the next morning looking like a million bucks in her conservative slacks and blouse and heels, he looked at her intently, trying to see how she'd done last night after all. She looked a little tired, and a little nervous, but she wasn't afraid of him in the least and met him with a long, sweet kiss.

  He searched those striking blue eyes again and then gently kissed her on the forehead this time and offered her his breakfast. She took a bite of his toast and drank some of his milk and said that was all she could face for a while and then she dug through her purse and freshened her lipstick while she waited for them to finish.

  They piled into three cars, with her riding in the back seat of the second one between him and Drew. Matt let out a huge sigh of relief when they were safely inside the courthouse. Hopefully, today would be the last day she would have to feel like there was a possible price on her head.

  She gripped his hand as they walked down the hall, ignoring the media and he knew exactly when she saw her parents. She broke stride just for a split second and then her grip tightened slightly. He had to hand it to her. She truly was one cool cucumber. She greeted the handsome, dark haired couple who stood in the hall with perfect grace, "Hello, Mother, Daddy. How have you been?"

  Her mother didn't answer, merely stared at Matt, but her dad responded like a world class politician, "Good, thanks. How have you been, Taya honey?"

  "Excellent. I should introduce my friend, Matt. Matt, these are my parents, Stan and Evelyn Kaye."

  "It's good to meet you." He extended his free right hand to shake theirs before Taya continued on into the court room surrounded by five men who looked like secret service in their dark suits and ear pieces. Holy smokes! That was their first meeting after walking out on her, broken and bleeding on the floor? No wonder she was struggling with facing them.

  He and Taya and her entourage found seats off to one side and sat in a tight group to start what would prove to be a long day. When John Channing came in Matt looked him over. He looked what he was. Wealthy, confident and almost pretty he was so smooth. John looked hard in their direction, but had eyes only for Taya and Matt at once doubted her prediction that he would hate her forever. Matt had assumed the guy had to have disliked her to have hurt her so badly, but that wasn't the way he was looking at her. He bent and whispered, "I thought you said John Channing wasn't in love with you."

  She whispered back, "He wasn't. And he isn't. I was just a pretty girl who had a big trust fund. He's a good actor." She glanced at John and then continued to look around the court room.

  A big trust fund. Yet another Taya surprise, only this one didn't feel all that fascinating. He wondered what her definition of big was and if she would have ever mentioned that except in this situation. It kind of hit him in the pit of his stomach like a one two punch after just having realized that this congressman was in love with the same woman he was. Did she really not know it?

  He saw the two men come in who had shown up at her camp those months ago. They were still snakes, even if John honestly was in love with Taya. The one he had held the gun on gave him a malevolent stare. What a warm guy.

  The morning dragged on, even with the ridiculous theatrics of the attorneys, and Matt had never been so grateful for a lunch break. He'd been hoping for a reprieve, but it turned out miserable between the hostiles around them and the crowds. He could tell Taya was still uptight and she ate almost nothing, in spite of basically no breakfast, and was glad to get back inside away from the reporters to get this over with.

  When she was called to the stand, she truly was questioned about having seen and heard a miniscule amount that seemed suspect. It was no wonder she hadn't figured it out before hand, but what she had seen, dovetailed right in with the rest of the evidence compiled to prove John's guilt, so her testimony had been necessary. The defense attorneys tried to jerk her around and Matt was totally disgusted, but Taya handled them like a queen and, in fact, made them look petty she was so gracious about it.

  At least at the end of the day, they were through with her and she could go where she wanted now in relative safety.

  As they exited the court room and were caught in the crush, John and his attorneys caught up with them, surprisingly, with no media for a moment. John went to touch Taya on the arm and the latent warrior in Matt came out fast. He stepped right between them and literally froze John with his cool glare even before any of the FBI people could intervene. John dropped his hand to his side and Taya put her hand inside Matt's elbow to gently get him to back off a little. "Its okay, Matt. I'll talk to him."

  Matt stepped back and John looked up at him and then to Taya he said, "Hello, Taya.” She nodded silently and he went on, “I wanted to tell you I'm honestly sorry for everything. I'm sorry I hurt you that night. I was such a fool. And I'm sorry you had to have surgery and go away and feel like you had to hide. I’m certainly sorry for the way those attorneys treated you in there. In looking back, I know now what I lost when you left me, and I think I understand some of what that night cost you, and I'm sorry for it all. I know you probably hate me, and I don't blame you, but I want you to know I'll always love you anyway. I know you've done what you felt you should. And I don't hold it against you. I guess I'm simply trying to say I'm sorry. I wish you the best in the rest of your life."

  He went to turn to go, but Taya caught his arm. He looked down at her left hand that was still in a splint and then up at her face as she said, "We found the diamond, John. Only a few days ago. It was still caught in the lining of my dress. I'll send it to you."

  He put a gentle hand over hers on his arm and said, "Keep it, Taya. Maybe it can start to pay for some of the things I've cost you. It can be my first act of trying to get my life back on track, and making things right. You were always a good example for me. Maybe I'll get it right yet." This time he did walk away, and they let him go.

  Taya loo
ked up and met Matt's eyes. "Wow. I almost think he was being sincere."

  Matt nodded. "I'm sure he was. He might have ended up okay, even as a congressman if he'd actually married you. You have a way of straightening people's kinks out."

  She searched his eyes for a minute. "I'm never sure what to say to you when you say stuff like that."

  He didn’t look away as he said softly, "You don't have to say anything. Just know you're appreciated."

  She put an arm around his waist. "Thanks, Matt." She glanced past him and then said, "I guess it's my turn."

  He looked behind him and then went with her to where her parents were coming out of the courtroom. She stopped them and said, "Mom, Dad. I need to tell you something. I know you're disappointed in me. And I'm sorry for that. And honestly, I was disappointed in you too, and I'm sorry for that as well. I just want you to know that I love you, and I always will. I'm sorry we didn't turn out better friends." Neither Stan nor Evelyn seemed to know what to say to her, and after a moment her face fell a little and she turned away from them to continue on down the hall. She'd done it and made it through, and he was proud of her.

  He put an arm around her shoulder and squeezed and said, "Don't give up on them, Taya. Some day they'll figure it all out. Don't let it hurt you all over again. Let it go."

  She reached up and wiped away a tear. "I am. It does hurt a little though. I'm sorry."

  "You're doing fine, honey. Don't apologize. Let's get out of here, shall we?"

  Drew drove with an agent in front with him and as they rode in the back on the way to the hotel Taya's phone rang. It was Joshua again. Matt could tell from her answers that he asked how her day had gone at the trial and if she was done, and then he wanted to know how soon she would be coming back to work with him. Matt knew that was what he was asking even before she started to answer because she turned and looked at him before she decided what she was going to say. He met her eyes steadily and she told Joshua she needed some time to think about what she was going to do before she committed to him.