Love's Labors Tossed

by Robert Farrell Smith

  “Funny.”

  “You haven’t had a job for almost a year,” I pointed out.

  “Maybe I’m a shrewd investor,” he said defensively.

  “You spent your early retirement on Star Wars memorabilia.”

  “Hey, that stuff’s going to be worth a fortune in a couple hundred years.”

  “I’ll make sure someone sprinkles the earnings on your grave.”

  “Would you, Trust?” Leonard said with hope.

  “Leonard, what’s the point of this confession?” I asked.

  “It’s just that all these business ventures of mine haven’t really paid off.”

  “Coming thousands of miles across the country for free land you had never seen sort of gave that secret away.”

  “Darn’t, Trust, would you let me come clean about something?” he said adamantly.

  “All right. How do you feel about Mavis Watson?” I asked.

  “Of all the nerve.”

  “Well . . .”

  “She makes a mean shepherd’s pie,” he said sheepishly.

  The confession was crystal clear.

  “Do you feel better?” I asked.

  “You know, I think I do,” he admitted. “I got some things to think about.”

  Leonard disappeared. I came out from behind the church to find Grace looking for me.

  “Just the person I was looking for.” She smiled.

  “Don’t tell me you have something you want to get off your chest.”

  “I think I’m in love,” she joked.

  “That’ll pass.”

  “How about you, then,” Grace said slyly. “Is there anything you want to tell me?”

  I decided that now was as good a time as any to let Grace know what I knew.

  “Actually, there is.”

  “Really?”

  I took her hand and led her over to the cemetery and up to the Watson Mausoleum. From where we were standing, we could see that the entire back half of the cemetery was in ruins due to the water that had saturated it and caused the caskets to pop up and float away.

  I picked up the pet rock that was resting next to the mausoleum and retrieved the key that Sister Watson kept there in case anyone wanted to visit her late husband. No one ever did. The entire town had been quite open about how creepy it was to bury someone above ground. Lupert Carver had been dared to go in there once but chickened out at the last moment because he remembered that it was a concrete shelter filled with rotting Watson ancestors. Even Sister Watson never went inside. She excused herself by saying that she would wait to look at her husband after she was dead. She did visit it once a week, but all she would do is crack open the door, stick just her arm in, and spray a couple of squirts of Lysol so that her deceased husband might have some nice-smelling air to breathe.

  “We’re going in there?” Grace asked.

  “I figured it out,” I played. “I know where the Book of Mormon is.”

  “What?”

  I watched her eyes closely. She gave everything away without even knowing it.

  “I figured it out,” I said again.

  “Trust, what are you talking about?”

  “This has got to be the only place no one has looked,” I explained. “It has to be in here.”

  “Who would have put it in there?” she asked.

  “I don’t know,” I said. “Anyone could have. I mean, the key is there for us all. And everyone knows that no one ever goes in.”

  “Or comes out. It’s not in there,” Grace said.

  “How do you know?”

  “I just don’t think it is.”

  I turned the key and pulled the heavy concrete door open. A smell like that of a long-neglected dirty clothes hamper and pine-scented Lysol billowed out.

  “That’s pleasant.” Grace waved the air in front of her nose.

  Daylight pushed in the doorway and lit the six large shelves, five with coffins on them.

  “The empty one’s for Mavis,” I pointed out.

  “Trust, this is ridiculous.”

  “Don’t you see the logic in my idea?” I asked. “There is no other place that the book could be. Every home and inch of Thelma’s Way has been scoured and searched. I can’t imagine anyone throwing it in the Girth or burning it, since we all know it has value. And we know no one has sold it because every single person here is just as cash poor as always.”

  I stepped inside, acting as if I had not been there the night before. I looked around while Grace stuck her head in, trying to make out what I was doing. I did a weak job of pretending to search and then looked at the dark space between Bishop Watson’s coffin and the wall where I had put the book the night before.

  “What’s this?” I said, reaching my hand back and grabbing at air.

  It was gone.

  “It’s not here,” I exclaimed.

  “See, Trust, I told you. Let’s get out of here.”

  “No, but it was here,” I explained. “I found it up at your cabin while searching for you the other night.”

  “What?” she asked, startled.

  “I found it at your place.”

  “You did?”

  I nodded. “Why didn’t you tell me you had it?”

  Grace stepped inside and closed the door almost all the way shut, making it almost pitch black.

  “Don’t talk so loud,” she shhhed me.

  “Why’d you take it?” I asked.

  “I didn’t, really,” she explained. “I walked down from the woods right as the big debate was turning into a food fight. I saw Toby get a hold of the book, and then Frank rammed him in the back. The book flew into the air and landed right at my feet. I looked around, and no one seemed to notice it had landed there. I picked it up and stuck it under my dress. I had it on me when you were talking to me right after.”

  “You’re kidding.”

  I think she shook her head, but I couldn’t tell because of the dark.

  “I was going to give it back after everything settled down, but then I realized that it would just make everyone crazy. Or the town would sell it for money that they would simply squander in one way or another. So I hid it in the wall.”

  “Amazing.”

  “So where is it now?” Grace asked.

  “I have no idea,” I answered. “I stuck it back here right after Hope went for a ride on Ed’s catapult. I didn’t think anyone would find it.”

  “Well, it’s got to be here some . . .”

  The mausoleum door shut tight, and we could hear the key turn.

  “Hey!” we screamed.

  We thumped on the heavy door, but it was no use. There was no way anyone could hear us.

  “What do we do?” Grace asked, sounding far less concerned than I felt.

  “I have no idea.”

  “Can’t we break the door down or something?”

  “You felt that door,” I said. “Even if all these bodies came to life and helped us push, we could never get through it.”

  “We’re stuck?”

  “Let’s hope someone out there is smart enough to figure out where we are.”

  We were in trouble.

  43

  Deceive Unto Others

  The Watson family mausoleum was not a pleasant place to be trapped. Let’s just say that just because bodies are dead doesn’t mean they’re through making noise. Grace and I felt around the entire room looking for a spare key or something that might help us get out. There was nothing, just five coffins and one really unlucky couple. It was actually fairly clean, considering what it was. Eventually, we lay down on the empty shelf and tried to act positive.

  “We could die,” she said sadly.

  “At least I’m in good company.”

  “You had better scoot over a couple of inches more just in case we live,” she said, being far more virtuous than I was.

  “You know, if we’re going to die anyway . . .” I teased.

  “So you think we’re doomed?”

  “No. May
be the person who took the Book of Mormon will come and put it back,” I said, trying to be optimistic. “Or Sister Watson will come for her weekly spraying. We just have to wait.”

  “I don’t think it looks too good,” Grace whispered.

  “That’s true,” I replied. “If I’m going to die by your side, I’d at least like to be able to see you.”

  Grace shifted on the cold hard shelf and a couple of seconds later I felt her kiss me on the forehead.

  “Thanks, Mom,” I joked, referring to the area she had chosen to kiss.

  “I was going for the lips, but it’s just too dark.”

  “I’d be happy to let you try again.”

  “Why don’t we wait until we’re both a little more dizzy from starvation?”

  “You temptress.”

  “I’m sorry about Hope,” she said. “I should have believed you.”

  How perfect. It took the possibility of never seeing the light of day again to have Grace say she was sorry.

  “We’ve been through a lot,” was all I said.

  “Would you ever have thought when you wandered into this place almost three years ago that it would end up this way?”

  “Never.”

  “You know, I love the way you put up with my town,” Grace said, brushing my neck. I think she had been aiming for my cheek.

  “I’m all about giving,” I joked.

  She was quiet for a few moments. I listened to the sound of her breath next to me and mourned the fact that we might never get a chance to live the life we had seen coming. The life where I was her husband and she was my wife. She shifted again, and I could feel her breath on my face. It was a welcome relief from the musty stillness.

  “Trust, kiss me,” she said in hushed tones.

  “With everyone watching?”

  Her aim was right on this time. Right before I thought my soul had left my body and started to mingle with those around us, she pulled away and wondered aloud about the time.

  “It’s got to be pretty late,” I said, catching my breath. “Go to sleep, and I’ll wake you right before I expire.”

  “That’s not funny,” she replied.

  “Tell me about it.”

  I expired quicker than she did. It seemed to be only a few seconds before I had fallen asleep on the cold slab. I awoke to the sound of someone messing with the lock on the door. I nudged Grace’s shoulder and whispered for her to be quiet. We still didn’t know if we had been locked in here on purpose. The door opened, and faint moonlight slid inside and covered the floor. I could see our footprints in the dust and wondered if whoever was coming in would be as observant.

  Someone entered.

  Because we were tucked in on the bottom shelf, we remained in the dark. It wasn’t really easy to see, but due to the silhouette of her wig, I could tell our visitor was Mavis Watson. Grace was about to crawl out and say something, but I quieted her by squeezing her shoulder.

  Mavis came all the way in and stuck the crypt key in her pocket. She left the door open so that light could rest upon all those resting in peace. She rubbed her hand up against her late husband’s coffin and let out a small laugh.

  “It’s been a long time,” she said softly. “But I suppose you know how much I dislike crowded places with dead people. I made that perfectly clear on our honeymoon.”

  I could feel Grace hunch her shoulders.

  “Well,” Mavis said with strength, “I couldn’t put off talking to you any longer. Seems I’ve got some things to air out. Remember how you used to say that I should find another if you passed away? It seems like I may have done that. You’d like him. He’s not from around these parts, but he thinks like a Wayian. Leonard’s his name. Leonard Vastly. It doesn’t have the punch of Watson, but I like it.”

  I wasn’t too terribly surprised by Sister Watson’s confession. Most folks had noticed the way she straightened her wig and adjusted her gait when she was in Leonard’s presence. It was her next disclosure that caused my jaw to drop.

  “I’m sure you would want me to be happy,” she continued. “I’ll never forget you.” She became teary. “But I suppose it’s wise that I’m moving on. In a short while this place will be nothing but water. You always did enjoy a swim.” She laughed again and then let out a long sigh. “I must say I’m having second thoughts about what I’ve done, though. I hope you’ll forgive me. I know how much this place means to you. But I suppose if it was left up to everyone here, they would never make the decision. So, I made it for them. I guess this isn’t news to you, seeing as how you’re in heaven and looking down. Yes, yes, I knew they were going to dam it up and flood our town. Someday they’ll realize that I’ve made it better for them. I wanted to get that road in before the water. Our land would have been worth a lot more,” she whispered. “But at least I think my road idea got them a little prepared for the idea of progress. Now maybe it won’t be so hard for them to consider moving on to another place. I’ve worked out a swell deal with the state. Everyone will get a nice amount, and yours truly will end up with that fancy red brick house near the drug store in Virgil’s Find. I guess it’s better this way,” she sniffed. “I couldn’t stand to see our town really change. Did you know that over half the women here now have their ears pierced? Makes me wonder where we’re going. I do feel bad about leading folks on. It ain’t no great secret that I love these people, but you already know that.”

  I couldn’t stay silent any longer.

  “You knew they were going to dam it up?” I said, standing up.

  I had never heard Sister Watson really swear before. She also jumped at least two feet.

  “Trust?”

  “You lied to all of us.”

  Grace stood up by me.

  “Just what are you two doing in here?” she demanded.

  “We were locked in,” I said with equal fervor. “What do you mean, you knew they were going to do this?”

  “What have you done?” Grace asked.

  “They were going to flood it anyway,” she defended. “I just got us all a better deal.”

  “I think you need to explain yourself.”

  So Sister Watson leaned up against her husband’s coffin and filled us in. It was my sixth and greatest confession of the day. Many months ago Randle from down at Triply Cove had come up and met with her. He had told her how the state was going to dam up the lower forty and how he and his people had already sold out for pitiful amounts. Sister Watson promised to pass on the news and contact the state herself. Instead, she had a dream in which she received inspiration to let the state go ahead with the dam. With things locked in motion, the state would have to pay the residents of Thelma’s Way more than they had shelled out for those below the former falls. The reception that Leonard had blindly pulled together had been the perfect icing on the deception. The state couldn’t believe that they had not been notified of so many people. In turn—and in embarrassment—they were now willing to give more substantial settlements.

  “I’ve made things better,” she defended her actions.

  “You could have stopped this.”

  “I had no choice.”

  “That’s not true,” Grace said. “This town deserves to exist. Or at least to decide whether it deserves not to.”

  “What’s done is done,” Mavis said, sounding slightly remorseful. “I could see no other answer. Do you think I like this better than anyone else? The responsibility and the secret have been driving me mad. Besides, I could lose my new love.”

  “Leonard?” I asked.

  She sighed.

  “I don’t know that he’ll take to living in Virgil’s Find. He might head out to some other part of the world. He’s an adventurous soul.”

  “I can’t believe you betrayed us all.”

  “You make it sound so dirty,” she moaned.

  “It is,” Grace jumped in.

  “So you didn’t actually contact any lawyers, did you?” I asked.

  “No.”

  “And you
set the state up by not responding after Randle told you about all of this?”

  “Maybe.”

  “So what was that speech you gave this afternoon about lying?” I laughed.

  “It actually was yesterday afternoon. In an hour it will be morning. And,” she added, “sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the greater good.”

  “When I tell Leonard what you’ve done, he won’t give you the time of day.”

  “You wouldn’t do anything so cruel,” she said in disgust.

  “You’re washing away our whole town.”

  “You don’t understand,” she cried. “They were going to do it anyway. I just helped everyone get a better deal. I couldn’t have stopped them.”

  “She’s kind of got a point,” Grace conceded.

  “Well, it’s not too late to do something,” I threw out.

  “We can’t do anything without money.” Sister Watson was crying. “And the Book of Mormon’s gone. Not that it was worth anything.”

  “What do you mean? Were you the one that took it from in here?”

  “So it was in here?” she said. “Leo said Roger found it somewhere. He was carrying it last night when he ran past him and CleeDee at the trailhead. Leo stopped him for a moment to find out what was going on and saw the book. But that doesn’t matter anyhow,” she sighed. “Roger said it really wasn’t what everyone thought it was, and that it probably wasn’t worth more than fifty dollars. I think he donated it to a thrift store there in Virgil’s Find.”

  “Really?” I asked with anger.

  “Funny that it’s so worthless. All those people putting all that time into locating it. Your father included.”

  “Funny,” I seethed. My father had sold this town almost as short as Mavis had.

  “Do you know if my dad is still around?” I asked.

  “I know he’s not,” she answered. “He left town—told Leonard he had some business to take care of.”

  I looked over at Grace. It was obvious from her eyes that she knew the truth as well as I did.

  “What should we do?” she asked, putting her arm around me.

  “I’ve got some calls to make,” I said, stepping out of the crypt and running all the way to Virgil’s Find.

  44