Leaving Tracks

by Victoria Escobar

  I walked along the wall separating the ice from a small run of bleachers to the far end of the rink. Nothing had changed. Nothing had been moved.

  An elevated table still sat against the ice wall looking out. Across its surface notebooks were stacked with a cup of pencils resting in the center. Some of them were mine I knew, from when I wrote my own programs during my singles years. I should have stayed a single skater.

  There were staircases against the wall behind me leading up. They were for the coach’s and the personal trainer’s apartments. Under the trainer’s apartment would be the gym and sauna. Under the coach’s would be the offices and study room. Between them was the refrigeration room for the ice. They probably hadn’t changed either.

  Ignoring the lower rooms for now, I slowly climbed the stairs to the left. I’d go up to the coach’s apartment and have a look around. That door wasn’t locked either, but I hadn’t expected it to be.

  My staggered footsteps sounded overly loud on the wood floor. A thin coat of dust covered everything. Since the door opened into the kitchen and dining room area, I saw the untouched papers scattered across the table first. I stepped further in the space and under the archway to my left and saw linen cloths covering the couches and chairs in the living room space. The wide window in the living room overlooked the ice and the seat under it was empty.

  I sat heavily in the chair and coughed at the cloud of dust that rose from it. I’d sat in the chair many times before. It had usually been before a lecture or a pre-event review. Even here, from my coach, I’d never achieved the “Good job” or “You did well today” statement that every athlete craves. I had always fallen short; had never been good enough. I had almost beaten the record set by Michelle Kwan minus the Olympic medals and still…praises had been nonexistent.

  Even as a pair skater, I was never good enough. After Hugh had the breakdown, he’d never got the lecture or disappointment I had. After the accident, I had realized he had only intended on riding my victories to the top with minimal effort from him. He’d already realized something I hadn’t–for some people; even being the best was never good enough.

  I shouldn’t sit in the negative apartment any longer. If I had it my way, I’d burn the whole building to the ground. But it had been a gift from Mom; I didn’t have the heart to destroy a gift from her. I would have to learn to accept and move on from the pain this place caused. It dragged me down even further than I already was, but I would find a way. I sighed and shifted in the hard seat.

  I should have everything cleared out instead. Morgaine or Avala probably knew the Medicine Man that could cleanse the space. My sisters could probably do it themselves if I asked.

  “What are you doing up here?”

  I jumped at the sound of Morgaine’s voice. Morgaine crossed the room and coughed. Then coughed again and scowled. She marched over to the window in the kitchen and threw it open.

  “The air is sick in here,” Morgaine stuck her head in the window.

  I didn’t say anything at first while she was clearing her head. I was thinking and an idea formed. “I want to move everything out and have the space cleansed. Then, I think,” I paused considering, “I think I’d like to move in here myself.”

  “What? Avala’s not going to like that idea.” I heard Morgaine move from the window before she stepped back into my line of vision. “You have the room in the house.”

  “I know. I was thinking about coaching, or teaching small classes or something.” I hadn’t really but it was good enough an excuse to be closer to the rink. “Mom would want me to be useful and I’d like to at least attempt to be.” I thought I saw Morgaine tense, but then she moved over to the window overlooking the rink.

  Morgaine stood silent for a moment then moved away from the window to study the stuffy male room. “Glory’s already down at the kennels. She said something about working with trainers in Atlanta?”

  “Yeah. She had a fondness for animals.”

  “I don’t get why you’d want to live here. There’s nothing wrong with living in the main house while you work here.”

  “I need to be here. I need to be okay with being here.” That was truth. I did need that. I needed to learn how to be okay. Avoidance wasn’t learning.

  Morgaine sighed. “Avala’s going to be upset.” She repeated, “But I get it. I don’t like wasting wishes but I wish that you’d have come home sooner if you were so unhappy. We’d have found a way to keep you. Heaven above, we knew you were tired. We have eyes. But you didn’t once complain. A single word from you, and everything could have been different.”

  “I’m not going to complain now. I’m going to move forward, not stand still. Let me tell you what I’d like to do with this space and you can tell me if it’s doable.”

  North

  Since I had come back early, Wesley hadn’t had a completed list of items ready, so I excused myself to go clean up some before going over to Avala’s. She disliked dirt as much as Wesley. I did clean up some, but that hadn’t been my real purpose of closing myself in my room.

  I sat at my laptop and Googled Hadley’s name. I assumed if she had been an Olympic hopeful, there would be videos of her skating, possibly articles, or interviews. I hoped a little of all of it so I could scope her out. If she was what Wesley had implied, maybe I could talk her into teaching me to skate properly? Maybe she could help me reach the dream that seemed so elusive just this morning.

  I read the Wikipedia article first. It gave me the basics that I wanted. She was three months older than me, not really a big deal. She was so short I hadn’t thought her older. She’d been born in Minnesota, a Senior level figure skater–retired, figure skating coach–inactive and needed citation. She stopped skating after an accident involving her partner at the time, Hugh Brownstone, during a National Event in Boston. No mention as to what the accident actually was–like it was a forbidden topic.

  I found a few articles before the accident where she speaks about being her very best even at her worst. It sounded off when I thought about the woman sitting next to the lake. Other articles were after the accident and she spoke about physical therapy, not being able to skate any time in the future but wanting to pass her knowledge on to other skaters.

  I went back to Google and searched for the accident. There were articles and articles referring to the accident, but no video footage that I could find. If it had been a National event there would have been a videographer that much I knew so there had to be video somewhere.

  Ten minutes of frantic Google searching–frantic in case Wesley or Thierry made an appearance–I hit the jackpot with a fan site. I had to create an account and grudgingly pay the nominal fee of ten dollars for the video library privilege, but I got access to the video I wanted.

  From the start, I didn’t like the look of Hugh. There was something off about him; he didn’t look as serious or as focused as Hadley. He looked well, drugged, I realized, and tired, worn down even. He looked like all the movie portrayals of someone that was high on something or blank and in an institute for crazies. I wondered if Hadley had noticed.

  It was the pairs short program. Their first skate of the night. Hadley had skated earlier, according to the announcer in the women’s singles.

  It would have been a tight routine, I thought if Hadley’s partner wasn’t so off. He was behind the tick; almost as if he was waiting for Hadley to do it then he did it. Like he didn’t know the routine.

  Less than a minute in, during a lift, Hugh over balanced and dropped Hadley. She was above him; not holding on because she was doing some kind of superman move. She flailed as she fell down in front of him.

  I had to force myself to watch her hit the ice head first with enough force that she rolled a few times. Her leg bent at an awkward angle–it broke against the unforgiving ice. Hugh tripped over Hadley’s prone body as his reaction time was somehow delayed, and his skates ran over Hadley’s broken leg as he fell to the ice.

  The ice was coated red as Hadl
ey’s blood pumped out through the now severed–not just broken–leg. She didn’t scream or react, but the blood on her face indicated she could be knocked out from the landing. People ran out onto the ice, a few officials jumped the wall closest to the skaters. When the first person reached Hadley, the video ended.

  I sat back horrified at what I’d just seen. Horrified and angry. I prayed, to every deity available, Hugh had been punished, banned from skating ever again in a USFS or IFS event. I hoped Karma caught up to him.

  I hadn’t realized I had balled my hands into fists until the pain drew my attention to them. Blood was seeping out from where the nails had cut through skin. I took a deep calming breath. I didn’t even know her I reminded myself. I shouldn’t get involved. But the sight of all the blood, the thought of seeing that on the pretty girl by the lake wouldn’t leave my mind.

  I closed the window unable to watch any of the other skate videos posted. She would have a plate in her leg at the very least, I thought as I left the room. That’s why she didn’t skate anymore. At the very worst the medical staff at whatever hospital she had been rushed to had been unable to save the leg and amputated the rest of it off. Either situation would explain the cane she had been carrying. Wesley met me at the bottom of the stairs.

  “List is done.” He waved the paper. “You can head on out now.”

  “Sure,” I took the paper, folded it, and stuffed it into a pocket. “You want me to bring back anything specific?”

  “Just have Morgaine gather what’s on the list. She’ll know what’s what.”

  “Alright then. I’m off.”

  The drive wasn’t long but it gave me time to settle the sick pit in my stomach. It probably wouldn’t do my cause any good if I gave her my sympathy. She hadn’t given me any sympathy when she laughed at my skating. She didn’t seem like the type to want sympathy. Empathy, probably, sympathy not so much.

  She hadn’t mentioned anything about skating while we’d been face to face. She wasn’t a braggart I realized. She could have and it would have shut me up quickly, but instead, she held a simple, normal conversation. Maybe that’s what she wanted. Simple and normal. I could certainly give that to her. I wonder if she liked movies and if I should try that route of simple.

  I pulled the truck right up to porch outside Avala’s kitchen door. Then I began the heavy task of unloading her coolers. Instead of tracking dirt back and forth, that would certainly have Avala handing me a broom and mop, I made five trips up to the porch with the coolers, and the sixth with the eggs. Then I stomped off my boots really, really well before knocking and letting myself in with the eggs.

  “Avala?” Hesitantly I stepped fully into the kitchen then frowned at Avala’s back.

  She was staring out the window that faced her herb garden and the big barn building across their yard. I had never asked what it was and it hadn’t ever come up in polite conversation.

  “Avala?” I said again a little louder and she jumped and whirled with a hand pressed to her heart.

  “Heavens above, North.”

  “Sorry,” I offered a sheepish smile. “I did stomp my boots off and knock before coming in. We’ve got some eggs here for you. I’ve got your coolers outside the door for you. Where you want me to set them?”

  “Just bring them in and set them next to the freezer. I’ll unload them now so you can take them back with you.” She walked over and took the four cartons of eggs.

  “Alright. I have a list for Morgaine from Wesley. Is she around somewhere?”

  “She’s out back in the rink with Hadley. I’ve no idea what Hadley’s doing over there. It can’t be pleasant for her.”

  “Rink?” I asked as I hauled in the first cooler.

  “That building back there. Ma built Hadley a skating rink so she wouldn’t have to go to Alexandria every day to practice. We set it up for her, but I never thought… Well…” Avala answered absently as she opened the first cooler and began unloading it into the upright freezer that stood right next to her refrigerator. The freezer was slightly bigger than the fridge, required really, when feeding so many.

  “I can go out there. It’s not a problem.” I stated as I set down the last cooler. “If you want to leave these outside the door when you’re done I’ll load them back up on the way back.”

  “Sure. Can you send Hadley back over?”

  “Sure. Not a problem.”

  “Thank you, North.”

  I studied the building as I crossed the yard to it. I kicked myself for not realizing its size before. Unless it was an indoor track or football field, it couldn’t be anything else but a skating rink.

  I knocked on these doors as well before letting myself into the main building. Then I struggled not to sigh in envy at the beautiful skating rink. After some of my admiration faded I realized no one would have heard me knocking as no one was in sight but I could faintly hear voices. I followed the sound up the side of the rink towards a staircase in the back. I knocked again at the door at the landing then stuck my head in.

  “Morgaine?” I stepped the whole way in as Morgaine walked out from the back of the space.

  “North, wonderful. This will save me a phone call.” She smiled at me in a way that made me think she was about to put me to work.

  “I have a list from Wesley. He says he appreciates all you do.” I began and started slowly backing out the door. Whatever she had in mind, I wanted to escape before she could ask. Manners would dictate I do what she asked. That and my brothers would beat me down if I didn’t.

  “Hadley needs all this furniture moved out and all the new stuff moved in. Think you can ask your brothers to come over after supper to help out?”

  “Morgaine, that’s not…” Hadley began stepping up behind her sister.

  I smiled at Hadley, “Hello, again.” Then I paused and considered, calculated the return on such a gesture, then shrugged, “I’m here now. I’ve got to wait for you to load our baskets anyway, and for Avala to finish unpacking the coolers. If you bring your truck around I can take out what I can carry while I wait.” I smiled cordially at Hadley. “It’s not a problem at all.”

  “Good,” Morgaine nodded briskly. “I’ll go bring my truck around so you can start bringing stuff down. There’s a side door right next to the stairs we can use. I’m going to prop it open on my way out so you don’t miss it.” Morgaine strolled out.

  I glanced around the space noted the furniture clothes and the weird oppressive air, “We’ve got some of Ma’s parlor things, a fussy sofa and chairs, ah, Victorian era I think, lots of curves and a fainting couch in white frame and floral pink cushions. I’m pretty sure there’s a matching coffee table, end tables and lamps with it too, if you need living space furniture of course. I can ask my brothers but as Ma would box our ears if we didn’t offer I don’t see them having a problem with it.”

  Hadley bit the inside of her cheek a moment before nodding slowly. “It sounds nice. Really nice. If you don’t think your brothers would mind. I was going to use whatever odds and ends I could scrap together from our storage, but I like your idea better. I brought my bed from Georgia and we have this gorgeous antique dining set for two in storage. We’re trying to get this stuff out now so we can clean up before moving stuff in tomorrow or Sunday.”

  I nodded. “That sounds like a thorough plan. Rhett comes home tomorrow, so he and I could possibly come over tomorrow afternoon with the living space stuff and to help move whatever is too heavy for you ladies.”

  Footsteps on the stairs had us both turn towards the still open door. Wesley stuck his head in before stepping through. Even though Hadley didn’t know who he was the resemblance was so close to mine she probably would automatically assumed he was one of my brothers.

  His hair was wet, probably jumped in the shower before coming over. Wesley’s eyes were more a varnished maple color compared to my chocolate brown. And he was several inches taller than me, but I was sure she could still see the resemblance.

  “Hi.”
Wesley grinned at Hadley. “I’m Wesley. One of North’s older brothers.”

  I frowned at him wondering just why he sent me over if he was coming over anyway. “What are you doing here?”

  “I was in the field rounding up cows, and thinking about what I wanted to do with the left over pot roast then realized I didn’t put some of the vegetables on the list if I was going to make beef and vegetable stew.” He turned from me to face Hadley again, “I don’t generally keep celery and tomatoes in the house as a rule because it goes bad faster than I can use it. And they won’t eat it as a snack.”

  “Makes sense,” Hadley said amicably and Wesley nodded at her.

  “Then, I realized I didn’t grab my cell phone, and since I was in the field already it would be faster for me to just finish walking over here than tromping the whole way back to the house. You know,” Wesley’s attention turned to the wall that the fireplace rested on, “if you paint that wall a cotton candy pink, we’ve got a very female sitting room set we bought for Ma on her thirtieth birthday. It would look great in this room I think. Especially if you put a pretty floral area rug down. I can have North and Rhett, the youngest of us–he’s still in high school, bring it over later if you’d like.”

  “I already offered.” I said through clenched teeth, slightly aggravated at his lack of manners. And I didn’t like the idea he was stepping on what I had already considered my responsibility.

  “Really? That’s good. Anyway, I found Morgaine walking across the yard, and she handed me her keys and told me–I imagine a short version–of what’s going on. So the truck’s downstairs and North and I will load her up. And Avala came out to speak to Morgaine on her way to the greenhouses, so I imagine Avala will be over shortly, possibly with her truck. Then we can get all of this out in one go.” Wesley had roamed the room as he talked and stuck his head down the hall before walking it and checking out the other rooms.

  I pinched the bridge of my nose trying to release some of the tension my brother had created. Could he be any more rude? Hadley wasn’t Avala or Morgaine. She wouldn’t understand the friendship our families had, yet. “I will apologize for my brother’s rudeness.” I said to Hadley.