And I was pretty sure she’d just heard every one of them.
As I walked up the porch steps of Miles’s childhood home, I felt my hands begin to shake.
What is the matter with me? Why in the heck am I so damn nervous? It’s Miles.
Miles.
I’d walked up those steps countless times in the past. Some of my favorite memories were made behind that door. Some of the worst moments of my life had also happened behind those doors. I was at Miles’s house when I found out my sister had been diagnosed with leukemia. I was on this porch when Daddy called Jen and told her to send me home, that June wasn’t doing very well. She died only hours later. Miles had been there for me, through all of it.
I sighed. Until he decided to up and leave me.
I glanced around the front porch. The last time I had been here was five years ago. So much had changed with the farmhouse. The entire front porch had been re-built. The house had been painted, the shutters on the windows replaced with black ones, and even little flower boxes now sat in each window. I smiled. Miles had made all this happen. He had sacrificed his future to make sure his family would be able to keep the farm and keep it in working order.
A small pain hit me in the middle of my chest. How selfish I had been when Miles said he was leaving. I was angry, but I never really stopped to think about why he was leaving. Because of him his mother had less stress, his siblings went to college, and their farm was thriving. They mostly grew grain and corn, but Jen had a garden on a few acres of their land that would put the chick on HGTV to shame.
Okay, Kynslee, get this over with and find out the real reason Miles is insisting on this silly marriage thing.
Before I made it up the steps, the front door opened. Miles stood there, dressed in jeans, a black T-shirt, and a baseball cap. Turned backwards. Why, sweet Father in Heaven? Why the backwards ball cap? That was just cruel and so damn sexy on a man, especially this man.
My eyes roamed his body slowly. His T-shirt was soaked in sweat and clung to every dip and curve of his muscles.
Lord, help me. The man is incredibly hot, both literally and figuratively.
I gripped the black iron railing as I took the last step. I needed some sort of tether to keep my legs from going out from under me. It should be a crime for a man to look this good. Seriously.
“Hey, Kyns.”
“Miles.”
He smiled, and my insides shook with a want that had been present since his arrival weeks ago. We may not have rolled in the sack together much, but I would never forget a single moment. Every touch, kiss, and orgasm. They were etched into my head. The last time we slept together popped into my memory. We’d been sitting in the barn on my folks’ place, he started drinking, made a move on me, and the next thing I knew, I was riding him like he was my favorite horse. Miles had taken me every way possible that night. And he’d told me he wanted a future, us together, that we would talk in the morning.
There were so many times I wished I had forced him to talk right then. Right in that moment when I saw the conflict, or confession or whatever the hell it was in his eyes. Miles wrapped me up in his arms after I confessed I was in love with him. It hadn’t been the first time I’d told him that, and he’d told me before too. That time had been different. We both knew it was more than an eighteen-year-old girl who was scared and angry because she was losing her best friend. No, it was a twenty-five-year-old woman who was being honest with her feelings.
I loved Miles. I wanted a life with Miles. Marriage, kids, a future. The whole package.
When he whispered he loved me, too, I prayed it wasn’t the alcohol talking. We stayed up in the loft all night, both of us on a single bed, neither wanting to leave. I decided the moment he woke up I would talk to him about us.
I never got the chance.
Miles managed to break my heart in two for the second time in my life, and I vowed right then and there I’d never let him do it again.
I felt my eyes fill with tears that I had managed to keep down for so long.
Miles lifted a brow and tilted his head while regarding me as I stood on his front porch. He’d noticed I was emotional.
Damn it.
“What brings you around? No guy to hang on and dance with tonight at Jonny G’s?” he asked, a smirk on his face. I saw more than the smirk, though. I saw jealousy. Heather had been right. And that pissed me off. He thought he could walk back into my life, and I was supposed to simply drop everything because he was home?
No, thank you.
If he wanted to play it this way, I’d play.
I smiled. “Well, obviously you weren’t available to dance since you were out with Becky, right? You know what, never mind, this was a bad idea.”
“What was a bad idea? Were you planning on coming to tell me yes?”
“Yes?” I said with a disbelieving laugh. “Are you for real right now, you jackass, son-of-a-bitch.”
Miles’s eyes grew wide, and I knew he was attempting to hide a smile. “You have learned to swear a lot. I don’t think I heard my fellow Marines rip out the curse words like you can, Kyns.”
Anger boiled in my veins. I clenched my fists and decided to hell with talking. “You walk back into town after all these years and expect me to fall into your arms over a stupid promise?”
“It wasn’t a stupid promise. I thought it meant something to you.”
My heart flipped for a brief moment. He looked dead serious.
Impossible.
No, no. There was a reason behind all of this, and I was going to find out what it was he needed from me. I wasn’t about to be some pawn in his little game.
“Then why, Miles? Why didn’t you tell me you wanted something more? You had the chance five years ago, remember? Instead, you told me to go off and date Jack.”
The corner of his mouth twitched before he answered. “How fair would it have been for me to ask you to wait around for me, Kynslee? I had signed up for another five years. Five years of dangerous work.”
“I loved you!” I nearly shouted. “I would have waited a lifetime for you if you’d asked me to. If you had been honest with me. Instead, you strung me along, so you could get another romp in bed.”
Miles took a step back, clearly surprised by my confession. Then he narrowed his eyes. “That’s not how I remembered it. Besides, you didn’t wait long before you moved on, either time.”
“Moved on from what? From a guy I slept with a few times? My best friend? You never once made it seem like you wanted something more from me, Miles. Not once.”
“Neither did you. You started dating in college awfully fast.”
“I was eighteen and confused, you asshole. I didn’t know what I wanted to study in college, much less who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. When you told me you were leaving for the Marines, and we had an amazing night together, I thought maybe it would turn into something more. I waited for you to tell me you wanted more. I waited for you to tell me you wanted me to wait for you, because I would have. Then I had to see you sucking face with some woman with all your Marine Corps buddies cheering you on.”
“That was nothing more than a stupid kiss. Like you, I was young and unsure of everything. When I left you that night, after we made love, I didn’t know what in the fuck was going to happen. Hell, I could have been killed at any moment, so forgive me for living my life the only way I knew how.”
“I see. So what we shared meant nothing to you?”
He pressed his lips tightly. “You know it did. It meant everything. I couldn’t ask you to wait for me. You know I couldn’t ask you that. We were both so young. It wasn’t like we’d never dated other people before.”
I nodded. “Right. What about the third time you came home? Things between us were clearly different. I told you I loved you, Miles. I confessed to wanting a future with you.”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “I wanted that, too, but things changed. I…got called to a mission that morning and it freak
ed me out. I had every intention of asking you to be mine. Exclusively. Then…shit changed.”
His shoulders came up in a half shrug. I stared at him; my mouth gaped open.
“Shit. Changed?”
Miles nodded.
“Just that quickly? With a flick of a switch, you went from making me yours, to telling me to go date another man. How fucked up is that, Miles?”
He didn’t answer me.
“Seems to me you must not have wanted that future so badly after all,” I added.
A frustrated sigh slipped through his lips. “You don’t understand.”
“You’re right!” I said, laughing. “I don’t understand at all. The only thing I do know for sure is you are done playing games with my heart. You come back here and demand I marry you because you need a bride for some crazy ass reason. Well, no thank you, Miles. I’m not anyone’s consolation prize.”
“I never said you were a consolation prize.”
His eyes almost seemed to plead. It tugged at my heart strings that were long since tied up in knots. The ones that hung to hope that he loved me enough to want to be with me, simply for that one reason.
Love.
“You never even asked me on a date, Miles. Ever. I’ve sat by and watched you date other women in high school, and yes, we slept together and shared some amazing moments, but you have never truly given me the respect I deserved. And I let you do that. I’m not doing it anymore. I deserve better.”
He had the decency to look away as he kicked at something nonexistent on the ground.
Spinning on the heels of my boots, I started back down the steps when I felt him take my arm. My stomach dipped, and I fought to keep from getting dizzy. Why did his touch affect me so?
“Wait, Kynslee, don’t go.”
I stopped walking but stared straight ahead. I didn’t want him to see how my breathing had sped up, simply from his touch.
“Go out with me tonight,” Miles said, his voice low and rough.
My eyes grew wide. “What?”
My voice cracked slightly and that pissed me off.
The corners of his mouth rose slightly, and I swore my knees wobbled. “Go out with me tonight.”
“Go out? Like what do you mean?”
He laughed, and I loved the way it vibrated through my body, but I quickly pushed that all to the side.
“I’m asking you out on a date, Kynslee. It’s been awhile since we’ve…hung out. I guess I should have asked you out before I asked you to marry me. No, I mean, I don’t guess, I know I should have. I went about this all wrong.”
My mouth fell open. “A date?”
“Yes.”
Not at all what I was expecting. Was this some sort of pity date? That asshole!
“Um.” I hated that it was all that I could manage to say. He’d thrown me for a loop, and my heart and my mind hadn’t been ready.
“Did you already have plans?” he asked, a look of disappointment crossing over his face.
“Plans?”
“Did you fall and hit your head by any chance?”
“Fall?”
Miles rolled his eyes. “Kynslee, what is with all the one-syllable replies? I’m asking you out tonight. It’s a simple yes or no.”
Think, Kynslee. My God, don’t just stand here like a stupid fool.
“Yes. I mean no. No!”
“Yes, you have plans, yes, you hit your head, or yes, you’ll go out with me? Or no, you don’t have plans, no, you didn’t hit your head, or no, you won’t go out with me? Even though you just asked me to ask you out.”
And there came the anger again. Thank you, Miles, for reminding me why this was a bad idea. You seem to never disappointment me.
“I didn’t ask you to ask me out! I’m not going out with you on some fucking pity date, you jerk.”
He rolled his eyes. “Jesus Christ, you’re still as difficult as you’ve always been.”
“Excuse me?” I said, crossing my arms over my chest.
Raising my brow, I said, “I complained that you’ve never asked me out, so you turn around and do it but the only reason you asked is because I complained, and you think I’m supposed to be grateful for a pity request? Screw that.”
He laughed. “Holy shit, I barely kept up with that. And no, this isn’t a pity date. I can freely admit I’ve gone about this all wrong and am trying to fix this situation. Why won’t you give me another chance?”
“You think you went about it all wrong? Yeah, no, Miles. This is your sad attempt at slipping in and thinking you can talk me into this sham of a marriage. And honestly, I have no idea why now of all times you want to get married and settle down. No one else took you up on the offer of matrimony? So I’d also be your pity fiancée? Nope, not happening.”
He gave me a sexy grin. “I’m not trying to trick you into anything, but I will say I wouldn’t mind slipping into your bed, Kynslee. It’s been a long time since we’ve done that kind of date and I have to tell ya, my bed will be much better than the one in the barn.”
My eyes widened in shock.
The way he looked over my body made me shiver with the thought of an orgasm from this man. Damn my traitorous body.
I tilted my head and let my own gaze drift over his body before my eyes met his. “I don’t want in your bed, Miles. I simply was stating you’ve never been a gentleman and asked me out on a proper date.”
“Fair enough. I agree. Now, will you please go out with me this evening. I’d really like to spend some time with you, and I would prefer it if we weren’t yelling at each other, or you weren’t punching me and kneeing me in my cock.”
His use of the word cock did something to me. I hated that word. Still, it made my mind go hazy. All rational thought left me, and I heard myself say, “Fine. I’ll go out with you.”
Oh my God, what have I done? No, no, no. Oh, fuck a duck.
The way his face lit up made my lower stomach tighten, and there went the hazy drunken feeling again.
“Great. I’ll pick you up at four at your place.”
I lifted my chin. “Make it four-fifteen.”
Ugh. I wanted to roll my eyes at myself. Sure, Kynslee, argue about the time because that makes it seem like you have control of this insane situation. You don’t have any control. Miles won this round, and he knew it.
I turned and started down the steps. I shook my head to clear my thoughts as I walked back to my car. Once I got inside and sat down, I glanced over to the house to see Miles leaning against the porch, a huge smile on his face. His knowing look said that it was only a matter of time before I’d be walking down the aisle instead of walking down his steps.
Asshole.
“Well, shit. That didn’t go at all how I planned,” I mumbled to myself.
Miles
“YOU’RE DOING WHAT?” My sister Lana stood across from me, a look of horror on her face.
“I’m taking Kynslee on a penny date.”
“Are you asking for a death warrant?”
I chuckled. “No. She wants to go on a date, so I’m giving her the date she wants.”
Staring like I’d lost my mind, Lana sighed. “Miles, I’m pretty sure the girl meant she wanted to go out to dinner. A movie. Bowling. The normal things couples do when they start to date. Have you been out in too many deserts in the intense heat and fried your brain?”
“Bowling? Who the hell goes bowling anymore?”
She waved her hand around. “Whatever. A date. Not a fly by the seat of your pants and see where the penny toss takes you kind of night.”
“I think it will be fun.”
“Have you ever even asked a girl on a date before, Miles Warner? At least between the ages of eighteen and thirty? Or do they just appear in your arms and you have your way with them? You don’t even bother seducing them, do you? Have the Marines made you forget how things work in the real world?”
“Of course, I have asked a woman on a date before. However, I’ve never had a woman demand a
date from me before.”
She sat on a stool at the counter and glanced toward the door. Her hand rested on her very pregnant stomach.
“Miles, Momma wouldn’t be happy if she knew you showed up and called in on your promise to Kynslee. She’s not stupid, she knows how much Kynslee means to you. Y’all have been the best of friends, and it’s pretty clear from you keeping in touch with her all these years that you care about her.”
I swallowed hard. I was in love with Kynslee and had been for as long as I could remember. “Of course, I care about her. She’s my best friend.”
“Your best friend? Is that all she is to you? At one point, when you thought you were getting out you told Momma you were going to ask Kynslee to marry you. You never said you’d make her marry you because of some silly high school promise.”
“It wasn’t a silly promise.”
She shook her head and looked down at the floor again. “Why didn’t you ask her five years ago?”
Why did everyone keep asking me that? They could not understand the pressures I was under, and it was starting to piss me off. I didn’t answer her but looked out the back window. The blue sky was dotted with white clouds, and I couldn’t help but think back to me, Lana, and Rich, lying on a blanket telling our mother what shapes we saw. We’d fight like cats and dogs and argue about what the clouds looked like, but our mother always sat there, patient as a saint while our daddy fished. That was before he met the woman he would leave us all for. He never once thought about how we would survive without him. How hard it would be on our mom. How hard it would be on us not having him in our lives.
Rubbing the back of my neck, I faced my sister. “I was scared.”
Lana lifted a brow. “Of what?”
With a gruff laugh, I replied, “Everything?
She tilted her head. “That’s not a good enough answer, Miles, and that really isn’t going to fly as a response to Kynslee.”
I shrugged. “My life was about to change. Doing dangerous missions in the Marines was my job and I knew that. I knew there was an end goal. I thought I’d be out, and I’d move home, and things would fall back into place. Kynslee and I would pick up where we left off. But then thoughts started to swarm my mind the morning after Kynslee and I spent the night together.”
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