Winter
Three months later
“There ya go,” I say spooning in some Gerber peas and carrots into Brielle’s mouth.
The smell of this one is atrocious and I have no idea how babies can eat this one.
And apparently they don’t, or at least Brielle feels the same way.
She spits it back up on her bib and I grab a rag and wipe her clean.
“Applesauce? You want mommy to give you some applesauce?”
She’s suddenly quiet and alert. There’s no way she understands me at three months…is there?
The doctor says she’s testing off the charts already. She’s still very young but the numbers they’ve seen are the highest they’ve ever recorded.
The one I get a kick out of is her lung capacity. I didn’t even know they tested something like that.
Apparently she’s extremely efficient with oxygen. I guess it makes sense since her daddy lived up in that thin mountain air at elevations that were probably beyond those fit for normal humans.
But he’s far from a normal human.
He was a mountain man, a military man, and an incredibly big and buff guy. I’m thankful Brielle got his genes. I know she’s going to be fit as a fiddle as she continues to grow.
I look at the clock and wonder where the sitter is.
I have to get to work soon and the sitter is usually here by now. She picks up three babies each morning and takes them to her home and watches them all there. It’s super convenient, but also super costly.
I feel like I’m barely keeping my head above water. It’s very likely that I’ll need to volunteer for more hours soon. Fifty-five a week just isn’t going to cut it, even with clipping coupons, waiting for sales, and trying to combine doctor visits so Brielle gets everything she needs each time she goes.
I haven’t had more than three hours of uninterrupted sleep since she was born, but I’ll never complain.
Her cries are constant reminders that I’m a mother and there is no greater gift in the world, even though I took a very unorthodox path to get here.
But I’m here and that’s all that matters.
Except when will the sitter get here?
Morning Monique. Are you close by?
Public holiday today. Marked it off on the calendar for this week.
Oh. Sorry. Lost track of the days. See you next time. xoxo
I look at my calendar. Public holiday?
Monique is right. It is a public holiday and I feel like a punch in the gut when I realize just which one it is.
This is the holiday where I go and honor my father each year. And this year I totally forgot!
“Oh, Brielle. I don’t want to miss out this year. Your grandpa doesn’t deserve it.”
She’s looking up and me and suddenly I feel very, very sad. I never knew my real dad and my adoptive father died.
History is repeating itself. Brielle will never know her father.
I’m still young enough and cute enough I think I could still get a guy, but that’s not in my plans at all…not that I have plans these days.
I feel like I’m just rushing from place to place all the time like a chicken with its head cut off.
But the biggest reason why I’ll never look for a guy is that there will never be another who compares.
It’s ludicrous to think I’d allow another man to raise Jason’s baby. Jason was the ultimate alpha male. Any man I would bring into my home wouldn’t even be considered a weak replacement because there is no replacing him. Therefore there will be no men in my life. Not now, and not ever.
Plus Jason met another girl. Hawkeye said he’d been coming down out of the mountains a handful of times in those two months since our fateful encounter.
It’s not like Jason to do that, so I know she must be really special. He must be truly in love…just not with me.
Oh well, there’s no point in feeling sorry for myself.
“Want to go for a ride?” I say to Brielle.
She smiles and starts giggling.
“That sounds like a yes to me!” I say in my baby voice.
She waves her hands frantically and starts laughing.
“I guess it’s settled then. Let’s pack up and go watch a parade.”
CHAPTER 18
Winter
“Thank you so much for doing this, Tony,” I say.
“Girl, are you kidding me? You said the magic words.”
“Which were those? I forget.”
“Don’t play woman! Soldiers? Tight uniforms? Holy Village People I’m in!”
I laugh.
Tony works with me, but he’s in the HR department. He’s the sweetest guy ever and helps me out all the time with my jumble of insurance paperwork. It’s hard for me to find the money to thank him, but I try and take him to lunch when I can.
He’s such a positive guy and he always makes me laugh. He tells me about his dates and how the gay male dating scene works. He makes it sound like a complete disaster and completely fun at the same time.
And today he’s a complete savior. When my car wouldn’t start he volunteered to go with me to the parade. He even offered to drive, but of course I’m going to pay for gas and lunch.
It seems like money just finds a way to fly out of my pocket.
But I can’t miss this day. If my dad wouldn’t have adopted me I would have bounced from foster home to foster home and my fate would have wound up a lot worse. Most of the kids I used to know got hooked on drugs or even worse…and all before their sixteenth birthdays. It’s so sad and I’m so grateful for what he not only prevented me from doing, but what he helped me become.
Self-reliant, even in the face of big adversity.
“Maybe we’ll both get lucky this year,” Tony says.
“I’m definitely rooting for you, but I’m not really looking to meet any guys today.”
“Puh-leese! I read Cosmo! You have a baby and once you get that little tike past the first few months,” Tony looks at Brielle and says “earmuffs,” “then you get hornier than a puppy with ten peckers.”
I’m laughing my head off at his one liners. “A puppy with ten peckers?”
“Can you imagine? They wouldn’t just be humping your leg, they’d be humping both legs and both arms and still have six wieners left to hump other stuff with.”
“Oh my god, Tony. TMI! TMI!”
“TMI as in Tony’s Military Intervention? Because girl you are gonna have to pull me off those soldiers and sailors because if I see any of them look my way my flagpole is gonna be flying my flag at full mast and I’m not afraid to let my stars and stripes wave in the wind.”
I laugh so hard I cough.
For the next couple hours Tony keeps the mood light as he talks about his unending fascination with military guys. Apparently Platoon was practically a soft-core porno for him. A young Johnny Depp, young Forest Whitaker, Tom Berenger, and Kevin Dillon…all when they were just “pretty young faces.” And here I always thought that was just a hard core war movie.
When we arrive in town we have to park a ways out. Luckily there’s a bus taking parade goers to the route and we hop on just in time to make it.
Somehow I’ve been extremely lucky with Brielle today. She’s been calm and peaceful. But then again I’ve been extremely lucky with her since the moment she was born.
She’s usually very easy-going and quiet. I guess she gets that from both her father and I…at least the quiet part that is. She likes to observe things constantly. I can hand her something and she’s entertained off in her own little world for hours on end.
We find a place to stand and a few veterans clear space so we can move to the front.
“Thank you, gentleman,” I say. I always like being around military veterans. They’re so polite, courteous, and chivalrous.
“Oh! Look at him,” Tony whispers into my ear.
“You’ve got your eye on someone already?”
“Someone? All of them, but that guy in particular. I’d love to g
ive his weapon a twenty-one gun salute.”
“Oh my god, Tony. You know I visualize everything you say.”
“I sure hope you do, because you should be thinking the same thing. Just imagine worshiping that—”
“I get the picture!” We both laugh together as I bounce Brielle in my arms.
The parade continues just about how it always does. Tony provides lots of comedic relief for the day, which is good. I’m feeling very sentimental and I really don’t want to get emotional today.
This is the parade in honor of my dad and also where I met Jason one year ago today…before he found his true love with someone else and the night we conceived, which is still my biggest joy in life.
“Oh. My. God.” Tony says about twenty minutes in.
“What?”
“I’d like to seal the deal with that Navy SEAL.”
I look and see the SEAL in the parade. He’s big and strong, but still not the same size as Jason. Not to mention he almost looks like he’s active duty, which I’m not sure if that would be possible considering he needs to keep his identity a secret. At least I think he does. He’s also clean-shaven and Jason had that big, thick mountain man beard.
“That is definitely the alpha male of all the alpha males we’ve seen today.”
“You mean was! The big swinging dick has just entered the building. Check your nine o’clock, Maverick.”
I smile. “Roger that Goose. Looks like we’ve got a…”
Time stands still and I freeze.
“See what I mean?”
I suddenly feel light headed and dizzy.
“Tony, can you please hold Brielle for a second?”
“I thought you’d never ask.”
Thankfully Tony loves kids and Brielle loves him. He starts making faces at her the minute she’s in his arms and she’s smiling non-stop.
But not me.
“Told you the top dog has arrived. I’d name my first born Goose just for a night with him. Wouldn’t you?” he asks.
“You have no idea.”
“See! I told you you’d find a guy. Why don’t you go talk to him.”
“I. I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
I continue staring at him. I still can’t believe it. Perched up on that same spot up on the hill at the end of the parade route. There he is.
Alone.
Looking.
But looking for who?
“Are you okay?” Tony asks.
“Jason…I mean, just give…just give me a minute please.”
“Take all the time you need, girl. It may be cold but that guy has also raised my blood temperature about a hundred degrees too.”
I watch as Jason’s eyes scan the crowd.
What is he doing here?
Hawkeye said he met someone, but there’s no one within fifty yards of him.
I know he’s an intense guy and this day means a lot to him, but I’m not sure he’d come down here all by himself to watch the parade. I mean, he would but I doubt he lives here anymore. He was already coming into town to see that girl, right? So to be with her he was willing to leave his remote hideaway. There’s no way she’d walk two days through the cold, harsh conditions to live in that cabin with him.
But if he’s standing there now then he probably does still live in that cabin. He’s probably the same guy with the same routines and the same patterns.
And…single?
I consider waiving but remember one little inconvenient truth.
I ran out on him. I deserted him. And in the military being a deserter is one of the absolute worst crimes. It’s not only a crime against your country, which is bad enough, it’s a crime against your fellow soldier, sailors, marines, crewman…you name it.
You’re just walking out on the men and women you bonded with and were willing to die for, until you weren’t anymore.
And that’s pretty much what I did three hundred and sixty four days ago.
He’ll probably hate me now. He’ll probably hate that I’m a deserter and I have his baby.
But he doesn’t even know.
His eyes scan left to right and then lengthways until…they come in line with mine and his entire body freezes.
Oh my god! This is the part where he pulls out the binoculars and confirms what he thinks he’s seeing.
But this year he doesn’t. He takes off down the hill and then veers back behind the buildings.
I look around getting my bearings and realize I’m in the exact same position as I was in last year! History is completely repeating itself but this time the outcome will be entirely different.
He’s going to come through that alley, but what’s he going to do when he gets here?
Should I run?
Should I hide or should I stand here and take my medicine like an adult?
And the biggest question of all.
Brielle. His very own daughter.
CHAPTER 19
Jason
“It’s her,” I say under my breath.
“It’s really her.”
I take off down the hill not even needing to confirm with my binoculars.
I’d never forget that face. Never!
It’s been stuck in my mind for an entire year. It’s all I think about. It’s all I dream about.
I just keep picturing her beauty and her glow knowing one day I’ll find her again.
I knew it was a long shot that she’d be here today, but she’s here and there’s no way I’m missing my chance.
I run with a swiftness I haven’t felt in years. It’s easy to know why though. Because I have a purpose. A mission.
And that mission is to make her mine for good.
I don’t even care that she walked out on me. I forgive her, no questions asked.
I just want to know if she still feels what I feel. What never left me and I know never left her if she’s honest with herself.
I just need one chance to show her. Just for her to see how much I’ve missed her and everything I’ve tried to do to find her.
And now I have.
Damn! This feels incredible.
I’m practically in an all out sprint as I cut through the alley and come up from behind on her.
But there’s no sneaking up on her today.
She’s turned and expecting me.
My run slows to a jog and quickly to a walk.
I look and see a man at her side and he’s…holding a baby?
He seems protective of her too as he steps forward to be closer to me as if to protect her.
What the hell?
I freeze. My dreams are dashed.
She found someone else?
How could she?
And this guy thinks he can stand up to me?
And she thinks she needs protection from me?
Yeah, maybe I’m a little bit crazy, but only crazy for her.
“Jason,” she says.
“Winter,” I say, just as Hawkeye told me.
“You know my…,” we both begin. “Hawkeye,” we both say at the same time.
“Where have you been?” she says.
“Where have you been?” I say. “You’ve…had a child?”
She freezes.
I look at the man who is clearly in love with this baby. His baby and not mine.
Damn the feeling cuts through me like a knife.
I don’t know much about kids but this one is small. She must have conceived with him just after our unforgettable night.
How could she?
And how could my seed not have fertilized her?
I was completely sure I’d made a baby with her. Completely!
Call me crazy. Say I have intuition. Say whatever you want about me but I say that I knew that night we were going to have a child.
I still can’t believe we didn’t. Even though I can see it with my own eyes that her and this guy have a family now I still can’t believe it.
Not. One. Bit.
Mountain Man's Secret Baby: An Older Man Younger Woman Romance (A Man Who Knows What He Wants Book 41) Page 8