by Aubrey Cara
He punched the back wall as hard as he could then bit off a string of curses. The log cabin-like wall was barely dented. His hand would be bruised and swollen tomorrow. The throbbing pain radiating up his arm felt good though. It distracted him from the ache in his chest. He deserved the pain.
He suddenly remembered a time his military buddy Cinder had gotten chewed out over the phone by his wife. One of the younger guys had said, “Ain't that some shit? You're on your way back from nearly getting blown up, and your old lady is already tearing at you.”
It had been a good mission. No one had died and everyone was in high spirits on the flight home.
Cinder had laughed. “What can I say? She's my forever and a day, man. Sometimes she forgets to be happy about that. She huffs and puffs, but when she calms down I remind her why she chose my ass.” Cinder had wiggled his eyebrows and made some crude gestures after that, but the man had a point.
Caleb realized he wanted Kat to be his forever and a day. Now he just had to figure out how to get her to choose him.
*** ***
Kat had never felt so humiliated, and grrr why couldn't she stop crying? She wasn't sure why she felt so wounded. They had spent a day together. That's it. A day. And she was wrecked. How pathetic was she to be this distraught over a guy she'd basically hooked up with for sex only?
When the door opened and closed she looked up and saw the large, lumbering form of the owner John standing over her. He held out some tissue, and she sat up on the old musty couch to take it.
She loudly blew her nose, knowing she must look a mess. When John continued to stand over her with his arms crossed she felt compelled to apologize. “I'm sorry John. I hope I didn't break anything when I threw that beer bottle. I didn't mean to make a scene.”
John patted her on the head with his big ham hand and she winced. “It's alright, honey,” he said in his thick Texan drawl. “I don't blame you. My second wife would have come after me with a knife. She actually did just that more than once during our marriage. You kinda' remind me of her.”
That made Kat pause in her pity fest. “A knife? Wait...how many wives had you had?”
“Four. And as a four time divorced man, can I say that Caleb is a good seed?”
“No,” Kat said petulantly.
“You know he pushed that fine piece of ass off him long before I would have. And he looked kind of like a man that just watched his dog die standing out in the hallway. I think he might have broke his hand. He stood out there for over ten damn minutes. Garry had to go outside to wiz 'cause loverboy was blockin' the door to the pissers.”
“Why didn't he just go around Caleb and go to the bathroom?”
“Said he was afraid to catch the poor bastard cryin'.”
Kat rolled her eyes. “Caleb was not crying.”
“Not saying he was, not saying he wasn't. Just sayin' he was standing out there, staring at this door for a damn long time. Had you been my crazy second wife, I would have thrown up my hands after you walked away. I would have said I gave it my best shot. Then I'd been trailing after little Ms. Beckham's fine ass. I think it says a lot that he trailed after you and not her. That poor boy got it bad for you. Or at least he did. Maybe he's calling Cecilia right now to console him.”
Kat gasped in horror. She didn't even want to think about that possibility. But wasn't that exactly what she had insinuated Caleb wanted to do in the first place? That he'd wanted Cecilia more than her?
“I know I sure would like to do the two-step in her Texas tunnel,” John said, with a far off look.
“Oh my God, eww!”
“Just sayin', I may be old but I'd still like to get stuck in her penis fly trap.”
Kat blinked up at John in horror. This conversation had taken a drastic turn into Yuck-Town. “I can't imagine why things didn't work out for you and any of your wives, John,” she said sarcastically.
John pat her on the back, nearly knocking her over. “Right, I've gotten off topic. Anyways, all I'm trying to say is the man let you drive his truck. A man doesn't let just anybody drive his truck. You understand, honey?” he said.
When Kat nodded dumbly, not understanding that bit of man-logic at all, he said, “Alright. Good talk. Make sure to count out the drawer when you're done back here.”
“Thanks John,” she said without feeling. She wasn't sure about it being a 'good talk' but it certainly had been an interesting talk. He had gotten her to stop crying. Maybe she had overreacted. Overreacted and drove Caleb straight into the arms of another woman. Kat groaned and dropped her head. Then she realized her and Caleb had never switched keys. She still had to drive Truck-Zilla. Or as John considered it, proof Caleb was harboring deep seated feeling for her.
When the door opened again Mimi came in and plopped down next to Kat. She gave Kat's knee an affectionate pat and said, “That was a rough scene.”
Kat nodded.
“Do you want me to help you vandalize Cecilia or Caleb's vehicles?” Mimi asked.
Kat's eyes misted. That's exactly the kind of thing her friend Delia would have said, and it warmed Kat's heart. “That's so sweet of you to offer. You're a good friend.”
“I'm serious.”
Kat took Mimi's hand and gave it an affectionate squeeze. “I know and I love you all the more for it.”
“Well...are we going to pee on some windshields tonight? Should we put water in their gas tank?”
Kat laughed, “No...at least not while I'm still driving Caleb's truck.” Then, “Pee on their windshields, really?”
Mimi just shrugged. “The smell gets into their ventilation that way.”
Kat thought it was brilliant but hadn't thought Mimi capable of such duplicity. They sat there in silence for a minute before Kat said, “I think I may have messed things up between Caleb and I. But I'm not sure if I could handle things working out. He's been with women like Cecilia Beckham. I have definitely not been with the male equivalent. I felt like Caleb was out of my league before. Now I feel like he's way out of my league. I don't know what I should do.”
Mimi shrugged. “Don't be your own worst enemy, hun. If he really cares about you, things will work out. And if he really, really cares about you, things like leagues won't matter. It won't make a difference to him if a thousand Cecilia Beckhams throw themselves at him. He'll only want you. Now come on. I'll be nice and let you mop the bathrooms.”
“Oh gee. Thanks.”
They closed up the bar, and Kat thought about what Mimi had said. How was she supposed to believe he could want only her? She had made the right choice in breaking things off. She couldn't be with Caleb. She'd always be wondering when he was going to leave her for someone else.
When they locked up for the night and headed out into the parking lot, Kat fought off tunnel vision and the wave of anxiety that threatened to choke her. She said goodnight to Mimi and was climbing up into SS Massive Truck, when Mimi called out, “Hey, if Caleb's letting you drive his truck he obviously cares more than you realize.”
Kat didn't respond. She just made a face she hoped was a smile. Obviously she had missed the Mating-Habits-of-Southern-Men memo that was sent to those new to the area. Once she got in the truck she sat and willed her heartbeat to calm, taking deep breaths. Mimi's car pulled out of the lot and Kat knew she needed to head home. She gently banged her head on the steering wheel a few times after realizing she'd have to navigate another dark parking lot when she got home.
As she pulled the behemoth onto the road she couldn't help but think this was going to be a long week.
CHAPTER SEVEN
The EEP EEP EEP of Kat's alarm clock infiltrated her ears and ricocheted around her skull a couple painful times before her arm shot out from under the covers and slammed down on the snooze button. After another night of waking up at the slightest noise she was not even close to ready to face the day. Still half unconscious, she buried her head in her pillow, ready to get her ten minutes of allotted morning denial time when her phone buzzed
. She squinted at the screen of her phone and read her text message.
Di: Come and see me when you get here
Kat typed a will do and flopped onto her back, groaning. Ugh, mornings hurt. First she worked last summer at a bakery and now at a ranch. She really needed to get a job that had better hours while she was finding herself. Three months of working at the ranch and she was still getting used to the uber early hours.
Ready or not, her day had begun. Crawling out of bed, Kat made her way to the bathroom and turned on the shower to extra hot. Her eyes were gritty and swollen in a way only achieved after a big crying jag the night before. She'd given all the patrons of Rusty Spur quite a show last night. She had freaked out in the most tragic manner over a guy she wasn't even technically involved with. She'd also gone home and eaten a pint of Rocky Road she'd promised herself she'd make last a month when she bought it. That poor pint barely lasted ten minutes. Kind of like her torrid love affair with Caleb.
The depression of love gone wrong was sinking in. She'd watched her friends go through it. She had tried to shield herself from this kind of thing. Every guy she had rebuffed in college was testament to how hard she had tried. Maybe she should have died a virgin.
Kat hopped in the beast with four wheels also known as a Ford 250 Super Duty and made her way out to the ranch. The sun was just making its way up into the sky as Kat drove, contemplating whether or not it was better to have hit-it and quit-it or to have never hit-it at all. She was not looking forward to her inevitable confrontation with Caleb. She also wondered why Diane wanted to see her this morning.
She pulled onto the main driveway leading up to the Circle F. Two other drags broke off the main driveway. One led a quarter mile over to their larger commercial cattle operation. The other drive led to the bunk house that was nearest to the barn that housed the calves and heifers. The stables and pens closest to the house were where Diane's horses were kept.
The house itself was an all white, old, traditional, two-story farmhouse. Diane liked to boast that the wide porch that wrapped around it had been added as Jack's wedding present to her some thirty-seven years ago. The whole structure, like the rest of the ranch, was in good repair, and Kat knew for a fact the interior of the house had been remodeled in the last ten years.
Kat climbed out of the truck and let the cool crisp morning air clear her head. The ranch was located only fifteen minutes from her apartment complex but somehow the air seemed fresher, cleaner out here. It still didn't feel like the first week of December to her. It was strange knowing back home in Massachusetts it was snowing, yet it was supposed to get up to seventy degrees where she was in Texas.
Kat made it to the steps leading up to the house when Diane came out and rested a hip on the porch rail. “It's more serious than I thought,” Diane said sipping her morning coffee.
“What is?” asked Kat.
Diane nodded toward the truck. “He let you drive his truck.”
Kat rolled her eyes, “Uh, it's not a big deal.”
She leveled Kat with a stare. “Most men don't let just anybody drive their truck.”
“So I've heard. Any other southern courting ritual I should know about?” Kat asked, exasperated. Adopting a extra thick terribly cliché southern accent, she ask, “If I circle the barn with him three times, will we be married? A fourth time I'll be carryin' his baby for shor’.”
Diane leveled Kat with a steely look. “I was going to offer you coffee, but I guess if you're going to be a mealy mouthed termagant we'll just have a talk.”
“Whoa,” Kat said back peddling. “I'm a stupid Yankee. I'm sorry,” she said with real contrition. “I know not what I was saying. I'll shut my mealy mouth. Just don't take away the sweet goodness of my java. Please.”
Diane raised a brow and said, “Good Lord you're dramatic. You can make yourself a cup, after we've talked.” She turned to go in the house and Kat grudgingly followed, feeling like she was being led to the principal's office.
Diane moved behind her large, mahogany desk, and Kat took a seat closest to the door. No sooner had they sat down before Diane said, “I need you to stay close to the house. You'll check on the heifers in the morning and help make sure they got their cubes, but otherwise you'll be with the horses this week. You'll still be on the same days, but you'll be able to leave a little earlier in the afternoons.”
“What about Brycen?” Diane only kept three horses. An older Palomino she had raised and a Appaloosa and Pinto, which had been rescues. They were all Diane's babies. When Brycen wasn't around to care and exercise them, Travis usually stepped in or Diane took care of them herself. They weren't high maintenance.
And the heifers had extra full-time care this time of year seeing, as though the Circle F did fall calving. Their calves wouldn't be weaned until July, so the heifers and calves were all kept in the fields and barns nearest to the house and bunk house.
“Brycen's out with the flu. But I want you to stay on this side of the ranch even after he gets back. At least until we see where things are going with you and Caleb.”
“What?” Kat incredulously. “Nowhere. We're going nowhere. And I don't even see how it would matter if we were going somewhere. Which we are not.”
Diane shook her head. “Kit Kat,” she said, pityingly as if she were about to break bad news. “Caleb's a partial owner.”
“He is?” Kat hadn't known that. “But I still don't understand what that has to do with me.”
“He'd be dating an employee by seeing you, Kat, and that could be an issue we've never had to deal with before. Hell, if any of our boys dated other ranch hands in the past, they kept it quieter than Ennis and Jack from Brokeback Mountain.”
Kat was glad she didn't have coffee. She would have choked. Then she suddenly wondered if any of the guys were dating each other.
“I'm sorry, Kat. Had you both just been hands I would have asked for you two to use caution and not let it get in the way of you doing your jobs, but with Caleb being an owner...”
“Am I being fired?” Kat asked, genuinely concerned.
“No, you're not being fired, but I do want you to think long and hard about what you're doing here. Not just at the ranch, but in Texas. Whether there is something between you and Caleb or not—”
“Not!” Kat interjected.
“Either way, you need to figure out what it is you want from life.”
“Easier said than done,” Kat said, feeling a bit bitter. Figuring out what she wanted in life was what she'd been doing for years. It was why she was there in the first place.
“You want to know why I hired on a greenhorn I barely knew? And a female Yankee no less?”
Kat nodded her head, realizing she had never even thought to ask.
“You remind me of myself.”
That wasn't what Kat expected to hear. “So, that's it?” Kat asked, when Diane didn't say anything more.
“You may or may not know this, but I came from money. I was the youngest of three and the only girl. There wasn't one person who didn't tell me what I should be doing with my life from the moment I was born. I was supposed to be a proper lady.” Diane was well mannered but in her old, beat up work clothes, flannel shirts, and disdain for makeup she was a far cry from what Kat thought of as a proper lady.
“Daily, for as long as I can remember,” Diane said. “I was told what I was doing wrong. From how I sat in a chair to what I should be studying in school, I had to fight tooth and nail to do what I thought was right. Once I finally won my freedom to follow my own path I didn't know what I really wanted.
“I see that in you, Kat. Your sister, she loves you, and she wants what she thinks is best for you. I never met your mama, but I'm sure she does too. I think you deserve to find out what it is you want. That's why I hired you. To give you some space and time to figure yourself out. You surprised me and everyone else by how long you've lasted at the ranch. Lord knows I thought you were going to accidentally kill yourself those first few weeks. But ev
en still, I don't think waking at dawn and working the ranch is your happy place, Kat. I think you need to find your happy place.”
Kat's shoulders drooped. “Are you sure you're not firing me? Cause it sounds a lot like you're leading up to firing me.”
“No. I just want you to take some time this week and next to think on you. What does Kat want? Free of judgment. Free of your mama and sister's voices in your head.”
At Kat's surprised look Diane said, “Yeah, it took me a long time before I didn't hear my family's voices in my head condemning me for doing what I thought best with my life.
“Travis has already got the horses in the yard. I'm sure he'd appreciate your help. Think on what I told you. If you want to sell raffle tickets at a carnival or if you want to settle down and have kids, you should do that.”
Kat made a face. She was so not ready to have kids. “Those are my options? Carnival worker or stay-at-home mom?”
“I'm just trying to say you don't need to chain yourself to a traditional job. I know you can't get more traditional than stay-at-home mom, but I also know that's an occupation your mom and sister would give you flak for.”
When Kat just sat there looking a bit poleaxed, Diane made a shooing motion, “Well, go on now. Get yourself some coffee quick and get out there. And Kit Kat, I have faith you're going to figure it out.”
That made one of them.
*** ***
Caleb was in a fine mood. He'd like to kill something. Preferably with his bare hands. The more he thought about what had happened last night with Kat, the more pissed off he got. He should have taken her out back last night and spanked some sense into her. He was ready to pull her aside and give her hell this morning, but damned if she hadn't shown up.
He hefted another hay bale and chucked it out in the yard. He needed to spread the straw before he got to work on the broken section of fence in the north pasture. He was carrying out the second hay bale when he caught sight of Jack coming out of the barn housing their work equipment.