Illicit Hunger

by Dee Carney

  But as Lia walked beside him, holding onto his arm as the skirts of her dress swished quietly with her steps, the silence annoyed him too. He wanted to talk with her, ask her more questions about herself and her dreams of the future, even ask about her past. His ears were almost desperate with the desire to hear her jubilant laugh. Damn difficult to do any of it when he pretended to be aloof.

  Off in the distance, a bird called a lonely song. Once upon a time, he might have ignored it. Now, he wondered about animal nature. The primal instinct to hunt, feed and procreate with nothing more than those simple needs driving a species. His wolf’s needs were the same. Over the course of the last week, the human part of him arose with an ache, however. A desperate need for companionship and love. He couldn’t help but wonder when it was time to leave her side, would he be able to just walk away from her?

  “I think you are angry, Jericho. You haven’t ignored me like this since the first night I met you.”

  How could he explain he wasn’t angry? What words would make her understand how he was willing to give up everything he was, everything he’d dreamed about for years for just the chance to interact with her as a man and a woman should? Not just sex. But the ability to talk with her in the open, walk hand in hand, dream about a real future with her?

  “I am not angry, prima lux.”

  “Please don’t call me that,” she said quietly. “You must know I never meant to harm you.”

  This had to end.

  “That’s just it, Lia.” He stopped, pulling away from her so they could face each other. “You didn’t mean to hurt me, and you never will mean to. I never want to hurt you. But look at us. Our relationship is changing. Has changed. And if we continue as we have been, one or both of us will end up hurt.”

  “I can resist feeding from—“

  “Not the feeding, Lia. I mean… I mean I can’t stand being near you any more. I can’t stand the pain I get right here,” he clutched his chest, “when I think about the fact that in a few days I will never see you again. Never talk to you again. That you will be another man’s wife.”

  “Oh, Jericho.” She seemed as surprised by his confession as he was.

  He laughed bitterly. “If anyone overheard my words right now, your father could order my death. Just my words, Lia. Under these circumstances, how could one of us not end up being hurt?”

  “I cannot change who I am. What you and I are. What others would say.” She reached up to stroke his cheek.

  Warmth spread over his face from her touch. He almost leaned into it before remembering himself. Pulling away from her hurt him deeply. He sighed. “I know.”

  “Where do we go from here?” She wrapped her arms around herself.

  Gods, he wanted to pull her into his embrace. Provide her what comfort he could. Instead, he steeled himself. “No more feedings.”

  “Agreed.”

  “And this, our friendship, must stop, prima lux.”

  Her voice hitched. “I-I don’t have many friends, Jericho. Please.”

  “I can’t do my job well if I’m not objective, prima lux. I should have never let it get to this point.”

  “Please, Jericho…”

  He could see her attempt at keeping her hands to herself. She grasped the material of her clothing with a white-knuckled grip, only to loosen her hold a moment later. When she tightened her fingers on the material again, he knew for certain the torment she went through.

  “Lia, prima lux, please don’t make this harder than it already is.”

  “But I don’t understand why this has to change now! Why it cannot wait until… later.”

  Later. The day of her marriage later. The day she was no longer his charge. She didn’t have to say the word for him to know she avoided thinking about it as much as he did. But not saying it out loud didn’t change the fact it fast approached.

  “Because I’m afraid of what might happen if we wait.”

  Her blue eyes shone in the moonlight. The hurt and disappointment dulled their edges. “What could possibly happen?”

  Jericho knew it at that moment. Knew with certainty as he looked down on her, the air redolent with jasmine and a gentle breeze caressing over them both. He’d tried to do the right thing. He did what duty told him to do. What would save them both heartache later.

  But it felt too wrong.

  He couldn’t do it, couldn’t let her go. Gods help him.

  He said hoarsely, “This.”

  Lia wrapped her arms around him when Jericho pulled her close. He studied her lips, giving her this one last chance to stop him, before his mouth descended on hers.

  She tasted of sweet spices and heaven. Her lips were soft, molding to his, meeting him as his need grew urgent. She parted her mouth, her tongue delicately seeking his. When they touched, his wolf howled with excitement.

  He could lose himself in her forever. Could do nothing more in life than feel her body pressed against his, breathe in her scent, taste the loveliness of her mouth. A soft noise escaped from her, a slow sensual sound of ignited passion.

  Twice before he held her in his arms. Twice, in a surreal state, he knew her. Knew the feel of her, knew her scent. The beat of her heart, the way it pounded in time with his, Jericho knew all of this.

  What he didn’t know was how false it had been.

  Nothing could compare to this very moment. The moment of this wondrous kiss. A moment where he was just a man with the woman he was falling in love with.

  By the time he pulled away from her, his breathing picked up speed. His pulse roared in his veins. He was trembling—gods, he was trembling as he held her. He hugged her tight because it was all he could do. If he let her go, he couldn’t imagine what it might do to him.

  Lia’s muffled words were almost indistinguishable against his chest, but he heard the anguish in them. “How did we get here, Jericho? What have we done?”

  He didn’t know how to answer. In the years of forced discipline, of eating meager rations and marching through miles of wilderness in the name of the Lugh, order ruled his life. Why now, when he needed it the most, could he not force himself to do the one thing that would save them both? Why couldn’t he walk away?

  She tightened her arms around him and he pulled her as close to him as he could. For just a minute more, if this was all he could have, for just one minute more he wanted to keep her there.

  The sounds of someone approaching broke his peace.

  There wasn’t time to warn her, he could only wrench himself away from her, distancing himself with a few quick steps. When she opened her mouth to protest, he held a finger to his lips. With the other hand, he reached for the blade at his side. His pose relaxed slightly when he realized more than one person approached. Their steps were quick, urgent. Militant.

  Two guardsmen trotted toward them, anxiety written on their faces. They paid him no attention as they stepped up to Lia. A faint blush colored her cheeks. She tilted her chin up, her gaze unwavering. Not a strand of hair was out of place. Her clothing molded around her as if a tailor left her only moments ago.

  The prima lux stood regal.

  “Prima lux, your presence is requested,” one of them said as he slowed to a walk.

  Only her father would call for her at this hour. She tensed, and once again he wished he could move closer to her. Provide a little comfort during her uncertainty. “By whom?”

  “The Lugh requests your presence, prima lux.” He turned, ready to escort her back inside the complex. His next words chilled Jericho through the bone.

  “Your fiancé has arrived.”

  Chapter Seven

  Jericho was not permitted to see much of her over the next two days. The arrival of Lucas Anders spun the complex into a fury.

  The following morning, Ross came to his quarters to let him know that his responsibility to the prima lux ended with the arrival of her betrothed. While she prepared for her wedding, she would be continuously surrounded by important members of the community. The
security of the entire group would be of the utmost importance. It would be impossible for anyone who didn’t belong to approach Lia.

  Jericho stood stoic as the news was delivered to him. Inside, a maelstrom of emotion threatened to rend him in two. He wanted to rage against Ross. Tear the place apart. Threaten anyone and everyone who stood in his way until they permitted him to see her.

  Instead, he bowed his head toward the vampire. Numb, his eyes devoid of anything that might betray his feelings, he simply responded, “Sire.”

  Ross told him a new rotation would be available after the wedding. Until then, he could consider himself on leave.

  He should have been excited by that news, but he couldn’t find the wherewithal to express it. Ross stared at him, studying him before turning to leave. If he heard Jericho collapse onto the chair behind him, wooden legs no longer willing to provide support, the vampire didn’t acknowledge it by turning back around.

  Jericho found excuses to be inside the complex that day. There, he managed to see glimpses of her. As expected, an entourage continuously surrounded her, always at her beck and call and blocking his complete view. That evening he thought he might catch her alone in her gardens, but despite bribing a fellow guard with a week’s wages, he left disappointed. At least he’d stayed long enough to inhale some of the blossoming jasmine he’d grown so used to over the last week. He would have traded a year’s wages for the scent to have come from her.

  The evening of her engagement party, he decided to change strategy. Rather than spend so much energy looking for her, he needed something else to occupy his time. He wanted to see the man. Lucas Anders.

  Jericho stationed himself along the wall of the main receiving room. Unlikely anyone would bother to pay attention to yet another guard standing along the wall of colorful tapestries. The exotic plants next to him would attract more attention. To the vampires congregating, he was just another body in dress uniform.

  The Lugh appeared in high spirits at the head of the table. His consort, a striking woman with a mass of red hair sat to his left. They exchanged heated glances that spoke of their desire to be anywhere else but here. Jericho almost could have believed the unspoken exchange for true emotion, but he knew she was just a flavor of the month. When the Lugh tired of draining her blood, she would be replaced. He went through consorts at an alarming rate. None of them seemed to mind.

  He shifted his attention to the man he envied. Lucas was tall, thin and for lack of a better word, glamorous. He epitomized everything the vampire community wanted in its leader’s mate. Blond hair spilled down his back, past his waist. Two thin braids framed his angular face where intense blue eyes peered out from beneath dark brows. When he spoke, the gleam of his white canines caught the attention of those he addressed. He stood straight, his lean body evident beneath tailored clothing.

  Jericho’s heart sank as he scrutinized him. Lia might go into the marriage unwilling, but his outward appearance—if nothing else—would prove a distraction. With time, she might even find love in their union.

  On the other hand, he had nothing to offer her, and this man, her betrothed, represented everything he was not. Wealth. Respectability. Power.

  “Where is my daughter, Issa?” The Lugh lifted her wrist to his mouth, scraping his teeth against the skin. Another public display of his affection for the woman.

  She laughed prettily, her gaze fixed on where he nibbled. “Allow her time to make herself presentable. I’m sure she wants to look her best for her husband-to-be.”

  “I am patient, my Lugh,” Lucas called. “This time allows me an opportunity to get to know the community which will align with ours. Besides, after tomorrow I have eternity to spend with my bride.”

  Well spoken by someone who did not appear the least bit interested in the people surrounding him. Like his fiancée, he knew when to play the politician. Theirs would be a marriage of power. Nothing more.

  The Lugh pulled away from Issa’s hand long enough to dip his head in acknowledgement. Lucas turned back to the man at this side, resuming the conversation which had been interrupted.

  When the doors to the hall opened a few minutes later, in a wave, the voices in the room fell away. All eyes turned to the prima lux as she glided into the room. Jericho thought his heart would burst from pride as he watched her.

  Lia radiated sheer elegance as she made her way toward her father. Her long dark hair was piled on top of her head, a few soft tendrils curling downward to kiss her shoulders. Around her neck, four rows of a dozen diamonds surrounded by rubies sparkled, matching the stones in her ears. The skin-tight wrap of her ruby-colored dress gave way to a train of material flowing behind her. It didn’t look as if there was room enough to breathe in the dress, much less walk. Jericho could only stare in stunned admiration by the way she made it look so easy. Another sign to him that she was meant for this life.

  She stopped to curtsy at her father’s chair. “My Lugh,” she murmured as she rose.

  Lucas pushed away from the wall and strode to her. She looked down on him as he knelt on one knee, taking her hand in his. A pained look flashed across her face as he kissed the back of her hand before rising again.

  “Lucas.” The smile on her lips didn’t reach her eyes.

  “Prima lux, thank you for deigning yourself by acknowledging me.”

  She smiled at him again, but said nothing. It could have been because of either humility or wry amusement. Lucas would never know. He may have been a powerful vampire in his own community, but his power did not rival hers.

  Jericho’s heart went out to her. Maybe the fear she would be attracted to Lucas had been unfounded. They ignored each other equally. When they sat down, Lucas resumed his conversation with the male vampire while Lia stared into the bottom of her wine glass.

  She remained stoic for half an hour, her only movement from an occasional sip from her glass. Issa and the Lugh entertained each other on one side of her. Lucas and his staff member argued good-naturedly on her other side.

  Unable to watch any more, Jericho made up his mind and prayed for the strength to keep it. She looked forlorn, but the image of her as she sat among her peers, among the other vampires, the rightness of it could not be denied. She was prima lux. He was her guard. Nothing more than an employer-employee relationship could ever be between them.

  He shifted out of the shadows, letting the overhead lights shine on his face. He wanted her to see him standing there. One last time he wanted to look into her eyes before letting her go. It hurt through every part of his being to watch her next to Lucas, but loving her only existed in his fantasies. Before he left, he just wanted her to see him one last time.

  Look up.

  As if she heard him, Lia’s eyes lifted, zeroing in on him. The smile that curved his lips would not be stopped when her chin tilted upwards too. They locked on to each other, a second’s glance echoing the depth of emotion between them. He wanted to tell her a dozen things, but he was too far away. Had he been closer, he doubted he could have spoken for his mind whirled with all of the things he wanted to say. All he could manage was the weak smile and hope she knew what he would have given up for her. How much she meant to him.

  Before it could become too painful, he dropped his chin to his chest and turned. Walking away was the hardest task he’d ever undertaken in his life.

  * * * *

  “Jericho, wait!”

  Lia was out of breath from running as best she could in the damned dress, but she called the words as if her very life depended on them. By the time she caught up to him, his quarters weren’t far away. She almost ran into a few guards who were startled by her harried appearance. They hurried on toward the main complex to avoid missing out on the festivities, though.

  He turned on his heel, his spine stiff. The startled look did not give way to the welcome she expected. “Wh-what are you doing?”

  She slowed to a stop a few feet from him. Her chest heaved as she tried to catch her breath. Her gaze on h
im did not waver. Her words husky, full of meaning, she said, “I am not married yet.”

  “Prima lux?”

  She walked a few steps closer. “Your duty to me is not ended until I am married.”

  “Prima lux, please…” His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard.

  “We have tonight, Jericho.”

  His eyes were wide with apprehension. “Lia…”

  “Take me away from here, Jericho,” she whispered. “Please.”

  “The Lugh. Your fi-”

  “Has been told I am feeling ill.” She walked closer, stopping only when she could feel the heat emanating from his body. “We have tonight… Give me this one night… Please.”

  He clenched his eyes shut, obviously torn. Lia slipped her hand in his, holding it tight, praying he would find the strength within himself to do this. If she had to spend the rest of her life married to a man she did not love, just once she wanted to be loved by the man she loved in return.

  Something made a noise in the distance and Jericho’s eyes opened. An instant later, his mouth firmed into a thin line. He tightened his grip on her hand and started walking. When his stride lengthened and he started to jog, Lia’s heart lifted. She almost stumbled when he picked up even more speed. Without slowing, Jericho scooped her into his arms and, at a jog, carried her away from the complex.

  She held him tight, trusting his strength. Trusting him.

  The beat of his heart matched the cadence of his trot. She didn’t know how long he held her against him or where they headed, but she was content just to be here. When he finally slowed, she peered over his shoulder at the grassy plain. She knew this place.

  They were surrounded by trees, some of them older than the oldest vampires she knew. The subtle sound of moving water came from only a few feet away. Now, only minutes after sunset, a ghostly haze floated over the grass and shrubbery. Jericho eased her down gently, and she looked up into his luminescent eyes, forgetting the idyllic scene surrounding them. Only seeing him.