Sticks & Stones

by Rachael Brownell

  I was about to make the first cut when I heard the garage door open. Not wanting my parents to know what happened today, I slide the knife and book under my bed, out of view. I’d work on it after they went to bed.

  Once I heard my parents turn in, I pulled everything back out. Turning only my bedside light on, I readied the blade and made the first slice, nicking my thumb in the process. I didn’t even feel the prick. It wasn’t until I saw the blood covering my thumb and some of the pages that I noticed what happened.

  Unable to leave my room without causing suspicion, I reached into my top drawer and pulled out a sock, wiping off the blade before wrapping up my thumb. For such a small cut, there was a lot of blood.

  Two hours later, I wasn’t even half way through the pages. They were proving to be more stubborn than I anticipated. The fact that my thumb was throbbing didn’t helping my cause. Cleaning up my mess, I pushed everything back under my bed and called it a night. The utility knife was the last thing I put under there.

  Holding it gave me power. The power to create and destroy. It could tear a book apart, easier than Tiffanie did. It was also going to help me create something beautiful out of the mess she made. The blade sliced through my thumb without warning, without me even noticing. It was sharper than I first thought. Sharper than her words.

  Twisting it, I watched as the blade reflected the tiny bit of light from my lamp. I placed my finger lightly on the tip, pushed slightly, and waited to see what happened. A bead of blood appeared moments later, quickly running down my palm. Using the sock to soak up the blood, my mind started to wander.

  Darkness pushed its way inside my head. Thoughts I’ve had in the past, on days like today. The fear of pain had always been what had kept them away. The pain I would feel during the act. The pain I would cause my parents.

  What happens after? Where do I go? Is there an afterlife?

  They had addressed teen suicide the year before during a pep assembly. Based on my thoughts, I wasn’t a “high” risk. I was worried about how my death would affect others. Apparently, that wasn’t normal for someone who was seriously considering killing themselves apparently. Once I stopped caring about the pain I would cause others, that’s when I’d truly be a suicidal teen.

  It wasn’t until later that afternoon that I learned the real reason for the assembly. A freshman girl had taken her own life over the weekend. I cried for her when I got home that afternoon. I didn’t know her. We weren’t friends, but I had felt her pain. When your future looks bleak, as if there’s no other option… I’d been there.

  Staring at the blade that’s now positioned over my left wrist, I remembered that girl. She felt she had no other options. She didn’t know how to fight back. Her bullies were as relentless as mine, pushing her deeper and deeper into depression every chance they had. They won.

  Mine wouldn’t.

  I wouldn’t let them.

  As my hands began to shake, the knife fell to the carpet with a thud. Blood still trickled from my finger. My thumb throbbed in rhythm with the beat of my heart now.

  I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want her to win. Killing myself would be forfeiting. Living meant I was still in the game.

  Lying awake most of the night, I planned my revenge. As day broke, my resolve disappeared. As much as I’d have loved to treat her the way she treated me, I didn’t have the strength to stand up to her. Not today.

  Praying she stayed as far away from me as possible, I walked the halls with my head down per usual. I peeked around corners to make sure the coast was clear. When I heard her voice up ahead, I ducked into the bathroom to hide. Two girls were already in there.

  “Tiffanie’s in super bitch mode today. She pushed one of the handicapped kids out of her way earlier,” one said as she applied a fresh coat of lipstick as close to the mirror as she could get her face. Our eyes met for a brief moment before I slipped into a stall.

  “It’s because Tyler embarrassed the hell out of her yesterday,” her friend replied.

  “What happened?” she asked excitedly.

  These girls are the very reason I kept my head down. They celebrated the misery of others. They talked about people behind their backs. Who wanted friends like that?

  “He chewed her ass out for picking on that girl in front of the entire senior class, I guess. He’s suspended, I think.”

  “Damn! I wish I could have seen the look on her face. No wonder she’s being such a bitch today.”

  It was in that moment I realized that I wasn’t actually alone in this world. He stood up for me. Whoever Tyler is, I’ll have to find a way to thank him one day.

  From that day on, Tiffanie steered clear of me for the most part. We had a few run-ins before the year was over, but nothing like we’d had in the past. It was almost as if she lost her passion for being a bitch to me. She lost her drive to step on other people. Maybe her reign was over. It didn’t matter to me. All that mattered was I hadn’t gone through with the dark thoughts that had started to creep their way in.

  Tyler had saved me. His actions changed the course of my life.

  Chapter Ten

  Hunter

  My body fights the need to sleep. That kiss. The way it affected her. Her body literally turned to putty in my hands. That’s never happened to me before.

  I’ve been told plenty of times that I’m an amazing kisser. It’s not something I’d put on a business card, but I am proud of my skills. Still, the reaction Reese had is far beyond anything else I’ve ever experienced.

  Maybe I’m on cloud nine because of the way I reacted to her. My body took notice of hers as soon as I had her in my arms. Once our lips met, all thoughts of being professional were lost.

  The plan was to give her a gentle kiss on the lips, nothing more. The point was to make sure it wouldn’t be awkward later on should we need to be intimate in front of other people.

  That backfired.

  We potentially face two problems now. One, I maul her the next time I see her. My body craves more from her than just one kiss right now. Even after a cold shower and rubbing it out, I’m still ready for round two. Problem number two… unless we get used to kissing each other, our reactions to each other won’t go unnoticed by anyone. I’m more than willing to practice until we leave, after we arrive, and all during our trip, just to make sure she’s comfortable. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the feelings she brings out in me, though. That will be hard to hide.

  Finally giving up on sleep, I slip into my running shoes and take off. Maybe fresh air and exercise will get my mind off her. The second I’m alone on the road with my thoughts, I accept the fact that nothing is going to distract me from last night.

  I want to kiss her again.

  I want to see her again.

  Not tonight. Not tomorrow. Right now.

  It’s a little after six o’clock right now. If I head back to my apartment I can freshen up and meet her at her office before she gets too busy to see me.

  Picking up the pace, I formulate my plan in my head. What will I say to her? I can’t walk in and throw myself at her. I could, but it’s her office. The last thing I want is to cause her any stress. Now is the time to act professionally, more so than any other. Her reputation is on the line.

  Over and over again, I recite my speech on the way to her office. I stumble numerous times, unsure I’m saying the right thing. What am I trying to accomplish? It sounds like I’m trying to date her, but we can’t do that. Not until she knows the truth.

  My music cuts out as my mom’s number flashes on the dash. What a perfect time for her to call. She’s great at giving advice. Especially when it comes to women. She’s saved my ass more than once.

  “Hey, Mom!” I say as soon as our call is connected.

  “Tyler, baby. How are you? We haven’t heard from you in a while.”

  That’s because I’m ashamed of my life. The words almost slip out before I pull myself together. I have yet to tell my parents I was fired from my “bi
g boy” job. Once I do, they’ll ask how I’m surviving and I can’t tell them what I’m doing for money.

  “Sorry, mom. I’ve been crazy busy. I’m on my way to see a client right now, actually.” Way to go, Ty. You managed not to lie to your mom.

  “Well, I won’t keep you for too long. I was just thinking of you. I ran into that girl you used to date at the grocery store this morning and she asked about you, that’s all.”

  “Who?” I ask before I can stop myself. Please don’t say Tiffanie. Please don’t say–

  “Tiffanie. Don’t tell me you forgot about her. She was the one that got away if you ask me. Always so nice, and pretty to boot.”

  If she only knew what an act Tiffanie used to put on when my parents were around. As soon as they were out of sight, it’s like a completely different person emerged. At first, I thought it was great. My parents liked her, they approved, so it was no big deal that she was a year older than me and they let me stay out later. My father even bought me a box of condoms and left them on my nightstand after we had been dating for about a month.

  Because they liked her and thought she was so great, I got away with a lot of stuff they normally wouldn’t have let me. After I broke up with her, I played the heartbroken boy so I could stay out with my friends later a few times. Funny that’s all my mom remembers from back then.

  “That’s nice,” I force myself to say as I pull into the parking lot of the coffee shop. “Hey, Mom. Can I call you back this afternoon? I just pulled in for my meeting.”

  There I go, lying to my mom.

  “Sure, baby. Love you.”

  “Love you too, Mom,” I reply before hanging up.

  With two coffees in hand, I scan the parking lot of Kennedy Real Estate as I head toward the front entrance. Spotting Reese’s car, I smile and pick up the pace. She’s here–that’s a start.

  “Can I help you?” a pretty brunette sitting behind the front desk asks as soon as I’m through the door.

  “Yes, I’d like to see Ms. Kennedy if possible. Thank you.”

  She studies me for a long moment before placing a headset on and pushing a few buttons.

  “I’m sorry, Ms. Kennedy. There is a gentleman in the lobby asking to speak with you. Shall I show him back? No. Two coffees. Yes. Yes. Okay.” Taking her headset off, she walks around the desk and motions for me to follow her down an adjoining hallway.

  Once we reach the end of the hall, she knocks on a door, and I hear Reese holler from inside. As the receptionist steps aside, I notice the nameplate on the outside of the door and smile. Her success is going to be fun to rub in Tiffanie’s face.

  Reese Kennedy

  President and CEO

  Pushing through the door before I lose my nerve, I find Reese sitting behind a large mahogany desk, focused on her computer screen. A printer kicks to life somewhere in the room, startling me. Without looking in my direction, Reese acknowledges my presence.

  “What are you doing here, Mr. Drake?”

  “I brought you coffee,” I reply, taking a step forward.

  “That wasn’t part of our–” quickly turning toward me, Reese points to the open office door. I kick it closed before closing the distance between us.

  “Is it a crime to do something nice for you?” I ask, extending her coffee toward her. She looks at it as if it’s a foreign object, so I set it down on her desk in front of her. “Plus, I was hoping to talk to you about last night. I left in a hurry, and you deserve an explanation.”

  “I don’t need one. That’s the best part of this whole thing. We don’t owe each other anything.”

  “What if I want to explain myself?”

  “Listen, Hunter. I appreciate the gesture,” she starts, motioning to her coffee. “I also appreciate everything you’re about to embark on for me. That’s why I’m paying you. What I don’t appreciate is you barging in here and stirring up curiosity amongst my staff. This is my business–my livelihood. There’s a reason my personal and professional lives are kept separate. One can exist without the other, but they can’t both thrive together.”

  My mouth drops open in both shock and my need to disagree with her. The entire speech I planned on the way over here is pointless. She won’t listen to a thing I have to say. Not here. Maybe never.

  As much as I was hoping this might turn out to be more than a business transaction, as much as I felt it already was more… it never will be. She won’t allow it.

  There really is a reason she’s single. That’s what she seems to want.

  Chapter Eleven

  Reese

  Hunter is in the lobby.

  Asking to see me.

  What the hell is he doing here?

  He can’t be here!

  People will ask questions. No one is supposed to know about him.

  Playing is as cool as I can, I tell Anna to show him back against my better judgment. As soon as he’s gone, I’m sure she’s going to interrogate me to the best of her abilities. I’m sure I could tell her the truth without judgment. That won’t happen, but if I needed to talk to someone and Ireland wasn’t available, Anna would be the person I’d choose.

  As soon as there’s a knock on my door, I do the best I can to look busy. I’ve only been here for ten minutes and haven’t had the chance to do more than power up my computer, so I print the half-finished closing papers I’m about to start working on.

  Sliding my glasses on, I stare at my computer and attempt to focus when I hear the door open. Without looking over as him, I ask him why he’s here. I don't try to sugar coat the fact that I’m not happy with his presence this morning.

  It has nothing to do with how he ran away from me last night. It has little to do with the fact that I didn’t sleep last night. It has to do with how my heart jumped in my chest when I found out he was here. I’ll never admit that, though.

  Nope. This has to be kept professional. We have a business relationship. He needs to be reminded of that. We’re not friends. We’re not lovers. I am his client. I’m paying him for services. That also means I’m paying him to keep this arrangement private.

  Nothing more, nothing less. No matter how much I’d love to rip up our contract and forget the reunion altogether. Spending the weekend in a hotel room with him, naked, sounds a lot more fun than mingling with people I couldn’t care less about–the same people who’ve never given a shit about me.

  Without realizing it, I almost rip into him with the door open. After he closes it, I let him have it. His mouth drops open in shock as the lies fly from my mouth as if I rehearsed my speech. I could have been nice to him, explained how I liked to keep my personal and professional lives separate, but that’s not the route I went. I went for his throat and successfully slit it open with my words.

  I’m such an idiot.

  Watching him leave almost kills me inside. My head tells me to stay put, let him leave. My heart tells me to run after him. Screw the contract. Screw what everyone will think. I want this man, and I deserve to have someone like him in my life, someone who makes sleep elusive because he’s all I can think about after just one kiss.

  Anna knocks on my door before I have a chance to make up my mind.

  “Come in,” I call, turning back to my computer so she won’t be able to see the heartbreak I’ve just caused myself written all over my face.

  “Spill,” she says excitedly as she takes a seat across from me.

  “Spill what?” I ask, pretending to be confused.

  “Who was that, and why did he bring you coffee?”

  “His name is Hunter Drake. He’s trying to get me to sell him some property for less than the asking price.” The lies continue to fly from my mouth. I’ve never been one to lie, not well anyway. Today is a different story.

  “Well, with that tight ass, I’d do more for him than make him a deal on property.”

  Shaking my head, I turn to find Anna looking like a schoolgirl in love. She looks lost in thought, and her head is tilted to the side. The lopsid
ed smile on her face almost causes me to laugh.

  I wonder if I looked like that last night.

  Oh God! I hope not.

  I’ll admit that Hunter had an overwhelming effect on me. His kiss was like an out-of-body experience. Surely I was better composed that Anna is right now.

  Shaking away all thoughts of last night, I send Anna back to her post with a list of things that need to be accomplished today. That should keep her busy until I can sneak out for a meeting with a client at the bank this afternoon.

  Focusing the best I can, I complete some paperwork for this afternoon. Then, I immediately put together flyers for two open houses that are happening this weekend while I’m gone before I organize my calendar for the rest of the month. I need to stay busy. A busy mind can’t be distracted.

  Until my phone starts ringing.

  Damn him! Why won’t he leave me alone today?

  Sending him to voicemail, I stare at my phone, waiting for him to leave a message. It starts ringing again only a few seconds later. This time, I let it ring until my voicemail picks up. He’ll get the message, eventually.

  Hunter: You can’t avoid me

  Me: I’m busy

  Hunter: I call bullshit

  Me: What do you want?

  Hunter: To apologize.

  Me: Apology accepted.

  Hunter: Dinner tonight?

  Me: I’m busy.

  Hunter: Tomorrow night?

  Shit! We have still stuff to go over. We need one more meeting before we leave. I’m going to have to agree to meet up with him. Looking over my calendar, I’m free most of tomorrow.

  Me: Lunch tomorrow?

  Hunter: I’ll pick you up from the office at noon.

  Me: No. I’ll meet you. Where?

  Hunter: See you tomorrow at noon.

  Me: No. You can’t come here again.

  Me: Hunter?

  Me: Damn it! Don’t you dare come here!