A Wartime Christmas

by Carol Rivers

  ‘This money is what Dolly’s been after all this time,’ Kay said quietly.

  ‘Her ill-gotten gains,’ Vi agreed, nodding slowly. ‘Can’t say as I’m surprised she was on the game. Probably still is. Are you going to show this to Jean Pearson?’

  Kay shook her head. ‘I’m going to sort it out myself.’

  Vi was silent for a moment then frowned. ‘The Salmon and Ball pub. That’s near Victoria Park, ain’t it?’

  ‘Yes. I’ll get the bus. There’s one to Green Road.’

  ‘You’re really determined to go, then?’ asked Vi in surprise.

  ‘It’s my only chance to find Sean.’

  ‘She might have that big bruiser with her.’

  Kay lifted her shoulders. ‘I’ll have to risk it.’

  ‘I hope you realize she planned it all, the crafty bitch,’ Vi argued. ‘She took Sean to bargain with and made you sweat it out.’

  ‘I still have to go.’

  ‘She should be made to see her rotten threats don’t work.’

  ‘What would you do in my place?’ Kay questioned. ‘What if it was Pete Junior and you had a chance to get him back?’

  Vi searched Kay’s face. ‘Point taken, ducks, even though Pete was me son and I have to point out that Sean ain’t yours. But you love that little boy, don’t you?’

  ‘His mother don’t seem to. And yes, I am very fond of him, Vi. I can’t help myself.’

  ‘In that case, you’ll have to follow your heart.’

  Kay sighed. ‘I only wish I had the hundred pounds Dolly thinks I have. I’d give it over like a shot if it would bring Sean home.’

  Vi didn’t respond. Instead, she sat back and stiffened her spine against the back of the chair. Deep in thought, she sat in silence, then, placing her hands flat on the table, she expelled a long sigh. ‘If you’ve made up your mind to meet Dolly then I think I’d better give you something.’ Vi got up wearily from the chair saying she had to go upstairs.

  ‘My darling Kay and Alfie,’ Kay read aloud from one of the two letters Vi had given her. ‘After all that has happened, I can’t expect you to understand or forgive. But you must trust that our marriage is real and perfect. I could not have wished for a better second chance. It was you and Alfie that gave me an honest life. Before that, there was nothing. Nothing that ever needed to be told. But I suspect, if you are reading this, some of it already has. There may be many things said against me, but please trust me, although it might appear I have lived two lives, the day I met you was the day I felt reborn. Our life together is the one and only true record of the man who will love you for all eternity. So chin up, lovely, and God bless you both.’

  ‘Ducks, are you all right?’ Vi asked as she studied Kay’s face.

  ‘No, I don’t think I am.’

  ‘I don’t know if I’ve done right,’ Vi fretted, ‘but Alan gave me the two letters and the Post Office book before he went away. Said I was to keep ’em safe. If he didn’t come back then I should give them to you.’

  ‘Did you know what was in the book?’

  Vi nodded. ‘Alan showed me. Said it was to set you and the boy up for the future.’

  ‘Even so, didn’t you think it was a lot of money?’

  ‘Yes, but that was Alan’s business.’

  Kay felt her legs had been swept from under her. ‘Why does he write, “there may be things said against me. I have lived two lives . . .”?’ Kay shook her head in bewilderment. ‘He can’t mean Dolly!’

  ‘Course not, love.’

  ‘Then what does he mean?’

  ‘Dunno. But it’s the book that’s important.’

  ‘A hundred pounds,’ Kay repeated as they studied the Post Office book again. ‘But how did Alan get all this money? It’s exactly the amount Dolly said was stolen.’

  ‘The account is in your name, Kay. Not hers.’

  ‘The date says the first deposit was in October 1941,’ Kay said. ‘Not 1936 when Dolly said she knew Alan.’

  ‘There, you see, it’s just a coincidence.’

  ‘But where did Alan get a hundred pounds?’ she asked again. ‘He surprised me when he gave me twenty. But a hundred?’

  Vi pointed to the other letter. ‘Are you going to read that?’

  ‘It’s addressed to Len and Doris.’

  ‘Might explain something.’

  Kay opened the envelope to discover that, unlike the first letter, it was typical Alan. He was swallowing his pride to ensure his family’s safety, a motive that Kay could understand under such circumstances. ‘He asks Len to look out for me and Alfie if he don’t come back from war. But there’s no mention of the money.’

  ‘Might not have wanted Len to know.’ Vi raised her eyes. ‘Look, whatever your worries about it, Alan loves you and you alone.’

  ‘I want to believe he does.’

  ‘Would it matter to you if Alan was married before?’

  ‘It would if he was still married to her.’

  ‘I can’t believe it’s in Alan’s nature to do a thing like that.’

  Kay put her head in her hands. What was Alan thinking of? Why was he writing in riddles? She wasn’t sure now of what was real and what wasn’t. Had she been wrong not to question Alan’s past? But she had been so deeply in love with him, she hadn’t cared. He had never insisted on knowing about her and Norman. Not that there was much to know. He’d just accepted what she’d told him. She had thought this was a fair compromise. They’d agreed to let go of the past and make a future for themselves. But the past that Alan had kept to himself was now, it appeared, coming back to haunt them. By his own written admission in the letter, Alan sounded as if he was not the man she thought he was.

  Chapter Thirty

  On Wednesday evening, Kay caught the bus from Poplar to Green Road. It was raining and she’d forgotten the umbrella. She found herself sitting in a damp coat and wet shoes thinking about what she would say to Dolly. Kay had the Post Office book in her handbag. She would promise Dolly that she would withdraw the money and hand it over and hope that Dolly would be satisfied. It was the closest Dolly would ever come to what she claimed was rightfully hers. Kay dearly hoped that Sean would be with her, though it was hard to believe that a mother would really agree to exchange her son for money.

  It was still raining when Kay got off the bus and made her way to the Salmon and Ball pub. She knew the area well. As a child, Lil had brought her here to the Roman Road markets. Then it had been exciting, especially on summer days, when the heat and the smell of the horse-drawn brewery carts and bagel stalls filled the air. But tonight Bethnal Green was gloomy and depressing. The streets were crowded with people hurrying home from work. The heavy skies above added a threat to the blacked-out streets of London. Kay had heard a woman on the bus say that the warning alarm had been going off all day. Each time the siren wailed, everyone ran for shelter; Kay hoped and prayed the peace would not be disturbed this evening.

  By the time Kay arrived at the pub her coat was wet through, her hair lank and dripping inside the collar making her shiver. The pub was crowded, the air full of smoke and chatter. There were mostly men drinking and a few women sitting at the tables. But there was no Dolly. Kay sat down just inside the door. She told herself that Dolly would soon arrive. Each time someone walked in, her heart raced. But it wasn’t Dolly.

  The minutes ticked slowly by. The clock on the wall said almost eight. What if Dolly didn’t turn up?

  When Dolly walked in at last, she was dressed in a light-coloured coat and black fur collar. Instead of joining Kay at the table, she went to the bar. Smiling at the landlord, she laughed and joked. Dolly swallowed the drink he poured her before walking over to Kay.

  ‘Have you brought me money?’ she asked, sitting down.

  Kay nodded, still shocked by the fact that Dolly could carelessly down a drink and laugh and joke with the landlord as if this was an everyday occurrence.

  Dolly grinned. ‘I knew you had it all along.’

  ‘
Well, now I’m here,’ Kay replied, ‘where’s Sean? Have you been looking after him?’

  ‘Listen,’ spluttered Dolly, leaning close, ‘don’t look down your nose at me, Miss Goody-Two-Shoes. Alan didn’t ditch you and your kid. What would you have done if he did? I tried me best to bring up that boy. I could have done a better job if my thieving husband hadn’t taken the bread from our mouths. But, seeing as you think you can do a better job of looking after the kid, I’m prepared to give you a chance. Just as long as I get what’s rightfully mine.’

  ‘You will,’ Kay replied coldly. ‘But I want to see Sean first.’

  ‘All in good time,’ Dolly dismissed. ‘He’s staying with a friend of mine.’

  ‘Don’t he live with you?’

  ‘I’m not here to answer your questions,’ Dolly snapped. ‘It’s the other way round. Now where’s the money?’

  Kay had told herself to keep cool, calm and collected. But Dolly always threw a spanner into the works. Her fingers were shaking as she opened her handbag and took out the Post Office book.

  ‘Let me see that.’ Dolly snatched it from her hand. Kay watched Dolly’s reedy expression as she read the name inside. ‘What’s your name doing on it?’ she demanded.

  ‘I don’t know,’ Kay replied, trying to remain calm.

  ‘The bugger must have changed it.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter,’ said Kay, trying to play along. ‘I’ll draw it out and give it to you.’

  Dolly looked at Kay with contempt. ‘He was gonna make sure I never had it, the crafty good-for-nothing—’

  ‘I told you, it’s all yours,’ Kay interrupted, tightening her fingers in her lap. She wanted to defend Alan, her Alan, who would never be capable of such deception. But she knew it was useless to argue with Dolly.

  Dolly looked at her suspiciously. ‘You want the boy that much?’

  ‘Do you want your money back or not?’ Kay asked again.

  ‘I’m taking this.’ Dolly slid the book into her pocket. ‘Be here at ten tomorrow morning outside the pub. We’ll go to the Post Office together. If you call in the rozzers, you’ll never see Sean again.’

  ‘You don’t have to worry about that.’

  Dolly stood up, looking around her. ‘You’d better be on the level this time.’

  Kay jumped to her feet. ‘Before you leave, I want you to tell me something.’

  ‘Now what?’

  ‘You said you first met Alan in Hyde Park. That he was one of the speakers there.’

  ‘So? What’s it to you?’

  ‘What was he talking about?’

  Dolly laughed. ‘Nonsense as usual. Trying to get blokes to join some army or other.’

  ‘What army?’ Kay grabbed her sleeve.

  Dolly glared at her. ‘Let go of me.’

  ‘Please, Dolly!’ Kay had to know.

  ‘Dunno why you want to know that. It was somewhere foreign like Spain.’

  Suddenly a high-pitched wail filled the air. Everyone got up and hurried to the door as the scream of the siren grew louder. Dolly rushed away to join the other customers hurrying from the pub. Kay stood there as if in a trance. Then someone pushed her forward. ‘You’d better get going, love. There’s a raid on its way.’

  Kay nodded, still thinking of what Dolly had said about Spain. The man shoved her into the dark night and she stood on the pavement, not knowing which way to go. Then she saw Dolly’s light-coloured coat. Kay elbowed her way towards Dolly as she went towards the entrance of Bethnal Green Tube Station.

  Vi was worried. It was gone eleven and Kay wasn’t home. She was to meet Dolly at half past seven. Kay should have been home by now.

  Vi got up from her chair, turned out the light and for the hundredth time that evening went to the window. She peered from behind the blackout curtain. The street was in total darkness. It was silly to keep on looking, Vi scolded herself. Kay would soon be home, she was sure.

  She sat down again. Alfie was fast asleep upstairs. The house was quiet and the ticking of the clock seemed very loud.

  Vi’s thoughts went over and over. That minx Dolly was two steps ahead of everyone on cunning. She was prepared to sell her own son. What mother would do such a thing? And what would Dolly say when she saw the account was in Kay’s name? Kay had been certain she could talk Dolly round. But could she? And what if that big lug had been with Dolly and roughed Kay up again?

  Vi went to the front door and opened it. She was really worried now. Kay could be lying in a dark alley somewhere, the rain pouring down on her. Vi knocked on Babs’s door. She didn’t want to wake the children. She didn’t want to wake Babs either if she’d gone to sleep. But Kay might need their help.

  The door opened. Babs and Paul stood there. ‘Is she home yet?’ asked Babs before Vi could speak.

  ‘No.’ Vi’s voice was a croak as Babs pulled her inside out of the rain.

  ‘I can’t leave Alfie,’ Vi mumbled. ‘But I’m worried. She was supposed to meet Dolly at half seven.’

  ‘I’ll come back with you.’ Babs reached for her coat to put on over her dressing gown. ‘Paul will be here for the kids if they wake.’

  ‘I don’t want to trouble you.’ There was a catch in Vi’s voice.

  ‘Try not to worry,’ Paul told her. ‘If she ain’t back in an hour I’ll get the car out of mothballs and drive up to Bethnal Green.’

  Vi just nodded, swallowing her fear. She had never cared much for Paul, had never really given him the time of day after what he’d done behind Eddie’s back. But as he patted her shoulder, she was glad he was on hand tonight.

  At first, all seemed orderly if a little hurried as people made their way towards the narrow entrance of the Tube station. Dolly’s light coat kept appearing in the darkness as Kay found herself shoulder to shoulder with strangers. Just then, there was a crash. More ear-splintering crashes followed and the sky above was lit briefly, revealing the terrified faces around her.

  ‘The bombs are falling in the park!’ a man yelled out. ‘Hurry, or we’ll never get down the Underground in time.’

  ‘Jerry’s overhead,’ a woman cried out, pushing her way fiercely through the crowd.

  ‘It’s revenge for Berlin,’ another man shouted. ‘We flattened ’em good and proper the other night and now it’s our turn.’

  Kay felt everyone’s panic. The surge of people was powerful as the fear of the bombs took over. As the station’s entrance came into sight, Kay was almost lifted off her feet. She tried to turn back but the tide of bodies around her was too forceful. Inside the entrance there was hardly any light. She tried to grasp the handrail. If she could reach it, she might be able to prevent herself from falling. The rain had made the steps very slippery. But there was no handrail in the centre as she expected. A woman screamed at the top of staircase and Kay saw the baby in her arms. It was crying loudly. An elderly man fell behind the woman, causing congestion which only added to the panic of the surging throng. The woman and her child and the elderly man disappeared in seconds yet the crowd ignored them, pushing forward and plunging ahead. Men, women and children disappeared from sight in the well of darkness, with the noise of the screams and yelling rising to a terrifying pitch.

  Kay screamed, her lungs feeling crushed as she tried to gulp air. The people behind her were forcing her on. Those in front were unable to move in the narrow neck of the darkened stairwell. Kay suddenly spotted Dolly who was screaming too, trying to fight her way back. Her face was white and filled with terror. Unable to save herself, her cries were lost in the nightmare sounds of all those who, like her, were being ignored and trodden down.

  Kay’s last memory of Dolly was of her hands clutching nothing but the air above her head. The movement was useless against the force of the crowd. Dolly was sucked under, as if in a vacuum, into the pit beneath. Kay was being driven forward. Like Dolly, she was succumbing to the force behind her. Desperate fingers, elbows, knees and feet thrust painfully into her back and legs. Unable to move, her chest was flat
tened, squeezing the last gasps of air from her lungs.

  She found herself screaming, trying to turn back, her hands automatically going up, to claw at anything that might prevent her descent. But there was only the relentless motion of the crowd that swept her forward and down into the pitch-black darkness.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  The female ARP warden’s face hovered above Kay. The woman’s smile under her tin helmet made Kay realize that she wasn’t dead.

  ‘Wh . . . where am I?’ Kay mumbled. ‘What happened?’

  ‘Lay back a minute, dear. You’ve had a nasty shock.’

  Kay tried to look around her. Above her was a canvas roof.

  ‘There’s been an accident at the Tube,’ the woman told her. ‘You were one of the lucky ones. A man pulled you free from the crowd on the stairwell.’

  ‘Dolly, is she all right?’ Kay whispered.

  ‘Who’s Dolly?’

  ‘Someone I know. I must get up and find her.’

  ‘There, there, dear,’ said the warden gently. ‘Try to rest. You’re safe now. You’re in a temporary shelter erected close to the Tube. We’re hoping to have the doctor here soon. Until then you must keep still. I have to go as we’re very busy with casualties. But I’ll be back shortly.’

  The woman patted her shoulder and left. Kay realized she was lying on a blanket on the ground. As she moved her head to one side she saw there were others in the tent too. Some people were moaning and groaning, others calling for help. But there were also unmoving shapes covered by sheets.

  Kay gazed up at the flimsy canvas. Many had perished in the Tube stairwell. She thought she had been about to die too. Who had rescued her?

  She managed to sit up. Through the flap of the tent she could see lights twinkling despite the blackout. Her chest ached as though she had been stepped on. Her bag was miraculously beside her. Her wet shoes were still laced and on her feet. She shuddered at the memories of the terrified crowd that rushed back. Was Dolly dead?

  ‘You should be resting.’ The warden had returned and was bending over her again.