Holiday In the Hamptons

by Sarah Morgan

  He felt as if he’d been doused in ice water. “What phone call? I don’t know anything about a phone call.”

  Harriet stared at him. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter now. What matters is that this summer you persuaded her to drop her guard. And then when she had a little wobble, and was feeling at her most vulnerable, instead of being patient and encouraging her, you hurt her.”

  He frowned. “I didn’t—”

  “I haven’t finished.” Harriet stepped forward, eyes sparking, and he wondered how he ever could have thought she was even-tempered and mild.

  He might have been looking at Fliss.

  “It’s uncanny—”

  “What is?”

  “Never mind. You were in the middle of explaining to me all the ways in which I’ve messed up.”

  “That’s right. She opened up, and the result was that she got hurt. And instead of understanding that, instead of seeing that she’d fallen and needed time to pick herself up, you pushed her down again. You showed her that you couldn’t be trusted to be there for her, which is going to teach her never to open up again. And I am scared, really scared, of what that means for her future. If you can’t reach her, no one ever will.”

  “Tell me who made the phone call.”

  “Vanessa. But before you get all flinty-eyed, it was a good phone call.”

  Harriet planted herself in front of him and Seth realized how much she’d changed.

  They’d all changed, him included.

  “I should have known something had happened. And you’re right, I shouldn’t have pushed her away. I was wrong, but then it seems I was wrong about a lot of things, including you. I didn’t know you had a steely side.”

  “Well, now you know, and given neither of us knows how deep it runs or just how far I’d be prepared to go to defend my sister, you’d better not hurt her.”

  He gave a faint smile. “From now on I’ll be sleeping with the doors locked.”

  “Hurt my sister, and that’s probably a good idea.”

  * * *

  IT HAD TAKEN her two hours of walking on the beach to pluck up the courage she needed to drive to Seth’s. Two hours of going over it in her mind and in her heart and measuring risk.

  And it was a risk.

  When she finally arrived back at the beach house, Harriet was in the kitchen cooking with their grandmother.

  Both of them glanced up.

  Fliss looked at her sister. “Are you all right? You’re flushed. As if you’ve been rushing around.”

  “The heat of the oven.” Harriet brushed flour from her fingers. “How was your walk?”

  “Good. It helped me think. I—” She wrapped her arms around herself, trying to pull together the last strands of her courage. “I need to go out for a while.”

  “No problem.” Calm, Harriet carefully arranged sliced apple in a dish and added cinnamon and brown sugar. It was only once she heard the front door close that she sank onto the nearest chair and looked at her grandmother. “What if I made a mistake?”

  “You did the right thing, honey. And it was brave. I can’t believe you drove over there and confronted him.”

  “I can’t believe it either. I shook the whole time.”

  “No stammer?”

  “No stammer. And it felt good. Protecting her for once felt good. Now we just have to see if she can stop protecting herself long enough to tell him how she feels.”

  It took Fliss ten minutes to drive to Seth’s house, and all the way she had to stop herself turning around.

  What if he didn’t answer the door? Or, worse, what if he answered the door but didn’t want to talk to her? He’d told her it was over and they had no future.

  What if he’d meant it?

  She hammered on the door before she could change her mind, hoping he hadn’t gone for a walk because she wasn’t sure she could put herself through this a second time.

  He opened the door and the sight of him, so damn handsome in dark jeans and an open-necked shirt, glued the words to her mouth. They were in there somewhere, but she just couldn’t get them out.

  Dammit, why couldn’t he have had paint in his hair or dust on his jeans? But she knew it wouldn’t have made a difference because it wasn’t the outside of the man she loved, it was the inside.

  “I came to say some things.”

  He opened the door wider. “Good, because there are some things I’d like to say, too.”

  “I need to go first.” She paced into his kitchen and turned, keeping the island between them. “When I first heard you were in Manhattan, I was terrified. I dreaded bumping into you. I thought, I really believed, that I ruined your life. No—” she saw him open his mouth and lifted her hand “—let me finish. Let me speak. If I don’t do it now, I might not be able to do it. I’m telling you how it was, that’s all. I felt guilty, and I carried that around with me, and I carried around the thoughts about what might have happened if we hadn’t lost our baby. Back then, I couldn’t tell you how I felt. I felt so bad, there was no way I was sharing that with anyone. And I was still living at home, under my father’s scrutiny, and that wasn’t a good place to be. I had no idea how to open up to anyone. Not even you, or maybe I should say especially you because I knew that you could hurt me more than anyone. I didn’t see you, or hear from you, in ten years and then suddenly there you were.”

  “Slow down. You’re talking too fast.”

  “This is the only way I know to get it out there. I had no idea how to handle the fact you were in Manhattan, so I did the cowardly thing, took the easy way out, and came here. And then you were here, too. It threw me.” She stooped and petted Lulu, needing the comfort. “And what threw me even more was how persistent you were, and then hearing how you’d really felt all those years ago. And I realized how much I’d lost by not talking to you. By not being honest.”

  Seth stirred. “I made mistakes, too. I should have thought about how you might be feeling, what you might be thinking, but even though I knew a little about your father, I used my own upbringing, and family, as a measure. In our family we talked and shared, even when it was loud and noisy. No one ever needed to hide. And I knew you found it hard to say how you were feeling, but I didn’t know how hard. And I had no idea what was going on in your head. If I’d known—”

  “Let’s not do ifs. Let’s admit we made mistakes. And the important thing, and the reason I’m here—” she swallowed “—is that I don’t want to make that mistake again. This time I want to spell it out, so we both know. So there is no mistake. You want the ninety percent—I’m giving you a hundred. I’m telling you exactly how I’m feeling so that there is no misunderstanding.”

  He paused. “So tell me.”

  “I feel like crap, Seth. We’ve spent an amazing summer, we’ve laughed and yes, you made me fall in love with you, dammit, or maybe I never fell out of love, I don’t know—” She felt Lulu pull away from her and slink across the kitchen. She didn’t blame the dog for wanting to get away from all the emotion. She did, too. She was confused, mixed up and dizzy with love, but her overriding emotion was terror. “I thought it was all going great, I exposed my heart to you—”

  “You didn’t. You didn’t expose your heart. You protected it.”

  “I exposed my heart. Maybe I didn’t say the words, but I showed you. You knew. You saw. And then when I was about to tell you, you were called out. And that was all fine. But then Vanessa called, and she told me how badly I’d hurt you—”

  “She shouldn’t—”

  “No—” She raised her hand. “She was right to call me. She was protecting you, and I understand why she would do that. But up until that moment I hadn’t really thought about how what happened affected you. I thought you married me because of the baby, so it didn’t occur to me that you might be going through the same agony I was going through. And when Vanessa told me how it was, I felt terrible. So guilty. Just horrid that I’d done that to you. I had a little emotional crisis.” She paced toward L
ulu, who backed under the kitchen table, knowing danger when she saw it. “I knew I never, ever wanted to hurt you again, and right then I lost all confidence in my ability to be the person you need me to be.”

  “Fliss—”

  “It wasn’t opening up and telling you things that made me vulnerable, it was opening up and loving you. That was the part that scared me. I was a crab without a shell, an armadillo without the armor. And it scared me so much that for a while there I wasn’t sure I could handle it. And I knew that if I couldn’t handle it, then you were gong to get hurt. And I thought maybe you’d be better off with someone like Vanessa’s friend Naomi.”

  There was a pause. A silence and then he breathed.

  “Can I talk now?”

  Part of her wanted to just leave, but she remembered what Harriet had said about hearing him out. About knowing. So she’d listen. And then she’d know. Then she’d walk away. Then she’d fall apart.

  She could get through another half hour, if that’s what it took, although she might have holes in her palms from the way she was digging her nails into her own flesh.

  “First, I’m not interested in Naomi. It’s true that over the years she spent a lot of time at our house, she’s Vanessa’s closest friend, and yes, she and I were together for a while. She’s a good person. Not hard to like.”

  Fliss shot to her feet. “You see? She’s perfect for you.”

  “Sit down.”

  “She sounds like a sweet woman.”

  “And when have you ever seen me eat dessert?”

  She thought about it. “I guess she might drive you a little insane after a while. She probably wouldn’t fight with you. And fighting keeps you young.”

  The corners of his mouth flickered. “When I lost my father, I realized I didn’t want any more relationships where I didn’t feel enough. Relationships that felt like a compromise. Settling.” His gaze held hers. “The moment I worked that out, I ended it with Naomi. I was honest. I knew what I wanted. Who I wanted.” His gaze locked on hers, and Fliss felt her knees turn liquid.

  “Dammit. Keep going and you’ll have me feeling sorry for her.” She stooped and hugged Lulu again, holding her close, taking comfort from her warm body. “Vanessa said you were looking for the same relationship your parents had. That you’d never find it.”

  “I’d already found it.” His voice was soft. “I found it years ago, but I was stupid enough to let it go. There’s never been anyone but you, Fliss, and when my father died I knew, I knew, that I had to find you, and find out whether there was anything there. Life is too short and precious to fill a single moment of it with ‘what if?’ So I took the job in Manhattan.”

  “Why didn’t you just bang on my door?”

  “Because I knew that wouldn’t work. I’ve had ten years to think about what happened. Ten years to focus on all the ways I screwed up.”

  “I was the one who—”

  “We both screwed up. But we’re not doing that again. So here’s my hundred percent. I love you. You have to believe that I love you. You have to trust me on that one.”

  Her heart was so full she could hardly speak. “I do believe you. I do trust you. I love you. One hundred percent, I love you. And I’m far more scared of losing you than I am of telling you that.”

  For the first time since she’d walked into his house, he smiled. “Then how about letting go of my dog and showing me?”

  Fliss kept her arms round Lulu. “I love your dog.”

  “I love her, too. She will always be part of our family, but right now I’d rather she took a backseat. This isn’t her moment.”

  “Our family?”

  “Yes. That’s what we are. It’s what we’re going to be.”

  Her head spinning, she gave Lulu a final kiss and stood up.

  The next moment she was in his arms and Seth was kissing her.

  “I’ve always loved you.”

  “It was sex—”

  “And then it was love. So much love I didn’t pause long enough to think about whether I was moving too quickly. Whether what we had was strong enough to stick. When I lost you, I didn’t know how to live with the pain. You say you felt guilty, I felt even more guilty. I got you pregnant, we lost the baby. I was hurting. I knew you were hurting, too, but I didn’t know how to reach you.”

  “If I’d been braver and shared more, maybe we wouldn’t have broken up. But I really felt that without the baby there was nothing to hold us together.”

  “A baby isn’t glue, Fliss. Plenty of couples have a baby thinking that will fix a rocky marriage, and then wonder why it never does. Invariably it makes things worse. Love is the glue. Love is what holds a relationship together through good times and bad.”

  “I’ve spent my whole life protecting myself, and I never thought about the other side of that. That by not letting people in I blocked love as well as hate.” She eased away from him. “I had a fight with Harriet earlier. The first fight I can remember us having since we were kids. Actually it was less of a fight than her yelling at me. She gave me the full hundred percent. Told me how hurt she was that I wouldn’t confide in her, that I protected her. I hardly recognized her, but she got me thinking and I realized she was right.”

  “Did she tell you she came here?”

  “Harriet? What? No. When?”

  “Earlier. She threatened me, and I can tell you your sister is scary when she’s angry.”

  “Angry? You must have that wrong. Apart from the one fight we had earlier, Harriet is the kindest, gentlest person on the planet.”

  “That’s what I thought and I’m sure that’s true, except in certain circumstances.”

  “What circumstances?”

  “When she thinks her sister is in trouble.” He tightened his arms around her. “She stepped in front of you. She stepped, and she wasn’t moving until she’d made me promise I wasn’t going to make you cry. In the interest of full disclosure and the one hundred percent, I thought I should mention it. She probably doesn’t want you to know she came, so don’t tell her.”

  “And Vanessa probably doesn’t want you to know she called, so don’t bring that up either.” She leaned her head against his chest. “I want to know what you’re thinking. I want to know what’s in your head. All of it.”

  “I love you. That’s what’s in my head. And in my heart.” He stroked his fingers over her chin, and her eyes filled.

  “I love you, too.” Tears spilled onto her cheeks, and he brushed them away with his thumb.

  “Don’t cry. For pity’s sake, don’t cry. Harriet will kill me.”

  “These are happy tears.”

  “I don’t want tears at all. I never want to see you cry, and I definitely don’t want to make you cry.”

  “Not even when it’s in a good way?”

  “Never. I just want to see you happy. I’ll move back to Manhattan if that’s what you want.”

  “You’d do that for me? Even though you love it here?”

  “I want to be with you. I’ll do whatever works for you.”

  “What if it worked for me to stay here? To build up a business here. It’s not as if it’s far from Manhattan. I can hitch a ride on Chase’s helicopter whenever I need to get back.”

  “Or Todd’s.”

  She gasped. “He’s buying the house?”

  “Seems likely. He called earlier. He’s bringing his family to see it this weekend. Wants us to join him for dinner.”

  “Well, look at us, mingling with the wealthy. I might have to change out of my shorts.” She grinned up at him. “I could get used to living here, in your house by the water, with Lulu.”

  “Are you sure? But if you’re going to stay here, what about Harriet?”

  “She doesn’t want me to protect her.” Fliss let out a breath. “I think that’s going to be hard. Maybe it will be easier if I’m not breathing down her neck all the time.”

  “It wouldn’t drive you crazy living here? The Poker Princesses will want to know
every detail.”

  “I was thinking I could distribute a monthly newsletter, to save them the trouble of asking or listening to rumors. You could pin it to the bulletin board in your clinic. We could call it Straight from the Horse’s Mouth.”

  He laughed. “If you’re going to be living here, you’ll need to bake cookies.”

  “I’m an expert, although I’m not telling anyone how many batches were abandoned before I reached that lofty status.”

  He lowered his forehead to hers. “You’d be prepared to stay here? Live here? With me?”

  “Always.”

  He lifted his head and glanced around him, a smile on his face.

  “Before today it was a house, and now it feels like home.”

  “Because you’ve sold Ocean View. Because you’ve finally moved in properly.”

  “No.” He shook his head. “Because you’re here. You make it feel like home. I love you.”

  “I love you, too. I thought I was the wrong woman for you, but that’s because for a very long time I saw the woman my father saw. Deep down I believed all the things he said about me. It was like looking into one of those mirrors that distorts everything. And that was partly the reason we never would have made it the first time around. Because I really did believe I wasn’t good enough, that I was Bad Fliss, that I’d ruined your life.”

  “And now? Do you believe that now?”

  She shook her head. “No. I spent most of my life proving to him that I wasn’t that person, and somewhere along the way I proved it to myself, too. I just didn’t realize it until recently.”

  “I want to marry you. Again. As soon as possible.” The look he gave her did strange things to her insides.

  She felt excitement and a sharp twist of desire, but most of all she felt love. “I want that, too.”

  “This time it’s not going to be Vegas.”

  “I don’t care where it is, as long as you’re there.” She kissed him, happiness overflowing in generous waves. “But please don’t tell me you’re thinking of the Plaza in June. Because I might have to hurt you.”

  “I was thinking beach wedding. Lobster bake. Dancing in the moonlight. Matilda will probably spill champagne, and you probably won’t wear shoes. How does that sound?”