Stay Sharpe Box Set

by Lisa B. Thomas

  Her thoughts were interrupted by an irritating voice she knew all too well.

  “Yoo-hoo.” It was her neighbor from across the street, Christy Ann.

  “Hey there,” Deena said with as much enthusiasm as Eeyore.

  “Can you believe it?” Christy Ann shook her head and waved her newspaper as she traipsed over to Deena. “Old man Cooper up and died and no one even noticed. Good thing you’re married, or the same thing might happen to you.”

  “He’s not dead.” Deena turned to make her escape.

  “What? But it says so right here in your newspaper. If it’s in the newspaper, it must be true.” Christy Ann wore her usual uniform—a pair of yoga pants and a long T-shirt that said, “It’s a mom thing—you wouldn’t understand.” Her hair was pulled back in a messy bun and her only makeup was mascara. She had once told Deena that she should always wear mascara when she left the house so people wouldn’t mistake her for one of those women who pushed a shopping cart down the street by the thrift store.

  “It was a mistake. The police misidentified the deceased. There will be a retraction in tomorrow’s edition.”

  “A retraction?” She dropped her skinny arms next to her skinny hips. “How am I supposed to retract the chicken casserole I have in the oven I’m making for his kinfolk?”

  Actually, that was quite considerate of Christy Ann. She was always quick to bring food in times of sickness and death. Deena on the other hand would rush to the store at the last minute for a cake. “I’m sure your family will love the casserole.”

  “Humph. Parker hates casserole.” She crossed her arms. “So, who is it that died? Maybe I know him, and this dish won’t go to waste.”

  Deena took a few steps toward the door, anxious to get in and work on her story. “They don’t know yet, but keep your eye on the newspaper. It will be in there as soon as the police find out.”

  As she closed the door behind her, she heard her neighbor say, “Like we can believe that.”

  Chapter 4

  Hurley greeted Deena at the door with his usual quick yap and circle. She leaned down to scratch his ears. “Hey, boy. I told you I wouldn’t be gone long.”

  The black terrier tried to lick her hand and then cocked his head toward the kitchen, a sure sign he was hoping for a treat.

  “Okay, but just one. You are starting to put on weight. We can’t both be chunky.”

  “Who are you calling chunky?” Gary asked, coming up behind her. He had already removed his tie and had the newspaper in his hand.

  “Me. It doesn’t seem to matter how much I eat. I can’t seem to drop these extra pounds.” She opened the French doors leading to her office.

  “You could always come to the gym with me,” Gary said. “In fact, I think I’ll head over now. Scott and I are meeting at three.”

  Without uttering a word, Deena gave him a look.

  “I take that as a no.”

  “You know I hate that place,” she said. “Too many sweaty people in spandex. Plus, I need to make some calls and write this story. A misidentified body in the funeral home is actually fairly juicy.”

  “Especially if it turns out to be murder.”

  Deena shook her head. “The coroner said it was a heart attack.”

  Raising an eyebrow, Gary said, “Yeah, and he also said it was Edwin Cooper.”

  With that, Deena fired up her laptop and called Guttman. He wasn’t too happy about Dan’s refusal to run the photo of their John Doe, but said he’d get their sketch artist to fax something to the newspaper as soon as possible.

  What she wanted to do next was go to Ian Davis’s office to see if she could get any information about the charges against Edwin Cooper. She felt bad that something printed in the newspaper had gotten him into such trouble. Still, at his age he should have known better than to head into town with a full head of steam and a gun.

  She opened a new document on her computer and saved it with the obligatory wording required by her editor. She thought she heard a car and got up to look out the front window, hoping to see Edwin Cooper pulling into his garage. It was just the mailman, so she went back to her desk. Should she start the article with Edwin Cooper or the John Doe at the funeral home? She found herself wondering which lead would be the most salacious.

  Shaking her head, she reminded herself that the reason she was in journalism was to speak the truth, not sell newspapers. That wasn’t her job. She decided to start with the Edwin Cooper incident, reiterating the newspaper’s mistake in reporting him as deceased. Yes, that was better. She included quotes by Jeffrey Mortimer and left a blank space to fill in the charges being brought against Edwin.

  Reading over what she had written, she realized there were a number of blanks to fill in. She moved on to the John Doe. How was it that he had been identified in the first place as Edwin Cooper? She doubted Detective Guttman would tell her that information on the record, so she looked up the number to the Maycroft coroner’s office.

  After identifying herself to the receptionist, Deena was put through to Donald Richardson, the long-time Maycroft coroner.

  “I suppose you’re calling about John Doe,” he said.

  “That’s right,” Deena said. “I understand he was found at the Highway Café, is that right?”

  “Yep. Brought in three days ago. Poor fella died of a heart attack right there in front of the diner.”

  “So, his time of death was sometime that morning,” Deena said.

  “It’s hard to say. Seems like he might have been sitting out there for a spell. Nobody saw him arrive and no one seems to know who he is.”

  Deena scribbled notes as quickly as possible, knowing these could be direct quotes for her story. “Speaking of his identity, how was he first identified as Edwin Cooper?” This, of course, was a critical factor in the story.

  “The man didn’t have a wallet, cell phone, or even car keys on him.”

  Deena interrupted. “No keys? Then how did he get there?”

  “That’s a good question. Either he walked or someone must’ve dropped him off. Anyway, the police officer found an ID and a bank slip in his shirt pocket, both belonging to Edwin Cooper of Maycroft. One of my assistants called his next of kin but couldn’t get ahold of anyone.” There was a pause. “She accidentally checked the box indicating the body had been positively IDed. We sent it off to Mortimer’s Funeral Home. And that’s about it.”

  Deena stopped writing. “How did Mr. Cooper’s ID and bank slip end up in another man’s pocket?”

  “That’s a question for the police.”

  “Where is the body now and what’s going to happen to it—I mean, him?” she asked.

  “Mortimer is going to keep him on ice for now while the police try to figure out who the heck he is.”

  The coroner’s nonchalant attitude about the mix-up didn’t sit well with Deena. She wondered if he realized the real Edwin Cooper had been arrested. “Does this kind of thing happen very often where someone checks the wrong box and another man’s life is turned upside down?”

  She could hear the coroner take a deep breath on the other end of the phone and braced herself for his rebuke.

  “Actually, Mrs. Sharpe, this is the first time since I’ve been in this position in the past twenty years that anything like this has happened. And I’ll personally make sure it never happens again. Now I’ve got to go. If you have any more questions, contact Detective Guttman. He’ll give you the answers.”

  Deena thanked him and hung up. She went back to the computer and included the information from the coroner.

  The slamming of car doors got her attention and Hurley started barking. She went to the window again and saw Edwin Cooper and Ian Davis getting out of Ian’s car. She started to grab her notebook but decided a more friendly approach would likely prove more productive. Edwin had always liked Hurley, so she picked him up to take him with her.

  She walked across the yard and when she got to the house, both men were inside and the front door
was still open. “Yoo-hoo,” she called out and then chided herself for sounding just like Christy Ann.

  She heard voices and followed them inside.

  Edwin was seated on the sofa fiddling with the remote control. He got the television on and tuned it to Wheel of Fortune. He turned the volume up so loud that Deena covered poor Hurley’s ears.

  “Good,” Edwin said. “I only missed one puzzle. Those cops were going to hear about it if I missed my program.”

  Ian grabbed the remote and turned the volume down to a reasonable level. Neither of the men had seen Deena yet. “Are you okay here, Edwin? Do you need anything? Do you have food in the house?”

  “I got everything I need but my car.”

  Ian placed a large manila envelope on the coffee table. “Now, you know the police said you couldn’t drive until you get your license renewed.”

  “That’s ridiculous,” Edwin snapped. “I’ve been driving longer than most of those cops have been alive.” He reached for the remote as the game show came back from a commercial. “And my housekeeper, Lillian, makes sure there is plenty of food to eat. You go along now. Call me tomorrow when you know something about my case.”

  Ian looked back over his shoulder and spotted Deena. He motioned for her to walk back toward the door with him. “Are you here as a neighbor or reporter?”

  Deena’s smile slipped. “Hmm. As a neighbor, I guess. But if there is anything you can tell me for my story, I’d appreciate it. For example, what was Edwin charged with?”

  Ian rubbed the back of his neck. “I suppose I can tell you that. Cooper will probably tell you if I don’t. He was accused of disturbing the peace and making threats in a place of business. The charges would have been much worse if he’d been carrying a real gun.”

  “It wasn’t real? What do you mean?” She squeezed Hurley a little tighter to her chest.

  “It was a Confederate replica. Nonworking and unloaded.” He glanced back over his shoulder where Edwin was yelling out guesses for the puzzle. “Good thing the judge took mercy on him because of his age. He could have been charged with making a terroristic threat.”

  “What’s going to happen now?”

  “We have a court date scheduled for next week. Hopefully he’ll just get probation.”

  “That’s a relief. I really do think he’s harmless. Also, at his age, it would be quite upsetting to read in the obituaries that you had died. I mean, that would be scary.”

  Ian nodded in agreement. “By the way, what do you know about his family? He couldn’t seem to remember much in the state he was in.”

  “I know he has a son in California, but I think they are on the outs. He told Gary’s mother something about them. He has a granddaughter who lives around here. I think her name is Kim or Khloe or something that sounds like a Kardashian.”

  “Got it. I’ll try to get in touch with her. Someone besides a housekeeper needs to be looking out for him.”

  “I’m right here next door,” Deena said. But a small twinge of guilt struck her when she realized she hadn’t been checking on her neighbor or even noticing the poor condition of his lawn.

  “That’s good, but I would prefer he had a family member around. He’s a perfect target for some scammer to take advantage of.”

  “I’ll be more diligent,” Deena said. She followed Ian as he headed for the door. “And by the way, did Edwin know how his driver’s license and bank slip ended up in this other man’s pocket?”

  Ian raised an eyebrow. Deena had seen that look before when she’d worked with him. He was clearly impressed with her investigative skills. “He says he has no idea. Doesn’t remember going to the bank. The truth is, he may be getting a bit senile.”

  Deena nodded. Maybe she should encourage Edwin to see a doctor.

  “Oh, and one more thing,” Ian said as he stepped out onto the porch. “Edwin says he’s going to sue the coroner, the funeral home, the city—everyone except Santa Claus. But you know me, I’ll do my best to talk him out of it.”

  Deena laughed. “Typical, right? The defendant goes on the offense.”

  Ian switched his briefcase to the other hand and got out his car keys. “Yeah, but he might actually have a case.” He opened the door to his car to get in. “And just so you know, he also wants to sue the newspaper.”

  As Ian drove away, the smile on Deena’s face faded. The newspaper? They only reported what they were told. She wondered if she should tell Dan. Would that be a betrayal of Ian’s trust in her? He gave her some information on the record to go in her story, but she wasn’t positive about that last part.

  Never mind, she thought. Ian would talk Edwin out of bringing suit, if he even remembered, that is. She turned and headed back inside the house.

  Edwin continued to watch his show and call out letters and guesses as though he were a contestant. He wore a long-sleeved beige shirt and dark-blue trousers. His brown shoes hadn’t been polished in ages. It appeared he’d missed a button on his shirt. His well-aged hand gripped the remote as if it were his only lifeline. Actually, it probably was since he didn’t seem to leave the house much.

  Not wanting to startle him, Deena walked a wide circle before coming into his view. At first he gave her a quick sneer; then his eyes landed on Hurley. “Here, boy,” he called and patted his leg. Hurley squirmed out of Deena’s arms and ran over to the sofa.

  “How’s it going, Edwin?”

  “Shhh,” he said.

  It was clear Deena would have to wait until the game show was over to have a conversation. She glanced at the envelope on the table, curious about the contents. Looking around, she made her way to the kitchen to check out the refrigerator and pantry. Sure enough, the pantry was filled with canned goods and all the staples Edwin should need. The refrigerator had several pans covered in foil, fresh milk, juice, and fruit. There were even protein shakes in several flavors. If this was Lillian’s doing, she was obviously taking good care of him.

  For a minute, Deena considered trying to get in touch with the housekeeper herself. Not for information for her story but to inquire about having home-cooked meals delivered to her house. Deena hated cooking. If it weren’t for Gary’s grill, they’d probably starve to death.

  “Mrs. Sharpe,” Edwin called from the den. “Look what your dog did.”

  Deena grabbed some paper towels and rushed around the corner, expecting to have to clean up a mess. There was Hurley sitting in the middle of the floor with the biggest bone she’d ever seen outside of a museum. Was it human?

  “Look at that,” Edwin said proudly. “Hurley found one of Buster’s old bones from behind the television!”

  Buster was the dog Edwin had when he’d moved to the neighborhood. Apparently, Hurley was the spittin’ image of him.

  Deena let out a sigh of relief. “Wow. I’m surprised he was able to drag it out.”

  Just then the doorbell rang.

  “Who in tarnation is that?” Edwin groaned as he tried to lift himself from the sofa.

  “Stay there. I’ll get it.” Deena was surprised Hurley hadn’t barked and followed her. He was obviously obsessed with his new treasure.

  She opened the door and immediately recognized Edwin’s granddaughter. Her pink hair and nose ring reminded Deena of the rebellious teenagers Deena used to teach. The problem was that this girl wasn’t a teenager. She appeared to be well into her thirties and should have known you couldn’t hold down a decent job looking like she did.

  “Where’s my granddad?” she asked, without saying hello. “Is it true he’s dead?”

  Deena reached out her hand. “I’m Deena Sharpe. I live next door. And your grandfather is fine.” She stepped to the side and waved a hand. “Come on in.”

  The young woman skirted past Deena and headed straight to the den. “Granddad?” She leaned down and gave the man a hug. “The newspaper said you had died. I freaked.”

  He let her go and motioned to a side chair. “Have a seat, Kitty. Yeah. I’m going to sue them and ever
yone else who told that lie.” He cocked his head toward Deena. “See that? Emotional distress. The whole family’s got it. You’re a witness.”

  Deena started to say something, but Kitty—obviously not a Kardashian—interrupted.

  “I couldn’t believe it.” Kitty shook her head. “You were fine the other day when I was here. Nobody dies that fast.”

  Maybe you should tell that to John Doe at Mortimer’s Funeral Home. Deena sat on the floor next to Hurley, wondering if she’d have the leg strength to get up.

  Edwin’s eyes appeared glazed over and he spoke slowly. “Were you here the other day?”

  “Yes. Don’t you remember?” Kitty glanced at Deena defensively. “I brought you that cream you said you saw on TV and wanted for your feet.”

  “Oh. That’s right.” He didn’t sound very convincing. “How’s Jay?”

  “My boyfriend is Clay, Granddad. Remember?”

  Edwin stared at the television, but his thoughts seemed to be elsewhere. At last he said, “Would you mind going down to the funeral home and getting my car? The police say I can’t drive. My keys should be on the dresser. Oh, wait. Maybe they are in this envelope.” He reached down and picked it up. His hands were visibly shaking.

  “I have my own set of your keys, Granddad. Don’t you remember?”

  The awkwardness was too much for Deena to take. “Does anyone want some iced tea or coffee? I can make us some.”

  “I’m not staying,” Kitty said. “I just wanted to make sure my granddad was okay.” She looked back at Edwin. “Clay and I will bring your car by tomorrow.”

  “You’re a good girl,” Edwin said as if the grown woman were a child sitting on his knee. “And don’t worry. If anything happens to me, I’ll take care of you. Everything I have is going to you.” He threw down the envelope without opening it and picked up the remote, finding another game show to watch.