Abhi was asked to step onto a gurney while the very amused Dr Neelam drew the curtain behind her.
‘No, please don’t shut the curtain,’ pleaded Abhi like a helpless toddler. ‘She is my wife. She can see me.’
‘Is it okay by you if Shanta tai and Nurse Mary also have a look?’ she enquired sweetly. As if on cue, two women helpfully emerged from behind me.
I went up to Abhi and whispered to him, ‘Baby, it’s okay. Let her finish quickly. I’m right outside.’
‘But I feel violated! She’ll be touching my … stuff!’ he protested petulantly.
I raised my eyebrow and looked at him as I walked out. ‘Now you know how I feel at my check-ups every month!’
8:00 p.m.
Once settled in the room, we ordered dinner. It had just been delivered when Abhi started massaging my feet. Then he started laughing uncontrollably.
‘What is so funny, Abhi?’
‘Nothing really. I was just reflecting on our day. From horses to chikkis to emergency rooms. Never a dull moment!’
‘That’s for sure! I don’t want to go back, Abhi. Please!’
Abhi was sending off an email on his phone with one hand. ‘And stop working!’
‘One last mail, baby.’
I sighed dramatically and lay back in my chair. ‘This work will never leave us alone till it’s swallowed us whole and spat us out. There is just no end to it!’
‘I agree,’ said Abhi softly, but I knew his mind was still on his email.
‘I mean, I don’t even get to rest and take care of my baby in peace. I’ll have to pop out the baby and hotfoot it to work in two months. Aaaargh!’
Abhi looked up. ‘Why do you say that?’
I suddenly realized that I had completely forgotten to mention my conversation with Vohra to Abhi. He had no clue. So I quickly updated him. He had a strange expression on his face.
‘So you decided to get back to work in such a short time and didn’t even discuss this with me?’
‘But baby, I promise, I forgot about it. Really!’
‘Forgot? Did you forget or is it because you think I will not be able to manage without your salary?’ This was heading someplace strange.
‘What? Absolutely not! Why are you giving this a financial twist?’ I asked.
‘RJ will need you. You know that. You can’t just leave the baby with a maid.’
‘But we found a jaapa. I don’t want to leave RJ either, but we can figure it out,’ I reasoned.
‘That’s why we should have discussed this first. That would have been figuring it out together,’ Abhi said.
I wanted to shake him. It was hard to see him this way – defensive, cold and unrelenting. How could my Abhi misunderstand me? My cheeks were hot and I felt really uneasy.
‘Baby, can we please just forget about this?’ I said. ‘I’ll speak to Vohra.’
‘You’ve given him your word and we will keep your word,’ Abhi declared. ‘I just wish you had a little more faith in me. I’m going for a shower.’
Before I could say anything, he stood up. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I looked at the table. Most of the food had gone cold and so had my heart.
64
Dham Dhaam. 23 October. 10:00 a.m.
Anger, indignation, confusion. I experienced all these emotions through the remainder of the trip while Abhi maintained a calm front. There was no outburst, no confrontation. But it hung in the air, like an irritating piece of spinach stuck in that one tooth your probing tongue can never reach.
We were back home and I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I banged my fist down on the table during breakfast.
‘Enough, Abhi!’
He continued eating his eggs calmly. ‘Tara, please don’t excite yourself. It’s not good for either of you.’
‘So it’s Tara now, is it? Why don’t you just called me Radha?’
Radha popped her head out of the kitchen, looking bored. ‘Me?’
‘Nothing.’ I waved her away and turned to Abhi. ‘If you’re angry with me, just say so. Don’t do this to me. Actually, come to think of it, you should not be angry in the first place. I forgot to tell you. I mean, I wanted to let you know the day the conversation took place, but then I thought I would do it another day. And then I forgot and honestly, it’s not that important.’
‘I know why you wouldn’t tell me. Because you thought I would tell you to rest, not go back, and then you would have to say no to Vohra. Otherwise, you tell me things instantly. You’re still going to say I’m overthinking this?’
‘I … I don’t know, alright? But it surely was not because I harbour any doubts about you. How could you even think such a thing?’
Abhi did not respond. He looked at me with a tired look on his face. Like he did not want to argue anymore. Then he spoke softly.
‘Please calm down. It’s not good for you. We will speak later.’
Dham Dhaam. 25 October. 5:00 p.m.
It had been a rotten day. I figured at some point that this feeling was a result of my own mood, since everyone was trying to keep a respectful distance from me. But Abhi had stuck to his civil demeanour over the last few days, and that had been driving me mad.
To make matters worse, I had just remembered Mr Dham’s ill-timed request. He had begged me to babysit the Dham family’s visiting grandchildren that evening while he had to go on some urgent work. Caught between the enviable task of managing two toddlers and a wife who chose to have daily dialogues with the dead, Mr Dham looked upon us as his only saviours.
‘But Mr Dham,’ I had protested, ‘we have no experience with children! How can you just leave your grandchildren with strangers?’
‘Beta, you’re a mother yourself now.’
‘Will be…’
‘So what?’ he dismissed me. ‘Just one evening, please. I have some very important work. Please, beta!’
I had reluctantly agreed, as had Abhi, even though things between us were more or less the same.
7:30 p.m.
Abhi was in one corner of the sitting room, looking like he was going to have a seizure. Four-year-old Rakshak had insisted on creating artworks with his paintbrush at every pitstop he made around the house. No amount of bribing or explaining had worked and now he was making Abhi chase him all over the house. I was doing no better. Even though Rakshak’s sister Inika looked like a little porcelain doll, her rather primitive reaction to every question, every suggestion and every movement was a loud, ear-splitting shriek. My plan of finding some alone time with Abhi had clearly failed.
9:30 p.m.
Exasperated beyond belief and resisting the urge to drug them to sleep, we both sat down in a heap when the two critters finally nodded off in our room. Abhi handed me my vitamins but continued to look at his phone while we sat in silence.
‘If this is a trailer, I’m scared of what the movie will be like!’ I mumbled.
Abhi put his phone down noisily. ‘Why are you so bloody negative all the time?’
‘What?’ I looked at him, confused.
‘What if this happens, what if that happens, what if the baby takes over our lives? Every word is negative!’
‘You’re exaggerating and you know it!’ I barked back.
‘Really? You should try being normal sometimes. You think I’m not scared? I don’t have all the answers either, but I’m trying. Unlike you!’
I was seething with rage and hissed at him. ‘Don’t you dare speak to me in that tone!’
‘You won’t have to trouble yourself with me, Tara. I’m going to Delhi for three days tomorrow morning. I’ve called Sania. She will come and stay with you while I’m away.’
‘Delhi? When were you planning on telling me?’
‘I just found out early this morning.’
‘You had a whole day to tell me. Why didn’t you do so immediately?’
He looked straight at me, as if I had just cracked a joke.
‘If you can take days to tell me actually importan
t things, I can surely be allowed a few hours for this.’
And with that, he walked away. Big, fat tears rolled down my cheeks and fell into my mug of hot chocolate. Everything was going wrong.
65
Dham Dhaam. 26 October. 3:00 p.m.
I was moving even slower than usual, my back was killing me and my heart felt empty, so I decided to stay home and vegetate in front of the TV. In my parent’s current favourite soap, the icchadhari naagin had taken human form and was running after the bad guy, whom she really wanted to bite.
I imagined myself in her body, giving Abhi a similar chase. I started crying. I could not figure out if my body was having a physical reaction to the stupidity of the show or if I was really upset about Abhi. But the tears wouldn’t stop.
Radha tried to approach me with lunch but my snarl drove her away. Sania had also taken a day off to be with me, despite my insistence that she not take any leaves, as they had just returned from their honeymoon.
‘So this is the third time you’ve cried since the morning,’ she said now, not unsympathetically, but in a tone someone would use to address a child.
In response, all she got was another loud wail.
‘Why don’t you just call him?’ she asked.
‘I did. He’s always busy with someone or the other,’ I howled.
‘So he’s not ignoring you. He’s still speaking to you.’
‘How does that matter? This is Abhi we are talking about. His Mr Nice Guy approach to anger is even more torturous.’
‘Then stop beating yourself up about it.’
I turned and looked at her. ‘You think this is my fault as well, right? I can see it on your face.’
‘No, I don’t,’ she said unconvincingly.
‘Sania.’
‘Oh alright. I still maintain that this is a very trivial issue to argue over, but having said that, you should’ve had a chat with him. It’s a major decision. You guys are joined at the hip for most things. How else is he supposed to interpret this?’
‘But…’ I started to protest, then deflated. ‘I don’t know why I did it. But I still think he is overreacting.’
‘T, the guy is a saint. He must be tired. Nine months of being a saint. A lifetime of being a saint. Give him a break, will you? If he is overreacting, be the bigger person.’
I rested my head on the sofa. ‘It’s just a strange feeling. Everything and anything in the world can change, but not Abhi. It always has to be right between us.’
‘And it will be. Now can we eat? Why should RJ starve because of your domestic issues? I’ll just send a quick email first. I told Vohra I’ll be with you so he couldn’t say much.’
‘I don’t feel like going back to work, ever! My stomach feels like it’s going to explode!’ I complained.
Sania’s fingers flew over the keyboard. ‘Okay, mail done. Let’s eat. You’ll feel better.’
I took my plate and turned back to the TV. Sania gave me a withering look and I smiled. ‘I just want to see if she finally managed to catch him! Mom’s right. This soap opera is addictive!’
9:30 p.m.
Abhi had been busy most of the day, affording me another chance to wallow in my grief, but instead, all our friends had trooped into my home, falling over themselves to make me feel better. Sania must have tipped them off on the state of affairs.
Sania and Kabir were making a mess of the kitchen, trying to make me hot chocolate. Mani was looking for our wedding DVD, which he knew I loved watching, and Shoma was sitting amidst a heap of wires, trying to connect the DVD wires.
‘Untangling these bloody wires should be included in the list of Chinese tortures!’ screamed an extremely irate Shoma.
‘Calm down, baby. Here. Let me do it.’ Mani reached her side.
Things weren’t going well in the kitchen either. ‘Kabir, I don’t need your unnecessary instructions! It’s just one bloody hot chocolate!’ Sania shouted.
‘If you call this sludge hot chocolate then please don’t ever make any for me!’ Kabir was awarded with a resounding thwack on his back for his opinion.
‘Guys, it’s very sweet of all of you to be fawning over me but just sit down. I don’t need anything. I’m great!’ I announced with a wide smile, and as if on cue, Murphy danced into the room and turned my statement on its head.
I felt a sudden quickening of my heartbeat and shortness of breath. As a sharp pain coursed through my back, I let out a startled cry. ‘The baby, the baby. It’s coming!’ I shouted as I saw all four of them rushing towards me in slow motion.
66
Dham Dhaam. 26 October. 10:15 p.m.
‘She’s fine, Abhi. Yes, I spoke to her doctor. It was just a false alarm. I’ll make her call you as soon as she’s awake.’
I could hear Mani’s voice somewhere in the room as I stretched and opened my eyes.
‘Hi.’ I smiled as my eyes focussed on him.
‘Can you please try not scaring us to death like that?’ pleaded Mani.
‘I feel rested. Like I had a long nap.’ I yawned happily.
‘After the pain subsided you just dozed off.’
‘I felt pretty dizzy and faint I think.’ I squinted my eyes, trying to remember.
Sania walked in with Kabir and Shoma. When she saw that I had woken up, she ran the remaining distance to the bed. ‘You know, your haemoglobin is low. You have to f####g chill a bit. Dr Peerbhoy’s assistant who checked you also said that your BP was low.’
‘Just wind up work this week itself. It won’t make a difference to them, but you need to look after yourself and RJ,’ Shoma chimed in, not looking too pleased.
‘I’m fine, guys. Relax,’ I said.
‘Here. Have a snack.’ Kabir put down a tray holding hot chocolate and cookies. Sania gave him an affectionate smile, hugging him from behind as he straightened up.
‘Rascal won’t make me a Maggi and he’s been toiling away in the kitchen, trying to make the perfect hot chocolate for you.’ She gave him a gentle kiss.
‘Get a room, you failed chefs,’ I murmured, smiling affectionately.
After somehow forcing down the snack, I dialled Abhi. He picked up in one ring. ‘Baby! Are you okay?!’ I knew that voice. He was beside himself with worry.
‘I’m fine, Abhi,’ I tried to reassure him.
‘I’m so, so, so, so sorry about the way I behaved with you. I … I don’t know what came over me. I mean, you’re pregnant and here I am, behaving like a fool. I’m a horrible person.’
‘Abhi, don’t say that, please. I shouldn’t have committed to Vohra without speaking to you. Please don’t think for a second that I doubt…’
‘I know, baby, I know. This is you and me. I’m … I’m just sorry. I’ll cancel my meeting tomorrow and try and get the first flight out.’
‘You will do no such thing. I’m going to work from home tomorrow as well. I’m fine. Really. I promise I’ll just sit like a beached whale on the sofa and rest. Your return flight is in the morning, day after tomorrow?’
‘Yes. Early morning. I’ll be in Mumbai by 8:30 a.m.’
‘Perfect. So we will leave for work together, a little late, but together.’
‘Okay baby. Now you rest. And tell your tummy that Baba loves RJ.’
‘That’s the first time you’ve said Baba.’ I smiled. ‘You know, up north that would mean a hermit, right?’
‘Potent baba then! Hey, that can be my special power!’
He laughed. I laughed. All was right with the world again.
Dham Dhaam. 27 October. 7:00 a.m.
After patching up with Abhi, my heart was singing. My back hurt, my legs ached and my stomach felt like it was the rope in the world’s most intense tug-of-war, but I woke up with a song on my lips.
It was too early to do anything so I just decided to keep to my promise of being a beached whale. Abhi called as I sank further under the sheets and opened a book.
‘Morning, baby!’ It was so good to hear him use his normal voi
ce again.
‘Hi,’ I cooed.
‘You sound happy. Let me guess, the blanket is up to your nose and you’re reading a book with the TV on.’
‘Absolutely not!’ I lied, grinning at how well he knew me. ‘By the way, the weather is oddly cool today. And overcast. They’ve predicted rain in October!’
‘Maybe some depression somewhere in the region. That’s what they always say, right?’
‘And suddenly a high tide and flood warning will be issued by the MET department and people will start running home. At the end of the day, two drops of rain will be reported. How can they always be wrong? How?’
‘You have to commend their consistency.’
‘Anyway, whatever it is will blow over and it will sadly be scorching hot by noon, I’m sure. What does your day look like?’
‘Bleak and full of meetings!’ complained Abhi. ‘You get some rest now. I’ll call you again later.’
I did a long, happy stretch and suddenly knew that I needed to make the following Monday my last day at work. With all the weight I was carrying around, this lazing around just felt too good. I had done a satisfactory handover anyway. I suddenly felt very charitable towards Vohra for getting Pamela in so early.
Suddenly, a loud, cracking sound, as if the tree outside had been uprooted, made me jump out of bed. And then the skies opened. I had never seen it rain like that. It was blinding rain. The blanket went right up to my nose again as I burrowed further into bed and flicked through the news channels. The MET department had redeemed itself after all.
11:30 a.m.
It looked like it was night outside. The sky was dark and the rain refused to relent. I got several calls checking up on me, from Mom, Auntie, Abhi, Shoma, Ms Venu and Sania – who hadn’t been able to leave her house to be with me. Her area was the first to flood every year during the monsoons.
‘I’m so sorry, darling. I really tried to leave. I spent the night at Dad’s. And went directly from work, so I don’t even have the car. Should I send Kabir?’
‘No, no. I’m fine, Sania. It’s just for today. Abhi will be here in the morning. I’ll call you if I need anything.’
12:00 p.m.
I Didn't Expect to be Expecting (Ravinder Singh Presents) Page 21