Hot Mess (Into The Fire Series Book 4)

by J. H. Croix

  “Well let’s plan on it sometime in the next few days.”

  “Sounds like a plan. Be good to take care of it before next week. My crew’s scheduled for a training then.”

  “Got it. How about the day after tomorrow?”

  At that moment, Chad returned from the workout area, walking through the break room. His gaze was flat without a spark of friendliness as he scanned the room. He greeted no one, simply walking past us and heading for the showers.

  Cade quickly changed the subject. “Anytime you want me to take you out for some fishing this summer, just let me know. I grew up here, so I know all the good spots.”

  Before I’d known Susannah was stationed here, one of my attractions to the area was the fishing and hunting. Montana had plenty, but Alaska was another level. The wilderness here was so massive, the opportunities seemed endless.

  That evening, Beck invited me to join them at Wildlands. As I left the station to meet them there, I couldn’t help but wonder if Susannah would be there. It had been a full three nights since our night together. She’d been avoiding me since then, and I wasn’t pleased. In fact, I was restless and frustrated in more ways than one.

  I could hardly bear to see her around the station without wanting to lay claim to her. Meanwhile, she was doing her damnedest to pretend like there was nothing between us. My original decision to let this be our business was proving to be problematic. We needed to talk soon. I needed her. Soon.

  A short drive later, I rolled to a stop in front of Wildlands, glancing around. The lodge sat on the shores of Swan Lake, a picturesque lake, large and sprawling in the center of Willow Brook. Wildlands was by far the largest lodge on the lake’s shores, yet there were others circling the edges of the lake. Several docks for floatplanes were scattered on the shores as well. The lake was gorgeous with a stunning view of the mountains in the distance. The namesake for the lake, the elegant trumpeter swans, floated serenely on the water’s surface.

  Pocketing my keys, I strolled in the back door from the parking lot, pushing into the hallway. As I passed through, I couldn’t help but remember my kiss with Susannah here a month ago. The effects of that night were reverberating in my life in ways I couldn’t have predicted.

  My mind flashed to the other night, to the feel of her channel clenching down around my cock as I sank into her—the hottest, most intense release of my life.

  I shook my head, trying to knock those thoughts out of my mind. I didn’t seem capable of even thinking about Susannah without getting hard. This was a problem I’d never dealt with. Control wasn’t an issue for me. Yet, Susannah made a mockery of my control by her sheer existence.

  Entering the restaurant, I threaded through the tables, joining Cade, Beck, Levi, and a few others. They’d commandeered a large round table in a back corner. Conversation meandered along while I nursed a beer, listened to the guys joke and wondered the entire time if and when Susannah would make an appearance. She made me wait just long enough to get cranky.

  The hair on the back of my neck prickled, my body’s knowledge of her presence cueing me before I even saw her. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw her walking across the restaurant. Her eyes met mine, and lust lashed at me. My cock was hard instantly, so hard, I had to shift in my seat and adjust my jeans.

  Conveniently, there was only one open seat at the table, right beside me. Amelia was here with Cade, Maisie with Beck, and Lucy with Levi. The urge to publicly claim Susannah was so strong, yet I knew I needed to check that urge. I knew she wouldn’t appreciate it, not now. This was a problem I had to solve sooner rather than later.

  She slipped into the chair beside me, her eyes flicking up to mine. Glancing down to her, my heart gave a hard thump. My mind was doing crazy things. While I could hardly think logically about the fact she was pregnant, I had no trouble conjuring images of her full and pregnant with our baby.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Susannah

  My pulse lunged, the moment my eyes locked with Ward’s. I’d successfully managed to avoid any alone time with him the last few days. It was sheer willpower on my part to avoid him. I was going crazy inside, literally at battle with myself.

  I wanted him badly, the ferocity of my desire making me feel crazy. I wasn’t accustomed to this kind of desire. Sex with him was like a drug.

  Hell, I was already addicted. My mind spun back to the other night and what he said.

  Mine.

  I was a muddled hormonal mess. I was pregnant, planning to have our baby and conflicted about Ward’s presence in my life. I didn’t want to be forced into this situation with him. But a baby was serious. No matter what. I couldn’t exactly shut him out, yet I wanted to keep the boundaries clear and not allow him to think he could take over.

  Someone said my name, nudging my thoughts back to reality. I needed to get a grip. Following the direction of the voice, I found Maisie looking at me expectantly.

  “Yeah?” I asked.

  She giggled, flicking a brown curl off her cheek. “I was just saying hi. We can’t stay late tonight, so no cards.”

  Lucy Caldwell, a blonde haired fairy and close friend, rolled her eyes from across the table. “Oh, that’ll be terrible. You won’t be here to kick all of our asses.”

  Maisie shrugged. “Hey, I learned one good thing from my dad, and it was how to kick ass at cards.”

  Amelia piped up. “Good thing we trust you, or I’d think you counted cards or something.”

  Maisie’s dark brown eyes widened, a look of affront crossing her face. “Don’t even say that.”

  Lucy rolled her eyes. “We know you don’t cheat. Get over it.”

  Conversation carried on around us, and I felt the burn of Ward’s gaze on me.

  “Stop looking at me like that,” I whispered.

  He didn’t respond, taking a pull from his beer and then sliding his hand onto my thigh under the table, the heat of his touch sending a flash of heat spiraling through me.

  I flicked my eyes to him, tearing them away after a second. Because I could hardly bear to look at him without getting drawn into his searing gaze.

  “What are you doing?” I hissed.

  He squeezed my thigh, his palm sliding up, strong and sure, and coming to rest at the crease by my hip. My attention was drawn to his touch, my pulse throbbing. My sex clenched, and my panties were wet instantly.

  He took another drag on his beer, setting it down and replying conversationally to something Beck said. Hell if I knew what. I was so distracted to have Ward beside me and his hand on me, I could hardly think, much less pay attention to anything around me.

  I was quite relieved the table was full and everyone was in the swing of chatting, eating, and drinking. When the waiter swung by, I shook my head at the offer of a beer and requested water. The entire time, I felt the heat of Ward’s gaze on me, sensing the absence of his attention when he commented on something else someone said.

  His touch, stealthy and sure, dragged along that sensitive crease, my pussy practically begging for his touch. He didn’t disappoint, his palm cupping over my mound. I swallowed, making a feeble effort to resist the urge to arch into him. I gulped some water and took a shuddering breath. “Stop it!” I hissed, trying to keep my expression calm and never once looking at him.

  “Only if you tell me why you’ve been avoiding me,” he answered, sotto voce.

  “Because this is crazy,” I whispered. “We work together, and frankly, you’re my boss.” Taking another gulp of water, I wished I could cool off. I could’ve used a stiff drink about now, but that wasn’t an option.

  Maisie said something to me, and I glanced her way. Ward took that moment to drag his fingers over my clit, teasing me through the denim of my jeans.

  I managed to choke out a response to Maisie. “What was that?”

  My capacity to listen was nearly obliterated.

  “When was the last time you were up in Fairbanks?” she repeated. If she noticed I was out of it, she let it slide.<
br />
  “Oh, that was two months ago now,” I managed, my voice cracking on the last word.

  “Oh, okay,” she said, returning to whatever the hell she was talking about with Beck.

  “You need to stop,” I whispered fiercely, once her attention was off of me.

  “No,” Ward replied.

  I finally flicked my eyes over to his to find his gaze waiting for me. A smile teased at the corners of his mouth. On command, my belly flipped once, twice, and then again, flutters spinning it wild.

  “Ward…” I warned

  His low chuckle sent a shiver down my spine.

  “Come home with me,” was his only reply.

  Because I was starting to feel like a coward, I finally held his gaze, willing my body to relax and my expression to remain calm. I was relieved for the slightly dim lighting in the bar, hoping my flushed cheeks wouldn’t be obvious to anyone looking my way.

  “Tonight?”

  He nodded slowly, sliding his hand out from where he’d been teasing me, his palm resting easily on my thigh. I instantly missed the heat of his touch between my thighs. Masking my restlessness with another sip of water, I took a breath.

  “Yes. Tonight,” he said, enunciating clearly

  “Look, we can…” My words trailed off when he shook his head sharply.

  “Look, I get that you’re driving the bus here. It’s your body, but you told me you wanted this baby, so I’m adjusting on the fly.” He was speaking low enough for no one else to hear, but I had to hold back the urge to glance around just in case. “You said it yourself, we need to talk. I wasn’t up for it the other night, but now you’ve been completely avoiding me for three days straight. Not cool,” he said bluntly.

  Indignation rose inside with a flash of heat. I narrowed my eyes. “I haven’t been avoiding you.”

  A blatant lie I didn’t mind admitting to myself, but I wasn’t fessing up to him. His eyes darkened to smoke, his hand sliding stealthily between my thighs again. My hips shifted reflexively into his touch this time, and I had to bite my lip to keep from moaning.

  “If I have to play dirty, I will,” he said pointedly.

  I was a hot mess inside. That was the plain truth. I hadn’t expected to get pregnant. I was scrambling on my own to figure out how to adjust to this reality and what it meant for me. I sure as hell hadn’t expected to be facing a man who would now be permanently part of our child’s life, and as a result, my life.

  When his fingers drew away again, my words slipped out unbidden. “I’ve been avoiding you because we can’t just have sex all the time.”

  I gulped my water again, fighting the flush of heat, wishing the ice water could cool me as quickly as his eyes heated me.

  “And why is sex a problem? I don’t see anything wrong with it. We’re pretty damn good at it. If you think for one hot minute I’m walking away, you’d better think again. I didn’t plan on any of this, but it’s a part of my life now, so I’m dealing with it. You’d better get ready for me to be a part of your life for a long damn time.”

  A little thrill raced through me, savoring the raw demand in his words and the heat in his eyes. That was how bad I had it for him.

  Hormones, it’s just hormones.

  That was what I kept telling myself. Maybe if I said it enough, I’d believe it.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Ward

  Susannah made me fucking crazy. I got near her, and I turned into a caveman. I was so discombobulated by the situation, my thoughts were a tangled mess of emotions. I wanted her, like I’d never wanted any woman before. Every encounter between us only seemed to ratchet up the tension inside me, the drum of lust beating faster and faster.

  Meanwhile, she was pregnant. I couldn’t say I’d contemplated the idea of family, of being a father. Ever.

  In fact, had you asked me about it, my answer would’ve been hell no.

  Yet, now that I was facing the very real, dead serious fact that I was on the way to being a father? Well, my perspective had shifted in a flash. Once the knowledge of our baby solidified in my mind, I knew what I wanted. I’d make damn sure our baby had the family I’d never had.

  Aside from my mother, I hadn’t been close to anyone in my family. She’d done her damnedest to be everything to me and my brother. I didn’t blame her for one second she’d had the bad luck to stumble into two marriages that hadn’t been worth it. That was life. I’d learned something from my absentee father and jerk of a stepfather—everything I didn’t want to be.

  As a consequence, I was bound and determined to fully be a part of our baby’s life. I might not yet be ready to call what I felt for Susannah love, but I knew damn well it was more powerful than anything I’d ever felt for any woman.

  I stared down into Susannah’s wide blue eyes, flashing with anger. I knew she was pissed. In fact, I was quite confident she didn’t allow any man to tell her what to do. Yet, this thing she was doing — ignoring me and avoiding me — that wasn’t going to continue.

  At my blunt words, her eyes narrowed. After a taut moment, the air heavy around us, she looked away and took a gulp of her water.

  “Do we have to have this conversation now?” she murmured.

  “Not this second. But later. You avoiding me isn’t going to fly.”

  Her eyes darted around the table. I didn’t give a damn if she was worried someone might notice us talking. Her tongue swiped across her lips, making my cock, already aching hard, even harder.

  Her eyes flicked back to mine, a hint of vulnerability in the depths. “Okay,” she said softly. “Promise me you won’t make a scene. Why don’t you come to my place?”

  I bit back the urge to demand she come to mine. But I relented. I’d meet her halfway. “That works. When?”

  “Tomorrow?” she hedged.

  I shook my head. “No. I’m not waiting to see you any longer.”

  Her breath hissed as it drew in sharply, her eyes looking away as a flush crested on her cheeks. “You can’t just tell me what to do,” she muttered.

  “That’s not what I’m trying to do. I want you. You want me. No sense in denying that. But we’re also having a baby. I might not have planned on it, but I’m not walking away. We’re going to sort out why the hell you’re avoiding me.”

  She looked away again, but nodded slightly. “Fine. Tonight.”

  Susannah held firm to her insistence that we go to her place. In the parking lot behind Wildlands, we had a little debate where she again tried to blow me off until a couple of crew members came out, Chad included, and the obvious occurred to her. Either we met somewhere privately, or this conversation, which I doubt she wanted anyone to witness, might be observed by others.

  I followed her out to her place, rolling to a stop beside her car. It was late evening, going on nine o’clock. The sun was setting, the sky a watercolor of pinks and purples shot through with gold. The moon was rising behind the mountains in the distance. Climbing out of my truck, I watched as an eagle flew above us, a dark shadow against the sky.

  Susannah stepped out, glancing my way. “Here we are,” she said simply, her gaze guarded. There was a bite to the air, enough of a chill to flush her cheeks.

  I couldn’t have said I knew her particularly well, although we’d been as intimate as physically possible. But I had enough sense to know she was tense. I gathered she was trying to somehow snuff out this desire between us.

  For once in my life, I might’ve been the more practical one in this equation. Well, perhaps not practical, rather realistic. This desire between us was a force of its own, too powerful to ignore, and I had every intention of feeding its fire.

  I followed her up the steps and into her house, glancing around and taking in the open space. The muted evening light fell through the windows. When I saw her shiver, my eyes flicked to the woodstove in the corner. “Should you turn the heat up? I’ll start a fire if you’d like,” I offered.

  She sighed, her eyes bouncing to me and then away. When she rubb
ed her palms on her arms again, a flash of protectiveness rose inside. Ignoring her, I strode to the far corner where the thermostat was mounted on the wall.

  Before I had a chance to adjust it, she was at my side. With a huff, she swatted my hand away from it. “Oh for God’s sake, don’t be so high handed.”

  I turned, sliding my hands in my pockets to check the urge to pull her into my arms. Leaning my hips against the wall behind me, I eyed her, taking in the subtle shiver running through her, the flush on her cheeks and her gorgeous blue eyes.

  “You’re cold,” I said, stating the obvious.

  “So I am. It’s not like I can’t deal with it. I’d rather start a fire,” she muttered, spinning away.

  Once again, I took over, striding past her to the woodstove. “Got it.”

  I started to snag a piece of split wood in the small rack beside it when she grabbed it from me. “I’ll get it,” she snapped.

  I stepped away, watching as she quickly stacked a few pieces of wood in the stove and stuffed kindling underneath. She knew how to build a fire, but then I’d have expected that. Inside of a few seconds, the blaze crackled.

  Straightening, she glanced to me, crossing her arms over her chest. “Why are you being so bossy?”

  “Offering to help build a fire when you’re cold isn’t bossy. I’d call it helpful.”

  Her eyes narrowed, and she snagged her bottom lip in her teeth. My eyes went right there, like a bee to honey. My cock swelled, and I didn’t even try to stop it. I couldn’t be near her and not want her, so I didn’t even bother to try to tamp it down.

  All of a sudden, her eyes glistened, and she spun away.

  My reaction was visceral. I did not like seeing her upset. She walked to the windows facing out over the field with the fading sunset in the distance. Without thinking, I followed, watching as her shoulders rose and fell from behind with a swift, shaky breath. I slid my palms over her shoulders and down, carefully unfolding her tightly crossed arms and turning her into mine. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing, but my need to comfort her rose above the flotsam in my mind.