Hot Mess (Into The Fire Series Book 4)

by J. H. Croix

  My release was thundering through me faster than I wanted as she drew me in and out, pumping my cock. “Zanna… I need to be inside of you. Now,” I growled.

  “That’s what you want?”

  Lifting my head with effort, I met her gaze, her eyes dark with need and a wicked glint flickering in their depths. As if she knew how much power she had over me. At my nod, she drew her tongue along my cock once more before rising up, kicking her panties off and straddling me.

  She was soaked with desire, her slippery folds sliding back and forth over my cock. I was so close to my release, I had to grip her hips and hold her still.

  “Inside,” I said. A single word, more of an order than a request.

  With her eyes flashing, she rose up, reaching for my cock. She eased down, and it took all of my discipline not to take control. The head of my cock was inside the entrance to her throbbing channel, its heat calling to me. She looked up then, her eyes locking with mine as she slowly sank down over me, taking every inch of me.

  When I was fully buried inside of her, she held still and then began to move, slowly drawing up and rolling her hips down. I didn’t know how much longer I could hold out, not with the sight of her above me—her breasts jutting forward, her nipples hard and damp, her belly soft with just a hint of roundness to it now, and her lush bottom held in my hands.

  Dear God, I could’ve come just looking at her. I reached my thumb in between us, pressing down over her clit and growling when she cried out and started to tremble around my cock. At the sound of her calling my name, I let go, my climax thundering through me.

  Susannah fell against me, her head tucking into the dip at my neck and shoulder and her breath gusting against my skin. I held her tight, my arms wrapped around her. I could’ve stayed there forever, buried deep inside of her, my need temporarily slaked.

  No such luck though. After a few moments when we both caught our breath, she slowly straightened, her palms resting on my chest. Opening my eyes, I found her looking out the window. I took the moment to simply enjoy the view of her—her checks were flushed, her hair tousled, and her skin was pink all over. My heart gave a squeeze, tightening in my chest. I didn’t know what to do with the feelings she elicited. All I knew was everything was getting tangled into everything else.

  Every time I thought about her, the next thought would be… We’re having a baby. I wanted to understand my feelings better, but I didn’t know how to separate them. It was becoming more and more clear that I wanted her because of who she was. Every time I tried to imagine letting her go if we weren’t having a baby, the answer was resounding. I couldn’t even fathom it.

  She turned away from the window, catching me watching her. Something flickered in her gaze, but she gave her head a little shake. “We should shower.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Susannah

  “When’s your next doctor’s appointment?”

  I was in the middle of pouring hot water into a mug and promptly splattered water all over the counter, startled and distracted by Ward’s question.

  “Shit,” I muttered, snagging a sponge from the sink and quickly wiping up the spilled water.

  The moment bought me some time to school my expression to calm. I hadn’t meant to wake up beside Ward this morning. I had told myself last night I was going to behave like a rational person and not a sex crazed pregnant woman. I honestly couldn’t have told you if I was sex crazed because I was pregnant, or because of Ward. Given the fact I’d never been pregnant before now, I had nothing for comparison there. If I were being honest with myself, I could admit the depth of my attraction to Ward reached levels of power I had never experienced before.

  I was out of my mind with need, and I was pregnant. I made a mental note to ask Dr. Jenkins about that, and then immediately ordered myself to scratch that note. Because that would be kind of embarrassing. Like what would I say? Do women normally want to fuck like rabbits when they’re pregnant?

  The unflappable Dr. Jenkins would probably take it in stride, but it would be close to mortifying for me. My thoughts looped back to Ward’s question. I’d told myself I was going to leave this ball in Ward’s court. I didn’t want to have expectations, and a big part of me wished I hadn’t even mentioned the appointments. Yet, it would be more of a thing now if I tried to backtrack, so I elected to play it cool.

  Despite my best intentions, I couldn’t resist him this morning because…well, just because. I couldn’t have stopped myself if the world had been on fire. Well, I suppose the world was on fire when it came to Ward and me.

  Once the spill was cleaned up, I rinsed the sponge in the sink and dried my hands, finally ready to face him. I finished filling my cup of tea, contemplating how his question had startled me. Ward had taken the ball and tossed it right back to me. Well, maybe that wasn’t fair. I’d asked him if he wanted to go to a doctor’s appointment with me. Now, like a normal human being, he was asking when my next appointment was scheduled.

  Taking a sip of my tea, I turned around to face him. A good sip of coffee at a stressful moment could get me through most situations, although tea didn’t have the same kick. I’d have to make do. “Hang on let me check my card,” I managed, my tone remarkably normal sounding given I was a mess inside over one simple question.

  I stepped to him where he stood leaning against the counter and handed him the cup of coffee I’d poured for him before I spilled water everywhere. I pulled the card with my appointments out of my purse and returned to the counter where he was sipping his coffee. Catching his eyes, I wasn’t sure how to read his expression.

  How about you stop over-analyzing everything he does? Unless you want to look as crazy as you are inside.

  With a mental eye roll, I slid the card across the counter to him. Surprisingly, he reached for his phone, spinning it around and quickly entering the entire list of my next three appointments into his phone calendar.

  I took another sip of tea and then another, trying to collect myself and figure out what to say. It shouldn’t be such a big deal. But then none of this was normal.

  It was supposed to be another one night stand. A rather ill conceived one night stand since I’d known this time we were going to see each other again. A lot. It had morphed from that into me being pregnant, and now I was having far more than one night with him. From what I could tell, Ward intended to be involved in our baby’s life. I didn’t know how I felt about that. I’d have far preferred this to be a clean, no-strings attached situation. A baby was the opposite of no-strings attached. I had to keep reminding myself that I could keep my distance emotionally.

  “So does this mean you want to come to an appointment?” I finally asked.

  He slid the card across the counter to me. I looked down at the card as though it could somehow give me some answers. Another sip of tea and then I hooked my foot on the leg of the stool closest to me, dragging it close enough to sit down.

  Ward’s gaze was considering as he stared at me. My stomach was churning, and for a moment, I wondered if I was going to throw up. Oh shit. I was definitely going to throw up. I dashed to the downstairs bathroom, reaching the toilet just in time.

  I retched into the toilet and felt his hands brushing my hair back from my neck. I didn’t know if it was possible for something to be more undignified than kneeling by the toilet and vomiting in front of the sexiest man you’d ever known.

  Ward was rather matter fact about the whole thing. He helped me stand, wet a washcloth for me and handed it over when I swatted his hands away. After dabbing at my face with a cool cloth and rinsing my mouth with water and mouthwash, I returned to the kitchen.

  “Morning sickness?” he asked.

  I felt like an idiot. I’d had a few bouts of feeling queasy, but this was the first time that I’d actually thrown up. “I guess so,” I said with a sheepish laugh.

  His eyes crinkled at the corners with a smile. God, I loved it when he smiled. By nature, he was a serious man. He had the who
le tall, dark, and dangerous thing going on big time, which only made his rare smiles that much more delectable.

  “I don’t think I had a chance to answer your question. If it’s okay with you, I’ll come to all the appointments,” he said, as calm as ever.

  As if it wasn’t completely insane that I was pregnant, we hadn’t planned on any of this, and now, apparently, he wanted to come to all of my appointments. Oh well, oh hell.

  I stared at him, my mind stumbling over my thoughts. Part of me was crazy happy about this, while another part of me thought it was fucking crazy. Layered on top of that was the part of me that was annoyed at the happy side. It was a three-way argument inside my own head. Sweet Jesus. When I didn’t say anything, his smile faded.

  “I thought you wanted me to come since you asked.”

  My head was bobbing up and down like a wild woman. “I asked! It’s great you want to come. I just wasn’t sure you would want to. Of course it’s fine.”

  He shrugged. “I do.”

  There was so much more I should probably say, like maybe put the brakes on this madness. But, I had to throw up again.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Susannah

  A few days later, I met Lucy for lunch at Firehouse Café. I ordered tea again instead of coffee because my doctor suggested I cut back on coffee. Who knew this would be such a challenge? Armed with my tea and my favorite blueberry scone, I waited for Lucy to arrive.

  Lucy was one of several friends I might grab a bite with here and there. Today, I needed advice. If anyone could give it to me, Lucy could.

  Within a few minutes, the bell above the door jingled, and I glanced over to see Lucy walking in. I smiled the moment I saw her. She was so gorgeous with her almost fairy-like features—fine-boned and just plain beautiful. Not that she gave a damn. She worked in construction and dressed for her job. Today, she was sporting a pair of overalls over a fitted T-shirt. Her blonde hair was stuffed up into a baseball cap, and a streak of dirt on her cheek completed her look.

  After ordering her coffee, she headed my way. Slipping into the chair across from me, she graced me with a wide smile.

  “Hey! Amelia and I were just saying we haven’t seen you in a couple weeks. You missed our last girls’ night.

  “I know, I was out at a training that day. Next one, I promise. Is it next week?”

  At her nod, I smiled. “I’ll be there. Anyway, how are things?”

  “Same, same,” she said with a smile. “We’ve been busy with the garage for Levi’s dad, and now Levi wants to do an addition on our house because he thinks we should have three bedrooms.”

  “Why?” I asked.

  She sighed, her cheeks cresting pink. “We’re talking about kids.”

  “Perfect. If you want them, do it now. No sense in waiting.”

  Lucy rolled her eyes. “Easy for you to say.”

  I cocked my head to the side. “Why do you say it like that?”

  “Because you always have life figured out,” she said simply. “It took me forever just to figure out how to even admit I was in love with Levi and now he wants to talk about kids. My childhood sucked. What if I’m a terrible mother?”

  Reaching across the table, I curled her hand into mine. “You’re not going to be a terrible mother. There are no guarantees with anything, but you and Levi are great together, and you’ll make great parents.”

  Lucy sighed again. “Fine. Let me be nervous about it and then I’ll figure it out. Anyway, what’s up with you?”

  There was no way she could’ve known how on point her topic was. Yet, I still had to muster up the nerve to talk. Somehow, a sip of tea wasn’t quite as fortifying as a sip of coffee. “Well, I guess I’ll cut to the chase. Speaking of having kids, I’m pregnant.”

  Lucy promptly spit out her sip of coffee. Handing her a napkin, my cheeks felt hot, but I pushed through. “Trust me, I’m as surprised as you,” I offered.

  “How? When? Oh my God, what the hell is going on? I feel like I’ve walked into the twilight zone. Did I miss something? When did you get a boyfriend?”

  At her jumble of questions, I shrugged. “Remember that guy Ward I mentioned?”

  Her eyes widened. “Oh yeah. Ward was the guy you had the one night stand with, and he was moving here. You were all weird about him.”

  “Right. Him. Well, it’s more than a one night stand now. A bit ago, he was here, and then he had to go back to be with his mom because she was sick. Well…”

  I paused and rubbed my face, tunneling my hands into my hair. Saying it aloud made me realize how crazy the whole situation was. Resting my chin in my hands, I looked over at Lucy. Her eyes were wide, but she was patiently waiting. “We decided to have another night, but it was just going to be a one time thing, right?”

  Being the gracious friend she was, Lucy nodded along.

  “Well, even though we used condoms, I, um, I got pregnant.”

  “Wasn’t this like over a month ago now?” she asked.

  “Uh, over six weeks to be exact. How do you know how long he’s been here?” I countered.

  Lucy rolled her eyes, casting an annoyed look at me. “In case you forgot, I’m married to one of the guys at the station. Levi mentioned the new superintendent was delayed for a month. So this happened six weeks ago and you never even mentioned it to us?”

  “Lucy, I’m sorry. I don’t…”

  She cut in. “Hey, you don’t answer to me. Sorry. Sometimes I get all caught up in this whole small town thing,” she offered with a wry smile. “I’m as private as you and now I’m worried, so…”

  This time, I cut her off. “I get it. I do. I would’ve gotten around to talking about it, but I didn’t think it was a thing. A few weeks ago, I found out I was pregnant, and I’ve been freaking out since then. To make matters worse, I can’t keep my hands off of him. It’s a real problem. And now he wants to go to the doctor with me,” I said with something close to a wail.

  Lucy reached over, this time curling her hand over mine. “Slow down. Okay, I’m caught up. You’re freaking yourself out. Don’t forget to breathe.”

  “Okay, okay,” I said, nodding quickly. I forced myself to pause and take a deep breath. “I don’t know what the hell to do.”

  “Let’s start with the basics. So it sounds like you want to have the baby?”

  “Yes. Yes, I do. I didn’t plan this, and I’m kinda worried I’m crazy, but I do. I can’t imagine not having my baby. I know it’s crazy because I don’t really know what’s going on with Ward and me. But he knows I’m pregnant, and he seems okay with it. I just…” My words ran out and tears pricked at the backs of my eyes. I took a shuddering breath, but I couldn’t seem to get enough air into my lungs.

  Lucy handed me a napkin, her gaze soft. “Just breathe. It’s okay. Slow down. This is definitely one of those times where the whole ‘take it one step at a time’ is really important.”

  Lucy talked me through it, basically making me give her a blow by blow of everything that happened between Ward and me. I wasn’t embarrassed to tell her, but I kept the details very light. I mean, I wasn’t going to tell her how crazy hot our sex was. I didn’t mind admitting I couldn’t keep my hands off of him. Hell, trying to pretend otherwise was such a blatant lie, I couldn’t quite pull it off.

  After she heard the whole messy story, she squeezed my hand again, looked me in the eye and said, “You’re just gonna have to figure out what you want.”

  “What the hell? I thought you would give me advice here.”

  Lucy‘s gaze never wavered. “That is my advice. You seem to have decided this is just a casual sex thing. Fine. But a baby isn’t casual. A baby is way serious. Plus, Ward’s actions seem to be saying he wants to be a part of this. To me, that means he’s not a total ass. Plenty of guys might get pissed off about an unplanned pregnancy. You’re gonna have to set some clear boundaries if you don’t want him to take things seriously when it comes to you two. But you can’t do this whole avoidance thing
. Not about important shit like this. You’re having a baby! No matter what, I’m here for you, Amelia’s here for you, and Maisie’s here for you. You know your parents will move heaven and earth to help you. You are not alone.”

  I took several sips of my rather unsatisfying tea and a deep breath. “Fine, I’ll tell him he needs to understand this isn’t more than it is,” I muttered.

  Lucy nodded and then her eyes took on a gleam. “So, when the hell do we get to meet this guy?”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Ward

  I tossed my gear into my locker, snagging a towel and heading into the showers. We had a long afternoon dealing with the fire out at a timber lot. Settling into my role as superintendent with this crew, I was feeling good about it so far. With Chad gone, the rest of the crew was rock solid.

  The only issue at the moment was dealing with Susannah‘s absence. As she’d indicated, she turned in her doctor’s recommendation and was taking a planned leave from field duty. Like most stations, Willow Brook Fire & Rescue had light duty options available for crewmembers. She would be handling on site tasks. Conveniently, she could also do work for the police station here, which would keep her from twiddling her thumbs too much.

  Rex had arched a brow when he and I spoke about it. He knew something was up, yet he had enough sense to lay low and wait for me to fill him in. Problem was, plenty of the crew had questions about Susannah’s status. For now, she seemed to prefer to keep details vague. Yet, Harlow knew she was pregnant, and it wouldn’t be too long before that became obvious. At some point she’d have to face it head on. I knew that meant we needed to talk.

  Leaning my palms against the cool tile wall, I let the steaming hot water pound down over me. The timber lot this afternoon had been a challenge, but we’d gotten the fire contained. Cade’s crew picked up to finish up the job this afternoon. Willow Brook‘s unique location was a great set up for me to get to know the crew. Often, hotshot crews did nothing but backcountry work. Willow Brook‘s service to the surrounding areas gave me the opportunity to get to know the crew without being isolated in the middle of nowhere during the process.