Hot Mess (Into The Fire Series Book 4)

by J. H. Croix

  Maisie burst out laughing. “Okay. Fair enough.” She paused, sobering. “He told me he loved you,” she said carefully. “For what it’s worth, he looked really upset after you left.”

  Hope tried to wave a flag inside, but I ignored it. “I just feel boxed in, like how do I know what I really want? I feel bad enough that I threw this whole thing on him. I’m trying to deal with it as best I can, but we have to be adults. As it is, I’m not sure what to tell the crew. It’s one thing to tell them I’m pregnant, but it’s another thing to tell them our new boss is the father. It’s going to be a mess.”

  Maisie was quiet for a beat, glancing away briefly when Max made a gurgling sound in his sleep. Looking back to me, she shrugged. “I don’t think it’s gonna be that big of a deal. It’s not like others don’t get involved with each other. I guess it might be a thing that he’s your new boss, but you guys knew each other before and had that relationship before.”

  “Relationship?”

  “Oh, you know what I mean. It’s not like this was the first time you had sex with him.”

  “Yeah, and because I’m amazing, I managed to get pregnant only the second time we had sex,” I said with a roll of my eyes.

  Maisie chuckled, shaking her head slowly. Sobering again, she eyed me. “Look, I don’t know him that well, but I think he really loves you. You should see the way he looks when he talks about you. I’m worried you’re letting great sex get in the way.” She paused and rolled her eyes. “Okay, that sounded weird, but I think you get my point.”

  “I’m letting sex get in the way? Oh my God. Look, you and Beck…”

  Now Maisie got annoyed. “Don’t even go there. Relationships aren’t simple. Just because Beck and I figured things out didn’t mean it was easy. Stop throwing up roadblocks.”

  It was too much. Even though part of me knew I needed to listen, I was tired. And lonely. Nights without Ward sucked. I started crying again. Which was ridiculous. I wasn’t much of a crier, but lately I was like a leaky faucet. “Can we talk about something else?” I managed between breaths.

  Her warm brown eyes held mine. “Oh hon, I get it. Okay, what can I do to help?”

  “You’re already doing it,” I said simply.

  Because she was that kind of friend, Maisie nodded and started filling me in on the latest harmless gossip. As the primary dispatcher for Willow Brook Fire & Rescue, she was one of the nerve centers in town.

  Not much later, I was on my way out. Standing at the door as I started to walk away, she said my name. “Zanna?”

  Glancing back, I asked, “Yes?”

  “I respect how you feel, but don’t shut Ward out. I have a feeling about you two.”

  Turning back, I gave her a quick hug before jogging to my car. I couldn’t manage to speak because I wanted to cry again.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Ward

  A full week had passed since Susannah basically told me to fuck off. Actually, that wasn’t quite fair. She had her reasons for asking me to back off, but I was still pissed at the world for it.

  As for how I felt? Devastated.

  I missed her so much it hurt. And it had only been a week. I marveled at how quickly I’d gotten comfortable with her. I worried about her and our baby all the time. I kept coming up with excuses to stop by or to call her, but every time I talked myself out of it.

  Giving my head a shake, I turned my truck into the parking lot behind Wildlands Lodge. I was meeting a couple of the guys here. I supposed it was good that I wasn’t spending every night at Susannah’s now. I hadn’t made much of an effort to socialize with the crew. As one of the newer members of the crew, they needed to be comfortable with me, more so because I was in charge. Beck and Cade had all but ordered me here this evening.

  Walking in, I glanced around, my eyes landing on them in the corner. Threading my way through the tables, I noticed Chad at the bar and experienced a twinge of anger from my last encounter with him. Although I couldn’t get Susannah out of my thoughts, Chad was easy. The moment he was out of sight, I forgot about him.

  Joining Cade and Beck at the table, I settled in with a beer and chatted with them and the other guys as they began to trickle in from the station. We’d had a fairly busy week at work and had even flown out briefly to assist with a controlled burn in an area with a high percentage of dead trees. For the first time in my life, I loved my job not just because I enjoyed it, but because it kept me busy. Busy was good. Busy kept my thoughts off of Susannah, mostly.

  In a lull in the conversation, Beck leaned over. “So how’s Susannah?”

  “I wouldn’t know,” I replied, shifting my shoulders and taking a drag on my beer.

  “Ah. So that’s how it is? Maisie mentioned something to me about it, but she’s all protective of Susannah, so I wasn’t sure how accurate it was. You two break up?”

  I spun my almost empty beer bottle between my fingers and shrugged. “Not sure I could say we were ever officially together.”

  “You were together enough to get her pregnant and then some,” Beck said flatly.

  I sensed he was trying to tell me what the hell to do and offer support at the same time. “Look, I don’t need you to be on my side. There is no side here. I put my cards on the table, and she asked me to back the hell off. I’m trying to give her a little space before I storm my way back in.”

  Beck leaned his elbows on the table, his eyes widening in disbelief. “That’s cool with you?”

  “Didn’t you and Cade tell me Susannah doesn’t like to be told what to do?”

  “Well yeah, but things change. I saw her at the station the other day, and she looks miserable. Now might be the time to push things along. Unless you want to be a bystander in her life and your baby’s life,” he said pointedly.

  Damn. Beck’s usual easygoing manner masked how blunt he could be. My internal reaction was so strong I almost slammed my fist on the table. Because if I had my way? Hell no.

  Whatever Beck saw in my eyes, he nodded slowly. “That’s what I thought. Don’t let this slide. Not now. You’ll get nothing if you don’t try. You don’t even have a shot without trying. It’s like turning your back and walking away. You don’t strike me as a quitter.”

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Ward

  A few beers later, I saw Susannah walk into the restaurant with Maisie, Amelia, and Lucy. The moment I saw her, my entire body tightened. Pure longing pierced through me. Fuck. I missed her like crazy.

  Beck and Levi were over in the corner playing a game of pool. Meanwhile, Cade was still at the table with me and a few other guys from the station. Lucy and Maisie broke in the direction of Beck and Levi, while Amelia headed our way. Susannah didn’t appear to have seen me and approached the bar.

  I watched as she paused and said hello to a woman I didn’t recognize. I’d forgotten Chad was here and saw his eyes travel over to her. Oh, hell no. I forced myself to hold still for a moment, as if to give him a chance not to piss me off.

  No such luck. He pushed away from the bar at the far corner and approached Susannah directly. Whatever he said, I could see her face tighten from where I was.

  Shoving my chair back, I stood, threading my way through the crowd. The moment I reached Susannah’s side, her eyes flicked to mine, her expression carefully controlled.

  “Hey,” I said simply.

  For a beat, I thought she wasn’t going to reply, but then she did. “Hey, how’s it going?” At my nod, she gestured to the woman at her side. “Ward, this is Levi’s mother, Gloria Phillips.”

  Her comment threw me. I was attuned to Chad’s presence, not polite conversation. Forcing myself to focus, I looked to the woman beside Susannah. “Nice to meet you. Levi’s a great guy,” I managed.

  Gloria grinned, Levi’s resemblance to her obvious with her golden hair and blue eyes just like his. With a wink, she replied, “Of course he is. I’m his mother, so I wouldn’t have allowed anything else. Welcome to Willow Brook, although I unders
tand you’ve been here over a month. What do you think so far?”

  “It’s good to be here, and I’m glad to be at the station. Great team to work with,” I replied.

  Gloria smiled and nodded, glancing away when someone else called her name. Turning back, she reached over to squeeze Susannah’s shoulder. “Good to see you dear. Let me know if you need anything, okay?”

  “Of course, same to you,” Susannah said.

  Gloria’s eyes caught mine again with another smile. “Very nice to meet you, Ward. I hope to be seeing much more of you.”

  Her words seemed weighted, containing a meaning I didn’t quite understand. Yet, then it occurred to me, she was likely friends with Susannah’s mother. As such, she may be aware that Susannah was pregnant.

  “I’m sure you will. Nice to meet you,” was my bland reply.

  With those niceties over as Gloria walked away, I glanced back to Susannah. I was well aware that Chad was still nearby and his eyes were on us. Before I had a chance to say anything, he did.

  “So what does the crew think of the fact that you guys are fucking?” Chad asked his lip curling in a sneer.

  Susannah’s face turned white and then bright red, her breath hissing through her teeth. Several of the guys from the crew happened to be nearby and within earshot. I felt a few curious eyes cast our way. I ignored them. Turning to face Chad, anger flashed hot inside. “What the fuck did you just say?” I asked, my tone nearly vibrating.

  It didn’t matter to me that what he said had been true until a week ago. Hell, I didn’t care if he was trying to call me out. But trying to humiliate Susannah publicly like this – not fucking okay.

  Chad rolled his eyes, his flat brown gaze flicking between Susannah and me. “You heard what I said. What I can’t figure out is how you got this frigid bitch to let you get in her pants.”

  Everything went red in my brain. I didn’t think about where we were, or who happened to be around. I took one step, drawing my fist back and grabbing Chad by the shirt with my other hand. Lifting him off the floor, I drove my fist into his face.

  He cried out, blood spurting from his nose as my fist connected. In a flash, I felt someone tugging me away. I tried to shake them off.

  “Ward, let go,” someone’s voice said clearly in my ear.

  Spinning back, I saw Cade. He had an iron grip on my arm. I could easily take Chad in a fight. But Cade? Not so easy. We were about even, almost precisely the same height and size. He was strong and muscled, and he meant business. I didn’t think he would hesitate to use force to keep me from being any more stupid than I already had.

  Still, I tried to shake free from his grip again. The spectacle drew a cluster of people around us. Beck and Levi arrived to drag Chad off the floor and lug him out of the way. Levi made quick work of shooing the bystanders away.

  My eyes searched for Susannah and found her standing at the edge of the circle. Her gaze was wide, and she looked pissed. “Zanna…” I started to say.

  She shook her head sharply, her gaze swinging to Chad, laser focused. Although Beck had him out of the way, she strode straight to him. Without the slightest hesitation, she drew back and punched him square in the face. “Fuck you, Chad. You’re too much of an idiot to realize you’re not worth anyone’s time.”

  Damn, she was glorious when she was angry.

  At that, she spun away and started walking towards the back.

  Forgetting Cade had a grip on my arm, I started to follow her, only to get yanked back promptly. “Where the hell do you think you’re going?”

  “I need to talk to her,” I said. “I know that wasn’t a good move but you didn’t hear what he said.”

  “Oh, I did. Can’t say I blame you. I’m just trying to keep it from getting any worse than it already is. As it is, if Chad wants to press charges, my dad will go along with it. He follows the rules,” Cade said with a roll of his eyes.

  “I don’t care,” I said flatly. “I just need to talk to Susannah.”

  Whatever Cade saw in my eyes, he finally let go of my arm. For a flash, I saw a hint of empathy in his gaze. My heart tightened. I could imagine I looked frantic. Inside, I was. I needed to get to Susannah. Now. “If your dad shows up, tell him I’ll be right back.”

  At Cade’s nod and finally free of his iron grip, I almost ran across the room, catching sight of Susannah just as she turned into the back hallway. I caught up to her quickly. “Susannah!”

  She spun back, her eyes fairly snapping. “What the hell, Ward? What was that about?”

  “He called you a frigid bitch. I can’t just stand there when someone does that.”

  “I can take care of myself,” she retorted.

  We stared at each other, the air heavy, crowded with unspoken words and feelings. Every moment near her, my heart pounded so hard, my entire body was vibrating from the force of its beat.

  A full week had passed since I’d seen her and the simple sight of her sent emotion cascading through me. My throat was tight, and I could hardly get a breath. She stared at me for a beat and then looked away.

  A group of customers came in the back door. Susannah kept her face turned away from mine as they walked by us in the hallway. Glancing around quickly as yet another group of customers came in the back, I waited until they passed us by and then tugged her into the small restroom in the hallway.

  She yanked her arm away from me once I shut the door behind us. “What the hell are you doing?” she hissed. “You have no right. Chad’s an asshole, he’s always been an asshole, and he’s always going to be an asshole. Just because he said something shitty doesn’t mean you get to hit him and make a scene. And to be clear, I don’t really care that you hit him, but I do care about the scene you made.”

  Her eyes were bright with tears. I stepped to her and tried to reach for her instinctively. She held herself tensely, not quite pushing me away, but certainly not relaxing into me. She wouldn’t look at me.

  In a flash, I understood the concept of a broken heart. Because right now, with her physically and emotionally shoving me away, my heart felt like it was cracking into two pieces. The pain of it was so intense, I could hardly stand it.

  “Zanna…”

  She finally looked at me, her gorgeous eyes flashing. “Don’t call me that.”

  “I know you can take care of yourself. It doesn’t change the fact I love you.”

  She stared at me, her eyes widening and then a tear rolling down her cheek. She took a deep breath and then suddenly burst into tears. This time, she didn’t hold herself away when I pulled her into my arms.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Susannah

  The fabric of Ward’s shirt was damp against my cheek as I took another shuddering breath. I couldn’t seem to stop crying. But then, I supposed that made sense. I’d been trying to keep up a brave front all week and not fall apart, but I missed him so much. His absence made everything feel lonely.

  There was all of that and then the fact that I’d fallen in love with him. My emotions were so raw, I couldn’t talk myself out of my feelings any more. Oh, and I was pregnant. I felt like I was hurtling down a path I hadn’t chosen. Yet, I had no choice but to keep going.

  He felt so strong and steady as he held me. One hand traced in circles on my back, while the other sifted through my hair where my head rested against his chest. He smelled so good, that woodsy, citrusy scent he carried. I tried to remember if I’d ever noticed how a man smelled before. I couldn’t seem to recall. But Ward’s scent? I knew I’d never forget it.

  I was mortified I’d fallen apart like this. I was also too tired emotionally to stop it. I hadn’t slept worth a damn all week. After a few long moments, there was a knock at the door.

  “Susannah?” Maisie’s muffled voice came through the door.

  “Do you want to talk to her?” Ward asked, his tone careful and low.

  I shook my head against his chest. “Not right now,” I mumbled into his shirt.

  “Susannah?�
� Maisie asked again. “Just let me know you’re okay.”

  “Can I tell her you’re okay?”

  At my nod against his chest, his hand dropped from my hair, and I felt him turn slightly. His back was to the door, so he had to reach behind himself to open it. The bathroom here was tiny. There was hardly enough room for the two of us in here. We stood between the wall and the sink with only inches on either side.

  “She’s okay,” Ward said through the crack in the door when he opened it.

  “Are you sure? I want to talk to her,” Maisie said, her tone firm.

  Ward didn’t seem to take the slightest offense at her insistence. I felt him nodding and then his voice rumbled in his chest. “Hang on.”

  I looked up now, realizing I could only hide my face in his shirt but for so long. His eyes met mine, the concern there almost making me burst into tears again. “I don’t think she’s going away until she can talk to you.”

  “I can hear you, you know,” Maisie called from outside the door.

  I couldn’t help but laugh. I had protective friends. “I’m okay,” I called over Ward’s shoulder. “I promise.”

  “That’s all I needed to hear,” Maisie said and then the door closed again.

  Ward reached behind him to lock it and then lifted his hand to brush my tangled hair away from my face. It was damp from my tears and rubbing my face against his shirt. When I sniffled, he leaned over and snagged some toilet paper from the roll before handing it to me. “It’s not tissue, but…”

  “It’s fine,” I said as I took it from him.

  Blowing my nose noisily, I dabbed at my cheeks and then tossed the tissue in the wastebasket under the sink. I caught sight of my face in the mirror as I turned back to face him. My checks were splotchy pink and my eyes were red from crying. I looked like hell. Mustering my courage, I looked up at him finally.