No Fear (No Shame Series Book 3)

by Nora Phoenix

  “Yes.”

  “And they wouldn’t let you visit, because that would put you in danger as well.”

  Connor nodded, glad the kid understood.

  “So I might not see you for months, maybe even longer.”

  “Indy…” Noah’s voice was so heartbroken, it pierced Connor’s heart. Would he even survive being without Indy that long? Connor was no expert, but Noah seemed to battle his own demons, and the kid was his primary reason for keeping them at bay. Not having him close might send him in a serious downward spiral, which would affect them all, but Josh above all.

  Indy climbed back on Noah’s lap and wordlessly cuddled as close as he could. Noah buried his face in Indy’s hair, rocking him back and forth. Connor’s heart broke for them. He only had to imagine not seeing Josh for months to understand how they must feel.

  The biggest problem was that there was no guarantee it would even work. Even if Indy agreed to testify, there was no certainty Duncan Fitzpatrick would be sentenced to a long jail term. Moreover, even if he was, he could still go after Indy from jail. It was personal for him, this kid who’d gotten the better of him. No, Indy would never be safe and free as long as that bastard was alive.

  Connor’s mind went back to the crazy-ass plan he’d come up with a few weeks earlier. It was the only thing he could think of that would make Indy truly free. He was nuts for even contemplating it, considering the danger to not only himself, but Josh as well. Yet he had to.

  His guilt over not taking a stand against his family had always weighed on him, but even more so now that he’d met Indy. What they had done to that kid, it was unimaginable, and yet he’d come out not only alive, but sweet and loving. How they had not managed to break him, Connor would never understand, but he owed him. He owed him for not saving him when he could have, and then again for protecting Josh.

  Indy deserved happiness and so did Noah. And honestly, Indy’s happiness—or lack thereof—impacted Josh as well. Jealous as Connor had been in the beginning, he’d slowly come to understand that Indy, Noah, and Josh were connected in a unique way. What they shared, it defied all conventional notions of relationships, friendships, lovers. It was so pure, so deep, that Connor would never fully grasp it. But he did know that Indy and Noah were part of Josh's life, of his happiness and well-being, and that meant they were part of Connor’s life as well. He was involved with Josh, but the reality was that there were four people in this relationship. And crazy as it was, he was okay with it.

  When Indy had blurted out that Josh had sucked him off, Connor hadn’t even been jealous. He’d understood it had been Josh's way of easing Indy’s fear, even without Josh explaining it. It was how they rolled, how they connected. The fact that they were so open about it, not secretive at all, proved more than anything it was something they both needed. He didn’t feel threatened about it anymore, had come to fully understand and believe that he had no reason to. Josh loved him, more than anything, but he loved Indy and Noah as well. Different, but equal.

  If Connor needed any more reasons to execute his plan, that was it. It would demand a sacrifice of him and Josh, but it would be worth it. Josh would do it, he had no doubt. And he wasn’t even worried about him, funnily enough. Not after what he’d seen of him on that paintball range. All they needed was a little time to set things up. It had to be foolproof and one hundred percent untraceable. The first step was getting Indy safe, for now.

  “I’ll ask my boss to contact the FBI today,” he said. “His brother is a Fed. We’ll see what we can arrange.”

  10

  For the first time in forever, Blake had skipped his morning workout. It had been close to six-thirty in the morning when he and Aaron had made it home, both exhausted. Thank fuck it was Sunday, the only day the studio was closed.

  He hadn’t even remembered Aaron’s room was occupied until they’d come home. Sex had been about the last thing on his mind, and he’d expected Aaron to be equally tired, so he’d kissed him on the head and told him to get some sleep. Aaron had looked at him sheepishly. “I think Charlie’s in my room?”

  So Aaron had slept with him. In his bed. Wearing only those sexy black boxers. When they went to sleep, that hadn’t been an issue considering how dead tired they both had been. But Blake had woken up twenty minutes ago, a warm body plastered all over him. Aaron hadn’t merely cuddled close: he was literally on top of Blake. His head was on Blake’s shoulder, his arms and legs draped all over him. Everywhere he could, Aaron had made skin-to-skin contact. He really was a little puppy, desperately wanting to be loved and held.

  It was a completely foreign experience to Blake. He’d never slept with anyone, not in this sense. Most of his one-night stands had been at the club or at his hookup’s apartment or house. He’d brought home a guy once because he’d had a roommate and they couldn’t go to his place, but Blake hadn’t liked the invasion of his privacy. Never, ever before had he shared his bed with anyone. Not since sharing it with his brothers as kids. They’d grown up dirt poor and sharing a bed had been the least of his problems.

  By all accounts, then, having Aaron in his bed should be uncomfortable. An intrusion. And yet, it wasn’t.

  Blake found himself strangely at peace as he studied Aaron’s face. Asleep, he looked so damn young and innocent. Well, he was in many ways. He was a full ten years younger than Blake was—though it felt like even more at times.

  Blake’s heart had ached for Aaron during that painful conversation with Josh. Fuck, he’d had to restrain himself from interrupting dozens of times. The only reason he’d managed was because he’d recognized Josh was honest in his convictions, no matter how unfounded they might have been. He truly believed Aaron had done him wrong—Blake had seen it in the pain on his face. He’d felt betrayed by his brother. Thank fuck Indy and Noah, at least, had tried to ascertain the truth.

  Poor Aaron. Little Aaron, Blake had called him when he’d finally given in to the urge to hold him, comfort him. He’d looked like a little boy, scared to death, but unable to stop what was happening. Josh may have felt betrayed by his brother but so had Aaron. He’d been too young to fully understand, too young to make the choice to stand with his brother—at the cost of alienating his parents. And in the end, he’d been betrayed by his brother and his parents anyway, losing them all.

  Little Aaron, peacefully asleep in Blake’s arms. He’d missed out in his childhood, it seemed. He’d never had the security of parental love. Was that why he had so much difficulty in not only accepting who he was but knowing himself in the first place?

  Blake’s dad might have been a first-class asshole, but his mom had loved him the best she could. Her love had been flawed, coming up short at times, but she had tried. But even for Blake, it had been hard to come to terms with who he was. He still feared his father’s eyes would look at him in the mirror someday, that he would see that same mix of uncontrollable rage and absolute contempt. It was one of the reasons why he was determined to keep growing in jiujitsu. It would help him foster the self-control he’d need to overcome his paternal DNA.

  Aaron stirred, letting out a soft, content sigh. His left hand moved across Blake’s naked chest, searching for something, it seemed, until it came to rest on his pecs.

  He was so damn beautiful, even with the traces of the makeup on he hadn’t bothered to wipe off before they went to sleep. His soft skin, even more so now that he’d shaved everywhere, combined with his lean body, drew Blake in. Fuck, he wanted him. Craved him. He’d been so close to yanking down those jeans and fucking him in that bathroom, right there and then.

  If not for his complete surrender, those innocent moans and groans, those deliciously responsive signals from his body, Blake would have. But Aaron had trusted him with his innocence, and he deserved more.

  Blake sighed. All this thinking about Aaron had gotten him damn hard. What time was it? Hmm, almost two o’clock. Maybe he could wake Aaron up?

  He let his hand trail down the boy’s back, over his boxer
s where he was hiding that perfect ass. He petted Aaron’s butt, caressed both cheeks through the thin fabric of the boxers. Fuck, the kid was such an obvious bottom, his little hole so wanton and insatiable. He’d come like a fucking geyser from mere finger-fucking. Blake had no trouble imagining how the kid would feel with a cock inside. He’d go crazy.

  Blake slipped a hand under his own boxers, scratched his balls and rearranged his cock, which was rock hard and peeking out from under his boxers. He wriggled a little, managed to slide his underwear down without waking up Aaron. That, at least, brought some relief.

  He grinned. Maybe he could speed things along a little? He took Aaron’s hand from his chest and placed it on his now-naked cock. With his own hand covering Aaron’s, he put pressure on it. Um, nice. He ground his hips against both hands, loving the friction it created. Aaron’s hand moved, and a second later his eyes opened. Blake didn’t think, he just grabbed the boy by his neck and moved in for a kiss.

  Aaron was still pliant from sleep and opened up immediately. Blake invaded his mouth, needing to taste him again. So sweet. So fucking addictive.

  Their tongues met, danced, swirled. Aaron moaned into his mouth, signaling he was truly awake now. Blake removed his hand from Aaron’s, giving him the choice to continue rubbing his cock or not. Aaron didn’t miss a beat, immediately circled his hand around him and teased the slit with his thumb. Hell, yeah, Sexy Aaron had come out to play.

  Blake grabbed him by his arms and pulled him completely on top of him. He brought his hands down, only to discover Aaron was still wearing underwear. He broke off their kiss.

  “Take off your damn underwear. I need to feel you.”

  Aaron smiled, a sexy, yet shy smile. He let go of Blake’s cock to drag his boxers down, creating friction with Blake’s body in all kinds of delicious ways. Their naked cocks met, rubbing against each other. It sent sparks of electricity through Blake’s body.

  He rolled over, taking Aaron with him so Blake was on top. He brought his hips down, grinding them against Aaron’s. “Do you want this, Aaron?” he whispered.

  Aaron nodded.

  “Words, puppy, use words. I need to know this is truly what you want.”

  “Yes. Fuck, yes.”

  “Well,” Blake said, his mouth stretched into a devious smile, “if my little, sexy Aaron starts using swear words, I know shit is about to get real. You know I’m gonna fuck you, right?”

  Aaron nodded, his cheeks growing deliciously pink.

  Blake rose up on his arms, bringing even more pressure on their groins, mashing them together. “My big, fat cock is gonna bury itself in your sweet ass. I’m gonna fuck you, Aaron, hard and deep and long, until my cum is dripping out of you. You okay with that?”

  “Please, Blake.”

  His sweet, sexy Aaron. Cheeks flushed, body tense, but ready to embrace what was coming. “You’re gonna love it,” he said, more gentle now. “It might hurt a bit at first, but I’ll make it good.”

  “I know. I trust you.”

  Aaron’s eyes, so full of trust met his. It humbled him, made him doubt whether he was doing the right thing. “Are you sure you want to do this, Aaron? I didn’t mean to put pressure on you by waking you up like this. We can fool around a bit, maybe jack off together, or pleasure each other in other ways?”

  Because his eyes were so fixated on Aaron’s, he saw the spark of doubt and relief. Dammit, he had been going too fast, had approached this with way too much sexual aggression. He was proposing a marathon when the kid could barely run a 5k. Even if Aaron had asked Blake to fuck him, it was because he didn’t know there were steps in between. Delicious steps they could take together, exploring each other’s bodies.

  Blake covered Aaron’s lips with his, a soft and gentle kiss this time. He traced Aaron’s lips with his tongue, chuckling when Aaron got impatient and started kissing him back. He lowered himself on top of Aaron until their bodies were pressed together everywhere, their mouths fused in a slow, sensual kiss. When he’d taken his fill of that sweet mouth, he moved lower, peppering his soft chin and neck with kisses, scraping his teeth against his skin until Aaron was covered in goose bumps.

  He went lower, spending an inordinate amount of time lavishing Aaron’s nipples with attention. Like everything else on his body, they were wonderfully responsive to his touch. He flicked them, teased them with his fingers, then his tongue, sucked them until Aaron’s body was writhing below his.

  He licked every inch of his chest and stomach, making his way farther down. Aaron’s cock was weeping precum, smearing it against Blake every time he touched it. His blow job in Macy’s had been hurried, but now he wanted to take his time to make Aaron feel good.

  “Spread your legs,” he ordered.

  Aaron did as he told him, allowing Blake to settle on his stomach between Aaron’s legs. Fuck, he was beautiful. His skin was so soft, so smooth under his tongue. He licked his balls, sucked them gently, which made Aaron buck his hips. By now, an endless stream of guttural sounds was flowing from his lips, his head thrashing on the mattress. Blake smiled. Look at his sexy Aaron, completely engrossed in what Blake was doing to him. So beautiful. So fucking perfect.

  He licked the head of Aaron’s cock, wriggling his tongue inside the foreskin to tease his sensitive crown. Aaron’s fluids coated his tongue and he let them fill his mouth. He lapped his cock from top to base, and back, making sure to cover every side.

  Finally, he took him in his mouth, sucked him in deep. Aaron’s hips came off the mattress as he jerked deeper into Blake’s mouth. It was incredibly sexy. Blake pulled back.

  “Sit on your knees,” he told Aaron.

  The “why” he expected didn’t come, though Aaron did send him a confused look. He scrambled on his knees, though. Blake pushed him back on the bed until he had enough space to lay down under him.

  “Feed me your cock, Aaron. Fuck my mouth until you come.”

  He tilted his head back and opened wide, relaxing his throat and jaw. Aaron pushed in hesitantly. Blake pulled him closer, until Aaron’s balls were in his face. He encouraged Aaron with his hands to try again. This time, he went in all the way and Blake sucked. Aaron moaned and shuddered. His body knew what it wanted, because it set a rhythm, careful at first, then deeper and deeper. Blake took him in deep into his throat until he gagged, then did it all over again. His eyes watered, but he didn’t give a fuck. The sounds Aaron was making were worth it.

  “Oh, Blake, oh, comingcomingcoming, so close, I need to… Urgh!”

  Aaron jammed his cock in till his balls hit Blake’s face, unloading down his throat. Blake could barely swallow with his mouth full of cock, and some of the cum dripped out, mixed with saliva. Finally Aaron pulled out, leaving Blake practically gasping for breath but damn proud.

  He wiped his mouth off, flexed his jaw a few times to get the tension out, then slowly sat up. Aaron was still on his knees, watching him with big eyes, completely confused.

  “What’s wrong, puppy?”

  Aaron swallowed, his shoulders hunched. “Did I do something wrong?”

  “No! Why would you think that?”

  He lowered his head and glanced at Blake from underneath his eyelashes, like he often did when he was insecure. “Because you wanted to fuck me…and then you did this. And you didn’t even come, and you didn’t come in Macy’s or at the club. I don’t understand.”

  Fuck, Blake was so happy he’d decided to hit the brakes. Everything Aaron had said proved Blake had been going way too fast.

  He lowered himself on the bed, holding out his arms to Aaron. Without a second of doubt, he came, and Blake pulled him half on top of himself like he’d been that morning when he woke up.

  “You know what you and I are going to do tonight? We’re going on a date.”

  Aaron had dressed conservatively, not knowing where Blake would take him. Gray slacks, crisp white button-down shirt, and dress shoes. He’d even considered a tie. The clothes were all that was left of his previou
s life, his job. Aaron looked at himself in the mirror in Blake’s room and sighed. He looked okay, he guessed. Kinda boring but respectable. Suitable for a date, hopefully.

  He still didn’t understand. Blake had told him earlier that he didn’t date, didn’t do romance. So why was he taking Aaron out all of a sudden? It made no sense. He’d wondered if Blake was getting tired of him, or if maybe the sexual activities they’d engaged in so far hadn’t been fulfilling for him. But even if that were true, it wouldn’t explain this date. He couldn’t figure it out, couldn’t make sense of it. In the end, Aaron had decided to let it go and roll with it.

  Blake stepped into the room, dressed in dark blue jeans and a form-fitting, short-sleeved button-down. It was black, of course, but Aaron didn’t mind the guy wore black so often. It looked fantastic on him. Aaron frowned. He did seem a bit overdressed in comparison to Blake. Had he misunderstood? Had Blake meant something other than the formal date Aaron had in mind? He bit his lip.

  “You can’t wear that,” Blake said.

  Aaron’s face fell. He’d gotten it completely wrong.

  “Shit, that came out wrong.” Blake stepped close and lifted Aaron’s chin up with his finger so he had to look at him. “This isn’t you, puppy. This is the old Aaron, the stiff, uptight Aaron. You need to wear colors, something happy and pretty.”

  “I wasn’t sure if you wanted that. It’s so gay, and people might assume, you know, and I thought you didn’t want everyone to know you are gay.”

  It wasn’t the most eloquent of explanations, but he hoped Blake would understand.

  Blake’s eyes bore into his. “You dressed like this because you didn’t want to out me?”

  Aaron nodded.

  Blake kissed him, soft and gentle. “That’s incredibly considerate of you, and I appreciate the thought behind it. But Aaron, remember this: you shouldn’t go back into the closet for anyone. Not even for me. If someone is ashamed or scared of being seen with you, walk away. You deserve more. You’re worth more than being someone’s shameful secret. Do you get what I’m saying?”