No Fear (No Shame Series Book 3)

by Nora Phoenix

  “Dammit, Josh, that was too close.”

  “I know.”

  “You did so good, baby. You took them out with three clean shots. I’ve never seen anyone fire so fast and so damn accurate.”

  He finally let go.

  “Is your story gonna hold?” Josh asked.

  “Yeah. I think the chief knows, but he’s on my side. But Josh, we have a bigger problem.”

  Josh nodded. “Indy. How the hell did they find us?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe they took a guess and trailed Blake and Aaron from the studio to see where it would lead them. It doesn’t matter now. Point is, Indy was made, and we can’t be sure they’re not coming back.”

  “Connor, Noah won’t survive a year without Indy,” Josh said, a trace of panic in his voice.

  “And neither will you, baby, I know. You guys need each other.”

  Josh leaned his forehead against Connor’s. “What are we gonna do? We can’t disappear with the four of us. Or even six, because Blake and Aaron might be at risk, too.”

  Connor took a deep breath. “Josh, I have a plan. It’s absolutely crazy, but I think it’s the only thing that will work. But I need your help, and it’s gonna be hard on us all.”

  Josh's eyes lit up, despite Connor’s warning. “Anything. I will do anything to keep us together.”

  Connor looked at Josh's blue eyes, fixed on his own and so full of trust. The next few weeks, maybe even months, would be hell. It had to be worth it in the end, right? He cupped Josh's cheeks and kissed him softly.

  “Josh, I need to break up with you.” Josh's eyes widened in shock and his hands sought Connor’s arms for stability, but he didn’t say a word. “A few weeks later, but I’ll let you know when, you need to let yourself be voluntarily admitted to a VA psychiatric hospital. You tell them it’s because of this incident, that you’re experiencing flashbacks and an increase of symptoms. Have them prescribe you antidepressants, anti-anxiety meds, and preferably antipsychotics, but don’t actually take them. While you’re there, I need you to have a complete breakdown. It needs to be dramatic, convincing, and well-documented.”

  Josh swallowed but nodded. “Okay. Why?”

  “After this, Indy will have no choice but to go into protective custody with the FBI. That means he’ll be safe, for now. Blake will need time to recover, with Aaron by his side, I assume. Noah isn’t starting work again anytime soon, correct?”

  Josh nodded. “Yeah. He has his second fitting this week. The plan was to start work next month, build up to full-time slowly.” Josh's eyes narrowed. Did he suspect where this was leading? “And what will you be doing?”

  “I’ll be in Boston. Josh, my love, we have to end this. What I’ve planned is absolutely crazy, and it’s fucking dangerous, but I’m convinced it’ll work.”

  In a few sentences, Connor explained what they would do. Josh listened and took it all in. Then he suggested a few tweaks, which was exactly why Connor wanted to go over the plan with him. As he had discovered on the paintball range, Josh was quite the strategic thinker when it came to operations like this. Connor made Josh tell him what he needed, in specific detail, repeating it until he had committed it to memory.

  “Josh, baby, I’m leaving today. I have to.”

  Josh nodded. “I understand.”

  “We won’t see each other for weeks, maybe more.” His throat tightened unexpectedly. Fuck, this was the hardest thing he’d ever done, walking away from the man he loved more than anything or anyone else.

  “It’s gonna be hard, but Connor, it’s worth it.” Josh's eyes were moist, Connor noted. He was so brave.

  Connor grabbed his head and looked him deep in his eyes. “You do what you have to do to make sure you’re okay, you hear me? I don’t care if you need Noah to keep you stable. You have my permission to do anything you need to, baby. You survive, and you make sure you’re mentally ready, whatever you need to do to get there.”

  “I love you, Connor,” Josh said, his voice breaking. “I promise. I can do this.”

  “I know you can, baby. You’re the strongest man I know, well, second to Indy, probably. And I love you more than anything, Josh. Bring us back together, please.”

  He kissed him, first soft, then more urgent. Josh’s hands came around him, pulled on his shirt, then went for his buckle.

  “I need you, Connor. One last time.”

  He nodded, raising his hands so Josh could pull his shirt off. Their hands made fast work of their clothes and soon the bathroom floor was covered in them. They pressed up against each other, naked and on fire. It was one of those times when Connor cursed his size, because he wanted to fuck, not spend valuable time prepping.

  Josh reached for his jeans on the floor, grabbed a packet of lube from his wallet. He yanked it open, smeared it on Connor’s cock and put the rest in his own hole. He bent over, put his arms on the bathroom sink.

  “Fuck me,” he said.

  “Josh, we need to prep. It will hurt.”

  “Fuck me, now, Connor. I want it to hurt. I want to be reminded of you in the next few days. I need the pain right now. Please, babe.”

  He got it. Josh needed the pain as much as Connor wanted to mark him, making sure everyone who came after him would know who Josh belonged to. But he refused to truly hurt him. He swiped some lube on his fingers and inserted one in Josh's hole, shoving it deep. Josh cried out and pushed back his ass even farther. Connor pulled back, added a second finger, rammed it in. Josh hissed, probably as much in pain as in pleasure.

  “Oh, Connor. More.”

  He fucked him with his fingers, two, then three, until Josh was a withering mess, then pulled out and lined his cock up. He entered him in one stroke, bottoming out with his balls slapping against Josh's ass.

  Josh cried out, but Connor didn’t wait for him to adjust, just flexed his hips and rammed in again. And again. His vision went red and he pounded until he came with a guttural sound, shooting his load inside Josh.

  Panting, he let his head rest on Josh's back. Had Josh even come? He honestly had no idea, until he looked past Josh in the basin, and saw Josh's fluids dripping down the drain. “You okay, babe?” he asked.

  “Yeah.” Josh's voice broke. “I’ll miss you so much.”

  He pulled out, not caring about the cum dripping all over Josh's ass, and turned him around. Josh's eyes were watery. “You take care of yourself and you make us whole again, Josh. I don’t care about anything else, you hear me?”

  And Josh answered with the two sweetest words on the planet.

  “Yes, Connor.”

  Indy woke up at five in the morning, restless, still exhausted after a night with little sleep and a lot of tossing and turning. No wonder, after what had happened.

  He’d escaped from the basement as soon as he’d made it downstairs. Indy knew that he couldn’t afford to wait and see who it was. If it was nothing, he’d circle back. But if it was bad news, he needed to get as big of a head start as possible.

  The basement had one window that opened entirely and was big enough for him to fit through. He’d gone over escape routes with Connor and Noah throughout the house, and Noah had pointed the window out. They had put a small box underneath for Indy to stand on and reach high enough to pull himself through the window. He’d been already outside when he’d heard the sounds of a struggle—and then that first shot had rung out.

  He’d frozen, desperate to go back and find out if Noah was okay, if Josh and Connor were unharmed. That moment of freezing up had saved him because if he had moved, he would have run smack dab into the two men breaking the glass in the back door, forcing their way inside. Indy had waited till they were inside, his heart beating out of his chest. Then another shot had rung out, and he’d put his fist in his mouth to keep from screaming.

  That’s when he’d started running, but he’d been barely out of the yard when three more shots had sounded. His mind had filled with images of Noah, bleeding out on the floor, but he’d forced himse
lf to move. There was no way neighbors had not heard this, and he needed to be out of sight before someone spotted him. So he’d run, staying in yards and on footpaths until he’d cleared the neighborhood.

  When he’d reached a small playground, he’d finally stopped. He’d lowered himself on a swing and had sat there until he’d been able to think past the terrifying fear that had blazed through his body.

  He’d run out with only the clothes on his back and nothing else on him, but thank fuck he’d stashed an emergency pack in a nature preserve close by. He’d wanted to have something to fall back on in case of an emergency—and this certainly qualified as one. One of the first nights he’d slept in his car there, he had explored the preserve a bit and had discovered a fallen tree, probably struck by lightning at some point. It had formed a little shelter, not visible from the hiking trail, so last week he’d hid a Ziploc there with some cash and a pre-paid credit card. It had still been there, and so he’d made it to a motel for the night.

  The problem was that he had no way of contacting Noah or anyone else to find out what had happened. If the Fitzpatricks had somehow gotten hold of Noah’s phone, calling or texting him would lead them straight to Indy. He’d have to wait. Noah knew what motel he’d be staying at, if possible, so he’d send a message at some point. They’d gone over scenarios like this, just in case.

  Indy turned on the TV in his motel room. Surely a shooting like this would be on the news. Indeed, it was. Images of the cordoned-off house appeared, a reporter solemnly reporting that three men had been killed in a shooting. Indy’s heart stopped. It simply stopped, and he could only watch in stunned silence as the woman stated the police had not released any details about the victims, including their names.

  “Nononononono…” he whimpered, sucking in a painful breath.

  It couldn’t be, could it? Noah, Josh, Blake, and Aaron. At least one of them had survived.

  He should have gone back. He should have gotten killed with them. They were dead because of him. Oh, no, if Noah had…or Josh. It couldn’t be. His body spasmed, forcefully rejecting even the thought.

  He turned off the TV, couldn’t stomach the sight of the only home he’d ever had. He’d lost it all. Again. He would never, ever be truly safe. Or free. Not as long as Duncan was after him. And Duncan would keep coming for him until he’d found him and had tortured and killed him.

  Maybe he should give up. Simply catch a ride to Boston, show up on Duncan’s doorstep. Let him do whatever he wanted to do, so no more people would die. At least he’d be at peace, assuming death would be as calm and peaceful as he’d always imagined it to be. Then again, you never knew with Duncan Fitzpatrick in charge. Chances were he’d fuck even death up for Stephan.

  He rolled the name on his tongue. Stephan. He hadn’t called himself that in a long time, had come to like and embrace his new name. Indiana. Indiana Jones had been one badass. Fuck, he’d loved those movies. The guy was smart, scrappy, and had kicked ass. And he got the prize. Plus the girl. Would he ever find his happy ever after with Noah?

  He had to stop running. If anything, yesterday had shown how impossible it was to stay out of reach of the Fitzpatricks forever. They would never stop looking, and everyone around him would be in danger. At least Noah, Josh, and Connor had known to some degree what they’d gotten into, but now Blake and Aaron had gotten sucked in as well. Hell, if either of them had gotten killed because of Indy, he’d never forgive himself.

  Something rustled and he froze. An envelope was slid under the door. He waited till he heard footsteps walk away, then carefully went to retrieve it. His fake ID was written on the front: Alex DeWitt. It was the name he and the guys had agreed that Indy would use in an emergency. He opened the envelope. A single piece of paper fell out. He didn’t recognize the handwriting, but that didn’t mean anything.

  “Everyone is okay. Front entrance. 8 AM. Bradford Kent. Code: Jersey number 12.”

  Indy’s body went slack with relief, and a gulf of dizziness made him drop to the floor, sagging against the wall. They were okay. They were all okay. The code they’d agreed on proved the message was truly from Noah and the others.

  He buried his head in his hands as hot, furious tears forced their way down his cheeks. He couldn’t do this anymore. When it had been just him, running and fearing for his life, it had been one thing. But now there were so many more around him in danger. All because of him. He couldn’t do this anymore, not to them, and also not to himself. The thought that he’d lost Noah, that Josh might have died because of Indy—he couldn’t go through that ever again.

  No, he was done. The FBI was his only option now.

  He didn’t eat, his stomach still too unsettled to be hungry. Instead, he lay down on the bed, eyes open, staring at the ceiling. Thinking.

  Two minutes before eight he was outside, a hoodie pulled up over his head. Nobody even looked at him twice until a silver sedan pulled up. A man hastily got out, holding out his driver’s license before Indy even had to ask. “I’m Brad, Blake’s brother,” he said.

  Indy quickly looked at the license, but he had little doubt the man was who he claimed to be. First of all, the code in the letter had been correct—Tom Brady’s jersey number—and secondly, the guy had the same olive skin and dark hair as Blake, even if he had brown eyes instead of Blake’s piercing blue ones.

  Indy nodded, handed him the driver’s license back. “Nice to meet you, Brad. Let’s go.”

  Brad got back into the car and drove off. Usually Indy wasn’t talkative with strangers, but now he had so many questions he didn’t even know where to start. “Is everyone okay?”

  “From what I understand, everyone is okay except for Blake, who got shot twice.”

  “Fuck, no,” Indy said. “How is he?”

  “He was shot in his thigh and in his chest, and he had surgery all through the night. He hasn’t woken up yet, but from what I understood he’s not critical anymore. But I’m taking you to the hospital now, so you can see for yourself.” He shot Indy a quick look sideways. “I don’t know the whole story, but Connor said to tell you the cops are guarding the hospital, and especially Blake’s room.”

  Indy let out the breath he’d been holding. “Okay. Thank you. Also for picking me up, especially since you don’t even know me.”

  “You’re welcome. I didn’t mind. It was better than hanging in the hospital, waiting for my brother to wake up.”

  He could at least be civil enough to make small talk, Indy reasoned. The guy deserved at least that for doing this. “You and Blake close?” he asked.

  “Yeah,” Brad said. Something sad passed over his face. “Very much so.”

  “I’m sorry,” Indy said. What else was there to say? This was all his fault. Blake had gotten shot because of him. Fuck, he hoped the guy would be okay.

  They didn’t say much during the rest of the ride, but Indy didn’t think it was because Brad was angry with him. It rather looked as if he was a bit shy, an introvert.

  Brad led him inside the hospital, where the entrance was indeed guarded by cops. Indy had to swallow down his fear of being recognized. He was counting on Connor to have kept him out of it, and judging by the fact they’d deemed it safe for Indy to come to the hospital, he had.

  As soon as he saw Noah, Indy took off. He’d told himself to keep it cool, especially considering what he was about to do, but seeing Noah proved to be too much. Noah opened his arms wide and Indy ran, hugging him tight. With Noah’s arms around him, his heart rate settled a bit. He really was okay. Then Josh stepped in from behind, and he was once again sandwiched between the two men he loved the most.

  Josh kissed his head, Noah his mouth. “So glad you’re okay,” Josh whispered.

  Indy tore his mouth away from Noah’s. “I was so scared. I heard the gunshots.”

  “Connor shot three of the attackers,” Josh said. Something in his voice had Indy take notice. Connor’s name was a little too emphasized.

  Indy turned around in
their arms and faced Josh. “Connor, huh?” he said so softly no one else could hear it. Josh blushed slightly, confirming Indy’s suspicion. “You okay?”

  Josh nodded. “I’m fine.”

  He stepped back, but Noah apparently wasn’t quite ready to let Indy go. He hugged him from behind, and Indy leaned back against him. A few more minutes, that was it. Until he knew they were really okay, he promised himself. “How’s Blake?” he asked.

  “It was touch and go for a while, but the surgery went well. If he wakes up and there are no further complications, he should make a full recovery,” Noah said.

  Connor stepped close as well. Here they were, Indy thought. The men he’d come to trust with his life, the men he’d grown to love more than he’d thought possible.

  “How you doing, kid?” Connor asked.

  Looking at the faces of his men, Indy’s decision was made. “Can you call the FBI, Connor? I’m turning myself in as a witness.”

  Connor nodded, while Noah gasped audibly. “Indy, we need to talk about this.”

  Indy turned around to face him, this man he loved so much. He raised his hands to gently caress Noah’s buzz cut, the stubble on his skin, the freckles on his nose that he hated, but Indy thought were the cutest thing ever on a man so tough and strong. Noah’s beautiful green eyes grew moist. Did he realize?

  “I love you, Noah.” Indy’s voice was strong. “I love you more than I’d ever thought possible. You gave me so much. A sense of belonging. Hope. And above all, love. I didn’t know love until I met you and Josh.”

  He turned around, Josh still behind him, with eyes that told Indy he knew. He understood. Noah wouldn’t, but Josh got it. He reached out, and Indy grabbed his hand.

  “It’s because I love you that I have to do this. I have to stop running. I’m so tired of being scared, not just for myself but especially for others. Merrick and his family, Houdini probably, and now Blake. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep putting people’s lives in danger because I’m scared. So I’ll put my fate in the hands of the FBI, and I’ll testify against Duncan, and anyone else they want me to.”