I WANT

by Adrianna Dane

  "Life hurts sometimes. We are meant to feel--even me, although I'm only half-human."

  "Do you have what you desire on this island?"

  A fleeting look she couldn't quite decipher, passed across his expression. She wondered what it was she'd seen.

  "Desirata is about returning to the simple pleasures, using your five senses to regenerate and discover without being judged or judging. It's about finding what pleases you and what doesn't. It's about discovering your soul and healing your wounds. Here within the sanctuary of the Desirata Islands, there is no past, no future, no disease, no unhappiness, no beginning, no end."

  He had skirted her question, not really telling her if he had what he wanted. Again, she stepped away from him, shaking her head. "This is nuts. I don't want to feel, I don't want to discover my so-called soul."

  He reached for her hand and she felt his firm grip engulf her. "Nettie wants to know, or you wouldn't be here."

  "I didn't have anything to do with it."

  "All I could do was offer you the invitation to travel to Desirata. It was you who found your way here because deep down you do want to know. No one forced you to be here. It was by your own request when you asked yourself what you wanted right before you closed your eyes. Why don't you give it a chance? What do you have to lose?"

  "My job for one thing. I can't just not show up for work without anyone asking questions." What was she saying? This was not real. At least that's what she kept trying to convince herself.

  "That won't happen. When you return, it will be as though you never left. On my island, time as you know it, does not exist."

  "What the hell does exist here? You're joking."

  "No, I'm not. You exist here. Give yourself this time to know yourself. I guarantee, you will not lose by the discovery." He pulled her along the path. "Come with me, I think you'll enjoy this--if you let yourself."

  "Sure I'm not here as just another of your conquests? You seem to have a few floating around. You do talk a good line. Sure you don't want a job in marketing?"

  He smiled at her. "You are here to discover your pleasure, not mine. Cyn and Mya are here for the same reasons. They want to be here. Cyn has chosen to stay on as my assistant. Mya has arrived from a painful past and seeks the energy of healing love without commitment or pressure."

  "I still think this is all a dream and that I'll wake up any minute."

  She caught the hint of a smile as he turned away, tugging her along the path with him. "At least you look at it as a dream rather than a nightmare. That must tell you something. We're all here simply for you to experience pleasure, Nettie. I think that's something that has been sorely lacking in your life. Open yourself up just this once to the joys of being alive. Let your instincts and your five senses guide you. Forget about your common sense, and let your heart show you the way. Just for a while. If it helps, consider it a dream--and remember, there are no consequences from pursuing pleasure in a dream."

  Chapter 4

  * * *

  She allowed him to lead her along the winding jungle path. This really wasn't like her at all. So why was she following him? Why wasn't she demanding he let her go back home? Let her put on some clothes?

  For the first time in her life, it felt like she could breathe. It didn't feel like something constricted in her chest, a band growing tighter and tighter, a body straight-jacketed into submission, forcing her forward with each step. The longer she stayed here, the less she felt the weight of her rigid wants weighing down her shoulders--her life. Could he be right? That there was more to her desires than she thought. More than a superficial need for prestige and money? Did she really want more for her life than monetary security?

  "Here we are," he said as they stepped into a clearing. Before them was a pool with curls of steam rising from its surface.

  "What is this?" she asked as she wandered over to the edge. She held out a hand and could feel the humid heat rise to stroke against her palm. "Is it a naturally heated pool?"

  "Something like that," he said as he moved to the smooth stone steps leading into the water. "Be careful because there are several layers of stone around the edges, and varying degrees of warmth. The lower you go down, the colder the water becomes. Can you swim?"

  She nodded as she followed him into the water. Its warmth lapped around her ankles. When he'd reached what appeared to be a level where the water rose above his knees to enclose his muscular legs, he began to circuit the pool. She followed him and the water felt heavenly with waves of heat and cold lapping at her. It was at a level on her to caress her pussy, stroking it with warmth, yet an underlying coolness that tingled as she waded after him, heightening her sensitivity.

  He stopped and waited for her to reach his side. Her gaze fixed on his cock that stretched out, long and impressive, glistening, so much a part of the exotic man awaiting her. She shivered in response to her decadent thoughts of what she wanted to do with the man, aching for him--and her wants.

  He sat on a ledge. Spreading his legs, he pulled her down between them. She felt the hard ridge of his cock against her back. "I suppose you're trying to seduce me so you can put that huge monster between your legs inside me." Would he, if she asked him nicely? Is that what she wanted?

  "Is that what you think?" He nestled her tightly between his hard legs, then began to massage her shoulders with his warm, strong hands. It felt wonderful.

  "Well, isn't it? I'm used to men taking what they want."

  "You still don't understand, do you? We're here for your pleasure. I'm not here to take from you."

  "Mmmmm," she said as she began to relax beneath his skillful fingers. "I'm more used to men taking--or at least trying to take."

  "You've been hurt by someone. Tell me about it." His hands moved to the outer roundness of her shoulders, kneading her upper arms. She felt him reach out to scoop up some of the water and he allowed it to trickle over her breasts and her nipples puckered at the sensation.

  She gasped. "It-it was a long time ago. I've forgotten it."

  "I don't think you have. Who was he?"

  "You assume it was a man?" She relaxed back again him as with both hands he reached around to cup and fondle her breasts. "It was a man." She sighed as the pleasant sensations of his ministrations washed over her. "He was my professor in college."

  "It was your first experience?" Using his thumbs and forefingers he rolled the nipples, sending exquisite sensations rippling through her body. She arched into his hands and he tugged and kneaded, carrying her higher and higher.

  "Yes. I gave him sex and a way to work out his fantasies; he mentored me, prepared me to get what I wanted in the work world. When it was over, I was glad to get away from him. I swore I'd never let another man use me the way he had."

  Mercury's hands left her breasts and moved below the water, smoothing across the curve of her hip and along her thigh. "You loved him?" His lips feathered kisses along her shoulder, more passionately at the column of her neck. Then she felt his teeth tugging at the lobe of her ear. Oh, God, yes. She wanted more, needed it. Wanted him to touch her, to be inside her.

  Without conscious thought, she relaxed and opened her thighs in the buoyant water, leaned her head back against his hard chest, and closed her eyes, enjoying the unusual, yet pleasant stimulation of his hands on her body and the warm water rippling all around her. "No...well, yes, at first. He was my first lover, and I didn't know any better. But by the time we parted company...I'd actually grown to hate him. I used him as much as he used me."

  "You left him willingly? He let you go?"

  She tensed at the memory--something she'd tried to forget. "I'd become addicted to his form of mixing sex with pain and pleasure. I didn't know how to break free. I was lucky--he liked breaking in virgins, you see. After three years, I was no longer that--not by a wide margin. He became infatuated by a younger, newer model."

  His hands stroked her inner thighs back and forth, soothing her, tracing the sensitive crease of her
leg, back along the inner soft flesh. "He hurt you."

  The painful memories swamped over her--ones she'd thought completely buried and dead. "I thought I would die," she whispered. "But I didn't. I've never let anyone close enough to do that to me again."

  Her eye flashed open with a sudden realization. His hand halted on her thigh, near the crease, very close to the slit of her pussy, and she felt a tingling sensation. "You've realized something."

  "That's when I turned everything off and focused exclusively on gaining the advantage, no matter what the situation was. The thought of being controlled the way he controlled me, my every thought and emotion, frightened me."

  "Releasing your passion frightens you, so instead you use anger to stifle the passion."

  "It wasn't that. It wasn't the passion, it was knowing that he controlled it--I didn't. I didn't plan to ever let that happen again."

  "So you've suppressed it, hidden behind the hard exterior of Antoinette--tried to suffocate the sensual need of Nettie. Not even allowing friends to get that close."

  "I had to in order to survive."

  "But now it's not enough." The solid heat of his hand tempted her as it seemed to inch toward her pussy lips.

  She should stop him--wanted to drag his hand inside her, push his fingers deep. She should stop this, but found deep down she didn't want to. "No," she whispered as she leaned back against him, turning the knob of her internal combination one notch closer to releasing the emotion imprisoned inside.

  Two of his fingers gently parted her slit. As she held her breath, his other hand came around and a digit teased at her opening. "Does this feel good to you?"

  "Yes."

  "Does it hurt you?"

  She wanted him to sink his finger inside her, to feel him filling her. "No, it doesn't hurt."

  The tip of his finger entered her and she released a whoosh of breath at the sensations it set free. "I want you to tell me if I hurt you. If I stop giving you pleasure, I want to know it. If you want me to stop, just say so."

  He circled her clit with his thumb as he sank a finger inside her.

  "Oh, God, it doesn't hurt," she breathed as she arched her hips forward.

  "He should have loved you softly that first time, but he didn't. You've never been exposed to the pure pleasure of loving, have you? Not with him, not with anyone else since that time."

  "No," she cried. "I gave what was expected. No more, no less."

  "Do you want me to stop?" His wonderful hands halted in their teasing.

  "No, oh, God, don't stop," she cried.

  His hands began to work their magic again. He didn't force his way inside her, he eased himself deeper, in slow rhythmic thrusts. "Do you enjoy this touch, Nettie?"

  "Oh, yes." She felt herself building, a slow simmering pot of water, easing its way to the boiling point. She felt the heat rising inside her, swirling around her, and the warm water lapped over her as his finger thrust inward, curled. And she soared. Wave after wave of pleasure washed over her and she knew she was close, so very close to boiling over. In and out, curl and stroke, a rhythmic momentum, building inside her, slick, slow, sensual. More. Her fingers curled and she gripped his hard, muscular thighs, knowing she was about to explode.

  Her grip tightened, and suddenly she arched back against him as a powerful climax flung her upward and it felt like her soul left her body. She sucked in air and screamed as it gripped and released her. He held her until the last of the spasms quieted, milked her pleasure, encouraging her release, then finally he eased his finger out of her.

  He held her lips open with one hand as he stroked a finger along the sensitive crease and she again shuddered with the sensations, the driving, primal emotion he pulled from her. Finally, he removed his hands from her quivering flesh, allowing her to relax again him, gasping for breath

  "Did you enjoy that?" He stroked her shoulder, her breast, down to her thigh.

  "Y-yes." She realized her nails still dug into the flesh of his thighs and she quickly removed them. "I'm sorry, have I hurt you?" Even through the layers of water she could see the red marks left behind on his legs.

  "It's nothing, don't worry." He leaned forward and kissed her shoulder. "You sound surprised that you enjoyed climaxing, enjoyed my touch."

  "I am surprised. I usually make a point of not losing control. I don't know how I let that happen." But it had felt damn wonderful.

  "How do you feel?" He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer.

  How did she feel? Relaxed, content, boneless. "I feel--I don't know. I feel...happy, I guess."

  She felt his lips curve into a smile against her shoulder. "Good."

  "It's time for a little exercise, don't you think, Mercury?" They both turned to look up at Cyn, who stood above them.

  "What do you have in mind?" Mercury asked her as he unwound his arms from around Nettie.

  "Diving. To the underwater caves. I think she'd enjoy them, don't you agree?"

  He moved Nettie from her comfortable spot between his legs. "I think you might be right. You'll join us, of course."

  "Of course." She raised her hands above her head and jumped. She sliced through the water, close to the center of the pond and disappeared from sight.

  "Where did she go?"

  He pushed out and swam to the center. "Come with me. Are you up for exploring? The adventure has just begun."

  He treaded water as he waited for her to swim to him. "I guess so. I mean, as long as I'm here."

  He chuckled and reaching out, grabbed her hand. "Stay with me. Take a deep breath because we're going down a ways below the surface. Don't let go of my hand."

  Like she ever wanted to do that again. But that was something she definitely could not admit.

  Chapter 5

  * * *

  At last, she broke through the surface and came up gasping for air. Treading water, she looked around to see where she was. It was dark, with what appeared to be a natural luminescent glow emanating from the walls of a cavernous chamber.

  "Where are we?" she asked as she followed Mercury toward the edge of the pool. He levered himself out of the water and then turned to lift her effortlessly to stand on the edge. Water spiraled from her body and she reached up to smooth her wet locks back from her face.

  He reached for her hand and led her along a darkened passage. They entered another chamber and she stood transfixed as she looked around.

  "This is Cyn's secret hideaway. She likes the caves and has made it her private sanctuary. Cyn likes her privacy and it's actually an honor that she's invited you here.

  The chamber seemed to be more of a boudoir or bedroom. White netting draped the walls, and several candelabras resting on small flat-topped stalagmites scattered around the room offered flickering aura to the enclosure. There were large, thick shaggy white rugs scattered around the floor, but the piece of furniture that seemed to be the centerpiece of the room was what looked like a bed--a huge, larger-than-king-sized decadent masterpiece.

  It rested between two narrow columns. Above it, dripstone glittered like granite icicles in varying lengths, nature's fringed canopy. The base of the bed was curved and sculpted like a gigantic pearl encrusted shell. It was filled with huge silky cushions, pillows and blankets in shades of sapphire blues, wine-deep burgundy, and emerald green.

  "Good Lord," she murmured. Slowly, she padded farther into the room. She felt the soft decadence of the furry rugs beneath her feet. This was a chamber made for pure sensuality.

  She stood at the heart of the room, turning around to study the full effect. There was nothing hard about this room; it was soft, feminine, and seductive.

  "Here, try this."

  She turned to Cyn, who stood behind her holding a small plate of food and a cup. Nettie instinctively accepted them from her. She studied them, surprised to see they both seemed to be made of shells. The plate was slightly curved, but flat enough to hold a sampling of smaller shells that looked like they were oysters and
clams on the half, smaller shells. As she watched, Cyn reached for one of the smaller ones and lifted it to Nettie's mouth.

  She opened her lips and sucked at the raw delicacy. It slid easily down her throat. Again, Cyn raised another and continued to feed them to her until the plate was empty. She then leaned forward, and to Nettie's amazement she felt her soft lips capture her own in a kiss like none she'd experienced before.

  Before it could really register, Cyn pulled away, a small smile on her lips, and she turned her head to take a sip from her own cup.

  Nettie was at a loss for words and hastily gulped at her own drink, still feeling the lingering sweetness of that kiss. She should feel outraged by the familiar contact. But she didn't--she was intrigued. She couldn't take her eyes off Cyn. What was it Mercury had said? To explore--have an adventure? Pretend it's a dream even if it might not be. The intriguing idea to explore without guilt flooded her mind.

  Cyn's dilated gaze locked with Nettie's. "Did you like that?"

  Nettie blinked, still unable to respond, battling the strange emotions that warred inside her, together with the thought that she wanted to experience what Cyn seemed to be offering. She felt the heat of a solid body at her back. A dark hand reached around to rescue the plate from her shaking hands.

  "Remember," Mercury's deep voice spoke from behind her, right near her ear, "you're here to discover, to enjoy. Delve inside, Nettie, and forget everything but this moment."

  Cyn's touch on her breast drew her attention back to her and the rising erotic need building inside, as she again claimed Nettie's mouth with hers. She felt the other woman's tongue thrust deeply inside, and suddenly rising desire surfaced--to know the soft, intimate touch of another woman.

  She heard the cup she'd been holding thump as it landed on the rug at her feet, and she reached out to stroke Cyn's full, rounded breast. So soft and supple, not like a man's hard, flat chest. Cyn was inexorably forcing her backward, without breaking the kiss. She felt the edge of the bed against her legs as, gently, Cyn pushed her onto it.