Deep Redemption

by Tillie Cole

  “Yes,” Rider cut in. “I”—he cleared his throat—“I would love that . . . to see you.”

  The blinding smile that bloomed on Ruth’s face could light the darkest of skies. “Okay,” she breathed, “then I shall look forward to it.”

  Ruth stood awkwardly, and carefully leaned forward to drop a sweet kiss to Rider’s forehead. Rider’s eyes closed at the touch.

  My heart soared.

  Ruth said goodbye and left the cabin, smiling at me as she passed. I glanced to the bed. Rider’s eyes were already on mine. I crossed the room and wrapped my hand around his. I sat on the edge of the bed and leaned over to kiss Rider’s soft lips. I ran my hand over his hair. “Sleep, baby,” I whispered. “Sleep.”

  Rider’s eyes drifted shut, and in minutes, his breath evened out.

  While he slept, I cleaned the cabin, finishing just as dusk began to bring its early curtain of darkness. Needing to get some fresh air, I stepped out into the humid night.

  I sat down on a log that sat amid the wildly overgrown grass . . . and I breathed. I breathed and breathed, and allowed myself, for the first time, to let our new reality sink in.

  We were free. We were out of the commune, away from the Hangmen . . . and we were free.

  I felt tears flood down my cheeks. And I allowed myself to cry. I cried and I cried for the all of the lost lives, the burdens and the pain. I cried out everything I had kept locked inside for years, sending it all into the twilight sky. Minutes and minutes passed until all my tears had been shed. In its place was a welcomed numbness.

  The spark of a new beginning.

  I stared at the old wooden cabin. Hope sprouted in my chest. It was ours. We had a home of our own. I took in a deep breath as I thought about our future. I had no idea what it would hold. For the first time since we had arrived here, I wondered how I would live in this outside world.

  Brother Stephen had explained so much to me in Puerto Rico that I found myself feeling a strange mixture of recognition and uncertainty when I was faced with new buildings, people and things. Devices that were shunned by our people. Even clothes that some people wore confused me.

  But I did not let it scare me. If I had survived this far, I was determined to take on this new world’s way of life with my eyes wide open. I would no longer be held back.

  I tipped my head back and smiled when I saw the stars begin to shine. Suddenly, I heard the sound of a vehicle approaching. Lights came slowly toward the cabin.

  I tensed, wondering who it could be. The vehicle stopped, and my sisters got out.

  All three.

  Lil’ Ash sat in the driver’s seat. He threw me a small, shy wave. I waved back. Too tired to rise from the log, I smiled as my sisters came toward me, dishes in their hands. Lilah was the first to speak. “We have brought you food. For your new home.”

  “Thank you,” I said and got to my feet. I took the dish from Lilah’s hand and placed it near the door. “Rider is asleep,” I explained.

  “Shall we sit?” Mae asked, pointing to the log.

  I nodded and sat back down. Lilah sat beside me. Maddie and Mae settled on the ground opposite us. I watched as Maddie looked all around us, a sadness sprouting in her eyes.

  “Do not be sad,” I said to my youngest sister. Maddie looked up at me through damp lashes.

  “I do not like that you are so far away from us.” She wiped her cheek. “I do not like that you must live out here all alone, unable to come to the gatherings. Our celebrations. To our homes.”

  My stomach fell at the pain in her voice. Reaching forward, I took hold of her hand. “Maddie . . . it has to be this way. And I am okay with it. He is alive. That is all that matters to me. Not this house or the distance. But that my heart did not break with another devastating loss.

  “And that is because of you.” I sat back, releasing Maddie’s hand. “I have not had a chance to thank you all properly. But . . . but you will never know what it meant to me, when you came to stand beside me in that barn.” I choked on a sob. “When I saw him tied up, so broken, I feared I would never be able to breathe again.” I blinked through my blurred vision. “But then you each stood beside me. In solidarity beside me.”

  Mae shifted, and laid her hand over mine. “Always,” she whispered. “We will always be that way.”

  Lilah shifted her hand to my shoulder and nodded her head. Maddie inched forward and put her hand over Mae’s. I felt the touch of my sisters and I had to close my eyes to savor this moment. This moment that felt so impossible before. Now so real and so true.

  So welcome.

  I opened my eyes. “We have always been this way, have we not? Us four against the world?” I huffed a small laugh. “Despite it all, we had a love that could never be shaken. A bond that no man could break.”

  “Not even now,” Mae said and smiled. “Not even in that barn. We would never have left you alone. You are our sister. We will never let you go again.”

  “And they will never understand,” Lilah said softly. I turned to my sister. “The men here—our husbands included—they will never truly understand why you saved him. But we do.” I stilled. Lilah looked back at the closed door of the cabin. “I have thought hard about what you said in the barn. And it is true. We always had one another. He had no one.” Her eyes shimmered. “Imagine being alone your entire life, with only a brother like Judah by your side. Rider would not have even known Judah was corrupted; he never had anyone to compare him to.”

  Mae sighed sadly. “Bella, I do not think they will ever let him back in.”

  “I know,” I replied. “And that is okay. Because he has me. He has Ruth, Stephen, Samson and Solomon.”

  “And us,” Maddie said with a blush on her cheeks. “He has us too. We all understand what that life was like. And we do not lay blame at his feet.”

  I nodded my head, too overcome with gratitude to answer. When I had pulled myself together, I whispered, “I love you. I love you all so much.”

  “We love you too,” Mae said.

  I felt the tiredness of the past few weeks begin to take me over. Lilah stroked her hand down my face. “You are exhausted.”

  “Yes,” I sighed. “So, so tired.”

  We got to our feet. Maddie’s arms were immediately around my waist, her cheek against my chest. “You do not have to fight anymore,” she whispered, her soft voice a balm to my nerves. “We are all safe. Rider is too. You no longer have to fight.” She lifted her head and her green gaze fell into mine. “You can live now, Bella. We are all happy. You are too. There is no more war for you fight.”

  My face contorted as I cried, my shoulders racking with the impact of her words. Lilah’s and Mae’s arms wrapped around me too—this time it was them comforting me, saving me . . . protecting me.

  “This is all I ever wanted,” I managed to say. “This moment, right now . . . all of us free. It is all I ever dreamed for us for so long.”

  “And you have it. You got it for us,” Mae said. My sisters held me in their tight embraces for many minutes. When the tears had gone and the night grew still, I lifted my head. One by one they kissed my cheek and stepped away. But before Lilah did, she said, “Be happy, sister. That is the gift we have all been given.”

  “I will . . . ” I said. “I am.”

  Lilah smiled. And it was beautiful.

  As they walked away, I asked, “Will you come and see me sometime?”

  Mae looked over her shoulder. “We will be here every day, Bella. Every single day.”

  I covered my heart with my hands in thanks. I was surprised I could not feel it swelling under my palm. I went back into the cabin, taking the food they had brought. The small lamp in the corner was the only light in the house. I cast my gaze over the three small rooms . . . and I smiled. It was clean. It was ours . . . It was home.

  I placed the dishes on the counter and went over to the bed. Rider was now dressed in only his underwear. His skin glistened in the heat. He must have removed his clothes when
he was too hot.

  I shed my dress and climbed onto the bed. It was still strange to feel a soft mattress under my back. But it was a luxury I was becoming used to. Especially with Rider sleeping beside me.

  As I rolled to face my husband, his sleepy eyes blinked open. His top lip hooked into a smile. “I love you, baby,” he whispered and, with a hand on my waist, guided me closer to his chest.

  I shuffled forward with a new lightness in my heart, and a freedom in my soul. “I love you too, Rider . . . I love you too.”

  We fell asleep in each other’s arms.

  Finally at peace, no more wars to be won.

  Happy in love.

  Such liberating love.

  Epilogue

  Rider

  Two weeks later . . .

  The sound of wheels screeching outside made me jump up from the couch. My ribs still ached, but they were getting better each day. Bella scrambled up from beside me.

  “Who is that?” she asked with a frightened face.

  I walked to the door and peered through the keyhole. Slash, Smiler’s young cousin and Hangmen prospect, was rocking nervously on the porch. I opened the door. “Rider,” he said hurriedly. “We need your help. It’s Smiler, man. He’s fuckin’ hurt.”

  I lurched into action, getting on my shoes as quick as I could. Bella was behind me doing the same. She never let me out of her sight.

  The second we were in the truck, Slash took off down the dirt road to the clubhouse. “What the hell happened?” I asked.

  “The stupid prick came off his bike, just outside of the compound.”

  “What?” I asked in disbelief. Smiler was one of the best fucking riders I knew.

  “I know! Fuck knows what happened to him,” Slash said. I could hear the concern in his voice.

  Smiler was the only brother I ever saw. He’d surprised the fuck out of me when he turned up last week with a six-pack of beers. We sat outside all night. We didn’t get into heavy topics of discussion, but fuck, it felt good to have someone to talk to . . . someone who hadn’t given up on me like everyone else.

  I owed him more than he got from me.

  “I haven’t got any medical supplies,” I said to Slash.

  “Smiler has them in his room. Said they used to be yours anyway.”

  “What does he mean?” Bella asked.

  I dropped my head. “I used to be a healer, I suppose. Back at The Pasture, I was taught medicine. When I lived with the Hangmen, I was kind of their doctor. Not officially, but I could deal with lighter stuff. Stuff that happens a lot in this life—their life,” I corrected myself.

  Bella’s blue eyes shone with a new kind of pride. “You are a healer? Why did you never tell me?”

  I shrugged with embarrassment. “It was in my past, baby. Just never thought of it as my life anymore.” Bella threaded her hands through mine. She always had my fucking back.

  Slash pulled up to the clubhouse. I froze.

  “I can’t go in there, Slash.” The kid swallowed nervously. “Do the brothers know I’ve been called? Does the prez know? He will go apeshit if he sees me here. His orders were clear—I have to stay the fuck away.”

  “He told me to come get you,” Slash said.

  “Rider,” Bella said dubiously. I could see the immediate concern on her face, in her soft voice. She didn’t want me to go in.

  Bull appeared at the door of the truck and yanked it open. “You’re needed,” he said coldly. “Get the fuck out. Keep your fuckin’ head down and don’t do anythin’ you’re not asked to.”

  I took a deep breath, then followed him. The built Samoan looked ready to lose his shit.

  I rushed through the bar. I felt the hard stares of the brothers who were in there, but I kept my eyes forward. My heart slammed in my chest as I ran down the hallway to Smiler’s room. I burst in the door and saw him on the bed. Someone had stripped him of his leathers, and his right side was torn the fuck up. “Shit,” I said as I walked over. I met his eyes. “What the fuck happened?”

  He hissed in pain. “Aquaplaned.”

  I frowned at Smiler, because the rider I knew him to be wouldn’t have fucking aquaplaned.

  “You need to fix him. You need to fix him quick so we can get you the fuck out,” Bull said. Bella stood at the doorway, always close by.

  Bull stepped closer to me. I knew he would make me move if I didn’t myself. I rushed to my medical bag, which was still on Smiler’s dresser. I set to work, relying on fucking autopilot, years of experience taking control. As I fixed up Smiler’s cuts and stitched up his split skin, something inside of me began to click.

  I used to love doing this shit. I was good at this.

  I felt like it was me.

  Someone entered the room. I looked up and saw Styx blocking the doorway. I hadn’t seen him in two weeks. I froze when he met my eyes.

  He wore the same murderous glare on his face as he always did when he looked at me. “You’re here ‘cause there was no one else,” he signed. His teeth ground together and the muscles in his neck strained. It was killing him to have me here in this club.

  I understood.

  “This don’t mean nothin’. After today the same rules apply. You get the fuck back to your cabin and don’t return. You’ll only survive about two minutes in this clubhouse if you even fuckin’ think of weaseling your way back in. You gettin’ me? You fix him then fuck off.”

  I nodded and resumed my work on Smiler. Styx disappeared a few minutes later. Bella stood just outside the door. But she still hovered close.

  Thirty minutes later, I’d patched Smiler up as much as I could. Everyone else was in the bar. “There,” I said, putting the medical bag back on the dresser. “That should do for now.”

  “Thanks,” Smiler said.

  “You might wanna get someone to re-dress them for you tomorrow.”

  Smiler shook his head. “Nah, you can just come back.”

  “Smiler. That ain’t gonna happen. Don’t push it,” I warned, but he closed his eyes, blocking me out.

  “Need to sleep. I’m fuckin’ beaten and bruised from that fall.” I narrowed my eyes, still questioning how the fuck someone of his skill had aquaplaned. Just as I turned to go out the door, I looked back and saw Smiler watching me. He smirked and winked.

  Then I knew . . . the fucker took a dive. I shook my head, not believing it was true, that he’d pull a stupid stunt like that just to get me involved again. But when Smiler’s smirk turned into a grin, I saw the confirmation on his face.

  He had.

  I cleared my throat as I tried to deal with what he’d just revealed. But Smiler’s pain meds looked like they were kicking in. The brother was snoring within seconds.

  I made my way to the bar in a fucking daze, a nervous Bella by my side. Bella waved at her sisters, who were in the corner. Some of the brothers got up from their seats, as if they wanted to come at me. Bella tensed.

  I turned to leave, but someone blocked my path. My pulse raced with dread when I realized it was Ky. Out of everyone, he hated me most, and that was a fucking feat in itself. I could see it in his face as I approached, hell, every fucking time he looked at me.

  “Bella, go speak with your sisters,” he ordered in a no-shit tone.

  Bella clutched me tighter. Ky’s eyes flared with rage. Turning to Bella, I said, “Go on, baby. I’ll be okay.” Bella hesitated, but I nodded my head, and she did as I asked.

  Ky watched me like he was one step from ripping out my throat, then looking around the bar to make sure no one was listening, said, “The Klan douches you worked with in Cult Cunt. I need information on the contracts that you made. You’re gonna tell me what they sold.”

  I didn’t reply straight away. Ky stepped closer still, his face daring me to say no. “Okay,” I said.

  Ky reached into this cut and pulled out a notepad and pen. He slammed them against my chest. “Gonna need that shit now.”

  I leaned on the table beside me and tried to remember ever
ything that was agreed, all the deals we’d done and the names of those in charge. Ky never left me alone, fucking lording over me.

  I felt others close in around me. When I looked up, Viking, Flame and AK were next to Ky. They looked as if they wanted to murder me just as much as the VP did.

  “What the fuck does this pissant want?” Viking growled.

  “He’s gettin’ me some intel. Then he’s gettin’ the fuck outta my sight before I scalp the fucker.”

  “Intel ‘bout what?” AK asked coldly.

  Ky sighed. “Ain’t talked to Styx yet—you know, upcomin’ weddin’ and all that shit occupyin’ his time. But I’m gonna go get Phebe. It’s gotta be done. After all that bitch has done for us, I ain’t leaving her with those skinhead pricks to suffer.”

  “Someone mention skinheads?” Cowboy and Hush joined the group.

  I wrote faster. I just wanted to get the hell home before one of these guys decided to go against Styx. Being in this clubhouse was like standing with the devil himself. Now I had Bella, I wasn’t ever gonna put myself at risk of dying ever again.

  “Li ain’t gonna rest until her sister’s back. So I’m gettin’ her the fuck back, and it’s gotta be done before Styx gets hitched in a couple’a months. Quick in and out. Then it’s all happy fuckin’ families from now on.”

  “Who’s goin’?” Cowboy asked.

  “Me,” Ky said and shrugged.

  “You just got your kid,” Hush said.

  Ky shrugged again. AK stepped forward. “Nah. You’re gonna stay here with your bitch and lil’ kid. I’ll go.”

  Ky stared at AK. “Why the fuck would you wanna do that?”

  AK shrugged. “I’m goin’. That’s all you need to know.”

  “Well,” Viking closed in beside his friend. “If my brother AK goes, then so the fuck do I. Just love toyin’ with the Klan. Always promises to be a good fuckin’ time.”

  “Then I go too,” Flame growled and the psycho trio stood as a fuckin’ impenetrable unit.

  Cowboy slammed his Jack down on the table I was using and turned to Hush. “You gotta want a piece of this white power action, man? It’s gotta be your fuckin’ birthright or some shit to take these fuckers out.”