Black Sheep of Faery: Books 1-2

by Harley Gordon

  “Why’d you stop?” I’m still gasping.

  Hatter runs a hand through his hair, standing the blue strands on end. “Because I need to tell you something.”

  No. I don’t want to hear it. “We should probably go see if Sherlock is ready to spill. The Hunt is coming in just a couple hours.”

  Hatter reaches out for my arm, halting my escape. “I have to tell you this now before I lose my nerve.”

  Oh no. He’s going to tell me he loves me and expect me to say it back and how can I do that when seeing Fitz was enough to obliterate Hatter from my mind? Not that I don’t…do I love Hatter? He makes me feel so…

  I suck in a deep and desperate breath of air. “Okay.”

  He releases my arm like it burns him, shoving his hands into his pockets and staring down at the tips of his periwinkle shoes. “I’m not returning to Paris with you and Belle once the Hunt is over.”

  Above the Livid Water

  I stumble back, panic and confusion causing my head to spin. “Why? Do you have things you need to take care of here?”

  “I do, yes. But that’s not why.”

  I shake my head. “Then what? Yesterday, you said wherever I am, you are. What’s changed? How long are you going to stay here?”

  He reaches a hand out, but lets it fall before he touches me. “Bo, I don’t think we want the same things.”

  I hate it when he calls me by name. “Stop trying to sugarcoat it, and just tell me what’s going on. I thought we were having fun?”

  He snorts. “Fun? We have had fun. But I want more than that. And you know it.”

  “Hatter—I…” I take a step towards him, but his next words send me careening backwards.

  “I heard you talking to Jane. You want him back. I won’t be a replacement or a second choice. Or your safety net. Maybe you think since I’m immortal, you’re protected from the pain you felt with Fitz. But this trip has made everything very clear. You’re still in love with him. And I understand. But I’ll accept nothing less than your love, Bo. I have always wanted more with you. I spent fifty bloody years waiting for you to let go of your past and be ready for me. And I’m sorry I didn’t give you more time — I thought you were ready. I pushed you into this.”

  No. This isn’t what I want. “You didn’t push me into anything. I have moved on from Fitz. It’s just hard for me to be here. It’s where my children grew up.”

  A pained smile crosses his face. “It’s where you were a family, love. And I don’t blame you. But it’s proved that there’s still a part of you holding on. You’re not ready for us.”

  “But I am.” I will be. I want to be. I definitely don’t want to keep feeling like this.

  He closes his eyes. “You said his name in your sleep.”

  Oh. Oh no. I stumble over my words as I try to explain. “It was a nightmare. It’s normal with everything.”

  “And he’s the one who appeared to you in the Hunt. You know what this all means. And Bo, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be waiting for you when you’re ready. We have all the time in the world. But I can’t keep doing this. Gathering up the bits of yourself you give me. It isn’t enough. I won’t do it. I want you to love me, Bo. I’ve been in love with you for decades and I haven’t been able to get over it. So I understand if you can’t move on from Fitz. I’ve heard how close you two were.”

  I want to argue with him, but each one of his words hits home. I slump back against the bookcase as I try desperately not to cry and make this worse. It’s not fair to him. “Hatter, I’m sorry. I thought I was past everything. I really did. And you are the only person I’ve ever wanted to be with other than Fitz.”

  “Good.” He tries to smile for me, but he can’t even pull his mask of madness over his face.

  I speak past trembling lips. “I want to be ready for you. I do. I’m trying.” Why can’t I just let go? I have this beautiful man before me, who’s in love with me, and I can’t make the leap.

  He swallows hard. “I know, love. And that’s all I need for now.”

  “But you deserve more than this. And I don’t know…” I trail off, wanting to give him and myself hope, but unwilling to lie.

  “I’ll wait, love.”

  I clutch my stomach, guilt and pain waging a war within me. “But you shouldn’t have to. You already have been. I should be able to get my shit together.”

  Whatever Hatter was going to see is cut off by Jane’s entrance. “Sherlock is ready for us.”

  As in an Enchanted Space

  Jane looks between the two of us with raised brows. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to interrupt.”

  Hatter slides his hands from his pockets and grins merrily at her. “You didn’t. Let’s go hear what the great and mighty Sherlock has to say.”

  He saunters from the room leaving Jane to eye me with concern. I clear my throat and shrug at her, ignoring the pain flaring in my chest, the tears clogging the back of my throat.

  I knew I shouldn’t have returned here. It’s too soon. Everything’s ruined. It’s like I held the Vorpal sword and revealed the ugly truths inside.

  Jane places a comforting hand on my shoulder. “Is everything all right?”

  “Not really. We talked.”

  “I see.” Her face folds in commiseration.

  “Yeah.”

  “I’m sorry, Bo.”

  “You were right. And so is he. I may have faced my past, but I haven’t let go of it. Not completely. And that isn’t fair to him.”

  She threads her arm in mine. “You’ll get there. Maybe being here will help.”

  “Maybe.” It hasn’t so far. It’s just riled things up inside me I thought were gone, but apparently, they were just buried so deep I was able to fool myself.

  Everyone else is seated in the parlor, eyes fixed on Sherlock, who doesn’t seem to notice. She’s inspecting Jane’s home, eyes darting around the parlor, probably reading their history in each scuff mark and dent.

  I stand behind Belle’s chair, on the other side of the room from Hatter, avoiding his eyes. If I look at him, I’ll cry. And I can’t. Not now. Not here.

  I grip the back of Belle’s seat so hard my knuckles turn white, waiting impatiently for Sherlock to begin.

  “We’re all here, dear. Might you want to go ahead and tell us what you know?” Hatter’s voice is harsher than usual, lacking his customary charm.

  Is this killing him as much as it is me? He told me loved me. That he has for decades. What am I supposed to do with that? I already miss him. How can two men take up so much of my heart? How can my feelings be so strong for both of them? It’s like I’m in a love triangle from a novel, except one of them is dead.

  How do I say goodbye to Fitz? Especially when we had such a wonderful life together and raised a family? Is this the place I’m supposed to finally lay him to rest?

  Sherlock finally deigns to speak. “I observed several interesting things on the moors. I won’t bore you with the details, something I try not to do since Doyle loved to prove how much of a genius he was through me. The most important thing I found, is there weren’t just hoof prints out there. There were boot prints. A small man or woman, weighing no more than a hundred and twenty pounds. The boot size tells me it was probably someone full grown, but still young based on the gait. The type of boots are those favored by farmers and shepherds, those working with animals. At first, I thought it might be Bo, but she doesn’t wear working boots. Her combat boots are quite different from the prints I found.”

  Shepherds are a dime a dozen in Faery.

  “What are you saying?” Rochester’s brow furrows as he tries to follow her logic.

  “The reason the Hunt is different this year, is because someone is controlling it. And feeding it. It’s stronger because someone has the horn. And they must have great power of their own if you’re seeing those from your past riding the unicorns.”

  “So, we’re looking for a small, powerful Fae who is also a farmer or shepherd.” Jackie paces along the
back of the room, fingering the dagger at her waist.

  Dread brings my hands sliding off the back of the chair, as the knowledge sinks in.

  Belle says it before I can. “The Boy Who Cried Wolf.”

  Trees Stood in the Vapor Rootless

  The room is silent, thick with dread and confusion. We all know the story of the Boy Who Cried Wolf who came to life with an abundant amount of power. He’s been around longer than most of us, with the strength of a Greek god. Aesop’s characters have had centuries to strengthen.

  For the first few centuries, he kept to himself. Or so everyone thought.

  He believed he should be ruler of the world. And he tried. But he was killed over a hundred years ago and he’s been quiet again since his return.

  “Why would he care about the Hunt? What does it do for him?” Jane asks.

  Sherlock shrugs her thin shoulders. “He could be trying to cause trouble between humans and Fae. He hates humans. He thinks we should rule them. He probably believes if he can push the humans into trying to go further than the registry, he can push Fae into retaliation.”

  “But ultimately, it’s a rather small plan.” Jackie impatiently flicks her platinum locks from her face.

  “Not really. If he has the horn, he can keep the Hunt here indefinitely. It won’t end after three days. He can do a lot of damage with a constant Hunt. He can breed terror and hurt thousands of humans and Fae. I found this tucked into a snow drift. It's from no natural or native bird to this part of the world.” Sherlock reaches into her jacket and pulls out a red feather.

  I curse, wishing for something breakable to smash against the wall.

  Pan.

  Bloody hell.

  We just cannot be rid of the little rat bastard.

  “Why would Pan be involved?” A frown forms between Jane’s brows.

  I groan, considering putting my fist through a wall since there’s a lack of breakables. “Because he’s always involved. He’s trying to set up his own Fae nation to rule. Who better to recruit than someone who wants the same thing.”

  I pull out my phone, sending off a message to Hook to get here now. I have no idea where he, Ariel, and Wendy are right now, but wherever it is, they’re on the wrong track.

  Belle stands. “At least now we have an idea of how to stop this. Our weapons are useless against the riders, but we can slow them down and contain them. We must keep them away from the humans and we have to find Pan and Wolf Boy and retrieve the horn.”

  “I thought the horn was an actual legend, even for us.” Rochester’s eyes are bright with interest.

  Belle answers. “It isn’t, but it’s been missing since before my time. Fae have been searching for it for hundreds of years, but I’ve never met a soul who has seen it themselves.”

  I pinch the bridge of my nose, fighting back a scream. It seems like everything and everyone from my past is determined to haunt me, breaking me down until I’m a writhing mess curled up in the fetal position on the floor.

  This is where Pan tried to take my grandchild.

  And now he’s back. And I’m back. And Fitz is back.

  I stumble away from Belle’s chair. “I’m going to wander around and see if I can find anything. Maybe there’s a track my animals can pick up and we can find out where they’re hiding.”

  “You shouldn’t go alone. Not with Pan and the Boy involved.” Belle glances over at Hatter, but I shake my head.

  “I’ll be fine. And I’ll be back before the Hunt begins. The rest of you need to come up with a valid plan.”

  And if I don’t get out of here now, the scream won’t stay down.

  I escape out to the stables before they can protest more, borrowing one of the horses, riding aimlessly across the moors. Somehow, I end up where I should have come long ago.

  Home.

  While the Stag Flew Onward, Footless

  Miss Muffet has arrived by the time I return. I couldn’t bring myself to go inside my old home, but I sat in the field for a couple hours, staring at it, trying to find a way to say goodbye.

  But I only felt pain. No closure.

  Dinner tastes delicious, but sitting across from Hatter is a nightmare. I’m unable to sit still, and my legs keep brushing against his.

  All I want is to sweep everything off the table and jump across it into his arms. This is hell. I’ve never felt like this before. With Fitz everything was simple. We fell in love, we got along, we built a life together.

  With Hatter, things are harder. I feel such passion for Hatter, and I love working with him, but is the relationship part supposed to be such work? Shouldn’t I be able to forget my love for Fitz when I’m in Hatter’s arms? Am I the one making everything difficult?

  I peer at him from beneath my lashes. He’s laughing at something Muffet is saying, the sexy mad sparkle glinting in his eye. A spark of jealousy sets fire to my stomach, writhing into a monster rampaging through me. Except I have no right.

  And here I am being pathetic, pushing food around on my plate.

  When did I become this?

  I sit up straight, and turn my attention to the conversation happening around me. I will not be that person. Hatter isn’t going anywhere. He still cares about me. We’ll get past the awkwardness.

  And when I’m ready, maybe I’ll finally get my Happily Ever After.

  After dinner, I run up to my room to get changed into something a little easier to fight in. I stumble to a halt when I see Hatter inside.

  “Hey.”

  He looks up. “Hey.” He’s packing his stuff.

  “What are you doing?” I cringe inwardly at the stupid question.

  He turns his attention back to packing. “I figured I should get my things out of here.”

  “Right.”

  His face is set, his sparkle from the dinner burned out, pain flaring in his eyes.

  “Hatter…”

  “Yes?”

  “I…” Say it. Say the words. Say what he needs to hear. Say what you feel in your heart. Tell him so he’ll stay. “You don’t have to be the one to move you stuff. I can.”

  Disappointment replaces the expectancy on his face. “I’m almost done, Bo. It’s fine. All of their rooms are wonderful.”

  His use of my name makes the shard in my chest dig deeper. “Right.”

  “Bo, we don’t have to do this. I’m not angry with you. And I’m not pining for you. I know you’ll eventually be ready for me. It doesn’t have to be awkward between us. Besides, I’m not coming back to Paris for now, so it’ll be easier once we finish this mission.”

  “I hate this.”

  He sucks in a sharp breath. “Me too.”

  “Are you going to stay with Miss Muffet?” As soon as the question spills from my mouth, I clap my hands over my lips, horrified.

  He zips up his bag, cupping my jaw before he walks out the door, a brilliant smile on his face. “You already know the answer to that, love.”

  I stare at my closed door for several minutes, fighting tears.

  Jackie slips inside right as I finish changing. “Hey. You ready?”

  “Almost.” I perch my foot on the bed to lace up my boot.

  “Where’s Hatter?”

  I shrug. “No idea. He moved rooms.”

  Jackie winces. “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s my own fault. I should have known I wasn’t ready for him. I just didn’t realize how serious he was and how not serious I am.” How many times am I going to have this conversation today? I should have it all figured out after yapping about it so much, instead.

  But I’m still as lost as ever.

  “Didn’t you do the same thing fifty years ago? You wanted something fun to forget Fitz and chose Hatter for a distraction, but it got too serious and you got scared?”

  I lace up my other boot. “Maybe. But this time is different. I’ve ruined things. Again.” I think of Muffet, down the hall, all lean and limber with tan skin and big brown eyes.

  “I don’t believe
you have. He’s waited a long time for you. He’ll wait longer.”

  “Maybe.” I shove my hands into gloves, frustrated when my fingers keep going into the wrong holes.

  “You didn’t see his face after you ran out earlier today. He’s hurting too, but he has to do what’s best for him just like you do.”

  I rip the gloves off my hands and stomp them into the carpet, frustration boiling over. “I know. I just wasn’t expecting to get so serious so fast.”

  Jackie retrieves my gloves and helps me into them. “Bo, he’s been in love with you for half a century. Of course he wants serious.”

  “I don’t think I’m ready for something so serious.”

  “Then let him know when you are.”

  “You and Jane make it all sound so easy.”

  She hops up on the bed, tossing her braid over her shoulder. “Is it because you’re still in love with Fitz or is it because you’re scared you’ll lose Hatter too?”

  “Hatter thinks it’s because I’m still in love with Fitz and because Hatter is the safe bet since he’s immortal.”

  “He’s an FTA Librarian. He isn’t safe.”

  I sit down beside her. “Yeah, but he’d return eventually.”

  “You’re still hurting and it hasn’t been a hundred years. I think you’re terrified of going through that pain again. You can make room in your heart for Hatter and you know that. You can still love Fitz and miss him, but move on with Hatter. You have to be willing to be vulnerable.”

  I laugh. “Is it that simple? Everyone else keeps saying I need time and not to rush.”

  “They’re wrong. Look, if you aren’t ready, you aren’t ready. But if you’re holding out because of fear, then you need to get over it and make the jump.”

  “I have missed you.” When Belle became Head, Jackie and I were partnered for years and became quite close.

  “Of course you have. I’m the best partner you ever had. Yes, including Hatter. He comes with drama. I just come with awesome.”