by Ford, Mia
“Oh, I know.” She giggles. “It’s going to be really weird. I might even have to move out of my parent’s house at last. It certainly wasn’t my long term plan to stay for so long. It was supposed to only be in the beginning, but it’s been so hard that I’ve stayed. When Logan goes to school though, it’ll change.”
“Yes, I know how that feels. I need to get out of my parent’s home too!” I reassure her. “I’m just staying while I get used to working in the company, then I’ll concentrate on getting my own space.”
I can’t stop myself, I picture us doing that together, getting a little home for all of us as a family. I know that I’m an idiot, I can’t help getting carried away, it’s madness. There isn’t anyone else in the world that I want to commit to, but when it comes to Lucie that’s all I want. She has such a hold on me. A powerful spell.
“Then we might be able to consider ourselves real grown ups! If you can imagine that…”
As we both share a laugh and any awkwardness finally dispels, I can’t stop myself from grinning like an idiot. I think this is the happiest that I’ve ever been in my whole entire life, I don’t want it to end.
“Oh, after we’ve been here we should go for a walk down the track where we used to ride our bikes!” I blurt out on impulse. “Take a real trip down memory lane, what do you think?”
Lucie looks down and a redness tinges her cheeks. “I actually go there all the time, it’s one of Logan’s favorite places…” Of course, it isn’t novelty to Lucie. I keep forgetting that she’s been here the whole time. “But I would love to. It’ll be fun to go with you. I better you remember loads of stuff that I don’t.”
I breathe out a sigh of relief. This is actually going better than I expected it to. Now that we’ve got back on an even keel, all is wonderful. Maybe, if I play my cars right and I’m really lucky, I might even get myself one more cheeky kiss…
I can only hope!
24
Lucie
Walking along the track, almost hand in hand with Kade – well, our hands keep almost brushing together and I’m getting lots of electrical sensations which is pretty much the same as far as I’m concerned – is like coming full circle. It’s nice to not be here alone, remembering by myself, it makes it much more fun.
It’s a dirty little road, surrounded by trees, rocks, and odd patches of grass. It’s nothing really, not to the naked eye, but to us it’s where we hung out to escape the watchful eye of our parents.
“Oh, and that’s where you fell off you bike and scratched all your face up, do you remember?” Kade chuckles. “You told some girls from school that a tiger attacked you to scare them.”
“Ooh, yeah I forgot about that. I think I just wanted everyone to think that I’m not to be messed with.” As we pass a place I usually avert my eyes when I get to, I can’t resist commenting, just to see what he’ll say. “Look, there’s the bench where you sat with Marcey May, right before you told me to get lost.”
His face turns red, then all the color drains from it as he thinks about that tima. “Yeah, I was a dick, wasn’t I? I’m sorry about that. I think I was just following my hormones around the place like an idiot.”
I shake my head and laugh; the memory no longer affects me like it once did. Even when I was in college, it felt like the worst thing that had happened to me. Now I can see that I didn’t even tell Kade how I felt, how was he supposed to know that his actions would hurt me? As far as he was concerned, we were just buddies. He treated me in exactly the same way that he would’ve treated any other of his friends. Just ‘one of the guys’.
“Yeah, don’t worry about it. I was the same. We were all just idiots trying to make it through life.”
At that moment, he slips his hand through mine and he makes me feel all sparkly all over. It’s as if a glitter bomb has exploded in my chest, tingling all the way through my body. Kade still seems like an awesome person, and he really does seem to like me. I don’t know if now is the time to tell him everything… but what if this is just a kindness to get me into bed? That’s kinda what I think he might have done a bit last time. I wouldn’t want to think that of him, but it’s possible. I don’t want to lay all my cards out on the table to end up hurt again. I need to keep it inside until I get more time to assess… or at the very least until I speak to Mom and I get her advice. Much as I know she’s keen for all the secrecy to be over, I know she’ll put Logan first.
Kade has possibly worked it out anyway and he hasn’t said anything, which is hint enough for now.
“Shall we sit on the bench, just me and you for a while?” he asks me with a smile. “Make some new memories? I don’t want to think about Marcey May every time I look at it. I’d rather think of you.”
Teenage me would have absolutely died if he spoke to me like this back then, if he’d put his heart on the line and said all these nice things, it might have driven me wild. Admittedly, it still does now but I’m trying my hardest to keep it all inside. His words make me grin like an idiot, but that’s all I let out.
“Sure, why not. I don’t want to think about her anymore either… where even is she these days?”
“I don’t know,” Kade replies with a shrug as he takes a seat. “I know that you can look everyone up online and find out exactly what they’re doing, but I don’t want to. If they aren’t in my life anymore, then there has to be a reason for that. I don’t think I want to know if they’re a success or a failure, you know?”
His words make sense, I don’t spend much time on social media either. I have accounts, but I don’t like to look at them. I don’t want to know what happened to Cindy and Rhiannon when I cruelly cut them out of my life because it’s awkward and embarrassing. I was so shamed of why I was leaving college that I just left. I didn’t tell anyone why. Maybe they found out somehow, some of the faculty had to know, but they didn’t find out from me. Of course they reached out to me at the time, but since I never replied they eventually gave up.
I don’t think I’m capable of facing that. It’s been years anyway, there isn’t any reason to reconnect now. I don’t feel like I want to see where their lives are because it only highlights how I took a swerve in a different direction. Maybe I will one day, but for now I’m quite happy to keep myself to myself.
“I don’t even think I had any real friends at college anyway, just drinking buddies and people who liked to latch on to the money that I could spend. None of them knew me and I didn’t them.”
“I was your friend,” I say softly. “And I knew you. You always had me, you know?”
With that, he gives me a look so intense that my heart skips about ten beats. There’s a kiss coming, I can sense it this time, he isn’t simply planting it on me. I could stop it too, if I wanted to. I could drag my eyes away and make sure that it doesn’t happen, but the powerful magnetic connection is too damn strong. Plus, if I’m really honest with myself, I want this kiss to happen. I like Kade, despite everything.
His hand hooks around the back of my neck and he drags me to him. I go willingly, pursing out my lips as I go. This kiss feels better and I think that must be because I’m more in control of the situation. I’ve made an active decision that I want to feel that delicious sensation of Kade’s lips pressed up against mine. The anticipation in the pit of my stomach is killing me, it’s swirling violently, I need it so badly…
An involuntary moan almost escapes my lips as our mouths finally meet. He feels so good as he kisses me, I absolutely love the sensation. It’s off the scale. With his hold fixing me firmly in place I couldn’t move even if I wanted to… but I don’t. It feels so wonderful, I want to remain lip locked in this amazing moment forever. I want the rest of the world to melt away so I can enjoy it for as long as I can, before reality gets in the way and wrecks things. I slide closer to him, snaking my arms around his waist, deepening the kiss.
“Mmm, that feels so good,” Kade murmurs against me. “This is definitely a better memory.”
I giggle g
irlishly and tug backwards, needing to create some distance while I try to work out what to do next. This could go one of two ways, my heart and my head argue over which, but my head must win.
“I think I better go home in a moment,” I tell Kade regretfully. “I need to make sure that Logan is okay.”
“Of course.” Kade nods and stands up. Then he extends out his hand for me to take, which I do willingly. “I understand, you have someone who needs you way more than I do. That’s okay, we can do this again…”
He leaves that sentence hanging in the air for me to complete. “Yes, that’s good. We can do this again. We’re both here, aren’t we? So, we have all the time in the world to hang out, me and you.”
As we walk back home, I feel like I’m flying. My feet barely touch the ground. This feeling is lovely and I really do pray that it lasts. I haven’t felt this way for ages and it’s utterly delicious. With Kade’s hand in my own, I don’t feel quite so alone after all. I’m trying my best not to get too carried away. But it’s hard.
“Thank you for such a lovely night,” I say once we reach my door. “It was awesome and I can’t wait to do it again.” He leans down and gives me a soft and gentle kiss. “Goodnight, Kade.”
I watch him leave, smiling to myself and biting down on my bottom lip as he goes. He looks so good that it hurts. He’s still got it, that magical thing that clamps down and won’t let me go. I love it.
Eventually, I make my way inside and predictably my mom is sitting there at the kitchen table, waiting for me. I sigh loudly and give her a grin, my happiness shines through even if I’m not sure that I want to.
“So?” she asks me excitedly, patting her hands hard on the table. “How did it go? Was it a nice evening?”
“Yes, Mom,” I swoon and fall into the nearest chair. “It was really nice, an awesome night.”
“And…? Did you tell him?” She leans forward, resting on her elbow. “About Logan, I mean?”
“Yeah, no I got that. I know what you mean. And I didn’t tell him, but that’s because I’m biding my time. I want to be one hundred percent sure that everything is going to be okay before I say anything. He seems nice now, but I want to be sure. Like, he seems like he’s grown up a lot too, but I want to be certain.”
“As long as you’re doing this for Logan’s benefit and not your own?” Mom asks me with narrowed eyes. “I understand completely, I know that you’re just trying to do the right thing and it isn’t easy.”
“Of course it’s for Logan. I wouldn’t be so selfish, you know that, Mom.”
“I do.” She rests her hands on mine and smiles. “I’m just trying to lookout for you both.”
A weariness overcomes me, I don’t know how much I want to discuss this any further, so I push myself up and I walk towards the stairs. “Well, I’m going to bed, Mom, so I’ll see you in the morning.” I pause for a moment before I say anything else. “I love you, and thank you so much for everything that you do. I don’t want you to think that I don’t appreciate it, because I really do. You’re amazing.”
“Oh, you know that you’re welcome, sweetie.” Mom presses her hand to her chest, glad for the show of appreciation. I really must remember to do that more often. “Love you.”
As I walk up the stairs, I brush my fingers over my lips, loving the way I can still feel Kade there. It’s almost as if he’s still kissing me now, that’s a sensation I don’t want to let go of. It really was a wonderful date. If it wasn’t for all the secrecy surrounding us then I would easily be able to fall into this with my arms wide open… but the secret remains and it could quite easily tear us apart.
I check on Logan quickly before falling into bed. I already know that my night will be filled of him, Kade will consume my dreams entirely, and I’m more than happy for that to be the case. I would happily dream of him every single night, as long as I knew that he wasn’t going to hurt me in the morning.
Although maybe this time I’ll be the one who hurts him.
25
Kade
“So, this is the ordering system,” Dad tells me with a smile. “I know that you’ve used this from the other end, but now it’s time to get to grips with it from this side. Even if you have a team of buyers, you have to know how to work it too. There might be times when you have to do it or oversee it.”
“I want to learn how everything works,” I reply eagerly. “Show me everything, the more I know, the more I understand the business. I’m like a sponge trying to soak up every scrap of everything.”
Dad gives me a proud look, he really is happy to have me working with him now. He’s done it right, actually. By waiting and sending me on that amazing journey now I’m mature enough to cope with it all. If I’d come here when I got kicked out of college, or even when I’d finished if I made it that long, then I wouldn’t have been able to hack it. I would have made a mess of thing and destroyed my own inheritance.
We go through the system and I learn it all step by step. Thankfully, because I have dealt with this software on the other side it doesn’t take me long to understand it all. It’s logical, and I like that. Maybe if my business studies course had shown me a more practical way of dealing with things, then I would have taken to it better. Or maybe not. I was a goof back then, more concerned with having fun than anything else, so maybe nothing would have changed. Mind you, I can’t find a way to regret any of it. It all brought me here.
“Right, I think you have that,” Dad says with a smile. “And since it’s Friday and I don’t think there’s anything else that you need to do, you might as well leave early. You’ve done well this week.”
I could leave, but I actually don’t want to quite yet. “Actually, Dad, after lunch, do you mind if I take a walk about and introduce myself to everyone. I know that you’ve already done that but I want to make sure they all know that they can talk to me. I’d also like to know what people do on a day to day basis.”
Dad clamps his hand down on my shoulder and he smiles proudly. “Oh, of course you can. Whatever you need to do, if that helps you to feel at home here then so be it. I’m glad for you to be here.”
I grab my lunchbox and make my way into the canteen, tugging my cell phone out of my pocket as I go. I fire off a text to Lucie at the first opportunity I get, needing to communicate with her since she’s been at the back of my mind all day. She doesn’t reply to my messages much which I know is because she’s busy with Logan, but I still like to let her know that I’m thinking about her all the damn time.
‘Hey, Lucie, hard at work today! How’s your morning going? When are you going to cave and let me take you out again? All this playing hard to get is just teasing and you know it. Xxx’
I smile to myself, loving how playful I get to be with her. Because we know one another so well, she’ll know exactly what I mean by that. I’m not trying to be a dick, I just want to have fun. Then, because my cell phone is already in my hand I log onto the Internet and I do the one thing I didn’t think I ever would. I go online and check out my social media account. On the outside, I’m trying to be cool about the mystery surrounding Lucie’s son, but on the inside, it keeps eating me up. I don’t understand how I can just not know who it is. I’m sure she’ll tell me eventually, but I’m impatient and I need to know now. I’m scared this person will come back into her life and steal her from me. It’s a shame that she got pregnant some time after I left because I don’t know who she hung around with then. It might have even been someone who simply lived nearby the college, or even someone from here. I don’t know why it matters but it does.
“Rhiannon Tilley, three mutual friends,” I mutter to myself as I see her profile. I didn’t know much about the girls who Lucie hung about with them, but I’m sure that one of them was called Rhiannon. I hit the ‘add friend’ button before I can think better of it. Then I search through her friends until I see another name that leaps out at me, Cindy Hopper. She looks mildly familiar from her photograph so I add her too. I know that it’s
wrong of me to snoop around behind Lucie’s back but if one of them know then maybe they can help.
Then, just to make myself feel even worse about my behavior, I check the profiles of all the people I used to hang around with and what I find surprises me. Jack and Amber are together and they have three children, Tia is a high flying executive of an advertising company – a far cry from the needy girl who used to want my attention way back when, and Hector is also in a long term relationship with a girl I don’t know. They all have something going on… but I suppose now that I’ve ripped the band aid off, it isn’t so bad. I have my own things going on too, it’s not like I’m a total loser or anything. I just regret the way I left them all behind.
I only stop searching when my phone bleeps and I get an unexpected message back from Lucie.
‘Ha ha, very funny. Did you ever think that I might not want to go out with you? So arrogant! Xx’
I laugh to myself, enjoying the way that her teasing makes me feel. She really does make me laugh a lot.
‘I’ll make you cave. Somehow or another, I’ll get your attention again. Xxx’
‘Yeah, you’re probably right. You always do find a way to do that… xxx’
As I stuff my phone away, I decide to take matters into my own hands. I can’t keep waiting for Lucie to make up her mind when I already know that she wants me, so when I’m done here I’m going to go to her house and see if she’ll come out on a surprise date with me. She might not be able to, but that’s okay. I have to at least try. Mainly, I just want to see her face again and if I turn up then I will get that.