Tales From The Vulgar Unicorn tw-2

by Robert Lynn Asprin

  She did so and then backed away. She was breathing very hard. He jumped up and came down with both feet on the creature.

  Its legs waved for a while longer, but it was dying if not already dead. 'That was a real spider,' he said, 'although I suppose you know that. I suspect that the false spiders will be much smaller.'

  'Why?' she said. She wished her heart would quit trying to leap up through her throat.

  'Because making them requires energy, and it's more effective to make a lot of little spiders and costs less energy than to make a few big ones. There are other reasons which I won't explain just now.'

  'Look out!' she cried, far louder than she should have. But it had been so sudden and had taken her off guard.

  Smhee whirled and slashed out, though he hadn't seen the thing. It bounded over the web, its limbs spread out against the dimness, its great round ears profiled. It came down growling, and it fell upon Smhee's blade. This was no man's-head sized spider but a thing as big as a large dog and furry and stinking of something -monkey? - and much more vital than the arachnid. It bore Smhee backwards with his weight; he fell on the earth.

  Snarling, it tried to bury its fangs in Smhee's throat. Masha broke from her paralysis and thrust with a fury and strength that only fear could provide. The blade went through its body. She leaped back, drawing it out, and then lunged again. This time the point entered its neck.

  Smhee, gasping, rolled it off him and stood up. He said, 'By Wishvu's whiskers! I've got blood all over me. A fine mess! Now the others will smell me!'

  'What is it?' Masha said shakily.

  'A temple guardian ape. Actually, it's not an ape but a very large tailless monkey. Kemren must have brought some cubs with him.'

  Masha got close to the dead beast, which was lying on its back.

  The open mouth showed teeth like a leopard's.

  'They eat meat,' he said. 'Unlike other monkeys, however, they're not gregarious. Our word for them, translated, would be the solitary ape.' Masha wondered if one of Smhee's duties had been teaching. Even under these circumstances, he had to be pedantic.

  He looked around.' Solitary or not, there are probably a number on this isle.'

  After dragging the two carcasses into the river, they proceeded cautiously. Smhee looked mostly ahead; Masha, behind. Both looked to both sides of them. They came to the base of the ridges of rock. Smhee said, 'The animal pens are north. That's where I heard them as I went by in the boat. I think we should stay away from them. If they scent us and start an uproar, we'll have the Raggah out and on our asses very quickly.' Smhee stopped suddenly, and said, 'Hold it!' Masha looked around quickly. What had he seen or heard? The fat man got down on his knees and pushed against the earth just in front of him.

  He rose and said, 'There's a pit under that firm-looking earth. I felt it give way as I put my foot on it. That's why it pays not to walk swiftly here.'

  They circled it, Smhee testing each step before taking another. Masha thought that if they had to go this slowly, they would take all night before they got to the ridge. But then he led her to a rocky place, and she breathed easier. However, he said, 'They . could carve a pit in the stone and put a pivoting lid over it.'

  She said, 'Why are we going this way? You said the entrances are on the north end.'

  'I said that I only observed people entering on the north end. But I also observed something very interesting near here. I want to check it out. It may be nothing for us, but again...'

  Still moving slowly but faster than on the earth, they came to a little pool. It was about ten feet in diameter, a dark sheet of water on which bubbles appeared and popped. Smhee crouched down and stared at its sinister-looking surface.

  She started to whisper a question, but he said, 'Shh!'

  Presently, something scuttled with a clatter across the solid rock from the shore. She jumped but uttered no exclamation. The thing looked like a spider in the dark, an enormous one, larger than the one they'd killed. It paid no attention to them or perhaps it wasn't at all aware of them. It leaped into the pool and disappeared. Smhee said, 'Let's get behind that boulder.'

  When they were in back of it, she said, 'What's going on?'

  'When I was spying, I saw some things going into and coming out of this hole. It was too far away to see what they were, though I suspected they were giant spiders or perhaps crabs.'

  'So?'

  His hand gripped her wrist.

  'Wait!'

  The minutes oozed by like snails. Mosquitoes hummed around them, birds across the river called, and once she heard, or thought she heard, that peculiar half grunt, half-squall. And once she started when something splashed in the river. A fish. She hoped that was all it was.

  Smhee said softly, 'Ah!'

  He pointed at the pool. She strained her eyes and then saw what looked like a swelling of the water in its centre. The mound moved towards the edge of the pool, and then it left the water. It clacked as it shot towards the river. Soon another thing came and then another, and all of a sudden at least twenty popped up and clattered across the rocks.

  Smhee finally relieved her bursting question.

  'They look like the bengil crab of Sharranpip. They live in that hole but they must catch fish in the river.'

  'What is that to us?'

  'I think the pool must be an entrance to a cave. Or caves. The crabs are not water-breathers.'

  'Are they dangerous?'

  'Only when in water. On land they'll either run or, if cornered, try to defend themselves. They aren't poisonous, but their claws are very powerful.'

  He was silent for a moment, then said, 'The mage is using them to defend the entrance to a cave, I'm sure. An entrance which is also an exit. For him as well as for the crabs. That pool has to be one of his secret escape routes.'

  Masha thought, 'Oh, no!' and she rolled her eyes. Was this fat fool really thinking about trying to get inside through the pool? SL. 'How could the mage get out this way if the crabs would attack Bum?'

  'He would throw poisoned meat to them. He could do any number of things. What matters just now is that he wouldn't have bothered to bring their eggs along from Sharranpip unless he had a use for them. Nor would he have planted them here unless he needed them to guard this pool. Their flesh is poisonous to all living things except the ghoondah fish.'

  He chuckled. 'But the mage has outsmarted himself. If I hadn't noticed the bengil, I would never have considered that pool as an entrance.'

  While he had been whispering, another group had emerged and run for the river. He counted them, thirty in all.

  'Now is the time to go in,' he said. 'They'll all be feeding. That crab you first saw was their scout. It found a good place for catching fish, determined that there wasn't any enemy around, and returned with the good news. In some ways, they're more ant than crab. Fortunately, their nests aren't as heavily populated as an anthole.'

  He said, however, that they should wait a few minutes to make sure that all had left. 'By all, I mean all but a few. There are always a few who stay behind to guard the eggs.'

  'Smhee, we'll drown!'

  'If other people can get out through the pool, then we can get in.'

  'You don't know for sure that the pool is an escape route!'

  'What if the mage put the crabs there for some other reason?'

  'What if? What if? I told you this would be very dangerous. But the rewards are worth the risk.'

  She stiffened. That strange cry had come again. And it was definitely nearer.

  'It may be hunting us,' Smhee said. 'It could have smelled the blood of the ape.'

  'What is it?' she said, trying to keep her teeth from chattering.

  'I don't know. We're downwind from it, butTt sounds as if it'll soon be here. Good! That will put some stiffening in our backbone, heat our livers. Let's go now!'

  So, he was scared, too. Somehow, that made her feel a little better.

  They stuck their legs down into the chilly water. They found
no bottom. Then Smhee ran around to the inland side and bent down. He probed with his hand around the edge.

  'The rock goes about a foot down, then curves inward,' he said. 'I'll wager that this was once a pothole of some sort. When Kemren came here, he carved out tunnels to the cave it led to and then somehow filled it with river water.' He stood up.

  The low strange cry was definitely closer now. She thought she saw something huge in the darkness to the north, but it could be her imagination.

  'Oh, Igil!' she said. 'I have to urinate!'

  'Do it in the water. If it smells your urine on the land, it'll know a human's been here. And it might call others of its kind. Or make such an uproar the Raggah will come.'

  He let himself down into the water and clung to the stony edge.

  'Get in! It's cold but not as cold as death!' She let herself down to his side. She had to bite her lip to keep from gasping with shock.

  He gave her a few hurried instructions and said, 'May Weda Krizhtawn smile upon us!' And he was gone.

  10

  She took a deep breath while she was considering getting out of the pool and running like a lizard chased by a fox to the river and swimming across it. But instead she dived, and as Smhee had told her to do, swam close to the ceiling of rock. She was blind here even with her eyes open, and, though she thought mostly about drowning, she had room to think about the crabs. | Presently, when her lungs were about to burst and her head I rang and the violent urge to get air was about to make her breathe, I her flailing hand was grasped by something. The next instant, she was pulled into air.

  There was darkness all about. Her gaspings mingled with Smhee's.

  He said, between the wheezings, 'There's plenty of air-space between the water and the ceiling. I dived down and came up as fast as I could out of the water, and I couldn't touch the rock above.'

  After they'd recovered their wind, he said, 'You tread water while I go back. I want to see how far back this space goes.'

  She didn't have to wait long. She heard his swimming - she hoped it was his and not something else - and she called out softly when he was near.

  He stopped and said, 'There's plenty of air until just before the tunnel or cave reaches the pool. Then you have to dive under a downthrust ledge of rock. I didn't go back out, of course, not with that creature out there. But I'm sure my estimate of distance is right.'

  She followed him in the darkness until he said, 'Here's another downthrust.'

  She felt where he indicated. The stone did not go more than six inches before ceasing.

  'Does the rope or your boots bother you any?' he said. 'If they're too heavy, get rid of them.'

  'I'm all right.'

  'Good. I'll be back soon - if things are as I think they are.' She started to call to him to wait for her, but it was too late. She clung to the rough stone with her fingertips, moving her legs now and then. The silence was oppressive; it rang in her ears. And once she gasped when something touched her thigh.

  The rope and boots did drag her down, and she was thinking of at least getting rid of the rope when something struck her belly. She grabbed it with one hand to keep it from biting her and with the other reached for her dagger. She went under water of course, and then she realized that she wasn't being attacked. Smhee, diving back, had run into her.

  Their heads cleared the surface. Smhee laughed.

  'Were you as frightened as I? I thought sure a bengil had me!'

  Gasping, she said, 'Never mind. What's over there?'

  'More of the same. Another air-space for perhaps a hundred feet. Then another downcropping.'

  He clung to the stone for a moment. Then he said, 'Have you noticed how fresh the air is? There's a very slight movement of it, too.'

  She had noticed but hadn't thought about it. Her experience with watery caves was nil until now.

  'I'm sure that each of these caves is connected to a hole which brings in fresh air from above,' he said. 'Would the mage have gone to all this trouble unless he meant to use this for escape?'

  He did something. She heard him breathing heavily, and then there was a splash,

  'I pulled myself up the rock and felt around,' he said. 'There is a hole up there to let air from the next cave into this one. And I'll wager that there is a hole in the ceiling. But it must curve so that light doesn't come in. Or maybe it doesn't curve. If it were day above, we might see the hole.'

  He dived; Masha followed him. They swam ahead then, putting their right hands out from side to side to feel the wall. When they came to the next downcropping, they went through beneath it at once.

  At the end of this cave they felt a rock ledge that sloped gently upward. They crawled out onto it. She heard him fumbling around and then he said, 'Don't cry out. I'm lighting a torch.'

  The light nevertheless startled her. It came from the tip of a slender stick of wood in his hand. By its illumination she saw him apply it to the end of a small pine torch. This caught fire, giving them more area of vision. The fire on the stick went out. He put the stick back into the opened belt-bag.

  'We don't want to leave any evidence we've been here,' he said softly. 'I didn't mention that this bag contains many things, including another waterproof bag. But we must hurry. The torch won't last long, and I've got just one more.'

  They stood up and moved ahead. A few feet beyond the original area first illuminated by the torch were some dark bulks. Boats. Twelve of them, with light wood frameworks and skin-coverings. Each could hold three people. By them were paddles.

  Smhee took out a dagger and began ripping the skins. Masha helped him until only one boat was left undamaged.

  He said, 'There must be entrances cut into the stone sections dividing the caves we just came through. I'll wager they're on the left-hand side as you come in. Anyone swimming in would naturally keep to the right wall and so wouldn't see the archways. The ledges where the crabs nest must also be on the left. Remember that when we come back. But I'd better find out for sure. We want , to know exactly how to get out when the time comes.'

  He set his torch in a socket in the front of the boat and pushed the boat down the slope and into the water. While Masha held the narrow craft steady, he got into it. She stood on the shore, feeling lonely with all that darkness behind her while she watched him by the light of the brand. Within a few minutes he came back, grinning.

  'I was right! There's an opening cut into the stone division. It's just high enough for a boat to pass through if you duck down.'

  They dragged the boat back up onto the ledge. The cave ended about a hundred feet from the water. To the right was a U-shaped entrance. By its side were piles of torches and flint and steel and punk boxes. Smhee lit two, gave one to Masha, and then returned to the edge of the ledge to extinguish his little one.

  'I think the mage has put all his magic spiders inside the caves,' he said. 'They'd require too much energy to maintain on the outside. The further away they are from him, the more energy he has to use to maintain them. The energy required increases according to the square of the distance.'

  Masha didn't ask him what he meant by 'square'.

  'Stick close to me. Not just for your sake. For mine also. As I said, the mage will not have considered women trying to get into his place, so his powers are directed against men only. At least, I hope they are. That way he doesn't have to use as much energy on his magic.'

  'Do you want me to lead?' she said, hoping he wouldn't say yes.

  'If you had as much experience as I, I wouldn't hesitate a moment. But you're still an apprentice. V we get out of here alive, you will be on your way to being a master.'

  They went up the steps cut out of the stone. At the top was another archway. Smhee stopped before it and held his torch high to look within it. But he kept his head outside it.

  'Ha!'

  11

  He motioned her to come to his side. She saw that the interior of the deep doorway was grooved. Above the grooves was the bottom of a slab of stone.<
br />
  'If the mechanism is triggered, that slab will crash down and block off anyone chasing the mage,' he said. 'And it'd crush anyone in the portal. Maybe ...'

  He looked at the wall surrounding the archway but could find nothing.

  'The release mechanism must be in the other room. A time-delay device.'

  He got as near to the entrance as he could without going into it, and he stuck his torch through the opening.

  'I can't see it. It must be just around the corner. But I do see what looks like webs.'

  Masha breathed deeply.

  'If they're real spiders, they'll be intimidated by the torches,' he said. 'Unless the mage has conditioned them not to be or uses magic to overcome their natural fear. The magic spiders won't pay any attention to the flame.'

  She thought that it was all very uncertain, but she did not comment.

  He bent down and peered at the stone floor just beyond the doorway. He turned. 'Here. Your young eyes are better than my old ones. Can you see a thread or anything like it raised above the floor just beyond the door?'

  She said, 'No, I can't.'

  'Nevertheless.'

  He threw his torch through the doorway. At his order, she got, down with her cheek against the stone and looked against the flame.

  She rose, saying, 'I can see a very thin line about an inch above the floor. It could be a cord.'

  'Just as I thought. An old Sharranpip trick.'

  He stepped back after asking her to get out of the way. And he leaped through the doorway and came down past the cord. She followed. As they picked up their torches, he said pointing, 'There are the mechanisms. One is the time-delay. The other releases the door so it'll fall behind the first who enters and trap him. Anyone following will be crushed by the slab.'

  After telling her to keep an eye on the rest of the room, he examined the array of wheels, gears, and counterweights and the rope that ran from one device through a hole in the ceiling.

  'The rope is probably attached to an alarm system above,' he said. 'Very well. I know how to actuate both of these. If you should by any foul chance come back alone, all you have to do is to jump through and then throw a torch or something on that cord. The door will come down and block off your pursuers. But get outside as fast as you can because...'