Persuading Annie

by Melissa Nathan

  To relief all round, Victoria and Charles eventually won.

  ‘No thanks to you,’ Victoria congratulated her husband.

  Finally, they all sprawled out, exhausted by their efforts, staring at the board.

  Eventually Victoria broke the silence. ‘Oh Annie, can you look after the boys Wednesday week in the evening? I’ve got a reserve appointment to go and see my osteopath. My migraines are getting worse. She could only fit me in at 9.30 in the evening. Bloody ridiculous time, but I’ve simply got to go.’

  Annie smiled apologetically. ‘Sorry Vicky,’ she replied quietly. ‘I’ve got a hot date.’

  ‘Oh?’

  The entire room seemed interested, except of course, for Jake, who was quietly tidying up the boardgame.

  ‘With Eddie the Teddie?’ asked Fi.

  ‘No,’ replied Annie haughtily. ‘That would be unethical.’

  ‘Oh! So it’s unethical to shag father’s chief exec,’ started Victoria, ‘but it’s not unethical to shag his plumb—’

  ‘Yes, all right, thank you,’ interrupted Annie. ‘Why the sudden interest in my love life? Are you all too bored with your own?’

  ‘No, we just think you’re wasted being single,’ said Charles sincerely.

  ‘How clever of you Charles! To try and compliment me and insult me instead.’

  ‘Oh. Sorry.’

  ‘Anyway. The point is I can’t babysit Wednesday week. I might be having a long night.’

  This had the desired effect. Sophie and Fi whooped and Victoria and Charles laughed. Jake read the Pictionary cards studiously.

  ‘Obviously I’d look after the boys tomorrow if I could,’ Charles said, ‘but there’s an emergency meeting at the golf club.’

  ‘Golly! Sounds important!’ exclaimed Victoria. ‘Are you voting on whether the cucumber sandwiches should be served with their crusts on?’

  Charles didn’t answer.

  ‘Bring the boys here,’ said Fi, anxious to stop a row. ‘They can join in our Pilates class and then we’ll get them ready for bed to be picked up later.’

  ‘And if the date’s a no-hoper, I’ll pick them up and take them home,’ concluded Annie. ‘Otherwise, Vicky can pick them up after her appointment.’

  ‘Oh yes,’ said Victoria. ‘That’ll be perfect for curing my migraines. Picking up two small tired boys. Thank you team.’

  Charles started helping Jake clear up the game.

  While Annie walked back from the kitchen after clearing away the cups, she overheard Fi and Tony by the front door.

  ‘I’ll flirt with whoever I want to flirt with,’ came Fi’s voice. ‘If you can’t handle it, you know what you can do.’

  There was silence for a while and then the door slammed shut.

  And then she heard Fi say out loud,

  ‘And it looked like a bloody anteater.’

  13

  WEDNESDAY WEEK WAS rather a big day. Not only was it Annie’s blind date with Cass’s Greek god in the evening, but in the morning it was the next time she had to sit face to face with Jake for a long period of time. The consultants were giving an update meeting after the first few weeks of their work and Susannah had specifically requested Annie’s presence there. Now that George and Katherine were in New York Susannah felt it necessary to have a family presence in the room.

  ‘It will give the right impression,’ she’d explained. ‘Try to act important, dear.’

  Annie was surprised at how much calmer she felt about being in the same room as Jake now that she knew what to expect: he would simply ignore her. Which she decided would be easy to deal with, now that she knew to ignore him first. While trying to act important. In fact, she’d probably be so busy trying to act important, she’d hardly have time to ignore him. She’d have to squeeze it in when she could.

  Sitting between them were Edward, Susannah and David. Annie watched Jake cough a welcome cough and straighten his tie.

  ‘Well, hello people,’ he began and gave them all a disarmingly boyish grin.

  Instantly disarmed, Annie frowned hard at him, as if physically trying to put a stop to the disarming process.

  Jake paused for a fraction of a moment, put off by such a sudden and strong sign of hostility. Damn her. He’d show her something to frown about. He spoke fast.

  ‘Last week we went through the ‘As Is’ and ‘To Be’ BPR analysis outputs and found opportunities for efficiency gains. The next step is simply to operationalise it.’ Breathe. Nod of handsome head to emphasise. ‘I think you’ll all agree communication is the key.’

  Now Annie was really frowning. Was he talking English?

  ‘Excuse me?’

  Jake looked up and smiled patiently at her, making her feel like a three-year-old who’d just informed him that she had a new pixie dance to show him.

  ‘I didn’t understand a word of that.’

  Jake was momentarily flummoxed. The Annie he knew of old would never have confessed that. She always hated looking like an idiot in public. Meanwhile Susannah gave her a fond smile, as if her pixie dance had already begun.

  ‘It’s just business jargon, my dear.’

  ‘I understand it’s jargon,’ replied Annie, embarrassed. ‘I just thought if there’s any point in me being here, I might as well understand what’s being said.’

  She looked back at Jake and raised her eyebrows, which had the unintended result of making her look half her age. Edward gave her a sideways glance – she really was exceptionally pretty. And refreshingly open about being dense. A winning combination in a girl. He was also grateful for her question – he had no idea what Jake was on about either. He gave her an encouraging smile. Annie felt as if her pixie dance was going fantastically well.

  ‘Of course,’ Jake replied tensely. ‘That was very remiss of me. I’ll try and put it into language you can understand. Um. Right. Where shall I start?’

  ‘How about Once Upon A Time?’ suggested Annie.

  They all laughed. Only Jake understood that she was mocking him and not herself.

  ‘We do tend to get carried away with our jargon,’ he continued. ‘I apologise.’

  Hah. One-love, thought Annie. Maybe this was going to be easier than she thought. Maybe Jake was still as readable as he used to be. Hold on, he was talking …

  ‘… So as agreed at the last meeting, we’ve started our Business Process Re-engineering – a … process – hence the title – which refers to the processes by which we get things done: re-engineering means improving them, i.e. increasing speed, quality etc.’

  Annie nodded slowly, her eyes fixed firmly on Jake in a vain attempt to concentrate on what he was saying and not on what she was thinking. It would be a darn sight easier if he didn’t seem to be struggling so much with every word. Gosh – so many frown lines …

  Jake frowned hard as he tried to concentrate on what he was saying instead of what he was feeling. It would help if that bitch stopped trying to stare him out. Keep going, just keep going … ‘And now, we have to … operationalise, um, implement all those processes that came up from the … BPR analysis.’

  There was silence. He’d finished. Annie thought about what he’d just said. Now was the time for her to say something that showed insight and intelligence.

  ‘Ooh,’ she said. ‘Lots of processes.’

  Jake considered this for a moment. She’d got him there. He was in a corner. He had to surrender.

  ‘Yes, lots of processes,’ he said. ‘Well spotted.’ No one could say he was a bad loser. He even managed to give her a congratulatory smile.

  Annie felt her pixie dance had been a resounding success. Good thing she’d worn the pink tutu. She looked out of the window as Jake tidied his files.

  Susannah leafed quietly through the BPR report.

  ‘It all looks most impressive,’ she said, nodding.

  Thank Christ for that, thought Jake, remembering to breathe out.

  ‘Oh good,’ he said calmly. ‘We do feel that although it’s still ea
rly days, it’s remarkable to see how things have turned out. And a lot of things have come out from the staff interviews and workshops. Your staff have got some great ideas.’

  Susannah looked up, alarmed.

  ‘I’m not sure I like the sound of that.’

  Of course not, thought Jake. What finance director ever does? And what finance director ever puts two and two together and realises that that’s exactly why they’ve had to approach consultants in the first place?

  He smiled at Susannah and spoke gently.

  ‘Believe it or not, staff are often the people with the best answers. They’re usually the ones who know how to make their jobs more efficient.’

  Susannah looked dubious and Annie decided it would be a good time to change the subject. ‘You said – among other incomprehensible things – that communication was the key?’

  David gave her such a grin of approval he might as well have given her the ‘thumbs up’ signal across the desk. Even despite Jake’s constant coolness, she could tell he was also impressed.

  ‘I did. Thank you, Ms Markham.’

  Oh prig off, she thought. Ms Markham indeed. I’ve seen you in your underwear, you don’t fool me. Mind you, she considered, that was a long time ago. She wondered how much he’d changed …

  ‘… So it’s imperative we prevent that at all costs,’ concluded Jake.

  Woops. Prevent what? Damn.

  ‘Absolutely,’ chimed in Edward. ‘We don’t want any nasty rumours abounding. Can’t have my staff unhappy. They’re like my children, you know.’

  Ah, rumours. Good old Edward, thought Annie, and gave him a warm grin. She was back on track.

  Edward grinned back at her. She grinned a bit more. He grinned even more. Then Annie became vaguely aware that Susannah was smiling fondly at them both as if they were all in a scene from the Bible. She stopped grinning immediately. Bible smiles from godmothers were a definite turn-off.

  ‘I said, have you had time to evaluate our BPR report or would you like to keep it a bit longer?’ repeated Jake.

  Edward grinned man-to-man at him. ‘Sorry old chap, mind elsewhere, know how it is.’

  ‘Actually, I was talking to Annie,’ said Jake.

  ‘I’ve got a good idea!’ exclaimed Edward at Annie suddenly. ‘We could look through it together tonight. Over a bottle of bubbly.’

  ‘Oh, I’m so sorry,’ said Annie genuinely. ‘I can’t tonight. I’m … busy.’

  ‘Oh,’ said Edward, surprised at how disappointed he was. That was the last time he ever asked anyone on a first date in front of their family and his employees. ‘Never mind. Another time.’

  ‘Oh, is tonight your date?’ Jake asked Annie.

  Annie stared at him in fury. How dare he? He’d managed to ignore all signs of even hearing her talk at the dinner party, and now he was telling them all that she had a date – and in front of Edward! She stared at Jake, her eyes wide, her jaw slack. ‘Oh I’m sorry,’ said Jake. ‘Was it a secret?’ Annie’s eyes continued to widen and her jaw to drop. She only regained control of her facial features when it occurred to her that she probably looked like a guppy.

  Edward seemed to visibly back off. ‘Oh well then. Another time.’

  Annie could almost feel Susannah’s disapproval freeze on her shoulders.

  Right, she thought, so furious at Jake she forgot to blink for whole minutes. That was it. It was War.

  * * * * *

  Jake shook Susannah’s hand, holding the eye contact, grin and handshake even longer than usual. Every second counted.

  ‘Most impressive,’ said Susannah. ‘Keep up the good work.’

  ‘We do our best.’

  As he left the office for his car, he let out a long, deep sigh. He opened the car door and slid in behind the steering wheel. Once in the cool of the car, he leant heavily on the wheel.

  ‘Don’t ever do that again,’ he told himself, his hand jerking up to his twitching neck. ‘Don’t ever let her get to you again.’ He screwed his eyes shut. ‘Don’t fuck this up because of her.’

  Then he sat up, put the key in the ignition and drove away.

  * * * * *

  ‘And then she just told me she didn’t love me any more. And get this – she’d never really loved me – she’d tried to, because I was so hopelessly in love with her – that was the word she used, hopelessly – but she’d always felt more like a sister to me than a girlfriend – no she didn’t say girlfriend, what did she say – oh yes, lover. More like a sister than a ‘lover’. A sister! Three years and she’d always felt like a sister towards me. Of course, she hadn’t mentioned that when I’d bought her the villa in Tuscany. Or screwed her senseless while we were moored at Monte Carlo. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my sister as much as the next man, but that doesn’t mean I want to shag her brains out. Oh God, sorry. Bad taste, sorry. But what I want to know is, if that’s how she behaves with someone she feels sisterly towards, what the hell does that say about her prat of a brother? Between you and me I always thought there was something fishy going on there. Now, there was a thoroughly irritating twat, let me tell you. If he’d have got into Eton – which he wouldn’t – he wouldn’t have lasted a bloody week. Anyway, to cut a long story short, owch. Bloody owch.

  ‘Thought of suicide, of course. But hate the sight of blood, can’t tie knots and not good with pills, even when I take them with Ovaltine. Amazed how anyone does it, to be honest. And frankly, as my old man always said, it’s the coward’s way out. More importantly, who’d look after the manor? Anyway, cut a very long story very short, life goes on, doesn’t it. Yep, life bloody well goes on and on and on and you get used to the hellish dump that is your world and slump from one meaningless day to the next, safe in the knowledge that death will inevitably release you from this sham of an existence.

  ‘And then Cass suggested I meet you, so here we are.’

  Annie smiled weakly at Angus over their untouched dinner. The blind date was going about as well as she had expected.

  ‘Would you like to see the dessert menu?’ asked the waitress.

  Only if it comes with ear plugs, thought Annie morosely.

  Angus clapped his hands together in anticipation.

  ‘Ah yes, the perfect end to a perfect evening.’ And on that witticism, he toasted Annie.

  She smiled at him briefly. Go on, she thought, as he winked at her over his wine. Ask me something about myself. Anything. It’s been two hours. I don’t even mind if it’s personal. Ask me what my bra size is. Ask me if I like to talk dirty during sex. Anything.

  ‘What I don’t get,’ started Angus. ‘Is that I could – and did – give her everything. I mean, everything. In fact, what could she possibly get without me that she felt she couldn’t get with me?’

  Insomnia? reasoned Annie.

  ‘You know, the thing about women …’

  Oh do tell, thought Annie, perking up slightly. I don’t know any women. So much to learn, so little time …

  ‘I don’t think they realise they’re doing it, it’s sort of beyond their control. They’re prisoners of their hormones. I don’t really blame them, I suppose, it’s what makes them so endearing …’

  I’m going to kill Cass, thought Annie, and immediately felt better.

  An aeon later, Annie saw the waitress finally bringing over their desserts. She gave her a wide, expansive smile. One step nearer to freedom. She watched Angus tucking into his bread and butter pudding and tried not to be depressed by the fact that there was a mother out there who loved him.

  Light years later, they stood outside the restaurant.

  Angus clapped his hands together again.

  ‘Nightcap? My place?’ Another wink.

  God, Annie hated winkers.

  I’d love to, she thought, but I’d have to shoot myself afterwards.

  ‘I’d love to,’ she said, ‘but I have to go and pick up my nephews for my sister.’

  ‘Oh.’ Angus was surprised.

  ‘She’s go
t a migraine,’ explained Annie apologetically.

  She almost changed her mind when Angus touched her lightly round the waist, told her how wonderful he had found her company and then shyly but surely gave her a remarkably effective kiss.

  Am I being rash? she wondered idly, enjoying its effects.

  Nope, she concluded finally. He might start talking again.

  Instead, she nipped over to Fi and Sophie’s flat to pick up the boys. She hoped they hadn’t been too much of a nuisance. Or weren’t too exhausted. It was now eleven o’clock.

  She stood outside their door massaging her temples and trying to remember how life had felt before she’d met Angus. Was I happy then? she wondered. It all seemed so long ago.

  When the door opened and Jake stood in front of her, her mind, which Angus had left numb, was now blown.

  They stared at each other for a while.

  ‘Hello,’ she said finally, deciding it was as safe as anything else to say.

  ‘Hello,’ he replied.

  ‘It’s Annie Markham,’ she explained helpfully. ‘I’ve just been on my date. Perhaps you could inform Reuters?’

  Jake blinked at her. He had absolutely no idea how to play this. He’d been prepared all the other times. And surrounded by people. Luckily Annie started talking again.

  ‘Can I get to my nephews or are you on sentry duty?’

  Jake opened the door and stood aside, keeping his eyes anywhere but on her.

  ‘They’re upstairs.’

  ‘Oh well done. Communication is the key, they say …’

  Amazed at how swiftly her feelings could change from boredom to fury, Annie had no choice but to walk past him.

  She felt stupidly self-conscious climbing the dark, narrow staircase in front of Jake. As she went, she kept her eyes fixed on the stairs, focusing on the royal blue carpet, aware that Jake was keeping a steady two paces behind her. Good, she thought. It’s where he belongs.

  Fi’s voice came down the stairs.

  ‘Who is it?’

  Annie decided to let Jake answer that.

  ‘It’s um—’

  In one swift movement, she turned and stepped down so that her face was level with Jake’s. He almost jumped.