Starburst

by Imogene Nix

  Elara snorted. “More like lip-locked, you mean!” Her eyes twinkled in her scarred face—the marks on Elara’s skin physical reminders of the torture she’d suffered at the hand of Crick Sur Banden and his researchers.

  Meredith stole a swift glance up, and she saw that Mellissa had to quietly cover a laugh with her hand. Meredith wished there was a hole in the floor to swallow her up. She wasn’t quite sure how to react in these sorts of situations.

  “I’m beginning to think this ship has become a floating dating service,” groused Duvall. Meredith knew, though, that his words were in fun as he leaned back in his command chair. “We need to start. As we’re entering the Border Worlds, we need our wits about us. Meredith?”

  She smiled, finally finding level ground. Work, she not only understood but could also contain. She wasted no time pulling the small data card from her pocket and sliding it into the corresponding slot in front of her.

  “I’ve started to make inroads on some of the code. We already know that they’re aware Chowd is one of the crew, and they know he’s the security chief. What we didn’t know is that Crick Sur Banden planned on grabbing him at some point, once they re-established their earlier base on Rubicon VII. They have strategic bases in several sectors, including this—” Meredith pointed to a system on the holo-map she engaged. “—and this.”

  The door chimed, and Raven and Jemma entered together, hand in hand, a sheepish look on their faces. Their mouths were slightly swollen, and once more Meredith glanced away from them. The memory of the two lovers entwined around each other filled her with embarrassed heat.

  “As I was saying, I’ve been scouring the plans we found on the Alpha Star Colony. I’ve also extrapolated that they continue to have a presence on Otega, but I’ll come back to that later.”

  She stopped, looking around the table to see if anyone’s face showed puzzlement at her words. The only one that did was Chowd’s, which paled. She extended a hand and grabbed his under the table, wincing as he squeezed lightly.

  “We also know Crick has an alliance with the Phobos pirates. I did note some information concerning them in my report, among many other factors. I have the location of their base, which we should relay back to the Admiralty, and as I also found a detailed layout of their base, I think it makes sense to send that through as well. Seems Crick only wanted them on his side while the going was good though. He plans to get rid of them once he has damaged the Earth Empire sufficiently to run a final incursion on Earth himself. It’s all there in his coded tactical plan.” She shoved the printed matter to Duvall who grunted.

  “That’s good to know, but do you have any information on the cloaking technology or their plans for the ruling Ru’Edan Senate?” Duvall asked.

  “There’s a lot more, but I’ve barely scratched the surface and have been running data matches pretty much without a break for the last week we’ve been in hyperspace. What you do need to know, though, the one biggest news flash...his log. It has a record of his rambling thoughts, and surprisingly, it’s not coded or encrypted.” Meredith rubbed her ear as she considered how best to explain her concerns. “It doesn’t make an awful lot of sense. I mean, it’s clear he never expected us to successfully infiltrate the colony base and capture it, but there’s a rant, or several million, about you, Duvall, and about Chowd too. I also found his plans for the infiltrator we sent back to the Admiralty.”

  She gulped again as the remembered bile rose up.

  “I have to say, I’m damned glad we got her out of there. His plan was to impregnate her and—” She glanced away, unable to air the revelations. “Well, it’s all there. I’ve started a process of cross-matching the style of his later entries to earlier records that I found, but there seems to be a definite deterioration in his mental state. I’d like Elara to take a look, though, if possible. It would be handy to have a professional opinion of what I’m seeing.”

  Elara nodded slowly and added a little bit into the scrolling information on the screen with quick taps to the console before her. “I’d be quite interested to see them. While we’re on that subject, Chowd, did you say you had heard he had a long-time addiction to Xeradax?”

  “Yes. My contacts say it is long running, dating back to my escape.”

  For a moment, Meredith was sure she caught a glint of humor, but that quickly died away and she wondered if maybe she’d imagined it.

  “Meredith, if you would transfer those files to my office desk screen,” Elara requested. “I will ask that you remain available to me, though, in case there is something there that might help us work out his thought patterns.”

  “Of course, Elara. Now to Otega.”

  “I can fill you in there,” Chowd said. “Otega is a planet in deep space, situated in the X’il quadrant. It’s where he settled a base after he and the rogues first escaped. It’s more of a planetoid, with a deep underground bunker. I have personal knowledge of it, Duvall, and will fill you in later.”

  Chowd’s words sounded distant, and it occurred to her that this was probably where he grew up. The timeframe fit along with their knowledge of Crick’s previous strongholds.

  They settled into forming a plan, and for once she played an integral part, something she’d never before experienced, having always stayed sequestered on Aenna.

  “Now,” Duvall said, “we need to discuss the matter of the ambassador. Grayson has informed me that it could take us another few days to get through the Border Region and meet our escort. Elara, has Jemma been cleared for active duty?”

  “Yes, as of this morning, I have signed her off to resume duty tomorrow.” Elara smiled, and Jemma beamed exultantly.

  “Thank God! Now I can be useful again.” The words burst from the perfectly formed lips of the woman who had changed so much from the bad-tempered and demanding young woman Meredith had first met. Her status as a combat pilot attached to the Elector and a certified Ace clearly had made a change in her life. That, and her pairing with Raven, the engineer.

  “Fine, then Grayson will roster you into the rotation flying wing for the Elector while we travel. Meredith will continue to search for the key to tracking these ships, but we all need to remain alert. We can’t count on any help in this area of space.”

  Meredith got the impression that Duvall, while feeling the strain of his command, also relished the thrill of the hunt.

  “Raven and Chowd? I’ll need you to stay back for a few minutes to set up a security meeting. We’ll reconvene when necessary. Dismissed.”

  She rose, not knowing what would happen once she left the room but hoping Duvall wouldn’t get involved in her mixed-up relationship with Chowd. She already had enough on her plate with Chowd’s hot and cold behavior and the task ahead of them.

  * * * *

  Meredith waited in the cabin, hoping Chowd would return soon. The tiny desk screen beeped as she continued tedious grunt work. “He can’t be too far away, surely?”

  He’d been brooding for the last few days, and it felt like she was balancing on a high-wire. All careful words and actions without the depth of emotion she’d started to rely on. She felt thin and stretched by the situation.

  And Chowd? He’d been nearly silent.

  Her head ached. It did that most days at the moment, and sleeping had become something she fought, not wanting to face the erotic fantasies her brain replayed nightly. “Ha! Erotic fantasies that are so far from my reality.”

  She knew each night he fought exhaustion. He’d work until late into the night, here in his office. He avoided sharing this bed with her. He averted his gaze and he didn’t speak. That hurt most of all.

  Last night, she’d worked until halfway through an algorithm when she must have dropped off, her body finally giving in. She’d woken this morning bent at an unnatural angle, her body twisted around the humming machine ready for the next layer of code. She’d cursed her dreams that left her body tense with arousal, nipples tight, and between her legs, her panties wet with hunger. It was the first
night in nearly a week that she’d slept for more than four hours straight.

  To make things worse, he hadn’t joined her in the bed. Not once since that night. She knew of his confusion, though she didn’t understand it. Meredith saw the longing in his eyes when he thought she wasn’t looking, but the wall of ice between them kept growing, and she didn’t know how to get through it. Truthfully, now she wasn’t sure if she even wanted to. The burn in her eyes grew as moisture welled.

  “I can’t do this anymore,” she said into the silence. “I can’t stay with him any longer.” Once said, she acknowledged the truth in the words. It hurt, shredding her deep inside where she knew she’d never recover.

  Meredith stood up after making a split-second decision. In the bedroom, she grabbed the bag she’d brought to the cabin, then carefully scooped up her clothing and toiletries and stashed them within the confines of the leather. No time like the present.

  It didn’t seem fair to impose on him any longer, let alone continue the torture. Honestly, the situation just left her both hurting and angry. “I need to move back into my cabin.” Her sight blurred, and she realized it was because of her tears. Meredith dashed away the wet tracks dribbling down her face with the back of her shaking fingers.

  “What are you doing?”

  The voice at the door startled her so that she dropped the lingerie to the bed. Her heart thudded wildly in her chest, and she cursed her bad timing. Why did he have to turn up now before she was done packing her things?

  “I just...think I should go back...” Her words were thick as she kept her back turned to him. Don’t let him see. Meredith wasn’t sure though, if it was to spare him or herself the humiliation and pain.

  One breath. Another. Concentrate on blinking and clearing away the tears. She furtively swiped the tears from her face. Get yourself under control before you face him.

  “Meredith? Turn around, please. Tell me why you’re leaving.”

  Could this pain grow any worse? He had no idea what he was doing to her.

  “Meredith?”

  His voice was quiet but demanding, and stars save her, a sob ripped from her mouth, her chest heaving as the pressure released in the single eruption of sound. She covered her mouth with her shaking hand, hoping to hold the pain in, but it didn’t work.

  She sucked in a deep breath and held still, her eyes tightly shut. “I can’t... I have to...”

  She didn’t hear him move toward her. Shock zinged through her when his arms folded around her, steadying her, and she wanted to burrow in. She ached, needing his support, but unsure if it were really offered. Wring from him a declaration that he wouldn’t do this to her, leave her in an emotional limbo.

  She pushed against him as frustration mounted. Not ever again! Close her out of his thoughts? No! The voice inside her reminded her it was his actions. Not hers. He had closed the communication channels, avoided her, and pushed her away.

  But her heart, battered and ripped to bleeding shreds, desperately needed the reassurance of him close to her. Her world shattered, leaving her stranded on an emotional sea while she searched for a way out.

  “You can’t leave. Please, Meredith. Don’t leave me. Not now.”

  Meredith nearly missed his quietly spoken words in her haze of misery. His hands, gentle on her, turned her to his chest before folding them around her. She inhaled the scent of him, the one she’d missed in the last few days. Felt the strength in his arms and the closeness she craved.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just needed time to understand my feelings.” He held her close. “I didn’t know it would hurt you like this.” His lips strayed close to the side of her face, and she felt the subtle whisper of his breath against her skin.

  She shuddered as the feeling that had bloomed in her chest so large it threatened to choke her finally started to subside. “You pushed me away.” The strangled words escaped like a painful accusation, and she felt him flinch.

  “Yes, I did, and it was wrong. So wrong. I didn’t know how to cope. I don’t know how to do this without hurting you.”

  She willed her body to settle as he held her close to him. The heavy beating of his heart beneath her ear reassured her that he struggled just as much as she did.

  “You don’t just shut out someone unless you no longer want to be with them. You can’t just ignore me and think it’ll be fine. It won’t be.” She trembled but pushed out of his hold.

  He took her hand and tugged her gently toward the bed. “It scares me. I feel myself falling deeper into this...” He waved his hand and looked so confused.

  Meredith almost laughed. “This what?”

  “I don’t know. These emotions scare me. I’ve never experienced something like this.” He sat down, and she followed, perched on the side of the bed. “But my reaction was wrong. Next time I do something like that, maybe you should just hit me over the head and make me see reason.” His eyes pleaded with her for understanding.

  The coldness that had settled around her heart began to melt, just a little. Not totally, but it left a chink unprotected. Meredith desperately wanted to believe his words.

  She giggled, a watery hiccup sound. “Like that would do me any good.”

  “Meredith, I can’t tell you enough how sorry I am. I don’t know what to call this emotion inside me. Not yet.” His eyes willed her to understand, and she nodded, understanding his need for time. “I just need to work it out. But I promise, from this point on, I will talk to you. As best I can. Just...just don’t leave me?” His voice tapered off and his face shuttered.

  He’s truly scared. Love for this complicated and damaged man rushed up once more. Meredith inclined her head in acceptance. Maybe they still had a chance.

  * * * *

  Chowd waited at the table. The tactical meeting had gone well with everyone around the table offering workable solutions while Grayson chaired the meeting. Duvall and the ambassador had been absent as they communicated with the Ru’Edan ship and took the long-range transmissions from the mothership regarding the transportation of the ambassador to the small planet midway within the Ru’Edan Space.

  Why is this taking so long? We’ve been here for weeks. Chowd curled his fist tightly, aware that this brinkmanship necessitated diplomatic handling. It wasn’t his natural way of behaving.

  He flexed a sore hand. He’d been burning off his frustration with long and involved training sessions. And nights shared with Meredith. He grinned at that. She was simply amazing.

  “Chowd?” His commbadge squarked.

  “Yes?”

  “Are there any developments?” His second was as tense as he was. In fact, all his men were tightly wound springs, but tempers were fraying as the frustration wore on the crew and the highly unstable atmosphere on the Elector came close to explosive.

  “No. I’ll update you after the meeting.” He tapped his fingers on the tabletop. The meeting had already been deferred twice today. Hopefully it wouldn’t be again.

  Meredith sat down beside him and the peace she exuded swept over him, blanketing him and renewing his patience. He smiled and gripped her hands under the table, as had become their practice in the meetings.

  Duvall strode into the room, his face tight, and the ambassador followed him, the door sliding quietly closed behind them. Clearly the negotiations had tanked. He released Meredith’s hand, ready for anything.

  “We’ve just received a message from the Ru’Edan mothership confirming that they will finalize the transfer of the ambassador to their ship. They stand by their refusal to allow the Elector any further into their space, so we’ll need to send a small team with the ambassador to ensure his safety.”

  Chowd straightened in his chair, ready to object.

  Duvall pinned him with a sharp glance. “After I’m done, Chowd. I’ve already made arrangements for the transfer. Jemma, you’ll pilot the shuttle and I’ll send Raven with you. He’ll act as your engineer in this situation. Raven, you’ll check the shuttle f
or bugs and anything... inconvenient.” Duvall raised a hand before anyone could speak. “Not that I expect anything like that, but it’s a necessary precaution. Chowd, handpick two of your men to accompany you and Meredith as guards.”

  When he glanced at Meredith, Chowd’s gut froze.

  “I’m sending you too, Meredith. While I would prefer you here, the Admiral did order that you be available to decode and translate, as required by the ambassador and his assistant. Chowd will ensure you are guarded at all times.”

  Duvall and Chowd’s gazes met and he read the fear in his captain’s eyes.

  The ambassador looked away briefly, and a hint of moisture glossed his eyes. “Captain McCord, once more, I protest. There was an implied assurance given by the Admiralty to the Empire that I would remain aboard the Elector for the duration of the travel then return the same way. I want it placed on the record that I formally object.” His voice betrayed his anger, the words steely and cold.

  Chowd felt his fingers flex around the butt of his small laser pistol in an automatic response, and he released the hard, metallic surface as quickly as he had grasped it. While he doubted the ambassador posed any serious threat to Duvall, he would always protect his captain first.

  The ambassador caught his action and blanched.

  “Stop it,” Meredith hissed at him, laying her hands on his.

  Chowd exhaled heavily but gave in to her demands.

  “Chowd, explain to the ambassador my reasoning.” Duvall’s tight voice betrayed his frustration. It was clear Duvall was minding his manners, as he’d usually have exploded in a bubble of fury. It was obvious he hated every second of the restriction. Maybe we’d all better watch ourselves for the next little while.

  “Ambassador, with all due respect, we are entering their planetary space, so they call the shots. In this case, we can offer a highly trained support team. Jemma is the best pilot we have. A certified Ace. Raven is our senior engineer, and can make sure it is as safe as we can make it. My men will be handpicked. Everyone is considered deadly in a range of combat types from hand-to-hand to extensive weaponry skills. Meredith can intercept and decode as needed, so we always know their movements.” Chowd paused, waiting for the man to understand the lengths they were willing to take to protect him. “As we’re also unsure of the fluency of the senators in our own language, it seems appropriate to have one of our own there, just in case her skills are required. She is also certified in high-level programming sequences, should the need arise. I am fluent in almost every dialect of Ru’Edan society, both high and low class.”