Now, I was sitting on the porch in a rocking chair sipping a beer as I watched fireflies light up the yard. It was late, but still fairly warm. My nephews had played until my sister-in-law had forced them to go to bed, leaving me here waiting for CJ to come home. When his bike turned into the driveway, I all but leaped up to scold him. The look of worry on his face over getting into trouble told me he already knew that I’d punish him so I backed off. He was filthy. Dirt and grim covered his sweaty face. His hair was full of dust, and his t-shirt and shorts were covered in sweat and grime.
“I’m know I’m trouble,” he mumbled. “Can you yell at me in the morning?” He peered up at me as I held myself in check. I’d given him a quick nod before he’d scampered inside.
As I sit here now, I wonder just how I’m going to deal with this. I know I need to go over there and confront her. I’m sure CJ didn’t bother to tell her that he wasn’t allowed over there. I know as soon as I show up, she’s going to be angry and I’ll be lucky to get two words in. She’ll see me as her father when I tell her that my son isn’t allowed to spend time with her. She won’t understand, but it’s for the best. I know that. I know that them being together is the worst possible outcome. She needs to leave and go back to her fancy life in the city and leave us alone. We’ve been fine the last ten years. I made a promise that I’m trying to honor, but Morgan and CJ are making it harder every day.
After spending a few more minutes on the porch, I reluctantly stand and head inside. Tomorrow, I’ll go over there. Tomorrow, I’ll face her for the first time in ten years. Tomorrow, I’ll lock my heart down as I stand before her as the cold person I once had to be to make her leave. I’ll use that same voice, same face, same everything to make her leave once again. I’ll protect what’s mine, and follow through with what I said I’d always do. I’ll break us even more if that’s even possible. I haven’t been whole since she left, and whatever’s left is going to shatter apart as I hurt her once again…tomorrow.
“SO YOU WANT to tell me why you thought it was a good idea to do the one thing I told you you couldn’t?” I’d been standing in the kitchen, leaning against the counter, as my son ate his cereal, all the while trying to control my temper.
“I didn’t mean to,” he mumbled as he shoveled another bite into his mouth.
“Didn’t mean to what? Lie to me? Get caught? What?” I clamped my hands down on the edge of the counter.
“All of that,” his head tipped down as he slumped in the chair.
“CJ,” I sighed. “What’s so great about being over there? Is this over the bike? You want it that bad that you’d lie to me?”
“It was, but not anymore.” He released the spoon he was holding as he slowly turned to face me. “She’s nice, Dad. We talk, and she really listens. She’s like a real mom.” He bit the inside of his cheek and he refused to make eye contact with me.
“We’ve talked about this,” I blew out a breath. “I’m sorry your mom isn’t here. I can’t help that she left,” I shook my head. “You aren’t to go over there anymore. Do you hear me? You stay away from that house.” I pointed my finger at him before delivering the final blow. “Go get the money she’s given you,” I pointed toward his room.
CJ slowly stood and shuffled down the hall. When he returned with the waded up cash, he held it out to me. “Here,” his lip trembled as he held his hand up. “It’s sixty-five dollars. I almost have enough.”
“We’re giving this back,” I began straighten the bills. “You didn’t have permission to take it.”
“But, Dad!” he squealed. “That’s not fair. I worked hard for that,” he crossed his arms over his chest as he stomped his feet.
“I don’t really care right now,” I growled. “I told you not to go over there. I told you to stay away. You lied to me. You’ve been lying all week. How am I supposed to trust you now?” I turned to face him and tossed my hands in the air.
“I don’t know,” he grumbled as he kicked at the floor.
“You can think about that when you spend the day with your uncle. I’m sure he has plenty of things that you can do for free in his house,” I folded the cash, and tucked it in my pocket. “Now go get dressed. I’m taking you downstairs, and then I’m taking this money back.”
“Yes, Sir.” He pouted as he turned and stomped back to his room. His door slammed just as I heard him throw something across the room.
“You better not break anything,” I called but was met with silence. I knew he was mad. Hell, I was mad too. Now I had to be the bad guy because she was back. If she’d just stayed in the city, none of this would be happening right now.
AFTER DROPPING CJ at my brother’s, I climbed in my truck and made the dreaded drive over to the Cooper house. The sight that I was met with when I pulled up just about took my breath away. I hadn’t seen her in ten years, and as I watched her try to change a light bulb in one of the fixtures by the front door, all I could do was stare.
She was perched on the top of a stepladder, reaching up as far as she could above her head. Her long blonde hair was pulled back, and a pink bandana was wrapped around it. A pair of gray shorts with paint splatters on them barely covered her ass, and a pink t-shirt looked as if it was draped on her it was so large. Her feet were bare, and her toes balanced precariously on the ladder as it swayed. I watched her for a moment, just taking it all in. Time had done nothing but make her even more beautiful, and my heart seized in my chest. How was I ever going to push her away?
I slowly shook my head as I climbed out of my truck and began walking in her direction. She was either oblivious to my presence or really good at ignoring me because she didn’t react as I moved closer.
“Almost,” I heard her mutter as her fingers brushed against the mount on the brick wall. I knew she wouldn’t be able to change this light, at least not unless she grew about two more inches. “Right there,” her voice was strained, and right when I was getting ready to announce myself she started to wobble. “Shit!” she gasped as the ladder began to rock. Before I could steady it, she came toppling off of it and unceremoniously crashed into my chest.
My arms shot out on instinct to grab her. Years of working in the hardware store, I guess. Her eyes went wide as my arms cradled her against me, and as soon as she figured out who I was, she scrambled to get free. “I’m fine.” She twisted out of my embrace.
“You sure about that?” I watched her, trying to gauge her mood.
“I don’t need anything from you,” she huffed as she glanced down at where she’d dropped the light bulb. It had shattered on the ground, and her shoulders slumped with the realization that she might need my help after all.
“Seems you need my height,” I pointed at the fixture on the side of the house.
“I’ll get the yard guy to do it,” she shrugged as she started to walk away.
“Wait a minute,” I called as I jogged after her. She was heading around to the back and acting like it hadn’t been ten years since we’d uttered a word to each other.
“Whatever it is, I’m sorry,” she rolled her eyes. “My dad has been calling me for days. I don’t have the energy to deal with you, too.”
“So that’s it. You come back here after all this time, and that’s all I get?” I lifted my arms out to the side.
She turned, placed her hands on her hips, and glared at me, “What more do you want? You made it perfectly clear the last time that you don’t want anything to do with me. I’ve been in the same place for ten years. Nothing’s changed.”
I stood there, mouth open, ready to fire something back at her when I suddenly remembered why I’d come.
“What?” she flung her arms out.
I stormed up to her so close our chests were almost touching. “Here,” I stepped back enough to lift her hand and slap the wad of cash I had in my pocket in her hand. “CJ didn’t have permission to be here.”
She didn’t react at first, but as I turned to walk away her voice came back. “He worked hard for this
.” She stomped after me, poking my shoulder as she chased after me. “Give this back to him. He earned it, Taylor. Don’t take whatever this is out on him.”
I froze. She didn’t know what she was doing. Anger and pain warred in my head as I squeezed my eyes shut. I willed my emotions to stay in check as I slowed my breathing. “None of this has anything to do with the other. I have to do what’s best for him. He needs to know he can’t lie to me,” I tried to keep my voice even. I was being irrational, I knew that, but I was so hurt and tired of keeping everyone’s secrets. Secrets from Morgan, secrets from CJ. It was all piling up, and her being here was like she was popping one stitch at a time on a carefully woven shroud.
Her voice quivered as she pulled her hand back, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry that he lied you to you. I didn’t know.”
I nodded, and without turning around I ended the conversation, “I know. Goodbye, Morgan.”
“You’re just going to walk away?” Her voice was back to the angry shrill.
“I have to,” I mumbled. “I can’t do this again.”
I heard her suck in a breath as I forced my feet to move toward my truck. I needed to get away. Seeing her again was breaking me. All the pain I’d buried over the years was rising to surface. I couldn’t let her know that I still cared. I always had, and I always would. Morgan McGregor was everything to me. She owned me… heart, body, and soul.
IT WAS A week after Taylor came by before I worked up the nerve to leave the house for anything other than necessities. I’d gone to the grocery store, and I’d rented a car. My driver had only been contracted for a week, and after that week, rather than keep him on, I just decided to get a rental. It was easier, and I knew my way around.
The annual Cherry Festival was next weekend, and as I stood staring at the pile of ingredients on the counter, I wondered if I could remember the recipe for Virginia’s cherry pie. I’d been putting my father, and going home, off for so long that I figured staying for the festival couldn’t hurt.
David had called me last week asking if I ever planned to return. I wondered that myself. I liked it here, and the company was running fine under his care. I’d entertained the idea of staying, but I still wasn’t sure I could be around all the memories and not be swallowed up by the grief that so many of them brought on.
“You gonna bake something?” His voice sounded from the open window causing me to jump.
“CJ!” I gasped as I clutched at my chest. “Does your dad know you’re here?”
He shrugged as he nibbled at his lip, “Sort of.”
His evasive answer had my heart racing. “What do you mean, sort of?”
“I told him I was playing in the orchard with some friends,” he shrugged again. “I am, sort of,” he glanced around. “You’re my friend, and I’m at the orchard,” he turned to look over his shoulder before glancing back at me. “So, whatcha baking?”
I sighed as I shook my head. This kid was so much like Taylor. Taylor’d had the same reasoning skills as CJ. He’d sneak off with me all the time when we were kids. He always had a way of twisting the truth. I chuckled as I thought about how his son was slowly mastering that skill. “I don’t want you to get in trouble,” I sighed.
“I want to enter the contest,” he whined. “I wanna surprise my dad.”
“What contest?” I leaned on the counter as I stared at him.
“The jam contest. I wanna make jam, but Aunt Sharron doesn’t have time to help me,” he stuck his lip out as he watched me.
“You wanna bake?” I was surprised by this. Most little boys his age had no interest in being in the kitchen. They wanted to be outside getting dirty.
“Yeah,” he shrugged. “I wanna be a chef when I grow up. Can you help me?”
“Be a chef?” I was confused.
“No, silly. Cook the jam. Can I do it here?” He pointed at the house as he waited patiently for me to answer.
“I suppose you can,” I relented. Going against my better judgment, I motioned for him to come inside. “Wash your hands, and let me see if I can find an apron you can use.”
“Thanks,” he grinned as he raced over to the door of the sun porch, and came thundering inside. As I watched him pump soap into his hands at the large sink, I couldn’t help but remember the last time I made jam here.
“Wanna go swimming?” Taylor grinned as he folded his arms on the window sill and watched me.
“I’m making jam. Can’t right now,” I shrugged. “Maybe later?” I turned, putting my back to him as I stirred the pot of cherries on the stove.
“It’s hot,” he whined. “You wanna stand over a hot stove instead swim?”
“Mmmm hmmm,” I nodded as I poured more sugar into the cherry mixture. Virginia had promised me that she’d teach me this summer, and I was finally getting that lesson. I only needed a few more minutes and I could fill the jars. “I’ll be done soon, then we can go,” I glanced over my shoulder to see Taylor slowly back away.
“I’ll meet you at our spot,” he shouted as he took off running out into the orchard.
I groaned as I watched him go. I was torn. Taylor Cook had finally kissed me the summer before, and this summer we’d kinda been acting like boyfriend/ girlfriend a little. It seemed that every time he wanted to spend time with me though, I was busy.
“You wanna go swimming, don’tcha?” Virginia asked as she walked into the room startling me.
“It is hot,” I mused. “But I’m almost done.”
“Go ahead,” she gently removed the spoon I was holding from my grasp. “I’ll finish up. There will be plenty more opportunities to slave over a hot stove. Not too many chances to splash in the cool stream though with your beau.” She smiled at me as I blushed. Even at seventeen, thoughts of Taylor being my beau sent my heart into overdrive.
“Really?” I reached behind my back to untie the apron.
“Go!” She nudged me with her hip as she took over my spot.
I SLIPPED ON my sandals right as I slipped out the door, and rushed off in the same direction Taylor had gone. We had a meeting spot near the back of the orchard where we go to hang out. He’d marked it last summer by carving our names in the trunk of the tree.
When I cleared the last small hill, I saw him. My feet skidded to a stop as I watched his lean tanned body slump against the trunk. He’d removed his shirt and was picking at the grass. His shorts were pushed down as low as they could possibly go, and his feet were bare. Sneakers and his shirt were sitting off to the side. His head popped up as I moved closer, and he smiled.
“Couldn’t stay away, huh?” he grinned as he pushed himself off the tree.
“Virginia took over,” I crossed and uncrossed my ankles nervously. We’d made out before, but I was still new at this. I liked it, but my dad had been so strict that I was afraid my inexperience was shining through when it came to Taylor.
“What’s wrong?” He inched closer and entwined our fingers.
“Nothing.” I kept my eyes on the ground. I could feel my pulse racing as his warm fingers gripped mine. I was sure he could tell I was nervous, and as he inched closer, I swallowed.
“Relax,” he whispered as he tipped his head down and brushed his lips across mine. “It’s just me.” His mouth closed over mine, this time with more force, as he parted his lips and his tongue probed at mine.
One hand moved to cup the back of my head while the other wrapped around my waist, tugging me closer. “Relax,” he murmured again.
As I slowly began to sink against him, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. We stood there kissing for a few minutes before he pulled back. “Now that that’s out of the way, come here,” he grinned as he tugged me behind him.
“What are we doing?” I laughed.
“Swimming. It’s hot,” he chuckled. I stopped moving and pulled him to an abrupt halt.
“I don’t have a suit on under here,” I motioned to my shorts and t-shirt.
“I know,” he wagged his brows as he scanned my body.
I shivered under his scrutiny.
“I’m serious,” my voice climbed as he tugged harder until we reached the bank to the creek.
“So swim in your underwear. It’s the same as a swimsuit,” he shrugged as he started unbuttoning his shorts.
“Taylor,” I gasped as I felt my face heat. “I’m not like that,” I turned away from him as he pushed his shorts over his hips.
“It’ll be fun,” his voice was a strained whisper as I felt him press his chest against my back. The boxers he was wearing did little to hide how happy he was that I was here, and the little voice inside my head was begging me to give in. I’d fantasized about this very thing so many times at night while I laid in my bed sweating in the summer heat. Taylor and I would be under the moonlight here.
“Turn around then,” I choked out. I didn’t think I was brave enough to strip down in front of him, and I wasn’t sure how we were going to get dry since neither of us had a towel.
“Morgan, it’s just underwear. I’ve seen a bra, ya know,” he groaned as he released me.
That little piece of information dumped ice water on me as I slowly tugged my t-shirt over my head. “How many times,” I mumbled. I was torturing us, but I wanted to know. Taylor’s past had never been discussed. He knew mine. He knew I was a virgin, but I wasn’t sure about him. He’d never volunteered the information, and I’d never asked.
“Three,” he groaned exasperatedly. “Soon to be four.” His voice was quiet, as it sounded right behind me. “I’m not going to push you; I love you.” I felt his lips brush over my bare shoulder as I lowered my arms, and my shirt fell to the ground. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered as his lips trailed up the column of my neck. He brushed my hair out of the way as my head lolled to the side. “I’ve never met anyone like you.” His arms came around me as he worked to loosen the button on my shorts. He slowly pushed them over my hips as his mouth continued to tease my neck. “You can always tell me to stop.” I felt his lips grin before he lifted me into his arms, bridal style, causing me to squeal.
Walking Among the Cherry Trees: The Cook Brothers Series Page 6