“And you’re still not funny,” I gasped as I gripped the safety bar with white knuckles.
“I can fix that,” he muttered as we began climbing to the top again.
Before I could figure out what he meant, he grabbed my chin and tilted my head in his direction. My eyes flashed as all those summers we’d had began running through my mind. His hair was dancing in the breeze just like it had back then. His eyes sparkling with mischief, Taylor leaned forward with a determined look in his eyes, and pressed his lips to mine. I froze, not really knowing what to do. I hadn’t kissed a man that I had feelings for in ten years. All the one night stands that had made an appearance in my bedroom had been meaningless. I’d kissed them, sure, but it was more out of need than feeling.
I needed to kiss them to pretend they were someone else, someone who meant something. To pretend they belonged to the man who was here now. His hand lifted to cup the back my head as his mouth slanted, and his tongue swiped at my lower lip. I gasped in remembered pleasure, and Taylor dove in. He groaned as he shifted in the seat beside me, and instinct took over. I wanted him. I hadn’t been with a man since I left the city, and I wanted Taylor right now.
I placed my hand on his thigh and slowly inched it up the tight muscle, squeezing as I went. He groaned again as he wound his fingers in my hair. My head tipped back as my tongue dueled with his. When my hand reached the straining erection in his jeans, I knew right then that I needed to get off this ride and fast before I jumped him in public.
“Wait!” he gasped as he pulled away, breaking our connection. His eyes had dilated so far that the green was almost swallowed up. His breath was coming in ragged pants, and his cock jerked when I squeezed it again. His eyes flashed as he looked over at me, and he clamped his hand over mine to stop my movements.
I shifted in the seat so I was on my knees, and I attempted to climb onto his lap. His head shook as he swallowed, “What are you doing?”
“I want you,” I hissed as I nipped his ear. I wasn’t used to begging. I wasn’t used to guys pushing me away. Back home, all I had to do was show interest, and they were climbing in my car behind me. Taylor was here, and he was trying to slow me down.
I knew if I stopped to think about what I was doing, I might feel differently about this, but right now, the throbbing between my legs was leading the charge. If Taylor wasn’t going to ease it, I’d have to find someone else.
“We need to talk,” he pulled back again.
“So now you want to talk?” I balked. When I brought it up earlier, he’d brought me here. Now he was changing his tune.
I watched the battle wage in his eyes before he relented and gave in to me. “Not really,” he chuckled just as our cart reached the bottom, and we were let off. “Give me a sec,” he held up his phone signaling that he needed to make a call before turning away from me.
“I’ll be at my car,” I shouted over my shoulder before sauntering off. I heard him groan so I added a little more sway to my hips as I ambled back down the street, and into the darkness.
TAYLOR FOLLOWED ME home after calling his brother and asking if CJ could spend the night with him. I hadn’t even thought of it. I wouldn’t have made a good mother. I couldn’t even remember anyone but myself.
When we arrived at my house, I wandered around to the back. I motioned to the light as we passed, “Thanks.”
“I wondered if you’d noticed,” he chuckled.
“Sorry,” I murmured as I stuck my key in the doorknob. “I don’t come out this way much.”
“Been swimming, yet?” his voice lowered as he pressed his chest into my back.
I swallowed nervously. “No.” I don’t know why I was so nervous. I did this all the time. I took men to my condo at least once a week. I’d never felt an ounce of nerves, not once. Maybe it was because I knew this would mean something. I knew sleeping with Taylor would change things. It was cracking my heart a little more, and cementing my feet in Cherryville even deeper. “The house is a mess,” I pushed the door open. “Watch your step.” I motioned to where I’d moved some furniture around.
“It’s fine,” he whispered before spinning me and descending on my mouth. This kiss wasn’t tentative like on the Ferris wheel. No, this one was blazing. He pushed me against the wall at the base of the stairs and pinned me there. Words failed us as we tore at each other’s clothes. We left a trail of garments, some I’m sure were ripped, as we stumbled up to the room I’d been sleeping in.
I pushed Taylor so he fell back on the bed and bounced slightly, before climbing on top of him. I straddled his hips, rocking against him, and watching his eyes roll back in his head. I knew if I stopped to think about what I was doing, it would ruin this night. I needed to keep the momentum up. Act now, think later.
Taylor pushed at me as he reached for his jeans, fumbling to get a condom out of his wallet. When he’d finally sheathed himself, he rolled us, and pinned me under him. If I’d been thinking clearly, I would have seen the pain in his eyes right then. We were in the same position that we always ended up in.
He stared at me, begging me to stop him, I could tell. He knew this would change things. We weren’t a couple. Hell, we’d only uttered a handful of words to one another since I’d been back, but we still had the same connection. We were still entwined together.
His eyes pinched shut as he lowered his hips and rocked into me. I lifted my legs to wrap them around him as he sucked in a breath and paused.
“Give me a minute,” his head dropped to my shoulder before he pulled back, and rushed forward, plunging in deeper. A moan bubbled up in my chest as he set a rhythm that I couldn’t keep up with. His mouth devoured mine as his hands roamed everywhere he could touch. It was as if he was starved, and I was the only one who could sate him.
Taylor had always been a loving partner. He’d always made sure that I was taken care of and that he didn’t hurt me. Tonight was no different. This man wasn’t the same boy I made love to all those years ago. This man had experience, and he was pleasuring my body in ways I didn’t know existed. He bent and twisted me around as he plunged deeper and deeper reaching areas that had never been found.
He chuckled a few times as I groaned and begged for the release he was dragging out. When he’d finally held off as long as he could, his hips pounded against mine. Sweat trickled down his face as a wildness appeared in his eyes. He blinked, and it disappeared as fast as it had shown up, but I saw it. Pain mixed with fear and maybe even love. I wasn’t sure if he still felt anything close to what I felt, but I knew tonight had changed things.
After releasing a shudder, he rolled to the side and tugged the sheet over his body. I laid there panting as I tried to slow my breathing. Normally, this was when I made them leave. I’d kick out whomever had come home with me, and wash all the evidence from my body with a hot shower. Only Taylor was different. I didn’t want to wash it away; I wanted to submerge myself in it. When I tipped my head to the side, I could see his chest rising and falling in deep breaths. I pushed myself up on my elbow and noticed his eyes were closed. I poked his side gently, but it was no use. He’d fallen asleep. With everything left unsaid, he’d fallen asleep. A sudden pain of remembrance washed over me as I watched him for what felt like forever. I knew I’d never fall asleep with him beside me.
Slowly, I climbed from the bed and padded over to my suitcase. I grabbed a t-shirt, some panties, and shorts before silently dressing in the dark. After taking once last glance at Taylor, I slipped silently from the room and made my way outside. I looked back at the house one last time as I padded barefoot out into the trees. It was dark, but I knew the path by heart. I hadn’t been to see her yet, but I didn’t need light to know where I was going. She would guide me. She always had. Her little fingers would pull at my heart until I found myself dropping at her feet.
AS I SLOWLY began to wake, I realized I wasn’t in my bed. I’d had this dream that Morgan and I had fucked last night. It sounds bad, but that’s exactly what it was. T
here was no love involved, well at least not for her; I could see it. When I stared into her eyes, it was like looking at nothing. Her body was there reacting to me, but her mind wasn’t. She’d turned her emotions off the minute I’d entered her. I watched the light that I used to see daily snuff out as I poured my soul out. I wanted to see something, anything that told me she felt just a sliver of what we used to be, but no. I was greeted with a blank stare. Her body reacted to mine as it used to, but the feelings that I’d longed for were gone.
I blinked a few times in the harsh morning light as I swept my arm out across the bed. I was met with cold sheets, and quickly jerked my head in the direction where Morgan should have been. Her pillow had a head indent, but the sheets weren’t rumpled like they should have been. She’d left me here. Had last night meant nothing to her? I’d hoped that she’d at least be here to talk this morning.
I slowly sat up and glanced around the room for my boxers. We’d made a mess last night as we ripped at each other’s clothes. I quickly dressed, and went in search of her. She had to be somewhere in this house. I knew she was dedicated to her job, but I never thought work would come before me, especially after what we’d done the night before. I needed to leave. I had to go open up the store, and I still had to go home to shower and get clean clothes. I wasn’t sure how I was going to be able to explain to CJ where I had been the night before. He wasn’t a little kid anymore and was very good at figuring things out.
As I made my way downstairs to hopefully find coffee, I glanced around. She’d done a good job getting the house back to what it once was. Rooms were slowly coming together, and the dust and grime was disappearing. When I reached the ground floor, I noticed all the lights were still off. I thought that odd since Morgan seemed to still be an early riser. I’m sure that had a lot to do with work. I can’t tell you how many times I’d find her up before the sun, and from what she’d told me when she was younger, her dad had many a late night.
I walked into the kitchen to find it void of coffee and her. I opened the fridge and only saw minimal groceries. “She must be on one of those weird diets,” I grumbled as I grabbed a bottled water. I meandered around the house a little more before finally giving up. I couldn’t believe that she’d left, but after seeing the look in her eyes last night, I figured she’d shut down. Maybe I did break her all those years ago, and she just didn’t have it in her to feel again.
I grabbed a piece of paper and a pen that was sitting on the counter before jotting down a quick note.
Morgan,
Thanks for last night. I wanted to talk to you this morning, but I guess you didn’t see things the way I did. I miss you. I’d hoped that you felt the same. No hard feelings. Maybe we’ll see each other around town. I’ll be at the store all day if you feel like dropping by.
Taylor
I placed the piece of paper under a cup that Morgan had left out before digging my keys out of my pocket, and slipping out the door. As I stood in the driveway, looking back at the house, I couldn’t help but feel a little déjà vu. I’d done this before, left without checking on her, and I’ve regretted it ever since. The thing is, I don’t know where she is, or if she even wants me around.
IT WAS A chilly morning. Dew was still on the grass, and the chirping of Mourning Doves slowly woke me. I’d come out to our spot last night and sat at the base of our tree. I’d watched in silence as the lone stone cross stood proud in the moonlight. I’m sure he hadn’t thought to come here since I was still alone. As the night had worn on, I’d lowered myself to the ground and curled on my side beside her. It hurt to think about all the nights my precious baby had been here alone. My father never mentioned her, and I wasn’t allowed to when I still lived with him. As the days had turned to weeks, weeks to months, and months to years, I talked about her less and less. I still remember the feeling though. The day she left, it hit me with more force than I could have ever been prepared for.
I curled in on myself as I thrashed on the bed. It hurt like hell, but my dad had convinced me to have this baby without pain medication. He claimed it would help me remember next time I wanted to have sex and ruin my life. He’d insisted on a home birth. He’d told me it was the only way he’d allow me to stay here in Cherryville with Taylor. I’d agreed for the simple fact that I loved Taylor, and I wanted this baby.
I’d been scared at first. I’d thought my dad would take the baby away, but he didn’t. The more she grew in my stomach, the more I’d loved her. I hadn’t had an ultrasound, but everyone that saw me insisted that I was carrying a girl.
That morning when my water broke, Virginia had called the midwife and Taylor. My dad had been staying with us, and he barked commands as soon as the labor began progressing. In no uncertain terms was I to leave the bed until the “bastard” made an appearance. I’d shied away from him and clung to Taylor for comfort. I could see the fear in his eyes. He was afraid of my father, and as he stood by my side, he swallowed nervously.
I was sweating profusely, and by the time she made her appearance, I could barely keep my eyes open. It had been a long labor, almost twenty-four hours, and I was exhausted. I didn’t hear a cry like most babies emitted when they came into the world. The midwife handed the baby to Taylor, and my father directed him to take her out the room. He wouldn’t even let me see her. Virginia had wiped my head and told me to rest. She claimed I could see the baby after I got my strength back. I believed her. She’d helped me all summer. She’d stood by me when my father ridiculed me. She’d stood up for Taylor, but I couldn’t help feeling like I was the only one who didn’t know what was going on.
Later that day, when I awoke, I was alone in the room. I attempted to get out bed only to stumble and fall from light headedness. I called for help only to be met by my father. His face was harsh, his voice clipped. “Things have worked out in your benefit, young lady.” He’d watched me to see if I understood. When I didn’t say anything, he tipped his head to the side before uttering the words that would destroy me. “Baby didn’t make it; it was too weak.”
I literally collapsed into myself. Sobs wracked my body as I mourned the daughter I’d never so much as held. I searched for Taylor that day. He was nowhere around the house, and I assumed he hated me for letting his daughter die. I didn’t see him again until the day we buried her.
My father had instructed Virginia to make a spot in the orchard. Ben McGregor was not going to have his bastard grandchild buried in the family plot. I’d been so hurt that I didn’t care. All I wanted was my baby back. I’d asked to have her buried under my tree, and Virginia had agreed. We didn’t have a service. Taylor and Virginia had gone out to bury her while Dad barked orders at me about leaving. He’d told me I needed to forget this place. The pain was something I’d never felt before, and I tended to agree, but I loved Taylor and didn’t want to leave him behind. That afternoon, Taylor ripped apart what was left of my heart as he broke things off with me. I had nothing tying me to Cherryville at this point, and I felt sick because my dad seemed to take pleasure in that.
As I sat up, I glanced at the stone cross. The only thing I’d requested was that she be placed here and have Taylor’s last name. “Baby Girl Cook” was carved on it under what were supposed to be cherry blossoms. No date, no nothing. I was so hurt then, that I hadn’t protested, but now, coming back here for the first time, it seemed so blank. I’d never touched her, seen what she looked like, or kissed her head. She’d never made a peep when she was carried from the room. No one had ever told me if she was still born, or if I could have done something different. No one gave me any kind of answers, mainly because I’d never asked the questions.
“I’m sorry,” I cried as I traced the words with my finger tip. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.” The tears poured down my cheeks, and it was like my heart had been split wide open. Taylor had cracked it last night, and my daughter had finished me off this morning. I wondered if Taylor ever came to see her. I wondered if CJ knew about her. I wondered if anyone d
id. Did she get visitors like she would have if she was in the town cemetery? Did anyone know she was here? Did Virginia come and see her before she became too old to make the walk?
I wiped at my eyes as I slid back and placed my back against the tree. Its rough bark reminded me of the harsh reality I lived in. Its branches swayed above me in the morning breeze as I let my eyes drift across the acres of pink blossoms. How did I ever think I’d be able to do this? Come back here, and not have her tear my heart out. How did I think I’d be able to handle what happened last night, without remembering what that act had done all those years ago?
How did Taylor push it all away? How did he make love to me last night and not remember what we’d done? I’d seen it. The look in his eyes. He was feeling our past as it crept into our present. He was remembering how we were together, how we’d loved each other, and how we’d cracked apart. He was remembering something deeper, too. He had buried something long ago, and I could see it slowly killing him from the inside out. The laughter was still there. Bits and pieces of happiness clung to him, and were dying to be let out, but he was holding back. Why I didn’t know. Fear? Maybe. Sorrow? Definitely.
I stayed in the orchard until the sun had warmed enough to dry the dew. I pushed to my feet and slowly trudged back to the house. I hadn’t thought about Taylor still being in my bed, and I couldn’t help but feel bad when I noticed his truck was missing from the driveway. My shoulders slumped as I sighed. Maybe it was for the best. I wouldn’t have to explain myself if I was the only one here.
I opened the back door and stepped inside to make a pot of coffee. After the night I’d had, I needed it more than air. When I turned to power up my laptop, I noticed a paper fluttering in the breeze on the kitchen bar, but when I read the words I felt a stab to my heart. Thanks for last night? No hard feelings? Was he serious? Did he really think that it meant nothing to me? Had I been that hard to read? My body shivered just remembering the way he felt as he moved against me. The muscles in his back and thighs flexing as his hips surged forward. The look on his face when he met his release. The way he trembled as he held himself over me. It was a sight to behold, and I can’t help but be slightly angry at the fact that it meant nothing to him.
Walking Among the Cherry Trees: The Cook Brothers Series Page 9