Destiny Mine

by Janelle Taylor

  Big Hump told Stalking Wolf the necklace he had found in One-Eye’s medicine pouch had belonged to Adam Stone’s mother and had been given to Morning Flower when they joined. He showed the young man how to open it to view the paintings of his white grandparents and his father.

  Stalking Wolf held the locket with reverence as he studied the image of the man he could not remember, a father taken from him when he was two. He perceived the mixture of strength and gentleness in Adam’s face. He wished there was a painting of his mother, too, but she had been described to him many times by her mother. Morning Flower was said to resemble her. He gazed at the image of his white grandparents and was glad to learn of their appearances at last. He clutched the necklace and hairlock in his hands and knew he would always treasure these keepsakes of his lost family, and would cherish the woman who had helped him recover them.

  During the feast while the party’s coups were being chanted and their tales related once more, Kionee furtively observed Night Walker and Little Weasel. She sensed their anger and jealousy at being excluded from such glorious adventures and at being denied a chance to gather coups. Kionee could imagine how such behavior affected her persistent pursuer and envious cousin.

  The following morning, as prearranged between the two chiefs, the mates of Big Hump and Bear’s Head struck their tipis. That was the signal it was time to move their camps to another location, one fifty miles westward where the buffalo were heading to new grazing grounds. The leaders’ tipi poles were removed and their hide coverings snaked to the ground. The rest of the women dismantled their conical dwellings and packed them on travois. They loaded the remainder of their belongings and mounted their horses.

  With the Hanueva, elders and pregnant women were always given horses to ride if the travois were too full to hold them, even if a male or tiva had to loan one a mount. The only animals never ridden or used for hauling possessions were the buffalo horses, for they were too vital to survival to risk injuries. Babies traveled in cradleboards on their mothers’ backs. Small children rode with a parent or sitting upon the travois, but older children walked. Everyone had an assigned position and kept it.

  In a short time, the second journey was under way as the noisy and steady procession spread out on the vast plains.

  As the group camped for the second night, Kionee visited with Fire Woman. She realized her maternal grandmother would join Atah soon, as Fire Woman grew frailer with the passing of each season. She told herself she should not grieve over that natural event, as the woman’s spirit would become one of the sparkling stars which brightened and filled the night sky. Yet, she was saddened by the reality of how much she could have shared with and learned from her grandmother if she had lived as a female and they had worked together as her mother and sisters often did. As she glanced at the darkening sky, she recalled that one of the stars to appear soon belonged to her third sister, who had died while she was in tiva training. She wondered why the Creator had taken a young girl to live with Him, but Atah’s will was not to be doubted or questioned. She gave her grandmother two soft rabbit skins with which to line her moccasins for the winter. The elderly woman stroked and admired them before thanking her.

  Regim, “son” of Fire Woman and “brother” to Martay, joined them after fetching water. She asked the young tiva to go with her to get her horses where they grazed a short distance away. When they reached the animals, Regim patted one’s neck as she said, “We have not talked alone since I repaired your kim. Does your female spirit roam free or did it return to its vessel as it should?”

  Kionee stared at her aunt, astonished and worried by the unexpected query. “It would serve no purpose for it to escape, for there is no man among our tribe who summons it to him with my willingness.”

  “What of Stalking Wolf? You have spent many suns and moons with him. Does he still cause your body to flame and your wits to cloud?”

  “Even if that were true, he is forbidden, out of my reach.”

  “It pleases me you see and accept that truth. I wish you did not have to suffer from this harsh test of your strength and loyalty to your vows. Atah will soon release you from their pain, for He does not give us burdens too heavy to bear. He crossed your paths so great deeds could come to pass and our people could survive. After all things are as He desires them to be, He will part them again and all will be as it was before you met the Cheyenne. Be strong and patient, and be true to your rank. Atah will bring you honor and contentment and He will reward you for your many sacrifices.”

  Reward me by stealing Stalking Wolf from my arms and returning me to a lonely and miserable existence? I will never be as I was before he entered my life, for he and his love have changed me forever. “Do not fear, for I will walk the path Atah marks for me.” I have no choice.

  “That is good and brave, Kionee. My love and respect for you are enormous.”

  It is not “good and brave,” Regim; it is the hardest trail I have ridden and the most perilous and wounding battle I have fought. You do not know how it torments me to win it, but I know I must. “I go to visit Long Elk and Yellowtail before they sleep. Do you wish to go with me?”

  Regim shook her head. “I have tasks to do. Come to me if you have need to speak of things others should not hear or learn. My ears and heart remain open to you always.”

  “I will do so, my leader and friend. Thank you for your kindness and worry.” Kionee left to spend time with her paternal grandparents, for they also were advanced in age and would soon live among the shiny stars.

  After five days on the move, the second camp was set up near several water sources and a safe distance from a large herd of buffalo. Chores and rest consumed that day and the following one.

  The eighth morning of the journey, the fourth hunt for the Cheyenne and third for the Hanueva occurred. They took much meat and hides, but lost the oldest son of Chief Bear’s Head. The body of Gray Fox was hauled to camp across his horse, after an enraged bull had unseated him from behind and trampled the man to death.

  The Hanueva gathered to mourn their loss and to bury Gray Fox beside trees near a creek bank, for the use of scaffolds was not their custom. Big Hump sent words of sorrow through a short visit by Five Stars, but his people stayed away to give the other tribe privacy to grieve.

  Kionee did not like the gleam she witnessed in Night Walker’s eyes as he gazed at his older brother’s dirt mound or the look he focused on her afterward. The man who was now in line to become their next chief soon approached her.

  “Come with me to walk and speak,” he whispered.

  She did not glance at him as she said, “I have many tasks to do.”

  “Come, or I will say words aloud others should not hear.”

  Kionee was stunned by his near demand, though he smiled and his tone was gentle as he spoke it. She had no choice except to go with him to a place where they could not be overheard but where they would remain within sight of others to prevent shame.

  As he gazed across seemingly boundless grasslands, he murmured, “My brother is with Atah in the stars and I will become our next chief.”

  Kionee knew the obvious fact he stated, and dreaded the motive behind it. There would be no vote for who would take Bear’s Head’s place, for it was their custom for the oldest son to do so. Only if a chief did not have a son or have one old enough to take his position after death or an injury was a vote taken to select another man and to pass the honor to another family.

  She responded to Night Walker when he did not continue. “That is true. To survive to lead and protect our people, you must be careful on the hunt,” she cautioned. “You also must avoid battles with the Crow which could bring your death or a disabling injury like my father’s.”

  Night Walker turned to face her and smiled. “Your words are wise, and the same ones entered my head as we covered my brother with Mother Earth’s blanket. I will take no risk with the Bird Warriors. My prowess is known to all, so I do not need Crow coups to prove it to them or to
others. For my children and people to live, we must be a tribe of peace.”

  Kionee suspected he was not being honest. How, she mused, could a man change his thoughts and feelings so quickly? Did he only seek to deceive her with words? She pretended to believe him. “That is true and wise, Night Walker. I am pleased your wits have unclouded and you now accept the value of peace.”

  “A leader cannot think of himself first; his people’s needs must rise above his own desires. I must prepare to become our chief, for Father could join Atah as swiftly as my brother did. I must choose a woman, join with her, and give her seeds to grow the chief who will walk after me. The highest ranking woman of our tribe is the best choice for a leader’s mate. Only the Tiva-Chu’ skills match yours, but Regim is too old to bear children and cannot be considered. Kionee and Night Walker will make great leaders.”

  She looked at him, like the last time, as if he had lost his wits. “I am a tiva; a Hunter-Guardian, son of Strong Rock and Martay. You must not approach me in such a manner.”

  “If your kim is broken, you can become a woman again, as you were meant to be. I can fulfill our laws to free you from your rank.”

  “With Gray Fox gone, you must become the Hunter-Protector for your parents. You have many skills and much courage, Night Walker, but you cannot be the provider and defender for three families. You must choose a female who will not bring her parents to your tipi to add to your duties.” She silently apologized to Taysinga for making that desperate excuse, for it might also exclude the other tiva from consideration.

  “I will be the Hunter-Protector for our family and for your parents, and I will do so for my parents when needed. Have you forgotten: our people show their gratitude, love, and respect for past chiefs by providing their needs and protecting them?”

  Yes, that reality had eluded her panicked mind. She sought another path to discourage him. “To be Hunter-Protector for even two families is a hefty task for a man who also bears the rank and duties of a chief.”

  “By the time I step from the shadow of Bear’s Head to stand before him, I will have sons to help me hunt, and to fight if necessary.”

  Her heart pounded as she reasoned, “Even if your mate bore a son before the next buffalo hunt, he would be too young to help hunt and fight when your father gives up his rank and you take his place. What if you have only daughters as my mother and those of other tivas did?”

  “My seeds are strong enough to make sons.”

  Kionee looked insulted. “Do you say tivas come from weaker seeds?”

  “No, but Atah will bless me with sons, for I have been true to Him.”

  She sent him an expression of annoyance, one which did not have to be faked following his arrogant words. “Do you say those who have no sons were not blessed because they were weak or false?”

  “That is not my meaning, Kionee. I saw my sons in a dream.”

  “Our people do not follow dreams unless they are sent to our shaman from Atah, so your dream means nothing but what you desire. Do not ask me to join with you, for I cannot. I look upon you as a friend and brother, not as one to be desired as a man.”

  “If I but hold you in my arms and put my lips to yours only once, I can change your thoughts and feelings for me.”

  Kionee observed the sparkle of desire in his eyes. “No, Night Walker, you cannot, for we are like brothers. I have no woman’s feelings for you, and you do not possess the power or magic to create them within me. I am a tiva, and I will remain a tiva. I do not seek to wound your pride and heart, but I must speak the truth. Ask another who will and can accept your offer. Taysinga is of high rank: she has taken many buffalo this season; she has fulfilled her vows to the families of Tall Eagle and Sumba; she has slain a white buffalo and given its hide to you. Perhaps those are signs from Atah she is a worthy mate for a chief, for you.”

  “Do you say Taysinga desires me as a man?”

  Kionee witnessed his surprise at her bold suggestion. “I cannot speak for her, but I believe it is true. She is a good match for you. She would do all you ask of her to make you proud and happy. Her female spirit is strong and it craves freedom. Without her paints and male garments, I have seen no female in our tribe who has greater beauty of face and body,” Kionee asserted, knowing that stretched the truth very little. “She would please you greatly in all ways.”

  “You say this to turn my eyes and heart from you. Kionee wastes time and words, for she is my choice. You have always been my choice; that is why I waited for you to approach freedom. After the last buffalo hunt, I will come to you for your answer. Until that sun, think much on the great honor I offer you. If you come to me, I will use my wits and rank as chief to end the tiva custom. With more women free to become mates and mothers, our tribe will grow larger and stronger. We can make new laws and customs to help parents without sons. Do this worthy deed for your people by becoming the mate of their chief and the mother of their next chief. I will speak no more of such things until after we chase the provider-of-life for a last time this season.” Night Walker smiled, turned, and walked back to his father’s tipi.

  Kionee felt trapped in a whirlwind. She was being pulled between two men, two different roles in life. Stalking Wolf offered love, passion, respect, excitement, and protection—but he was out of her reach. Night Walker offered her the chance to have a mate, her own tipi, children, honor from her family and people, safety from perils on the hunt and in battle, and the rank of being a chiefs wife. She admitted that Night Walker could be the hunter and protector of their family and her parents with one hand bound behind his back, so great were his skills; and he was within her reach if she agreed. But she suspected his feelings leaned more to lust and control and obtaining a woman of high rank as his seed-grower than they leaned toward love and passion and equality.

  Yes, she reasoned, it would be an honor and joy to bear a child who would become their chief and leader. Perhaps even bear other children who would hold high positions, perhaps even a warrior who saved their tribe from total destruction. Her children also would bear other children to help her people survive. And there was a chance he would keep his promise to help strike down the tiva law so future daughters would not have to become “sons” and endure the anguish and denial she was experiencing. Could she make a final and binding sacrifice of herself in order to help other unfortunate women? Though Night Walker was handsome and virile, could she ever surrender to him in fiery passion and total abandonment as she had done with Stalking Wolf? Was it possible to learn to love and desire someone? She did not think so.

  Kionee’s heart felt crushed in a tight grip. She had to stop hoping, even praying, for release. She had two choices: remain a tiva for life and be unfulfilled as a woman, or join to Night Walker.

  The only way she could have Stalking Wolf was to defy all she was to share his destiny. If she escaped into his arms, they would be forced to leave this territory to save her life, and probably his—if any man or group had the ability to capture and slay him. Would Stalking Wolf give up his whole existence to have her? Was she worth that much to him? She could not ask him that question without revealing her grim jeopardy, and she hated to let him learn how many times he had imperiled her. Also, her escape would endanger the needed alliance between their tribes.

  Kionee wanted to weep uncontrollably for the first time in her life. Agony ripped through her body like the sharp claws of a grizzly. Arrows of anguish, dipped in bitterness, pierced her heart. A sensation of utter hopelessness captured her soul. Was her brief time with Stalking Wolf over forever? Could Night Walker be her true destiny, whether or not she loved him? Had Atah sent her a message, a command, in Gray Fox’s death that she was refusing to hear? If she chose to join their next chief, she was convinced Stalking Wolf would not expose or harm her in any way; but he would be hurt deeply and painfully. A bitter betrayal of one side or the other was a certainty, she admitted in torment, but of which one?

  19

  MANY DAYS HAD PASSED since Kionee�
��s intimidating talk with Night Walker. The warrior kept his distance but always seemed to be watching her. She prayed no one noticed his interest in her. As promised, Stalking Wolf kept away from her and the Hanueva camp. She longed to see him but knew it was perilous to seek him out. She hungered for his kiss and touch; her body ached to join with his.

  She kept busy with chores, but her troubled mind was elsewhere. That disobedient part of her persisted in chasing dreams while she struggled to remind it of the futility and the agony those thoughts inspired. Yet, it was difficult not to think of love and passion when Runs Fast and Blue Bird could not conceal theirs. The same was true for her younger sister: Moon Child and Shining Star were spending much time together and sharing looks of love and desire. The joyous couples made her yearn for what they possessed.

  Kionee told herself she had faced the harsh reality she could not have the man she loved. Either she could remain a tiva for life or she could join to Night Walker to help her people. She worried over what would happen to her parents if she were injured or slain; she knew Night Walker would be obligated to remain the Hunter-Protector for them. Could she give Strong Rock and Martay that security at such a great sacrifice? She had been taught and trained not to think of or to yield to her wants and needs, only to be a captive to those of others. But must that role be a lifelong burden? Was there no time and in no way her feelings could come first for a change?

  There was another factor to consider: who would do the female chores after her sisters were gone if her mother fell sick or when she became old and frail? If she chose to remain a “man” and either of those events occurred, Kionee could not do both the female’s and male’s roles for her family. Was it selfish and wrong, she pondered, to want only Stalking Wolf or no man, when joining to Night Walker would bring joy and help to her parents and others? Also, if she became his mate, she could help keep peace by discouraging him from seeking war and obtaining coups. If she rejected him, Kionee feared he might be influenced to act in a destructive manner.