The Dirty Dozen

by Lynda La Plante

  “I’m so sorry, I let you all down tonight, I should have been there—”

  “That’s all right, dear. I didn’t make anything special, it was only roast chicken with mushroom sauce.”

  Jane sniffed, trying not to cry. She realized that deep down, she had been worrying that one of her parents was ill, before a different explanation for Pam’s behavior had become apparent.

  “Are you all right?” She could hear the concern in her mother’s voice.

  “I’ve had a distressing day, Mum, it’s all been a bit much and I’m really tired. I just feel so bad about not turning up again.” She blew her nose loudly.

  “Don’t get so upset, sweetheart, your father and I understand how important your work is to you and we’re very proud of all you’ve achieved.”

  “Thank you, Mum, that means a lot to me.” She wiped her eyes with a tissue.

  “We’re always here for you, Jane. You know we both love you very much.”

  “I love you too, Mum.”

  “Well, I’ve always been a good listener, and I want you to tell me what’s upsetting you.”

  She knew she couldn’t say anything about Tony, but could still be truthful.

  “Oh, Mum, it’s just that I’ve been dealing with twin girls whose mother was murdered by their abusive father and they were put into a convent. One of them is deaf and mute, and I just thought how fortunate I am, and always have been, to have you both and I just feel so bad about not having your chicken and mushroom sauce.”

  “Well, I can cook that any time for you. Pam wanted to know if the cap she dropped off was the right one?”

  Jane took a deep breath. “Yes, Mum, the cap was exactly what I wanted. Is Pam there so I can thank her?”

  “No, Tony picked her and Nathan up a little while ago. I’d hoped they’d stay for a bit longer. Your father and me love being with Nathan.”

  “I haven’t seen Tony for a while—how is he?” she asked, hating how deceitful she sounded.

  “Funny you should ask, but he looked tired and was very withdrawn, which is unusual for him. I hope he’s not coming down with the flu. I wouldn’t want him to pass it on to Nathan.”

  “He’s probably had a hard few days at work and is feeling exhausted . . . like me.”

  “I know Tony works hard to provide for Pam and Nathan. Mind you, sometimes I feel she’s a bit harsh with him.”

  “Goodnight, Mum, thanks for your support.”

  Jane put the receiver down and wondered if Tony was currently confessing to Pam. The thought that he might reveal her involvement worried her deeply.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  It was 11 p.m. and Jane hadn’t been asleep long when she heard the doorbell ring. She turned on the bedside light and got up to see who it was repeatedly pressing the bell.

  “Hang on, I’m coming!” she shouted as she walked up the hallway.

  She opened the door, which was on a safety chain, and, peering around the gap, saw a distraught-looking Pam holding Nathan on one shoulder and a small duffle bag over the other. Jane could see Pam had been crying and realized it would seem strange if she didn’t ask why. She undid the chain and opened the door.

  “What on earth are you doing here?”

  Pam started to cry. “Tony’s admitted having sex with another woman and I’ve left him. I didn’t want to go to Mum and Dad’s—can I stay with you please?”

  “Oh my God. Of course you can.” She took the duffle bag from Pam’s shoulder. “Put Nathan in my bed for now.”

  Jane wondered what Tony had said, but knew if he’d mentioned her involvement at the police station Pam would have flown off the handle and confronted her right away.

  “Do you want a cup of tea?”

  “Have you anything stronger?”

  “I’ve got some brandy.”

  “That and a coffee would be nice.”

  While Pam settled Nathan down in bed, Jane poured two large brandies and prepared two cups of coffee while the kettle boiled. She wondered if she should be up front and tell Pam about speaking to Tony after his arrest, or wait and see what Pam said, and if Tony had lied about his arrest, then tell her the truth.

  Pam came into the kitchen, tore off a piece of kitchen roll, wiped her eyes and blew her nose. Jane handed her a glass of brandy and she took a sip, then licked her lips.

  “I’m sorry to turn up on your doorstep like this, Jane, but I didn’t know who else to turn to.” She sounded miserable.

  “I’m always here for you, Pam . . . you know that.”

  “I told Tony I wanted him out of the house, but he refused to go and kept saying we needed to talk. I told him I didn’t want to be anywhere near him and he begged me to stay, but I packed a bag, took Nathan and left in a cab.”

  “Does he know you’re here?”

  “No, is that a problem?”

  “I’m just concerned he’ll be worried about you and Nathan.”

  “Let’s take our drinks through to the living room.”

  Jane sat opposite Pam, who took another large sip of brandy.

  “How did you find out Tony was seeing another woman?” she asked.

  “I knew something was wrong in the car on the way back from Mum and Dad’s. When I asked him how the stag night was, he seemed nervous and couldn’t look me in the eye. I knew he was hiding something and confronted him after I’d put Nathan to bed. At first, he said he’d had a lot to drink and felt embarrassed because he was sick on the dance floor and got thrown out of the club. I’ve never known Tony be sick from drink and told him to stop lying to me. I picked up the phone and said I was calling his friend Noel to ask what happened.”

  “What did Noel say?”

  “Tony broke down and confessed before he answered the phone.”

  Jane needed to know if Tony had told the truth.

  “Confessed to what?”

  “That he’d met some slut called Laura on the stag do last night while they were at the Empire disco in Leicester Square. He screwed her down a dirty alleyway and even tried to blame her for leading him on.”

  Jane wondered if her sister may have misinterpreted some of what Tony told her, due to the heartbreak and rage she must have felt at the time of his confession.

  “He actually admitted having sex in an alleyway?”

  “He said they just kissed and touched each other, but I don’t believe him. If it wasn’t more than that, then why go down the alley in the first place?”

  “I’m not condoning what he’s done, Pam, but he must have felt some remorse to confess—”

  Pam looked upset. “Whose side are you on, Jane? Tony lied and cheated on me. He only confessed because I forced him into a corner.”

  “I know, but he might have been frightened to say anything at first, for fear of losing you and Nathan. If it was just a kiss and cuddle it’s not the end of the world—”

  “I can’t believe I’m hearing this. Especially from a woman who’s never been married and had a string of disastrous relationships—one of them with a married police officer with children, as I recall.”

  “That’s not fair and you know it. I was a naive young probationer at the time, and if I’d had any idea he was married I would never have had a relationship with him.”

  “As I recall, it only ended because he got killed in an explosion during a bank raid.”

  Jane was appalled by Pam’s contemptuous remark, but kept calm.

  “That’s a horrible thing to say. He was a respected police officer who died doing a job he loved.”

  “How do you think his wife would have felt if she had known about your affair?”

  “Why are you being so vicious, Pam?”

  “I’ve been hurt, and you don’t seem to care.” She sniffed.

  “I do care, and the last thing I want to see is you and Tony break up. Being a single parent is not easy and it would be tough on Nathan, too.”

  “You know nothing about raising a child, Jane—so don’t pretend you do.”


  “Maybe not, but I’ve dealt with parents and children who have been affected by broken marriages.”

  “That doesn’t make you a fucking expert! You hardly ever see Nathan because you’re always too busy with your work. In case you’d forgotten, you’re supposed to be his godmother.”

  “Does it make you feel better, having a go at me?”

  “Yes, especially when you speak to me like I’m the one who’s in the wrong.”

  Jane was beginning to realize that Tony’s concerns about Pam’s erratic behavior were valid.

  “I’ve never said you did anything wrong, Pam. I’m just worried about you, that’s all.”

  “I don’t need your or anyone else’s sympathy.”

  “Have you been suffering from any sort of anxiety or depression—?”

  “Of course I’m fucking depressed! Wouldn’t you be?” Pam shouted.

  “If you’d let me finish, I was going to say before Tony was unfaithful.”

  The phone started to ring, and Jane wondered if it might be Tony trying to find out where Pam was.

  “I better answer that in case it’s work.”

  “Who else would it bloody well be? Where’s the brandy?” she asked, holding up her empty glass.

  “In the kitchen, but do you really need another drink?”

  Pam ignored her and went to the kitchen while Jane picked up the phone and took it into her bedroom on a long extension lead to take the call.

  “Who’s calling?” she asked quietly so as not to disturb Nathan, who was sleeping with a pillow either side of him.

  “It’s Dad. Tony’s just phoned asking if Pam was with us. Your mother said no and asked him what’s happened. He said he’d had a row with Pam and she’d walked out with Nathan and he doesn’t know where she’s gone. Your mother’s worried sick.”

  “It’s OK, Dad, Pam and Nathan are here with me and they’re both fine.”

  “Thank God for that. Why are you whispering?”

  “Because Nathan’s asleep next to me and I don’t want to wake him. Tell Mum not to worry and Pam will call her in the morning.”

  “Why can’t she speak to her now?”

  “She’s sleeping and I don’t want to wake her.”

  “What the hell’s going on, Jane?”

  “They’ve had a big row and she just wanted someone to talk to, that’s all.”

  “Has he been having an affair?”

  “I don’t know what they argued about.”

  “I spoke to him on the phone and asked him straight if he was. He said he’d been stupid and kissed another woman, but I could tell it was more than that. I’m not an idiot, Jane. Pam wouldn’t take Nathan if it was just a silly kiss, and I know she always confides in you.”

  “If they want to tell you what it’s all about, that’s up to them—not me.”

  Nathan was waking up and starting to grimace. Jane used her shoulder to hold the phone against her ear and turned Nathan slightly on his side. She supported him with one hand and gently rubbed his back with the other, which relaxed him and made him gurgle.

  “I asked Tony if he’d called you and he said he didn’t want to bother you late at night, which seemed a bit strange. I would have thought you’d be the first person he would call if he was so worried about Pam and Nathan.”

  “He’s probably not thinking straight. I’ll call him in a minute and tell him Pam and Nathan are with me.”

  “Why didn’t you call him when she first got there?”

  “Because I thought she’d told him she was going to see me.” Suddenly the penny dropped. “Are you seriously thinking I might be the ‘other woman’?”

  He was slow to answer. “No, but I feel you’re hiding something.”

  She knew he was suspicious because of the relationship she’d had with a married officer.

  Jane sighed. “For Christ’s sake, this is all getting out of hand. I haven’t got the time or inclination to explain everything to you tonight, Dad—but let me assure you I’m not having an affair with Tony.”

  “What are you doing with my baby?” Pam snapped as she entered the bedroom.

  “I thought you said Pam was asleep,” her father said on hearing her voice.

  “Give him to me.”

  Pam snatched Nathan from the bed, making him wail.

  “Be careful, Pam.”

  “Don’t you tell me how to look after my baby!” she shouted, walking off into the living room.

  “What’s going on, Jane?” her father asked, hearing Pam’s distress.

  “Everything’s fine—”

  “No, it’s not. Your mother and I are on our way over.”

  “You’ll make matters worse, so stay at home and let me deal with this. Call Tony and tell him Pam and Nathan are fine and with me,” she said bluntly, then put the phone down and went to the living room.

  Pam was crying and kneeling on the floor, holding a distressed Nathan, who was still wailing. As she rocked back and forth to comfort him, Jane knelt beside Pam and put her arm around her.

  “Everything will be all right, Pam. Come and sit on the sofa with me.” She helped her sister up. “Have you got any milk for Nathan?”

  Pam nodded. “His plastic cup’s in the duffle bag, along with a carton of milk.”

  Jane filled the cup with milk and Pam gave it to Nathan, who instantly fell silent as he sucked on the spout.

  “There you go, he was just hungry.”

  “I’m sorry, Jane, I didn’t mean to shout at you. I just feel so tired and irritated all the time, and this mess with Tony has just sent me over the top.”

  “I think you might be suffering from the baby blues, Pam.”

  “I know I am . . . but I don’t know what to do about it.”

  “Once Nathan’s settled, we can talk about the best way forward.”

  When Nathan was asleep Pam put him to bed and Jane made her another coffee. In the kitchen she saw the large brandy Pam had poured for herself and tipped it down the sink.

  “How long have you been feeling like this?” Jane asked.

  “A few months now, but it comes and goes. Some days are good, some are bad and others are just a blur.”

  “Sadness and a feeling of hopelessness are symptoms of post-natal depression, Pam.”

  “But I was fine for the first few months after Nathan’s birth, then suddenly everything went downhill.”

  “Did you say anything to Tony about it?”

  “No, but I took my emotions out on him. It’s probably what drove him into the arms of another woman.”

  Jane sighed. “It wasn’t just your mood swings, Pam, and he knows what he did was wrong, but I truly believe it was a one-off and he wasn’t the instigator.”

  Pam looked surprised. “Was that him on the phone just now?”

  “No, it was Dad. Tony was worried and phoned the house to see if you and Nathan were there. I told Dad you were both fine and staying the night with me.”

  “Do they know what we argued about?”

  “Tony said he’d kissed another woman and you were upset, that’s all.”

  “So he lied again.”

  “Dad forced it out of Tony, but understandably he didn’t want to tell him everything that happened last night—”

  “What do you mean, ‘everything that happened’? When did you speak to Tony?” Pam scowled.

  Jane took a deep breath. “Last night at the police station after he was arrested.”

  Pam sat up. “Arrested? Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Tony asked me not to tell you because he wanted to.”

  “Well, he clearly didn’t!” Pam said, becoming agitated.

  “I think he was going to, but you walked out with Nathan before he could.”

  “Oh, so it’s my fault again. I thought I could confide in you, Jane, but all the time you’re sneaking behind my back and lying to me.”

  “You need to calm down and listen to me or you’ll wake Nathan,” Jane said sternly.

>   Pam folded her arms. “Go on, then.”

  “Tony was arrested after what I believe to be a false allegation of indecent assault. He called me at home and I went to the station to find out what was happening.”

  “He was arrested for indecent assault and you didn’t tell me?”

  “I’m sorry, but it wasn’t up to me and—”

  “You were just worried about Tony’s arrest affecting your bloody job, weren’t you?”

  Jane had had enough of being the scapegoat.

  “I put my job on the line for Tony and I’d do the same for you if ever you were arrested. I was just trying to help. You can let me explain everything or go to bed—the choice is yours.”

  “I’m all ears,” she replied flippantly.

  Jane went over everything, from start to finish, about her involvement in Tony’s arrest and why she went to the station. She was blunt and to the point, and even told Pam about the conversation they’d had in the cell about Tony’s emotional state due to Pam’s erratic behavior.

  “Tony’s been a fool, and he knows it. But put yourself in his shoes for one minute and think how you’d feel if someone made a false allegation like that against you.”

  Pam started to well up. “I understand why he called you and not me . . . and he’s right about the way I’ve been treating him.”

  “I hated myself for not telling you, Pam, but you and Tony need to sit down and talk, and seek some medical advice about your condition.”

  “Do you think Tony will end up in court over the assault allegation?”

  “I’m pretty certain the DS dealing with the case believes Tony and Noel’s version of events. He’s going to see the woman again and re-interview her. Hopefully when confronted with the truth she’ll withdraw her allegation. If not, he could be charged and face trial.”

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Jane let Pam sleep in her bed with Nathan, while she slept on the couch. She got to bed at 2 a.m. and hardly slept before the alarm went off at 6 a.m. On waking she was on autopilot as she showered then dressed for work. Her vision was slightly blurred, and when she looked at her eyes in the bathroom mirror, they were baggy and slightly bloodshot. She used some moisturizer and did some facial stretches, but it didn’t make much difference, so she put on a bit more make-up than usual.