Summer with the Soldier

by Amy Lamont

  “I don’t know. Where do you want things to go?”

  “Hello! I was that girl sitting topless in your lap not ten minutes ago. I think it’s pretty obvious where I want things to go. But I have to wonder if it’s the best idea.” Disappointment stabbed through me at even the thought of not getting to feel Logan inside me again.

  My sex clenched as if it too protested the aching emptiness the thought left behind. But the reality was that Logan had made it perfectly clear a relationship wasn’t in the cards for us. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that with every touch, every kiss, every time he moved inside me, my feelings for him would grow. By the time he went back to Afghanistan, I’d be at risk of losing my heart.

  I completely ignored the voice in my head telling me I was already at risk.

  “You want to go back to being just friends?” He asked, disappointment lacing his words.

  “Want? No. But I can’t help but think maybe it’s best.”

  His hands fisted on my hips, clutching the material of my shorts convulsively before he let go and moved to put some space between us.

  I shivered at the loss of his body heat and wrapped my arms around my midsection. He walked over to the sliders, pushing a hand through his hair. He stood there staring out and once again he wore a blank face, a sure sign he wasn’t happy with the direction this conversation was taking us.

  Shit, shit, shit. I wanted nothing more than to go to him and wrap my body around his and make everything better for him. The desire was so strong, it physically hurt me to stay seated on the kitchen island.

  “Logan,” I called softly. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

  He turned back to me, looking startled, as if he’d forgotten I was there for a second. He shook his head. “I'm fighting with myself. I know I want you. But I know you’re right. We’d be better off going back to friends only. Just...I can’t help that I hate that idea.”

  I grinned from ear to ear and the starch went right out of his posture as he rolled his eyes.

  “So happy to see you take such pleasure in my pain,” he said dryly.

  I giggled shamelessly. “Sorry. Can’t help it if I’m happy it’s not just me who’s feeling the pain.”

  He finally gave in and smiled, stepping back over to me. He stopped before pushing himself back between my legs, but only just.

  “It’s definitely not just you.” He rubbed the back of his neck and I smiled at the gesture. It was one of Logan’s tells. I always knew I was making him squirm when he rubbed the back of his neck.

  He shook his head at me. “Laugh it up, funny girl.”

  “I’m just relieved the hard part of this conversation is over.” The second the words left my lips, it hit me that we weren’t quite done yet, though. Crap. “Oh, umm, except for one thing.”

  He must have noted the serious tone because the smile playing over his lips dropped away. “What? Is it something to do with Katelyn?”

  My heart gave an extra little pitter pat at his show of concern for his sister. But it didn’t make me any more eager for this conversation. “No, Katelyn’s fine. This is still about what happened between us last night.”

  His head tilted. “You mean there’s more?”

  He sounded so horrified I almost smiled. Almost.

  “One more teeny, tiny detail we might want to consider.” I dropped my gaze to my lap and played with a loose thread hanging off the hem of my shorts. I could only manage one word. “Protection.”

  I stole a glance at him from under my lashes and watched his eyebrows shoot toward his hairline.

  "Protection?" he asked.

  I pulled in a deep breath and then blew it out, my cheeks puffing out as I did it. “Yup. Protection. Condoms? Birth control?”

  He shook his head, his eyebrows knitting together. “I thought we covered this. If we’re not going to continue things,” he gestured back and forth between us, “then it’s not really an issue.”

  “Yeah, no. It’s not an issue going out from here. But it’s also not an issue either of us brought up last night.” My hand went to my stomach without my even realizing I was doing it.

  His blue, blue eyes followed the movement of my hand and understanding dawned on his face.

  “We didn’t use protection last night.” It was a statement, not a question.

  “Nope.” I popped the “p” and kept my lips tucked together.

  “I don’t even have any condoms. I haven’t needed any and I didn’t think to stop to get some before I came here yesterday.”

  I shrugged. “Not like I had any real plan when I walked into your room last night. I just...” I shook my head. “I don’t know. I just wanted to see you again.”

  A smile ghosted over his face only to disappear again. “So you’re not on anything? No birth control?”

  I shook my head. “Sorry.”

  He closed the distance between us and stood once again between my legs, his hands going to my hips. He gave me a gentle shake. “Hey, this isn’t your fault. We both have responsibility here.”

  “I know. I don’t...I mean, I’ve never not used a condom before.” My voice trailed off at the end. I really had zero desire to get into details about our sexual histories. I already knew way more than I wanted to about Logan, having grown up with him.

  At the time, I didn’t care when he showed up at parties or holiday dinners with a leggy blonde or curvy brunette. Now I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to a little jealousy munching away at my insides at the thought.

  But we’d been irresponsible enough here. We needed to share more information than either of us probably wanted to.

  “I had my last...um, pelvic exam...” I cringed at having to say those words to Logan Murphy, both the boy I grew up with and the man I was attracted to now. There was just so much wrong with it. I braced myself and continued, “after I stopped seeing the last guy I dated. So I’m good. You have nothing to worry about on that end.”

  He nodded, looking a little dazed. “I had a physical right before this deployment and I haven’t...”

  “You haven’t had sex in eight months?” I all but screeched.

  He winced. “I’ve been in the middle of the fucking desert with a bunch of smelly dudes. Do you think I’ve been out cruising for chicks every night?”

  I bit my lip at his defensive tone, trying not to let any giggles escape. I didn’t do a very good job.

  “You said cruising for chicks.” I didn't care how serious this conversation was, there was no way on God’s green earth I was letting that one go.

  He clicked his tongue at me and huffed out a breath. “Can we please focus here?”

  “Okay, okay, sorry, Mr. Grouchypants. Maybe you’d be in a better mood if you’d cruised chicks a little more often.”

  He pinned me with a glare. Like that had any effect. I gave him a wide-eyed, sweet and innocent look and batted my eyelashes at him.

  He physically deflated, his arms going around my waist as his head dropped so he could lean his forehead against mine. “You’re impossible.”

  I rested my hands on his chest. “You know, I think I might have heard that once or twice before.”

  He huffed out a laugh. “I'm sure you have.”

  We stood holding each other and I relished every second of it. I closed my eyes and inhaled his warm, male scent.

  He ended the comfortable silence after several long moments. “So, we’re both clean. That just leaves...” He stopped and a strange sound, half groan, half grunt escaped him. Like it was painful for him to push the word out from between his lips.

  “Pregnancy,” I supplied. Aren’t I oh so helpful?

  Chapter 11

  He took half a step backwards and his hand went to the back of his neck. If I wasn’t struggling to avoid a complete freak out, I might have laughed.

  “Are you...I mean, is it...is it possible?”

  I noticed he still couldn’t get the word out.

  “We had sex without contraception. Y
ou took health in high school, Logan. I’m pretty sure you know the answer to that question.”

  He leaned forward and eased me off the center island before I even guessed his intentions. I gasped and braced my hands on his shoulders. He tugged me into the family room and settled us down on the oversized sectional, tucking himself into a corner with one leg stretched out on the couch and the other foot on the floor. He tugged me down between his legs until I laid full length against him.

  “Logan, what on earth?”

  He rubbed a hand over my head, smoothing my hair and soothing my nerves in one fell swoop. “Shh. Don’t argue.”

  Well, okay then. I relaxed into him, resting my cheek on his chest. His heart beat steadily beneath my ear and his hand continued to stroke my hair. I allowed my eyes to drift closed and enjoyed just being with him.

  Once I was a boneless puddle against him, Logan started talking. He spoke quietly, and there was something so intimate about listening to him while I could feel the vibration of his voice rumbling against my ear.

  “A few years ago one of my buddies found out a girl he’d been with got pregnant. I won’t go into detail, but let’s just say my buddy didn’t take the news well. He was angry and he took a lot of his anger out on the mother of his baby.”

  “You mean physically?” I couldn’t keep the horror out of my voice, terrified for the woman and her unborn baby.

  “No, not physically, thank God. But he said some really nasty things to her. Some things it would be pretty hard for her to just forgive and forget.” His arms slid around me and shuffled my body even closer to his. “Now he has a two-year-old daughter. And things have improved between him and his little girl’s mom. He loves that baby. But I know it drives him crazy, the idea of how he reacted. That there will always be tension between him and his daughter’s mother because of things he said before she was even born.”

  I caressed his bicep and chest absently, beginning to have an inkling as to where this conversation was going.

  “I don’t know. Watching my friend go through that, seeing how he had to fight to prove he should be allowed to see his daughter because of the way he acted, I always swore that if I ever found myself in similar circumstances, I’d do things differently.”

  He stopped talking and I continued to lie there, my hand moving over his chest and arm, absorbing what he said. And the words he left unsaid.

  When I couldn’t take it another minute, I braced myself on his chest with one hand so I could look at him while we had this conversation.

  “So if by chance I am pregnant...?” I paused as a small thrill ran through my body. I couldn’t decide if it was excitement or fear or a combination of the two. I made an effort to push down the feelings to be taken out and examined later.

  “If you are by chance...pregnant...”

  I rolled my eyes when he hesitated before he managed to get out the “p” word.

  “...and decide you want to go ahead with the pregnancy, then I want to be able to tell my child that I was looking forward to his arrival from the very first moment I heard about him.”

  Squish. My heart all but leapt from my chest and I eased myself back onto Logan, not wanting to give away all the emotions flying around inside me at his words. Could pregnancy hormones kick in this early?

  I buried my face in his chest and he wrapped his arms around me, holding me close.

  “Besides, the situation between us is different than my friend and his baby momma. I love you. No matter what, you’re part of my family. This would just make it official. In fact, if it turns out you’re pregnant, we should talk about maybe getting married.”

  “Stop.” The word broke from my lips on a harsh sob. I couldn’t take much more. There was so much there, some of it sweet, some of it super scary. All of it bringing out emotions in me I never dreamed possible. The least of which was the joy at hearing him say he loved me.

  I knew he didn’t mean it in a romantic way. But for a moment, the length of a heartbeat, I held a picture in my head of him saying those words for real, of us becoming this happy little couple and in nine months a happier little family when baby made three.

  But none of that was a possibility. I would never in a million years want to trap Logan into marriage. I would never want to be in a marriage like that myself. Not to mention Logan was going back to Afghanistan and his future was uncertain on many levels. The last thing he needed was to go back with an even heavier load of responsibility on his shoulders than what he already carried.

  I felt his lips pressing a kiss into my hair and a soft smile curved my lips.

  “You okay, Sweet Pea?”

  I nodded against him and took another minute before I pulled myself together enough to respond to what he’d shared with me. I lifted my chin and rested it on his chest so I could look up at him without leaving the comforting and comfortable protection of his arms.

  “First off, I love you, too. I don’t have many childhood memories that you don’t figure into prominently, and no matter how this turns out, I can’t imagine not having you as part of my life in some way, shape or form.”

  He tucked my hair behind my ear and caressed my jaw. “Right back at you.”

  I smiled. “Good. And not to get too personal, but I think we’re safe timing wise. I mean, I’d never say never, and I’m not a hundred percent regular so there’s always the possibility. But I think the chance of me being pregnant are pretty slim.”

  An odd expression flickered over his face, there and then gone again. Was it wishful thinking that he felt a little of the strange disappointment that I did?

  I pushed the thought down. I knew I was being unreasonable. I needed to just motor through this and be grateful that the timing wasn’t different.

  “And, about what you said about me deciding if I want to go ahead with the pregnancy…I really appreciate you acknowledging there might be a choice I need to make, but I also know what that choice is for me. Kind of like the choice you made when you heard your friend’s reaction. I’ve helped friends through similar decisions and I’ve always known that even if a pregnancy wasn’t planned, I’d always look on it as a happy accident. If it turns out I’m wrong, and I am pregnant, then I’m going to have the baby and keep it.”

  There was no mistaking the expression that crossed his face this time—pure relief.

  Joy surged up within me and I hid my face in his chest again so he wouldn’t see it and get the wrong idea. We’d just decided to keep things platonic. Joy over the prospect of being pregnant with a guy’s baby doesn’t exactly scream just friends.

  “Do you have any idea when we’ll know?” Logan asked.

  I did a little mental math and squinted my eyes at him. “When do you have to head back to your unit?”

  “I get two weeks.”

  “I’m due at the end of the week, so even if I’m a little off schedule, we should know before you have to leave.”

  He gave me a quick squeeze. “Good.”

  I tried not to think too hard about him leaving or the danger he might be going back to when he rejoined his unit. I wish I had a say in his plans for the future. I had to bite my tongue to keep from begging him not to reenlist. Baby or no baby, physical attraction or not, I wanted to know Logan was safe and sound and home in one piece.

  Right this minute too much stuff felt out of my control. But there was one thing I could do—the thing I had in mind when I invited Logan to stay a few days. Help him relax—in a completely innocent, nonsexual way, of course—and get ready to face his friends and family without getting totally stressed out.

  “So,” I said, drawing out the “o” as I tipped my chin up to rest on his chest once again, “there’s nothing we can do right this minute to figure out the baby stuff. And we’re not going to...” I wiggled my eyebrows at him, “…you know. So what should we do for the next few days?”

  He rewarded me with a deep chuckle. “You can start by telling me all about the bet.”

  I shot str
aight up and would have tumbled right off the couch if Logan hadn’t caught me.

  “The bet?” I asked in as calm a voice as I could muster.

  Logan rolled his eyes. Guess he wasn’t buying the innocent act.

  “Tell me,” he demanded.

  “I could get kicked out of the girl club.”

  “You can blame it on Emma. I only know about the bet because I heard her talking about it when you guys said good-bye.”

  I thought of that conversation and how Emma warned me not to use Logan as part of the bet. Heat crawled up my neck and over my cheeks and kept right on going until it hit the roots of my hair.

  Logan shifted, sitting me up and taking me with him. “Now you have to tell me. Anything that could make Jade Roberts blush like that has to be good.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him and tried to blast him to smithereens with the heat of my gaze alone.

  He laughed, the jerk. “Come on, tell me. You know you want to.”

  A thought occurred to me and I grinned. “Fine. I’ll tell you about the bet.” I crossed my arms over my chest and gave him the prissiest look I could conjure.

  “Oh crap, duck and cover. I know that look.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I shrugged one shoulder. “You asked me to tell you about the bet, so I will. We can start with the story of how Hunter and your sister hooked up for the very first time. Oh, and the time after that.”

  “What? No!” Panic overtook his features and he snatched up one of the throw pillows. “I don’t know if I should use this to smother you or myself.”

  I shot him a serene look and placed a hand delicately over my stomach. “Really? I could be with child. You shouldn’t even joke about such things.”

  “Holy hell! God save us all if you’re really pregnant.”

  I turned my head to hide the giggles bubbling up inside.

  Chapter 12

  Logan managed to convince me to give up the goods on our bet. And he didn’t even have to resort to using any of his military training to extract the information. Though should any of my friends ask, I might have to stretch the truth a bit on that one.