by Amy Steele
Ali looks so small and fragile in that hospital bed. Her breathing sounds constricted, and the monitor beeps in an unsteady rhythm. I sit in the hard plastic chair next to the bed and take her cold hand in mine.
“I don’t know if you can hear me, Ali, but I am here, and I’m not going anywhere.” I kiss her hand. “I love you, and you have to pull through. I’ll do anything.” As I say the words, it all seems to make sense in my head. Everything is now clear. The fog that had engulfed me has vanished next to Ali. She is like the sun to me, burning away the confusing haze. I make up my mind and know what must be done. I sit with her until my time is up, telling her my plan, then quickly explain to Trudy what I am going to do.
Once outside I realize I don’t have a car. So I pull out my cell phone and making one of the many calls I’ll make today. It rings three times before there is an answer.
“This is Principal Matthews,” my boss answers. I take a deep breath and can feel that I am making the right decision.
“Mr. Matthews,” I say steadily, “this is Cooper Perez.”
“Cooper, is everything all right?”
“Sir, I am sorry, but due to a family emergency I need to resign my position.” There is silence on his end.
“Are you telling me you’re quitting?”
“Yes.” I say it direct and with no other explanation.
“I heard that Allison Starr was in some sort of accident. Does that have anything to do with this?”
I let out a sigh. “No disrespect, but since I just quit, I don’t have to answer any more questions.”
“If I find out you lied about your relationship regarding a student . . .” His voice trails off with his threat.
“Understood,” I snap back. “You’ll have my letter of resignation first thing tomorrow.” I hang up and call my lawyer.
I quickly inform him of the entire situation—from start to finish. He assures me that because Allison and I broke up upon realization of our situation, I am protected, and any lawsuit would be swatted down before it could ever develop. As a precaution, a lawyer from his staff will contact the school and smooth over everything and make sure there are no misunderstandings. I want all my bases covered, so I ask him a few things about quitting my job. Some things mean more to me than a paycheck.
Once that phone call is finished, I call my mom. I get her voice mail and spout out the bare bones of what is happening. My mom is understanding, but in this situation, I can’t see her being . . . supportive. This job meant a lot to her, almost as much as it had meant to me. But she met Allison and knew I’d do anything for her, so I don’t think she’ll be surprised.
I make one more call before I go back into the ICU waiting area. It is to my estate lawyer. I explain to him what I am planning on doing next and what I need from him. Naturally he has some questions, but when he is clear of the seriousness of the events at hand, he complies. Now is the hardest part.
I have to talk to Mr. Starr and hope he understands. I wish I knew how to block punches.
Eleven
Allison
The last thing I can remember is Cooper holding my hand, telling me he loved me. I can’t open my eyes because they are so heavy, but I still try to force them. My chest feels like I have been running as fast as I could for about ten days in a row without a break. It hurts so badly that I open my eyes to make sure there isn’t a weight of some kind pressing on my chest . . . like an elephant or something.
Now that my eyes are open, I realize that I don’t know where I am, and I’m scared.
There is a mask over my mouth and wires all over my body. I struggle to move, now in full panic mode, trying to rip everything off me.
“Whoa,” a gentle voice says, taking my hands in his and lightly pressing me back down into the bed. “You are okay,” he says, touching my hair. “You are in the hospital. There is a problem with your heart, but they are going to fix it.” I am having a hard time focusing and can’t find his face, but I’d know that voice anywhere.
“What happened,” I think I say. Finally Cooper moves his face into my direct line of vision. The lights overhead surround him, and he looks like he is glowing. An angel . . . my angel.
“Don’t worry about that now, sweetheart,” he whispers and kisses my head. “You just have to fight through this, okay? I need you to know I am here and am not leaving no matter what.” I just stare at him. I can tell that he has been crying because his eyes are puffy. And one is black and blue and almost swollen shut.
“Your eye.” I want to touch his face. Cooper smiles and looks down.
“I met your dad.” He laughs.
“He . . . he hit you?” I can’t believe this. Details are starting to come into focus. I told Dad about Cooper . . . I was at school when I collapsed with my teacher . . . Cooper rode to the hospital with me. Oh crap. The cat is out of the bag.
“Yeah,” he answers, touching his cheek, and winces. “It is okay, I think, I mean between me and your dad. I think Trudy came to my rescue while I was out cold.” There is so much to process. I feel so tired but don’t want to close my eyes and lose Cooper.
“What now?” I sigh, and my chest tightens. Cooper’s fingers touch my hair and then my cheek.
“You rest and get stronger so the doctor can patch you back up,” he tells me.
“With us? What happens now with us?” Cooper smiles and leans in closer to me. There are so many wires attached to me I can’t move. I feel his lips press against my forehead.
“Well, I was thinking about that . . . about taking things to the next level,” he states. Next level, what does he mean? He must have seen the confusion in my eyes, so he continues. “I made a few calls . . .”
“How long has she been lucid?” A nurse comes into the room abruptly. Cooper keeps his eyes on mine as he answers her.
“Just a couple of minutes, ma’am,” he answers.
“And what part of ‘if she wakes up, buzz us immediately’ didn’t you understand?” Cooper leans down and kisses my forehead.
“I love you, Allison Starr,” he tells me, ignoring the nurse. “I need to let this very nice woman examine you, but when she is done, there is something that I need to ask you.” Then he kisses me once more and leaves the room. The nurse comes to my bedside while checking some things on my chart and the many monitors and bags attached to me.
“The doctor will be in soon with your father,” she says and leaves. I take in my surroundings as best I can. I am in a glass box and attached to a hospital bed. Outside I can see my dad, Cooper, and Aunt Trudy next to the nurses’ station. They are all standing around a doctor who seems to be explaining something to them. They all nod at the same time, and the doctor keeps talking using hand motions to get his point across. Cooper looks across the room and directly into my eyes. His gaze pulls me in, and he is all I can see. Right now, we are in our own private world even though we are separated by a glass wall and twenty feet.
I notice the doctor leaving the group and heading toward my door. I watch as Cooper touches my dad’s arm and says something to him. Whatever he says, Cooper has my dad’s full attention.
“Hello, Allison,” the doctor greets me. “I was just talking to your father and family . . .” He keeps on talking, but I am watching my dad and Cooper. I can hear the doctor say something about an aneurysm, but what is going on outside my room is much more important. I can see my dad’s face turn bright red, but not surprised at whatever Cooper is saying to him.
Cooper keeps talking, and my dad looks furious or scared. He looks toward me, and his eyes soften. Trudy has a small smile on her lips due to whatever the conversation is about. My dad shakes his head, and Cooper covers his heart with his hand and looks like he is pleading.
“So by this time tomorrow if you stay stable, we should have you in surgery.” The doctor pats my arm.
“Surgery.” I finally look at the doctor and thinking that maybe what he was saying was important too. He nods like I am supposed to understand. He make
s some notes on my chart and leaves. I turn my attention back to the show outside my room. Dad and Cooper are deep in conversation. Cooper is still talking, and my dad is listening; he doesn’t look thrilled, but he doesn’t look upset anymore. He seems to be deep in thought. They talk for about ten more minutes before my dad stands up and heads toward my room.
“Hey, baby girl,” he says quietly.
“Hi, Daddy,” I respond, and he takes my hands. “So I see you’ve met Cooper.” My dad nods and sighs.
“Yeah,” he says slowly, “we should talk about that, but when you are feeling better.”
“I didn’t know that he was going to be my teacher . . . I met him before that . . . we broke up.” My words spilled out, and I could hear my heart monitor beeping more frequently. “I love him, Daddy.”
“Calm down, honey,” he said softly. “I’m not upset anymore.” His smile was conflicted. “I’ve had the last day to get to know him, and he is a decent guy—not that any guy is ever going to be good enough for my Ali-Oops.”
The last day? “How long have I been in here?”
“Thirty hours,” Dad answered sadly. “The wall of your heart is weak, just like your mom’s had been. If Cooper hadn’t been with you . . .” We didn’t say anything for a while, we didn’t have to. Before my mom had died, they thought they had caught the problem in time. They didn’t. I am in the same situation she was in ten years ago. “The doctor says your heart appears to have been weak for some time. Had you been experiencing any of the symptoms that you know you should be looking for?”
I would be lying if I told him no. After my mom died, we learned that this could be a genetic disease and what symptoms to look for. They include abdominal and back pain, leg pain or numbness, feelings of stress, nausea, anxiety, and rapid heart rate. I had felt most of these, and I should have seen the signs, but I just thought it was all because of my metaphoric broken heart.
“It will be okay, Dad,” I tried to assure him and ignored the question he asked.
“I was so lucky to have your mother.” He sounded wistful. “She was the most beautiful woman that I had ever seen, and when she agreed to marry me, I didn’t think life could get any better. Then she told me she was pregnant.” He paused. “Life got better.” Tears slid down my father’s face, and I felt them well up in my own.
“I miss her too,” I whispered.
“You are only eighteen, but you have lived through things which have made you seem older, or more mature to me.” He closed his eyes in thought. “I can’t imagine what my life would have been like if your mom hadn’t said yes to me. Those years with her were the best of my life. She gave me a chance at love.” My dad hasn’t talked about my mom this much since she died, ever. He looked across the room and past me. I followed his gaze and saw Cooper watching us.
“He loves you,” my dad told me.
I smile and would blush if my blood was flowing properly. “I love him too.”
“You are going to be fine.” He kissed my forehead. “I just wanted you to know that things like life don’t always go as planned. Sometimes you just need to work with what is given to you and recognize them as gifts. Ali, you are my gift, and I love you more than anything in the world.” The tears were still coming.
“What is it, Dad?” He seemed so distraught as if he was trying to tell me something without giving me any information.
He shrugged. “I just want you to be happy. To be as happy as possible for as long as possible. I don’t want you to miss out on anything, because you and I both know how fragile and short life can be.”
“I’m happy, Dad,” I assured him. He smiled and kissed my hand.
“Get some rest, honey.” He stood, resting his hand on the bed.
“I’m not tired.” I yawned, and my eyes closed involuntarily. “I just need to rest my eyes for just a minute.”
The next time I opened them, almost five hours had passed. I focused on the wall clock then noticed Cooper was sitting next to me with his head on the side of my bed. He was breathing softly, sleeping. I lifted my arm and laid my hand on his head. If I could have moved, I would have kissed him. At least they had exchanged the breathing mask to some of those tubes that stick in your nose. I ran my fingers though Cooper’s hair. It looked darker now that he hasn’t been in the sun surfing. My fingers ran lightly over his cheek, and the stubble from not shaving for almost two days was showing. Cooper turned his face then sat up.
He blinked a few times, looking at me. “Hey,” he said sleepily.
I smiled. “Hey,” and he took my hand. “I’m glad you’re here, but don’t you have to work?” After the words came out, I wished I could take them back. I didn’t want him to go anywhere. Cooper made me feel safe, like I was going to make it through this.
“That is one of the things I wanted to talk to you about,” he said evenly. I tried to encourage him to continue with my eyes. “I, well . . .” He sounded nervous. “I quit.”
What? “You did what?” I didn’t understand. “You wanted that job so badly.” He took my hands into his and smiled.
“I don’t want anything as much as I want you, Ali,” he said, and if my heart could beat any harder, you would probably be able to see it though my hospital gown. “I realized that nothing was more important than being with you—nothing.”
“But . . . Cooper.” I didn’t know what to say. He’d given up so much to take this job in the English department. He’d essentially had given up us.
“But nothing,” he said, smiling and kissing my hands. “You are my world, Ali. I can’t stay away anymore.” Cooper shifted in his seat and turned to face me. “There was something else I wanted to talk to you about.”
Twelve
Cooper
“What is it, Cooper?” Ali asked me anxiously. “You look upset, so please tell me what is going on.” I feel like my heart might give out. I swallow and think about the conversation I had with Robert Starr yesterday.
“I didn’t know I could feel like this for anyone, Ali. The day I realized I was in love with you, I knew there was only one future for me—you. I have tortured myself staying away from you, and I can’t do it anymore, even for just an hour. Your dad and I had a talk about how quickly things can change, and I thought I had almost lost you, more than once. I never want to lose you, Ali. That is why I want to ask you something.” I filled my lungs. Ali’s beautiful eyes were wide with wonder, and her pale cheeks had a light blush.
“Cooper?” Her voice was hardly audible. I took both her hands in mine.
“I don’t ever want to be parted from you, and I need you to fight to stay with me. To know that when you get out of surgery tonight I’ll be here waiting for you. I love you so much sometimes I don’t know how I lived before I met you. I know that I can’t live without you. Allison Marie Starr, will you marry me?” The room went silent, except for Ali’s heart monitor. I noticed that the rhythm was faster than it should have been and her breathing was labored. I brushed some loose hair off her face.
“You don’t have to answer now. I just had to ask you. I just needed you to know that I am serious about us—as serious as you can get.”
“You talked to my dad about this?” she finally asked me.
I nodded slowly. “Yes. I told your dad how much I love you and we talked about the future. I explained to him that I am serious about us being together. I need you to know that when you wake up, I’m not going anywhere.” I kiss her hand. “I need you to pull through so you can marry me with your strong heart.” I watched as tears welled up in Ali’s eyes.
“Cooper,” she said, and the tears spilled over, and she looked at our hands. “No.” I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her face. She silently sobbed, and her thumb traced the back of my hand. Neither of us said anything for a long time. I need to get out of here so I don’t break down in front of her. I need to keep a strong disposition. Leave it to me that when I realized this is what I wanted and needed to do, I’d forgotten to take into account that
Allison may not want me anymore.
“Fair enough,” I managed and swallowed the enormous lump in my throat. I stood and kissed her forehead. “I’m not going anywhere unless you want me to,” I said quietly into her skin. She didn’t say anything as I left the room.
Trudy and Robert were in the waiting room as I came out. They both stood smiling. I blew past them, unable to even make eye contact. That is not how I saw this going. I made my way to the men’s room and locked myself in a stall, leaning against the closed door. No, nothing like this. I let the tears come and rip at the very center of my soul. I guess I had it coming. I had put too much space between us and pushed her away.
I let out a hard cynical laugh. The thing is I do want to marry Ali. I think I knew it on our first date, sharing that first kiss. The thought of losing her is unbearable, but it seems I have lost her. God. What was I thinking? I punch the metal frame of the door before I know what I am doing. Who did I think I was? Blah-blah, I love you. Blah-blah, marry me.
“I am so stupid!” I yell in the empty bathroom. I crumble to the floor, not worrying about germs, and lose it. I am full-on sobbing as I hold my chest, as if it would keep my heart from bursting out. I’m not sure how long I was on the floor, long enough to have stopped crying, but now found myself lost in a maze of emotion. The side of my face is pressed to the door of the cold stall and my arms still wrapped around my chest. I am numb and don’t want to feel anything.
“Cooper,” a low voice echoed in the tiled room. I didn’t answer—I didn’t know if I could. A pair of shoes stands outside of my confined pity space. He tries to open the door. “Come on, Cooper, open the door.” It’s Robert Starr.
“No,” I mutter, wondering how long he has been in here. He sighs and tries the door again. “She said no,” I say louder. Robert stops trying the door.
“I know, I just talked to her,” he told me. “Open the door so we can talk.” After a short debate, I turn the silver lock, and he tries to open the door. He pulls me to my feet and is holding me up. I have even lost my will to stand on my own. The way Robert is looking at me makes me want to break down again. Instead I fall into his chest and let him hug me. I have only known him for less than two days, and since that time I told him I am his daughter’s teacher—I got punched in the face. I told him I loved his daughter—he understood but wanted to take another swing at me. Then I told him I wanted to marry his only child—he made me explain while he made fists with his hands. I guess I’m lucky for only being punched that one time. I truly should be pummeled for my stupidity.