Let Me Love You: Beautifully Broken Book 1

by Samantha Wolfe

  "Hi, I'm Yvonne," she said with an amused look in her eyes, her voice smooth, her smile flirtatious. "You must be Jensen."

  "That's me," I said giving her my own flirtatious smile and shook the hand she had thrust out toward me. She looked familiar, but the last time I had been in here I had only had eyes for Sydney. She seemed reluctant to release me when I pulled my hand back from her.

  "Are there any more like you, where you came from?" she asked me with a salacious wink.

  "Nope," I answered her with a smirk as I looked over Yvonne's shoulder and noticed Sydney walking up to us. "Sorry, but Sydney got the last one," I said as I shifted my gaze to Sydney, noting the breathtaking smile spreading across her face at my words.

  "Don't you have something to do, Yvonne?" Sydney said, still looking at me, her stunning gray eyes sparkling with our mutual attraction. I suddenly wanted to touch her so badly that it almost physically pained me. I reached my hand out to her, and she took it immediately, the warm pressure of her fingers twining with mine centering me, making me feel whole. Fuck, what this woman did to me. I should have been terrified. I brought her hand up and kissed the back of it gently. Her lips parted slightly at the brief contact of my lips on her skin. I thought about her mouth around my cock as I stared helplessly at her full pink lips.

  "You two are adorable," Yvonne announced, drawing my attention away from Sydney for a moment. She stood between us smiling, oblivious to the fact that she was the third wheel.

  "Good-bye, Yvonne," Sydney told her pointedly. Yvonne glanced back and forth between us, and a look of realization passed across her face.

  "Oh...yeah...um. I think I'll go check on the inventory." Yvonne finally took the hint and walked away, giving Sydney a knowing look and waggling her eyebrows as she left us.

  "I missed you," she said after Yvonne had disappeared into the back room, her voice thick with emotion. I squeezed her hand.

  "I missed you, too," I whispered back to her as I fought the urge to wrap my arms around her and kiss her senseless in front of the entire coffee shop. "Are you ready to get out of here? I brought the Camaro." I watched her eyes light up at the mention of my car.

  "Let me check with Rob and see if I can leave a little early," she said as she looked at her watch. I nodded and reluctantly releasing her hand to let her go to the back to talk to her boss.

  I turned looking out the front windows of the shop as I waited, reflecting on the first time I had walked in here and the unexpected way our paths had crossed again that day. I thought about how I hadn't even wanted to go out Saturday night, but had humored Andy when he wouldn't stop badgering me about it. When I had seen her staring at me at the bar, the instant attraction between us had been immediate and intense. I couldn't have stayed away from her, not even if I had wanted to. No wonder it had freaked her out and sent her running, especially now that I knew about her past. Thank God, my mother really loved those damn cinnamon rolls, or I probably would have never set foot in here, and I never would have seen Sydney again.

  "You look deep in thought," Sydney said to my right, a quizzical look on her face as she stopped next to me, her purse hanging off her shoulder.

  "Just thinking about chance meetings and being in the right place at the right time," I said as I turned facing her with a smile. "Are you ready to go?" She smiled dazzlingly at me and nodded in reply.

  I walked her out to the Camaro with a possessive arm around her shoulders as I scanned the lot again for any sign of Clay. If she noticed me doing it, she didn't say anything about it. When we reached the car, I opened the passenger door for her. She crawled in and looked up at me from her seat, a huge grin of excitement on her face. Her lip curled up mischievously.

  "You know," she began, "this car is really starting to turn me on."

  "That's my job," I growled at her as I leaned my face down close to hers. I watched her eyes dilate at my voice. I gripped her jaw in my hand firmly and felt her body relax as I gave her a brief, fierce kiss. "And don't you forget it," I said with a predatory smile as her breath quicken and her eyes grew soft in response to me. I shut the car door and walked to the driver's side, pausing to readjust myself on the way around. Damn, that woman turned me on. Maybe I could convince her to skip going for a ride in the Camaro and ride something else at my place instead.

  I opened my door and lowered myself into the driver's seat and looked over at Sydney. She was grinning like a crazy person, looking around the car, and practically bouncing with excitement. Fuck, now I had to take her out in the Camaro. She turned her smile on me, and I was a goner. I started the engine and put the car in gear.

  "Where to, baby?" I asked her with a twinge of regret. Her answering smile lit up her beautiful eyes, and just like that; I didn't regret my decision at all anymore.

  Sydney was still smiling a half-hour later as I gunned the engine on an empty country road, the windows down and the breeze blowing her hair around her face. She looked gorgeous, and it took all my effort to keep my eyes on the road instead of on her. I held her hand every chance I got, only releasing my grip on her hand to shift or when the road demanded my attention. We made small talk some of the time, but mostly we just enjoyed each other's company without any words needing to be said.

  "How did lunch with your sister go?" I eventually asked, curious if it had gone badly since she hadn't brought it up yet.

  "It went well, actually," she answered with a relieved smile. "We both apologized for being bitches to each other and had a really nice lunch."

  "Does she still hate me?"

  "No, but don't fuck with Momma Bear," she answered with a laugh.

  "What?" I asked in confusion.

  "Sorry. Just a nickname I used to call her." She laughed again. "She made it clear that if you hurt me, she'll kick your ass."

  "Duly noted," I said, smiling at the thought of her big sister kicking my ass. "But once she gets to know me; she'll be putty in my hands. I'm irresistible, you know."

  "You're also a smart ass."

  "I thought my ass was amazing," I said with a smirk.

  "You're an amazing smart ass," she said with a laugh. "Is that better?"

  I opened my mouth to reply just as my phone started ringing. I fished it out of my pocket and saw that the call was from my mother. I answered it reluctantly, afraid of a repeat of the emotional roller coaster I went through with our last conversation.

  "Hey, Mom," I said in a gentle tone.

  "Jensen, honey, I really need your help." Her voice sounded distressed.

  "What do you need, Mom?" I asked with concern.

  "Well, my car won't start, and I have a doctor's appointment in the morning."

  "Is everything alright?"

  "Oh, honey, I'm fine," she assured me. "But if I miss the appointment, I won't be able to refill my prescription."

  "Okay. Do you want me to take a look at it?" I felt the first stirring of anxiety at the thought of going to my own mother's house, but determined to be a good son and help her anyway. It was the least I could do after everything I'd put her through.

  "Could you?" she asked like she was putting me out.

  "Of course, I'll look at it for you, Mom," I told her. "I'm not that far from you. I can be there in fifteen minutes or so."

  "Oh, sweetheart, thank you," she said with relief in her voice. "I'll feed you, too. It's the least I can do for interrupting your day."

  "Really, it's no problem, Mom."

  "I love you, honey," she said, those words ripping into me like they always did now. "I'll see you in a bit."

  "Love you too, Mom," I replied automatically and ended the call.

  I put my phone back in my pocket with a sigh. So much for keeping my family separated from Sydney. I considered taking her home first, but I was a coward. I didn't want to go over to my mother's house alone again. Maybe having Sydney with me would help this time. She had a way of keeping me calm without even having to do much, just her presence seemed to help. God, I hoped it did. I was
terrified of Sydney seeing just how fucked-up I could get. Afraid she'd see me as weak. She was so much stronger than me. I felt like a fraud.

  "So, do I get to meet the person who made all this possible?" she asked with a smile and motioned up and down my body with a flourish of her hand.

  "I hope you don't mind," I said apologetically. Part of me hoped she would have asked me to take her home instead.

  "Not at all," she said with assurance. "I'd love to meet your mom."

  My mom was going to lose her mind over Sydney. I hadn't brought a girl home in a very long time, and I suspected my mother was starting to think I was going to end up an old bachelor like Uncle Mathias. I had a feeling that they would adore each other. I just hoped I would survive the experience.

  We pulled into my mom's driveway a short time later. I tried my best to hide the anxiety building inside me the closer we got to Mom's house, but it must not have been working very well. Sydney kept looking at me oddly and when I just sat there for a moment after I shut off the car, she took my hand in hers and squeezed it reassuringly. The contact actually helped, and I gave her a grateful smile before climbing out of the car. I hurried around to open her door for her and took her hand to help her out of the car.

  "Are you really that nervous about me meeting your mother?" she asked as she shut the car door. She stepped up close to me and placed her hands on my chest. I breathed in her scent like it was a lifeline. She misread my anxiety completely. She had no idea I was so fucked up that I was afraid to visit my own mother. To my shame, I let her think what she wanted, the truth too messed up for me to voice out loud.

  "A little," I told her a small lie, and it left a bitter taste in my mouth. A lie was still a lie, no matter how tiny. Had I just set a precedent for the rest of our relationship?

  "Don't worry," she assured me, her eyes sparkling with humor. "I'm irresistible. She'll be putty in my hands."

  I pulled her into a hug to hide the pain in my eyes from her. It was the first time I felt guilt over how I had treated her, and I knew bringing her was a really bad idea. God, I was fucking everything up. I gripped her tightly as I fought the tears stinging my eyes. I had sucked it up and put on a smile, by the time she pulled away from me. It made me sick how easily I fell back into old behaviors, putting on an act to manipulate someone to get what I wanted. I was still a complete asshole, and I hadn't changed at all. If this blew up in my face, I'd deserve all the misery that came with it. I turned leading Sydney to the front door, grinding my teeth together as I stuffed down my emotions again.

  My mom opened the screen door, just as we stepped onto the front porch. She was dressed casually in jeans and a royal blue shirt. Her green eyes lit up as she saw Sydney, her eyes glancing down at our clasped hands. Mom met my eyes with a questioning look on her face.

  "Mom, this is Sydney Harper," I said, plastering another smile on my face as I pulled Sydney up next to me. "Sydney, meet my mom, Erika Hayes."

  "It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Hayes," Sydney said with a smile and held her hand out to Mom.

  "Oh sweetie, call me Erika," She shook Sydney's hand firmly. "Mrs. Hayes makes me sound old. It's good to meet you, too." Mom looked at me with narrowed eyes. "Jensen hasn't mentioned you at all."

  "Mom," I said warningly, but she ignored me.

  "He hasn't brought a girl home with him in a long time," Mom continued. "I was starting to think he'd never meet anyone nice. Come on in, I just put dinner on the table, and I've got plenty for both of you."

  "That sounds great," Sydney said, beaming at my mother. "I'm starving."

  And just like that, I watched my mother fall in love with Sydney, just like I predicted. At that moment, I realized it was too late for me as well. I was madly in love with Sydney, too. I had sucked this poor girl into my nightmare, and I was too much of a coward to let her go like I should. What the fuck have I done? Mom's eyes lit up again as she took Sydney's hand and stole her away from me. I let go of Sydney's hand and trailed along behind them into the house, fighting to shove down the despair in my heart. She deserved better.

  My heart began to pound in my chest as I followed them into the living room. I found my eyes drawn to all the things in this place that reminded me of what I had robbed from my family. My Dad's chair, all the pictures and trophies from my brother's high school football games, everything here seemed to taunt me. My chest tightened with a twisting sensation. Fuck, this was going to be a bad one. I'd never felt the panic set in this quickly before.

  "Jensen, are you coming?" My mom asked from the doorway to the kitchen. I hadn't even realized I had stopped only a few feet into the room. Sydney stood next to her watching me with a bewildered look on her face.

  "I...I left something in the car," I mumbled my reply. I turned abruptly and fled back out the front door. To my relief neither of them followed me.

  I walked back to the Camaro and paced up and down the driveway for a few moments, desperately trying to slow my breathing down. My chest physically hurt now, my stomach churning, and I thought I might throw up all over the drive. The world suddenly started spinning around me, so I lowered myself to the ground, leaning my back against the side of my car. I gripped the hair on the sides of my head and pulled, hoping the pain would help me calm down. I could feel myself rocking back and forth. What the hell? Why was this one so much worse? It was days since my last attack. When I had been with Sydney the last few days, it had seemed like I had gotten better, and I had felt like myself again. I thought maybe she had somehow chased all this bullshit away. I was so fucking deluded, so fucked up beyond belief. Why the fuck did I bring her here? I didn't want her to see me like this.

  I heard a noise and looked up to see a woman pushing a stroller down the sidewalk past my car. She looked at me oddly as she passed, probably thinking I was some drunk asshole. God, I wished I was drunk. The embarrassment of having a stranger witness my weakness was enough of a push to help me get myself under some control. After a few moments of focusing on my breathing, I was finally able to force my emotions back down until I thought I might be alright. I stood up without feeling nauseous or dizzy and walked to the front door where I took a few deep breaths. Then I forced myself to go back into the house, even though every bone in my body wanted to get the hell out of here. I walked in, and I kept my eyes steadfastly focused on the floor until I entered the kitchen.

  "Uncle Jen Jen!" A little girl's voice squealed from the kitchen table, and I looked up in shock to see that Quentin and Olivia were both sitting at the table with Mom and Sydney. Fuck, was Annie here, too? I plastered a fake smile on my face and sat down at the head of the table, trying not to dwell on the fact that Mom had sat me in Dad's chair again. Mom and Sydney sat on each side of me, smiling at me, hopefully oblivious to my distress.

  "Is Annie here?" I asked, surprised I could even speak.

  "No," Mom answered. "She had to work tonight, so she dropped them off earlier." I nodded; feeling relieved that I didn't have to deal with that today. I picked up the water glass in front of me and started gulping it down. "Sydney was just telling me how you two met," Mom said with a smirk. I nearly sprayed water all over the table as I pictured our hot and heavy encounter at the bar.

  "It's so sweet how you asked her out at that coffee shop," Mom continued. "If I hadn't sent you there for those cinnamon rolls, you would have never met." I nodded and glanced at a smirking Sydney, who no doubt had noticed my reaction.

  Mom started passing around the chicken and rice she had made, and we all ate in relative silence for a few minutes. I noticed Quentin smiling at me, and I was relieved that he wasn't scared of me after my outburst on Sunday. Olivia was dropping more food than she was getting in her mouth as she started telling Sydney all about her dolls. Sydney nodded along, humoring the little girl, while Mom watched with amusement. I sat and mostly pushed the food around on my plate, my stomach not really up to eat anything at all right now. This whole situation was so surreal. Mom and Sydney chatted while I sat there h
olding onto my sanity by a thread and having no idea what they were talking about at all.

  When the meal was finally over, and I was tired of staring at my plate of half eaten food, I excused myself to go look at Mom's car, anxious to get the hell out of the house. Sydney glanced at my plate then looked at me strangely as I stood up from the table. She pursed her lips in thought, concern filling her eyes. Fuck, she knew something was going on with me. I fled to the garage like a coward.

  I grabbed Mom's keys off the hook next to the door and went down the single step into the garage as I tapped the door opener on the nearby wall. The garage door rose, letting in bright sunlight and revealing Mom's red 2012 Impala and the empty spot next to it that my Dad's truck used to be parked. Mom had sold it a few weeks ago, and I was glad it wasn't here anymore. I didn't need my Dad's things to set me off again today. I opened the driver's door and popped the hood latch, then walked to the front of the car, lifted the hood up, and braced it open with the hood support rod. I was grateful for something to focus on beside the turmoil in my own head.

  I checked the battery cables, making sure they weren't corroded, and that they were attached properly. Then I walked back around to the driver's side and sat down to try starting the car. I turned the key and the engine cranked, but wouldn't start. I figured the battery was most likely dead. I climbed out and popped the trunk to find Mom's jumper cables then went and moved the Camaro into the empty space next to the Impala. I hooked up the cables and waited a few minutes and tried to start Mom's car again. This time it started right up. I let it run for a bit, then I took off the cables, turned off the engine, and tried to start it again. It cranked but wouldn't start again. That clinched it, the battery was shot and with a wash of dread coursing through my body, I realized what I was going to have to do.

  My dad usually kept a spare battery on a tender in the detached four-car garage behind the house. It was where Dad, Jordan, and I had worked on all our cars over the years. Dad's Corvette was stored out there. It was a place sure to set off another panic attack if I spent too much time in there. Just thinking about going in there made me breathe heavier, and I could feel my heart start pounding again. I considered leaving to go buy a new one, but what kind a fucking coward would that make me? It was just a damn building; just four walls and a fucking roof. It only held any meaning if I let it.