“Dex?” She says sleepily, not making eye contact. “I’m so sorry I fell asleep. I’m going to run up and shower before Tate wakes.”
I don’t let her go right away. “Lanie, do you remember what I said to you that day you came out of your shower?”
She still won’t look at me.
“Your scars make you who you are, they show how much you have overcome. They do not make you any less beautiful. Just remember that. Please, don’t run away from me. I know we both let a lot of hurts out in the open last night. Let me be the one to help put you back together.”
“Richard Gere and now Humpty Dumpty? You have quite the repertoire there, Mr. Cross,” she smiles.
I chuckle and help her to her feet, standing with her. “I know last night was a lot to take in. I know that I never thought I would rehash my shit with Anna, but I want you to know, you aren’t going to scare me away. Take your time, let everything sink in. We will take this slow, okay?”
“Okay,” she agrees, pulling away, not making eye contact, and heads upstairs.
I sink back onto the couch and put my head in my hands. Fuck. This was way too much, way too soon. I haven’t prayed in a very long time. Not since I used to pray for my mother to come home, but I find myself praying now. I pray to God that Lanie doesn’t run. I check my phone and decide it might be time to call in backup.
Dexter: Day 1 didn’t go the way I planned. We laid all our ghosts bare. I’m afraid she is going to run.
Julia: WTF, Dexter, how did that happen?
Dexter: I burned the chicken parmesan.
Julia: Hey, dipshit, how do you go from burning chicken to baring your souls?
Trevor: It’s a little early for this but can I just point out, I really like Lanie’s friend.
Trevor: She has a point though, how did you get from point A to point B?
Dexter: I don’t know, guys. I burned dinner. We talked. I started to tell her about my dad and Anna. I ended up telling her the whole damn story.
Silence. For ten damn minutes. Nothing.
Dexter: Hello? I told Lanie everything.
Julia: Dexter, what happened after you told her?
Dexter: She let slip that she couldn’t have children. Then she tried to tell me about her attack. I couldn’t stand to see her in pain, so I told her I knew all about it, and it didn’t make her any less beautiful. Then we sat for a long time, not talking. She cried herself to sleep while I held her. She is spooked this morning, I can tell.
Julia: You’re a good man, Dexter Cross. Your bros will be at your house in twenty minutes. I’m going to call Lanes.
“Dex? You here?” Trevor lets himself in through the front door.
I stand from the couch and greet him in the foyer. “Hey.”
“Lanie here?” Trevor looks around me.
“No, she left a little while ago to take Tate to school. Come on in.” I lead him to the kitchen and put on some coffee.
“I’m not going to lie, I’m shocked you told Lanie. You told her everything?” He asks.
“Everything. Dad, Mom, Anna. Told her the entire thing. Now she knows that I looked into her attack too. I’m not sure how she is going to take it,” I inform him.
“I’m proud of you, Dex. I wasn’t sure you were ever going to get to this point. It’s good to see, man. It gives assholes like me hope,” Trevor smirks.
“What gives you hope?” Preston walks in, holding a box of muffins. As much as Preston has changed over the years, he is still a good guy at heart. He tries to hide it. None of us are sure why, but I recognize my pain in his eyes. Whatever he has kept from us since college haunts him to this day.
“Dexter letting his girly side out again and going after love.” They both laugh but good-naturedly.
“I’m really nervous she is going to be spooked. What do I do?” I ask, turning to them for advice.
“Day 2 of MLM? I’d say you have to tone it way the fuck down tonight.” Preston says.
“Thanks, Pres, any advice to go with that, or are you just stating the obvious?” Trevor has always been able to pull Preston’s strings; it’s their kind of relationship.
“You have to go for humor. Humor and a movie with minimal talking. Let her relax tonight, just be in each other's presence. Does that make sense?” Preston asks me.
Smiling like the Cheshire cat, I look to him, “It does, thanks. It really does. Who knew the manwhore had a sensitive side?”
“Hey, I let him out everyone once in a while. What do you need from us?” Preston asks, pretending to be taking notes.
“T-shirts. I need to have a couple of t-shirts made today and some matching pajama pants.” Trevor and Preston appear adequately confused, and I laugh, picking up my phone.
“Good morning, Mr. Cross, what can I do for you?” Molly asks.
“Hello, Molly. I have a rather odd request. I need a couple of t-shirts made and some matching lounge pants in the next few hours. Can you take care of that for me?”
Clearing her throat but not hiding her humor, “Yes, sir. Send me an email with details and I’ll have them delivered by 2 pm.”
“Thanks, Molly,” I say, thankful as always to have her.
Since returning from London, I’ve tried to go easy on her, even insisting she take a vacation that I paid for personally. She is a great assistant, probably the best I’ve ever had, I can’t lose her.
Turning back to the guys, I inform them day two of MLM is in full swing.
Lanie
Chapter 24
I’ve been out of sorts all day. I’m not sure if I’m happy my past is out in the open for Dex, pissed that he dug so deep into such sensitive information, or a mix of both. Sitting in the car pick-up line at Tate’s school, I realize I have a full half-hour before he comes out. Instead of waiting, allowing myself time to have an internal war, I call Jules.
“Lanes! I’ve missed you.” She answers by way of greeting like we didn’t speak at seven o'clock this morning.
“Hi, Jules. Where are you? Is that Mimi in the background?”
“Sure is,” I hear Mimi say. “Let me see my girl.”
“Oh, Lanie, don’t you look good. I miss you, my sweet girl. How are those beautiful charges of yours? Julia showed me pictures of you with them this morning, and they are just precious. I haven’t seen you looking that happy in a long, long time. It made this old woman's heart jump for joy.”
“Hi, Mimi. I miss you so much.” She doesn’t miss the tear that falls down my cheek.
“Now, you listen to me, young lady,” Mimi scolds. “You deserve to be happy. Don’t you dare be your own worst enemy. Pawpaw and I really liked that young man when he came up here, you know. That’s a big gesture on his part. I’m not going to force your hand at anything, but if Pawpaw approves, I think you ought to at least think about unlocking a little piece of that big heart you have.”
“Thanks, Mimi,” I sniffle. “It's just terrifying. I already love those kids so much. What happens when things don’t work out? I’ll never see them again.”
“Give me that phone,” I hear Pawpaw say. “Honey, did you listen to what you just said? If you spend the rest of your life expecting things to end, you’ll miss all the beginnings, all the good. I know you haven’t experienced much of that goodness yet, but I think your luck is changing. I think you can finally experience all the love this world has to offer if you just open your heart to it.”
“What if I get hurt again?” I whisper.
“There are no guarantees in this life, Lanie. You of all people know that, but if you don’t try to embrace the good after all the bad you’ve endured, are you really even living?” Pawpaw asks. “Locking your heart away will ensure you don’t get hurt, but that’s not the life you deserve. That’s not the kind of life we want for you. Just think about that, okay, honey? Think about what you and you alone want out of this life, then make it happen. If you get hurt, you’ll do what you always do. You’ll come home to your family. Then you’ll pick your
self back up like the strong, independent beautiful young woman we have watched you become. We couldn’t be prouder of you, sweetie. We love you, and we’ll talk to you again soon, but think about what I said.”
He doesn’t give me a chance to argue, so I only say, “I love you too, Pawpaw. Tell Julia I’ll call her later.”
“Will do kiddo. Be safe,” his signature end to any phone call.
I end the call and peek into the back seat. Both girls are still sleeping, so I have a few moments to collect myself before Tate comes running out.
Pawpaw’s words run through my head, are you really living? It’s not the kind of life you deserve. It’s not the kind of life we want for you. Think about what you and you alone want out of this life and make it happen.
“What do I want?” I ask the silent car, the answer coming to me immediately.
I don’t want to end up alone like my mother.
“It looks like you have some decisions to make, Lanie. What do you want out of this life?” I’m met with silence until I hear the school bell ring, and kids come tumbling out the double doors.
Dex
MLM Group Text
Dexter: I left her outfit and snack basket on her bed after dinner. She has been up there for half an hour. What if she doesn’t come down? I’m standing here looking like an asshole.
Preston: Did you honestly name this group text the MLM group? When did you become such a pussy?
Dexter: Shut up, asshole. Help me or move along.
Trevor: It’s a solid plan. Just give her time. Julia is on the phone with her now.
Dexter: How do you know that?
Trevor: …
Trevor: …
Dexter: Now who’s being the pussy? Trevor, what’s going on?
Trevor: Ok, ok. Julia and I have been texting in the background, trying to make sure neither of you fuck this up.
Preston: Trevor and Julia sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g.
Trevor: How long did it take you to just text that with all the hyphens, you dick? We are just trying to help.
Dexter: Not to be a pussy, but this is about me, guys. ME!
Julia: Chill out man-lady. She is coming down. Try, I know it’s tough for you, but please try to be cool tonight. Don’t push anything, don’t talk about anything, just be.
Dexter: Got it. Gotta go get set up.
Trevor: Good luck.
Julia: Keep your hands to yourself.
Preston: Completely ignore the advice to keep your hands to yourself. I’ll be waiting with bated breath to find out how this plays out. (Eye roll emoji)
Lanie
“Lanie!” Julia’s voice comes through the computer screen. We decided on a Zoom call tonight so we could both see better without having to hold a phone in our hands.
“What?” I ask.
“Don’t get snippy. Are you going to go down there? It seems like he went to a lot of trouble to make a relaxed night at home special,” she tells me, obviously still team Dex.
“Ugh, Jules. Why is he doing this?” I say, more to myself than her.
“You know why. You also know why our entire town is invested in where this relationship goes. We all want you to have the best life you can. Miss Rosa said odds are 10-1 right now in Dexter’s favor!” Julia laughs.
I roll my eyes at her but secretly love that my home town cares so much about me.
“Okay,” she says, “show me your outfit again. I shouldn’t tell you, but I think he has something special on too.”
Laughing while I imagine what he could possibly be wearing, I stand in front of the screen again. He had someone make me a t-shirt in the most hideous pattern meant to look like the curtains Maria cut up in the movie. In large letters across the chest, it simply says, ‘Maria’. The lounge pants he picked are of the softest material I’ve ever felt in a deep navy color to compliment the ridiculous pattern of my shirt.
Julia has tears running down her face. “It is both the sweetest gesture and ugliest thing I have ever seen.” Composing herself, slightly anyway, she asks what else is on the bed.
“He left a massive bucket with some packets of popcorn, every kind of movie theater candy you can imagine, and a note telling me the movie begins as soon as I’m ready to join him,” I tell her.
“You have to admit, Lanes. That’s pretty romantic,” she says, all googly-eyed.
“It is,” I admit, “but I’ve spent the last year convincing myself romance was never going to be a part of my life, Jules. I’m so scared. I-I think I’m starting to care for him, and I love his kids so much. If I keep going down this route, how am I ever going to survive when it's time to come home?”
“I’m not sure, Lanes,” she says truthfully. “How about you don’t worry about the future for now and live in the present? I shouldn’t be telling you this, but Dexter is downstairs pacing, completely freaking out that he has scared you away. If you’re not going down, you should at least put him out of his misery.”
“Julia, are you telling me you are still talking to him every day?” I ask, already knowing the answer.
“Oh yeah, we have a group message going. Dexter, Preston, Trevor, Loki, and me.” She says, pride evident. “Hey, do you know what Loki does? He told us he was going MIA for a while, and he hasn’t responded since.”
“Oh my God,” I say, face planting into the palm of my hand. “No, I do not know what Loki does, that sounds like some kind of spy crap though. Are you seriously telling me that not only is our entire home town taking daily bets on my love life but that my best friend is plotting behind my back with a bunch of guys she’s never met?”
“Yup, it’s awesome. We even have a club name, but I can’t tell you what it is yet. And Dexter’s friends are fun to rile up. Preston takes my shit like a champ and Trevor, well, Trevor is pretty interesting, actually,” a slight blush crosses her cheeks.
My head whips up the screen, “What? What do you mean, Trevor is interesting?”
Julia is definitely blushing, and she never blushes. Not once in twenty years of friendship have I seen her blush. “Oh, nothing.” She sing-songs, “Story for another time. We’re talking about you. Are you going to go down there and put that poor man out of his misery?”
Reluctantly, I agree. “You tell Miss Rosa this doesn’t mean anything. It’s just two friends watching a movie together.”
“Mm-hmm. Gotcha. Totally platonic. Have fun and hurry up! The poor man is down there, breaking out in a nervous sweat,” she laughs.
“You are so ridiculous,” I laugh. “Okay, I’m going. Luvs.”
“Luvs, Lanes. Talk to you tomorrow.”
Checking my hair one more time to make sure it looks perfectly messy, I grab our bucket of snacks and make my way to the family room.
Walking through the door, it takes me a second to process what I am seeing. Dexter is standing in the middle of the room, hands on his hips, smiling as broadly as I’ve ever seen. Uncontrollable laughter hits me as I stare at him. He is in a bright red t-shirt with ‘Vivian’ written in bold with, ‘Baby I’m gonna treat you so nice’, underneath. As if that wasn’t enough, his lounge pants are the same hideous pattern as my t-shirt. It isn’t until I notice the windows that I completely lose my shit, laughing so hard I wouldn’t be surprised if I peed myself right here.
Covering every window is a large piece of fabric in the same pattern as my shirt. In the center of each one, there is a hole cut out in the shape of a t-shirt.
When I’m finally able to compose myself, I turn to him. “You’re taking this whole Maria thing a bit far, don’t you think?”
“It was easier than getting chimney sweeps to jump out of the fireplace,” he says, shrugging.
We are both laughing, him with his hand pinching the back of his neck. He does this when he is unsure of himself. I’ve already learned his tell. I smile and walk to him, telling my brain to shut up for once and let my heart lead. It’s in there, I just have to learn how to listen to it again.
Reachi
ng him, I don’t hesitate. I wrap my arms around him in a hug, he instantly wraps me in a similar embrace. His strong arms are wrapping around me, holding me, making me feel safe. It’s a foreign feeling for me, I realize. Even when I was with the McDowell’s, I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I knew it would only be a matter of time before my mother would show up to use me as a prop for whatever scam she had planned next.
“Thank you,” I say into his chest. “Just, thank you for going to all this trouble.”
“Sweetheart, it was no trouble. My mission, remember? Make it so you’re never gonna wanna let me go.”
Unsure of the emotions I’m feeling, I pull away slightly. “Alright, Vivian. What movie are we watching?”
“I’m offended you even have to ask,” Dex scoffs. “The Sound of Music, duh.” He says, smiling at me like I carry all the sunshine on my shoulders as he puts the disk in the system.
“Uh-okay, I’ll go make the popcorn,” I say practically running from the room. I need a breather.
Calm down, Lanie, I tell myself, clutching my racing heart. No one had ever gone to this much trouble for me before. The McDowell’s always made my birthdays and holidays special but told me that’s just what parents do. Outside of my adoptive family, not one person in my life had ever done anything to make me feel as I do now.
I take a few extra minutes with the popcorn before I head back to find Dex. He is propped up on the couch with pillows and blankets all around him. His arm is raised as if waiting for me to climb in at his side. At this moment, there isn’t anything I’ve ever wanted more. Feeling contentment I never knew existed, I relax into Dex, watching the movie. We don’t speak much, just hold on to each other. I’ve looked up at him a few times to find him watching me instead of the movie.
“You’re missing all the best parts,” I tell him.
Staring me straight in the eyes, he declares, “I disagree.” He keeps watching me, rubbing my back up and down gently, I turn my attention back to the T.V.
Cross My Heart: A Waverley-Cay Novel Page 16