The movie ends, but neither of us attempts to move. At some point, I am lulled to sleep by the rhythmic way he has been rubbing my back. I don’t wake until Dexter is tucking me into my bed.
“Shh, don’t get up.” He kisses my forehead. “I had a really amazing time with you tonight, Lanie. I can’t wait for our next date.”
I wake the next morning feeling lighter than I have in years, unable to remove the smile on my face the rest of the day.
Dex
Chapter 25
MLM Tactical Group
Dexter: Day 2 extraordinary success! Seriously, the best date I have ever had in my life.
Preston: Dude, you changed the group name again? Did your balls shrivel up and die?
Preston: Why was it so good, you finally get laid?
Julia: Do I need to remind you yet again to watch your balls when I meet you in person, Preston? Don’t be a dickwad.
Trevor: Hahahaha
Trevor: Glad it went well. Our girl had fun?
Dexter: Watch it. Lanie isn’t “our” anything.
Trevor: Jesus, you Neanderthal. When you get the girl, she will be part of our messed up little family, therefore, she will be “our” Lanie.
Julia: Everyone, stop getting your panties in a twist. We are all on the same page. I’ll also remind you all that Lanie was mine first. (I’m imagining Dexter growling right now, and I am LOL)
Dexter: Whatever.
MLM Tactical Group
Dexter: Day 12, Game Night.
Julia: So, not only are we going to get the play by play of the plan, but we are also going to get a rundown after it happens?
Preston: I’ll send everyone some beer and popcorn.
Dexter: Fuck off all of you…
MLM Tactical Group
Dexter: Day 21, Wine tasting.
Julia: hahaha
Trevor: (Laughing emoji)
Preston: Good Lord, you have lost your balls.
MLM Tactical Group
Dexter: Day 32, Another success.
Preston: (Clapping hand emoji)
Trevor: Happy for you, man.
Julia: Not sure I can reply to this every day. It’s becoming a bit nauseating.
MLM Tactical Group
Dexter: Day 45, plan got put on hold. Girls came down with a cold. Re-do tonight.
Preston: I don’t even know what to say to you anymore.
Julia: Any chance we can skip the daily check-ins and move to weekly or better yet monthly updates?
Trevor: I’m with Jules.
Dexter: No-can-do, friends. You’re in this for the long haul with me.
Trevor: At least you’re happy.
I meet Lanie outside of the nursery. She looks exhausted, the girls have been extra needy today. I wrap her in a hug and love how normal this has become for us.
“Hi,” I say.
“Hi,” she replies into my chest.
“It’s a beautiful night out. Let's grab the baby monitors and sit out on the deck with a glass of wine. I won’t keep you up late, I know you’re tired,” I tell her.
“That sounds great, actually.”
I grab the bottle of wine while Lanie grabs the glasses. At the last minute, I grab a throw blanket. It’s warm out, but I’ve noticed Lanie gets cold quickly, I find it funny since she grew up in Vermont. How quickly she has adapted to the south.
I make my way to the lounger and settle in, motioning for Lanie to sit between my legs. She hesitates for only a second. As she leans back into me, I wrap my arms around her, loving her scent that washes all around me. I pour us both a glass of wine, enjoying holding her with the sound of the ocean in the background. It's hard to see from here, but on nights like this, you can hear it without having to make your way through the dunes. For the first time, I am thankful the interior designer convinced me to string Edison bulbs out here all around the patio ceiling. The dim lights give Lanie an ethereal glow. The fire pit in the corner will have to wait for another time, we won’t be out here long enough for it to be worth it tonight. I tuck the fire pit idea away for another date night.
“It’s so peaceful out here,” she comments.
“It’s probably the only thing about this house that I liked when I bought it,” I admit.
“Why did you buy the house then?” she asks quizzically.
I sigh, hating that the answer makes me sound like a pretentious asshole. “My board members thought I needed to uphold a specific image to get that London deal done. I knew after all the papers were signed, I would make a lot of money. More than most would ever see in a lifetime. Security and the safety of the kids became something I had to seriously consider. I figured the gated community was as safe as I could get.”
Hesitantly, she asks, “so, you didn’t live here with Anna?”
“Fuck, no.” It comes out harsher than I intended. “No, I’m not really sure how she got the address.”
“Have you found her yet? To see what she wanted?” She asks without looking at me.
Sighing, I tell her no. “It’s almost like she is in hiding. I can’t figure out her game plan, but she was never very good at being patient, so I suspect she’ll find me again soon enough.”
“Do you think sh-she’s dangerous?” I sense Lanie’s fear in her question.
I turn her face to mine so she can see how serious I am, “No, Lanie. I don’t. She may be a bitch, but she has never been violent before. I haven’t figured out what she is after, but I promise you I will. She will never come near you again, I swear.”
She nods, facing the ocean again.
After a while, Lanie turns so she is lying on her side between my legs. From this angle, I can’t help but see her cleavage pressed between her arms, her hand on my thigh. She has very rarely made the first move, and I have had a severe case of blue balls for the last month. I’ve endured it because I want her to know I’m doing this at her pace, but when she angles her body against me like this, I lose all my brainpower. That’s precisely why I am caught off guard when she suddenly moves to straddle me.
“Awe, Lanie?” I question, my voice so deep and husky I hardly recognize it as my own. She doesn’t answer. Instead, she very slowly and gently kisses my lips. It isn’t the same type of kiss we have shared in the past. This kiss feels like she is trying to tell me something. I can feel her heart and soul in this kiss, it scares me a little. It feels like a goodbye kiss. I don’t try to take control, I let her tell me everything she can’t say with words and hope to God I’m not translating this kiss correctly.
Eventually, she pulls away and lays her head on my chest. I feel my shirt getting wet and I realize she is crying. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”
“N-nothing,” she manages.
“If it’s nothing, then why are you crying?” I implore.
“I just wanted to say thank you. This has been the best month of my life, you have made me feel special and loved. You’ve done everything I could ever hope someone would do,” she laments.
“Lanie? Why do I feel like there is a but coming?” I ask, her tears starting to fall again.
“Dex, I just don’t think I can be what you deserve,” she sobs.
“What? What are you talking about? Lanie, you have made my house a home. You’ve made me happier than I have been in years, where is this coming from?” I feel desperate for her answer.
She hiccups, trying to compose herself. “Dex, I can feel your reaction to me.”
Embarrassed, that’s what I am right now. “Yeah, well, that little asshole has a mind of its own. I told you I can’t always control it, but I’ve never acted on it. Have I made you feel pressure to do something you’re not ready for?”
“No, it’s not that,” she confesses.
“Then what, Lanie? What’s bothering you?” She tries to turn but I hold her steady, loving the way my hands fit on her hips.
“Please, Dex, let me turn around. I don’t know if I can say this to your face.”
My stomach knots immedia
tely. It’s a heavy, solid feeling that makes me feel like I might be emptying all its contents before this conversation is over. It takes all my willpower to let her turn around. Once she is settled, I wrap her in an embrace and hold her tight to my front. It feels like an eternity before she speaks.
“When I was in the hospital, those first few days, I wasn’t fully awake. I would hear bits and pieces of conversations but couldn’t open my eyes.” Scared of where this is going and not wanting to get her off track, I give her a gentle squeeze of encouragement.
“The first thing I remember is someone telling Mimi they ordered a rape kit.” I suck in a breath, not sure I’m strong enough to hold it together for her.
“When I came to, everyone tried to tell me, but I wouldn’t let them. I didn’t remember it, I didn’t want to know. I didn’t want to know anything about my attack. In my head, it was just better for me to believe it never happened. I was a flirt when I was younger, but I was never very sexually active. I had one boyfriend in my senior year of high school, we broke up after a couple of years, and I just focused on school.”
“Whatever it is, Lanie, I’m here for you, I’m not going anywhere.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of,” she cries. “You don’t understand. I don’t know if I can ever be intimate with someone and not have flashbacks to what might have happened. I don’t know if I can ever look at my body and not be reminded of my attack every time, but I don’t think I am strong enough to find out the truth either. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel comfortable being with anyone sexually ever again. You deserve better than that. You deserve more than a damaged freak. You deserve someone more than me.”
I try to interrupt, but she steamrolls me. “I love your kids, Dexter. They give me a purpose I haven’t had in a very long time. I’m terrified if whatever this is between us doesn’t work out, I’ll lose them too. I’m scared that if it does work out, I’ll mess them up.
Do you know the first question I asked Mimi when I was coherent enough in the hospital? I asked if my mom knew what happened. I wondered if she had come to visit me. Turns out, she did know and chose not to visit. I found out later she told people at the bar that I must have done something to provoke the attack. That she always knew my slutty looks would bite me in the ass.”
I’m silent for a long time. Part of me wants to make sure she is done, and part of me needs a minute to process everything she just told me.
Fuck, I really wish I could consult Julia right now.
I’m on my own. I know this is a make or break moment for us. I dig deep and go with the only solution I can come up with. I gently slide Lanie forward, standing up and walking to the front of the lounger. I take her hand in mine and pull her to standing. Not saying a word, I guide her through the house and up the stairs. I don’t stop until we are standing in my bedroom at the foot of my massive bed.
“Dex, didn’t you hear anything I just said to you? I…”
I cut her off. “Lanie, we aren’t going to do anything but sleep. Stay right here while I get some stuff from your room. I just want to hold you tonight.” I know she is confused about why I’m not responding to her confessions. The truth is, I need a few more minutes to gather my thoughts, but I’m not willing to let her go for the night.
I return to my bedroom with a few of her things in my arms. I take her hand in mine, guiding her to the bathroom, where I lay her stuff out on the second sink.
She is in a daze. Confused, possibly hurt, but I’ll fix that soon.
Leaving her on one side of the vanity, I move to my side and start brushing my teeth, never taking my eyes off hers in the mirror. After a while, she starts to brush her teeth and wash her face. I left her a choice of pajamas and one of my large t-shirts, it’s up to her what she feels comfortable sleeping in. I’m thrilled when she meets me in the bedroom in just my t-shirt.
“Come here,” I tell her, wrapping her into a hug. “I’m just going to hold you tonight. Come.” I lead her to the bed and tuck her in. I walk to the other side, taking off my watch and setting it on the nightstand. I slide in beside her, pulling her as tightly into my side as I can get her. I can feel her shoulders shaking, and I know she is crying.
“Lanie?” She starts to roll to face me, but I hug her tightly. “Stay,” I command, knowing that if I look at her, I’ll never get this all out. It’s too important for her not to hear. I hold her as tightly as I can, slightly worried she won’t be able to breathe. “I told you I saw your report. I’m sorry again for going behind your back, but I hope you understand I only did it to protect my kids.”
She is eerily still. “Lanie, I-I have to tell you…”
“Please, Dexter, please, I don’t know if I can handle this.”
“Lanie, the rape kit was negative. He did unspeakable things to you, but rape wasn’t one of them.” I let her cry for minutes, maybe hours, I’m not sure, but hoping to any higher power I just made the right decision. That I can help her extinguish this one demon. When her cries have subsided, I give her a squeeze and roll her over to look at me.
“I don’t know if I just did the right thing by telling you, but I want you to know something. I will wait for you forever, however long it takes. We will move at your pace or stay as we have been, I just want you here, like this, being able to hold you.”
“Dex, I…” I place my fingers on her lips.
“I mean it, Lanie, this is your world, I’m just lucky enough to be a part of it. If at any point you decide you’re ready and want to try for more, I’ll be here with open arms. Remember, I have had the pleasure of seeing you naked, and it was the fucking hottest thing I have ever seen in my life. If I get that chance again, I will spend every ounce of energy I have proving just how gorgeous you are to me, scars and all.”
She places a hand along my jaw and I sink into her touch. “No matter what happens, you will always be welcome in my children’s lives. Whatever manner you want to be, they love you too. I will never ask you to be more to them than you are ready for.
“As far as your mother, Lanie? You have to let her go. She doesn’t deserve you, your pain, or your happiness. Sometimes the best families aren’t the ones you are born into, they are the ones that take you in when you least expect it.”
Rolling her back over, I kiss her temple and snuggle into her back, silently hoping I never have to let her go, knowing without a doubt, I would never recover from that.
Lanie
Chapter 26
Dexter: Day 67 plan in place. Sylvie will arrive at the house at 6 pm…Best MLM plan to date.
Lanie: Ermmmmm???
Dexter: FUCK! This wasn’t for you. Don’t worry, I’ll explain it all when I get home.
I call Julia immediately and she sends me to voicemail. I call again and again with the same response. That ass wipe. She is ignoring me, which means Dexter got to her before I did. What the hell, he’s like a ninja texter or something.
Lanie: I know you are avoiding me. Just tell me who Sylvie is? Do I have anything to worry about?
She replies immediately, of course.
Jules: Not a thing. Try to go with the flow, Lanes. Loosen up a little.
Lanie: You! Are you telling me to loosen up?
Jules: The irony is not lost on me. Gotta go. Luvs.
I don’t bother replying. I’m coming to terms with everyone in my life ganging up on me, but I don’t need to let them off the hook too quickly.
Dex has been avoiding me all day, probably at Julia’s instruction. If I didn’t love them both so much, I would be pissed.
Holy Fuck.
Thank God I’m not holding a baby right now because I may have dropped her. Did I really just say that I loved Dex?
I’m on the floor playing blocks with the girls trying to figure out what I’m feeling when the front door flies open. In an instant, I’m standing up, herding all the kids behind me. I’m shooing Tate into the kitchen when he darts past me.
“Nanna Sylvie, you’re here! I didn’t k
now you were coming?”
“Well, just look at you, darling! I can’t tell you how good it is to hear your sweet voice again. This must be the lovely young lady we can thank for that.” She comes to me, hand outstretched, Tate glued to her side. “You must be Lanie. I’m Sylvie Westbrook.”
The name doesn’t register, and I’m trying desperately to pull Tate back to my side, I don’t know who this woman is. Dex said he hasn’t seen his mother since he was five, and there is no way this woman is related to Anna. I go to voice my concerns when Preston walks in leading a pack, yes, a pack of men.
“What the holy hockey is going on here, Preston?” I’m overwhelmed by the amount of male laughter that erupts. I look all around. I’m surrounded by Preston and four almost identical versions of him. They all have their unique way about them, but I swear, each is a carbon copy of the next. Standing before me are five insanely attractive versions of the same man.
“Holy crap, your dad must have had some strong genes.” I let slip before I can sensor myself.
Sylvie bursts into a peal of very dignified laughter. “That he did, my dear, that he did. I take it you haven’t met Preston’s brothers yet?”
“Ah, definitely not, ma’am,” I say in shock.
“Oh, forget that, ma’am business. Sylvie is just fine. Now, manners, Preston. Make the introductions,” she orders.
“Hi Lanie, I’m Preston, the best looking and oldest brother. Then there is Easton, Shepherd, Cooper, and Ashton here is the baby.” He points to each in a line.
“Wow. Hi, I wasn’t expecting you. Does Dex know you’re coming? Can I get anyone something to drink?” I ask, entirely out of my element here, and Preston can tell.
“Relax, sweet thing, Dex will be here any minute to explain. It’s all taken care of,” he coaxes.
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