Grey Howl

by Clea Simon

  With a resigned nod, Dulcie stepped into the relative privacy of the hallway and dialed Chris.

  ‘Dulcie? Can I get back to you?’ She had barely begun to explain the situation when her boyfriend cut her off. ‘I’m kind of dealing with a situation here.’

  ‘Sure.’ Chris was usually the calm one in the relationship. ‘Is there anything I can do?’

  ‘No – I …’ He paused, and when he started talking again, his voice was tight. ‘Things just aren’t making sense. It’s – well, never mind. What’s going on by you?’

  ‘I’ve got a computer situation. Not my computer.’ She felt a bit guilty dragging him into this when he was clearly busy. Not that she had much choice. ‘It might be a virus.’ She gave him the quick overview, trying to leave out Stella Roebuck’s crazier accusations. ‘I wouldn’t ask if it weren’t important. Thorpe is really hoping you can come in.’

  ‘Ah, Thorpe,’ was all he said. He and Dulcie had been together long enough that he got it. ‘Look, why don’t I meet you in about an hour? I’ll be in the Square by then and I’ll call. Will that be okay?’

  ‘Sure.’ He was the one doing the favor. Thorpe would simply have to accept it. ‘And one more thing, Chris. I got to see Tigger …’ But her boyfriend had already hung up.

  When she ducked back into Thorpe’s office to report, she saw him on hands and knees in the corner. ‘Is everything all right?’ Dulcie asked.

  ‘Yes, poor little fellow.’ He looked back over his shoulder at her. ‘He must be tuckered out.’ Rising awkwardly to his knees and then standing, he brushed the dust off his pants and proceeded to pat it into his hair. ‘I swear, he was up all night.’

  Dulcie paused at that and tried to look past her adviser, hoping to make contact once more with those strange blue eyes. From her vantage point, in the middle of the room, she could see Tigger, lying in his bed by the wall. His eyes were hidden, however, and all she could see were the soft stripes of marmalade and cream, rising and falling as the little beast slept.

  SIXTEEN

  Thorpe hadn’t been thrilled with the delay, but he’d had to accept it. Not only was Chris doing him – and the department – a favor, but Dulcie refused to try to move up her boyfriend’s schedule, no matter what the panic.

  ‘Besides, shouldn’t I be trying to track down Marco Tesla?’ she said by way of peace offering. ‘Maybe he went back to the hotel.’

  ‘Or back to San Diego,’ Thorpe muttered. Dulcie bit her lip. Some of this was jealousy, she knew. Thorpe had seen the connection she had formed with the kitten. That, she was sure, was why he’d been trying to wake the little creature while she’d been on the phone. ‘This is becoming a disaster. Roebuck furious. Tesla gone …’

  ‘He’s not gone.’ Dulcie tried to keep her tone light. ‘And we still have Showalter and Barnes.’

  ‘Them.’ Thorpe dismissed her favorites and kept talking, almost to himself. ‘The department will be disgraced. Our good name …’

  If her adviser was going to act like a child, Dulcie felt no qualms about interrupting. ‘Tesla’s liaison missed him. That doesn’t mean the department is at fault. Just, well, me. And I’ve tried to call him, several times. He doesn’t answer.’

  ‘Yes, well …’

  Dulcie was never so happy to hear her phone ring. ‘Maybe that’s Tesla now,’ she said brightly. ‘Excuse me.’ She stepped back out into the hall.

  ‘So what did she think?’ The voice, female and excited, threw Dulcie for a moment. ‘Did she like it?’

  ‘Mina!’ Dulcie snapped back. Of course. The undergrad didn’t know that Dulcie hadn’t met with the visiting scholar. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t get a chance to tell you. Professor Showalter canceled on me.’ She could hear the disappointed sigh over the phone. ‘But I did give her the paper.’

  ‘Do you think she’s read it yet?’ Mina’s breathlessness reminded Dulcie of how thrilled she had been to get their work into the scholar’s hands, only hours before.

  ‘I don’t think so.’ Dulcie hesitated, wondering how much to share with her younger colleague. If she ended up working with Paul Barnes, would she be able to bring Mina along? He had his own projects – that much was clear from his message, and she had no idea if Mina’s research would be relevant. Besides, he had asked her to keep his call confidential. ‘I think she had to talk with one of the other visiting professors about a personal matter,’ she said instead. That was what Showalter had actually told her, but Dulcie still felt a bit guilty at the partial deception.

  ‘But, you know what? I’m going back to the Science Center,’ she added. ‘If she’s around, I’ll corner her, see what I can find out.’

  ‘Oh, you don’t have to.’ Dulcie could hear the disappointment in the younger woman’s voice. ‘I’m sure you’re crazy busy, what with the conference and all.’

  ‘That’s okay,’ Dulcie started to explain. In truth, she really would rather be talking with Renée Showalter about her own work – and about Paul Barnes – than tracking down and babysitting some fop who dressed like a schoolboy.

  ‘… big names like Marco Tesla,’ she heard Mina say.

  ‘Wait, I’m sorry.’ Dulcie had missed what the younger woman was saying. ‘Do you know where he is?’

  ‘Of course.’ Mina sounded surprised. ‘I’ll be seeing him in a few hours.’

  Dulcie put her hand to her forehead, sure that if she didn’t more of her brains would fall out. ‘I’m missing something,’ was all she said. ‘Is there a function tonight?’

  ‘Oh.’ Except for that one syllable, there was silence. Dulcie looked at her phone. They were still connected.

  ‘Mina?’

  ‘I was sure you’d have been invited.’ The woman on the other end of the line had the grace to sound embarrassed. ‘Maybe the invite got lost?’

  ‘Probably.’ Dulcie closed her eyes and leaned back against the wall. Right now, she didn’t care about the conference. She certainly didn’t care about Marco Tesla.

  ‘Hang on.’ The sound of typing filled the void. ‘Let me dig it up.’

  Maybe Chris would call soon, Dulcie told herself. Maybe he would be able to resurrect Stella Roebuck’s missing paper. Maybe they’d all go out in a blaze of glory.

  ‘The moonlight eye-opener.’ The voice on the phone wasn’t making sense. She was too tired. It had already been a very long day.

  ‘Excuse me?’ That was the best Dulcie could manage.

  ‘The moonlight eye-opener,’ Mina repeated. ‘I gather it’s an ELLA tradition. Drinks outdoors for all the invited participants.’

  ‘Outdoors?’ This was making less and less sense.

  ‘Didn’t ELLA start in Southern California?’

  Dulcie nodded, more than a little embarrassed that an undergraduate remembered more than she had. ‘But they can’t have an outdoors party here. It’s freezing out.’

  ‘I think it’s just going to be a toast.’ Mina’s voice had taken on a conspiratorial tone. ‘Ten o’clock on the patio.’ She paused. ‘Did you know that ELLA is always scheduled to coincide with the full moon?’

  ‘No,’ said Dulcie. ‘But nothing would surprise me any more.’

  ‘So you’ll come with me? I’m sure you were supposed to get an invite, and I assume I’m allowed to bring a date.’

  ‘I don’t know.’ Chris had the night off. She was tired. Stella Roebuck wasn’t easy company. And if Paul Barnes and Renée Showalter were there, too …

  ‘Please,’ Mina was pleading. ‘I mean, I know it’s going to be chilly …’

  ‘That,’ Dulcie replied, ‘will be the least of it.’

  SEVENTEEN

  She waited, breathless, for the Dawn, though e’en its wan light, sickly and pale, could not but fail to illuminate the very Darkness weighing down upon her. Still, she waited, Hope growing feeble in her breast, for, though the light be Dim, the Vista before her could hold no more of Terror than had been witnessed through the dark hours within the nightmare Storm. Then had she Fled int
o the howling Wind, the lashing Branches so toss’d that each seemed to reach and tear at her ragged garments as she made her desperate way. Then had she come at last to the limits of her strength, and taken Refuge with a Stranger. So soft, his Voice. So calming as he warned her of these very sins. The Unfaithful, the False, the Other-Seeming who might betray her utmost Hopes. Yet she had persisted in her Journey, along that Mountain road, into the very Heart of turmoil, this Castle, this seeming Succor. Thus, here, she waited. Her Chamber, no more a sanctuary but a prison, barr’d by the creeping tendrils of distrust. Dawn would reach her here but barely, bringing nothing of Peace with it, nothing, truly, of Warmth.

  ‘Beware the one who gives you Succor …’

  It was closer to an hour and a half before Chris called. Dulcie knew because she kept checking her phone while she read, in the hope that either Paul Barnes or her boyfriend, or even the elusive Marco Tesla, would ring. None did, and by the time she got to her office, she was tempted to turn her phone off and throw the offending thing away. Somehow, this conference, which she had so looked forward to, had become more of a mess than she’d ever imagined. And somehow, at least some of it was her fault – or her responsibility. And to top it all off, the bothersome thing wouldn’t even start officially until the next day at three, when Thorpe would give the opening address.

  It was enough to drive her back into research. But, while she could find some solace in her papers, Dulcie knew better than to give in to her fantasy. Chris, she trusted, would get in touch. Barnes, she told herself, probably expected to see her that night. And Tesla, well, at this point she almost didn’t care if he’d gone back to California, except for the pain it would cause Thorpe. The phone stayed on.

  Still, it was nice to put the conference prep behind her, at least temporarily. And it was with an unexpected feeling of relief that she had made her way to the basement of Memorial Hall, grateful to have some time to herself. Dulcie had promised Thorpe that as soon as Chris came into the Square they’d go meet with Stella Roebuck. In the meantime, she pointed out, she really could be working. In his panic about Tesla, Thorpe seemed to have forgotten about normal deadlines and had wanted her to spend the time looking for the missing scholar. Only grudgingly had he accepted her explanation that she would connect with Tesla that evening. Since he had added his own voicemails to Dulcie’s on Tesla’s line, apologizing for the Science Center mix-up, there weren’t many other options.

  ‘Look, I’ll see him at this thing tonight,’ she’d said. Thorpe seemed to take it for granted that she’d be at the party. ‘I’ll explain what happened, and we’ll reschedule.’

  Dulcie suspected that it was his desire to be alone with Tigger rather than any sense of resolution that led to him finally letting her go. But after a few more minutes of back and forth, she had gotten free.

  Now she sat staring at her laptop, trying to figure out how to work this latest bit into her thesis.

  ‘Beware the one who gives you Succor.’ She stared at the passage, as if by dint of persistence its place would become clear.

  ‘You okay, Dulcie?’ She looked up. Lloyd, her office mate, was standing in the doorway. From the way his brow was furrowed, she suspected he’d been there for some time.

  ‘Yeah, I’m fine.’ She managed a smile. ‘Do you mind?’ Although the two grad students technically shared the space, they tended to take turns with it. Just because two desks could fit into the basement room didn’t mean two scholars could necessarily be comfortable working together.

  ‘Not at all.’ Lloyd entered, walking over to his desk. ‘I really just wanted to retrieve some papers.’ With his head in a drawer, his next words were muffled. Dulcie could make out only one word: ‘ELLA.’

  ‘I think I’ve discharged my duties for the day, for good or ill,’ Dulcie answered. ‘Though I guess there’s that unofficial opening thing tonight.’

  ‘The moonlight party?’ Lloyd’s face popped up again as he placed a handful of folders on his desktop. ‘Yeah, time for the thermal underwear, huh? Though I don’t know how that will look under formal wear.’

  ‘Formal?’ Dulcie sat back. ‘Wait, this is formal?’

  ‘Black tie, I gather.’ Lloyd shrugged. ‘Though I believe we struggling teaching assistants are allowed to wear a suit and tie. The men, of course,’ he added. ‘You can wear any cocktail-length or evening dress.’

  Dulcie opened her mouth, but nothing came out. It wasn’t hearing fashion terms from Lloyd. Raleigh, his girlfriend, probably taught him those. Despite being a budding scholar, she did have a penchant for clothes, Dulcie had noticed. It was more that Lloyd also seemed to have known of this party long before Dulcie did – and that she seemed to have unwittingly committed to a fancy do. If it weren’t for Mina – and for her promise to do whatever she could to track down the elusive Marco Tesla – she’d have given up on the whole thing. She really should talk to Renée Showalter before she committed to Paul Barnes, anyway.

  ‘I wonder if Mina knows that it’s fancy?’ She’d have to warn the undergrad.

  ‘She was invited?’ Lloyd’s eyebrows shot up. ‘I thought it was graduate level and up.’

  ‘Well, I wasn’t invited.’ That came out with more edge than Dulcie intended. ‘At least, I don’t think I was.’

  ‘Nonsense.’ Lloyd ducked back into his drawer. ‘The invites went to our homes. I bet Chris got it and didn’t tell you.’ He looked up, a devilish look on his face. ‘Maybe he just didn’t want to have to wear a suit.’

  Dulcie mulled that one over. ‘No, he’d at least tell me we’d been invited. I mean, that I had.’ She gave it another moment. ‘Though with his changing schedule, he’s been kind of out of it. He probably just forgot. I wonder if he’d want to go?’

  ‘Tell him he has to.’ Lloyd wasn’t even trying to hide his grin any more. ‘It’s not fair to the rest of us if he gets to opt out. And, really, you are presenting at the conference. It is a big deal.’

  ‘Huh.’ Dulcie chewed that one over as he reached back into his desk. ‘Such a big deal that nobody bothered to see if I had responded.’

  ‘Dulcie.’ The voice sounded so clear, she whipped around. Lloyd still had his head in the bottom drawer, though. Besides, the voice was deeper than her office mate’s.

  ‘Mr Grey?’ She mouthed the words rather than speaking them aloud and glanced back at Lloyd. He didn’t appear to have heard anything. ‘Are you there?’

  ‘Do you doubt it? Do you doubt all you love?’ The voice had a slight sharpness to it, as opposed to its customary rumbling purr.

  ‘No.’ She shook her head. ‘Not really. I was just …’ She paused. Chris had been distracted, but she herself had noted the effects of the schedule change. Poor guy was sleep-deprived. As for the university? Well, she knew that Thorpe needed her. Relied on her, really, and despite his occasional caviling, she knew that meant that he respected her, too.

  ‘I’ve just felt left out, Mr Grey.’ She focused on the dust motes that caught the light. It felt better to have something to address, even if it wasn’t an actual flesh and blood feline. ‘And, to be honest, inadequate. Everything I touch has been going wrong. Like everyone else knows what is going on except me.’

  The dust motes danced, tossed by some shifting current of air. As she watched, she heard it, the deep rumbling purr that gave her so much joy. ‘You must believe in yourself first, Dulcie.’ The rumble was so loud, Dulcie couldn’t believe that Lloyd wasn’t hearing it too. Still, he seemed oblivious. ‘Trust what you know to be true, Dulcie. Trust yourself.’

  ‘I bet Chris responded for you.’ Lloyd said as he sat up.

  Dulcie stared, open-mouthed. Perhaps, to him, no time had passed at all. ‘You think?’ That was all she could muster.

  ‘I wouldn’t be surprised.’ Lloyd leaned toward her, as if to share a secret. ‘I saw him running around last night in the Square. I bet he’s got some surprise planned for you.’

  ‘He was working last night.’ Or sleeping.

/>   Lloyd shrugged. ‘He must have been on his break. He was running like he had hounds after him, so I bet he had a lot to get done.’

  Dulcie was going to protest. Chris was a dear, but he was not the type for romantic surprises. Mr Grey’s words stopped her, though. She knew Chris; she loved him. She should trust him. Besides, he’d call soon, and she’d be able to ask him straight out if he had ever received the invitation to the party – and if he had, in fact, responded.

  ‘Anyway, I don’t think it’s a big deal.’ Lloyd had loaded his bag and stood to go. ‘If you show up, I’m sure they’ll be thrilled you’re there. I mean, just in case I’m wrong.’

  ‘So you don’t think he was planning something.’

  Lloyd took a deep breath. ‘He was in a hurry, that I know. And Dulcie, I know he loves you. But we guys can be forgetful. So, just in case …’

  ‘Got it.’ She did. ‘I won’t tell him what you said.’

  ‘See you tonight.’ He shouldered his bag. ‘It’ll be fun.’

  With her new resolve, she bit back her immediate response. More like work, she’d been thinking. Only with uncomfortable clothes. But Lloyd was right. A party like this was not only one of the perks of working for the conference; it was a great chance to mingle with the visiting scholars in a relaxed, or at least unprogrammed, setting. Nobody would have their laptop there. Nobody would be arguing about precedence or scheduling, at least not openly. And she’d be with Mina – and maybe, also Chris. They were her friends, and it would feel good to introduce Chris to Renée Showalter, too. Maybe they could even talk about the paper.

  If only Chris would call soon. Since he hadn’t, Dulcie pulled her laptop toward her with new resolve. ‘Beware the one you trust,’ she read. Good thing her mood had improved, she told herself. That could apply to Mina or Professor Showalter. Or even Chris. She read on. ‘Beware the one upon whom you would lay every Future hope.’

  She was still staring at the one sentence when her phone rang.

  ‘Chris!’ The call had startled her.