Amnesia

by Michael, Sean

  "Is that what you want, Thaine? When you get out -- to come to Houston?"

  "More than anything, Jer. I don't care what all happened between us, man. You still love me and I still love you."

  "What about the kid? He thinks you're together. You gonna bring him along?" There wasn't any question he'd bring Thaine home if that's what the man wanted.

  "I don't even know him, Jerry. I can't just... I don't remember him."

  Jerry nodded. "I get that, T. And I have no problem leaving him behind. But he definitely knows you -- and Jesse's been protective as shit, so he's got to be legit."

  "I know. I know, but I'm not going to pretend. Hell, JJ. Even if I get my memory back tomorrow, that's not going to change how I feel about you."

  "Yeah, that's what you say now. But I'm still a jerk and you're still a stubborn asshole. I'm not sure you'll want to stay once you get your memory back. You sure you want to burn all your bridges like that by leaving the kid behind before you remember the last five years?"

  Those eyes met his, dead-on, stubborn as fuck. "Did you cheat on me? Did I cheat on you?"

  "No, sir."

  "Then I'd burn whatever there was to burn. Whatever I did, whatever it was, you're it, Jerry. My one true thing."

  He closed his eyes and took a breath. Truth was that there wasn't anyone but Thaine for him, either. There never had been. But five years ago they'd argued one too many times, put each other second or third or fucking last instead of first yet again and Thaine had walked.

  The question was -- was he willing to risk the man doing it again?

  Jerry snorted. Right. Like he wasn't going to take that risk and fucking fight harder this time. The last five years had been cold and his fucking company made a piss-poor substitute for Thaine in his bed. "All right, T. I'll take you home as soon as they spring you. But you're going to have to tell the kid yourself."

  "Yeah. Yeah, he probably deserves it. He seems like a good guy, sweet."

  Jerry chuckled. "You mean the polar opposite of me?"

  "Pretty much, yeah." Thaine winked. "He seems nice. I want you."

  "Yeah, T. I hear you. I'm still the same bastard though -- I work long hours, I won't always know your latest scores. I don't do hand-holding. At least not for more than a day or two. None of that has changed."

  Of course if Thaine had lost the last five years, he guessed the man wouldn't have expected it to have changed.

  "You never knew my latest scores. Shit, Jerry, you don't want me back, just say so. I'll go visit my momma."

  Oh, Christ on a crutch. Thaine didn't remember that Judy'd passed. Did he say something, or did he wait for Thaine to remember? "If I didn't care I wouldn't be here. And if I didn't want you back I'd have told you no right up front, no matter how hurt you were."

  Thaine nodded. "I just want to come home. Shit." Those pretty eyes dropped to the bed. "No one's said I can still ride."

  "Well Christ, T. Give your insides a chance to get back to where they're supposed to be before you start." He put his hand on Thaine's chest and leaned in. "Nobody said you couldn't."

  "Yeah. Yeah. This season's over. I'll worry later."

  He nodded and leaned farther, sliding his lips on Thaine's. He couldn't quite believe a bump on the head had brought Thaine back to him like this, but he couldn't regret it.

  The door swung open and he backed off, standing again.

  The nurse tsked, handed Thaine a plastic cup of pills.

  Why did he feel like he was back in private school and had been caught by the nuns, playing with himself? Of course if they'd caught him with another boy, they'd have expelled him. So he supposed a tsk was small potatoes.

  "No acrobatics," she told Thaine, giving them each a look.

  "Of course not. None." Jerry managed not to laugh until she'd left and then he lost it. "Shit, T, she's got your number."

  "Hell, maybe I knew her."

  He gave Thaine a startled look and then started laughing again. "Jesus, T. I forgot how much you made me laugh."

  That had been missing the last five years, too. In fact he'd had five years to discover that all the things he put ahead of Thaine while they were together were kind of cold company.

  Thaine's fingers brushed his jaw, just petting him. "Love your smile."

  He tilted his head into the touches. "Getting hit on the head's turned you into a sap," he accused softly.

  "Fuck off, asshole." Thaine chuckled, winked.

  He grinned and gave the man a quick, hard kiss. "You should get some sleep, baby."

  "Yeah, probably." Those long eyelashes were drooping, the pretty eyes fuzzy.

  Yeah, best if Thaine got to sleep while he was still floating on the endorphins. Lord knew the stubborn asshole wouldn't take those pills unless he was just dying.

  He kissed Thaine softly and tugged the blanket up a little higher before going back to his files. He'd call and leave a message with his secretary once he was sure Thaine was out -- let her know he'd be another day at least.

  With any luck, the doctor would release Thaine tomorrow and he could take his man home.

  Funny, how things worked out.

  Chapter Eight

  They all four sat together, staring. Waiting for the counselor lady to show up so they could get this done so he could go.

  Thaine had wanted it to be easy; just him telling Drew he was sorry and getting on with shit, but the shrink pointed out that he didn't even fucking know where he and Drew lived, what the bills were, whether he had a dog.

  So they all sat, him and Jerry, the kid and Jesse to fill in the shit before Drew and after JJ.

  Jerry was the one to break the silence first. "Are all hospitals run so slipshod like this? I mean the lady did say ten a.m., didn't she? If I showed up more than twenty minutes late to my appointments I would not be a successful businessman."

  "She probably just got busy," murmured Drew, the kid looking anxious, like he knew there was an axe hanging over his head.

  "I just... fuck, do we even need her?" Thaine met Jesse's eyes. "I don't have a house, right? What about a dog?"

  Jesse shook his head. "Y'all have a travel trailer. You had your momma's dog, Bunky, but he died a few months ago."

  "We didn't get a new dog yet," murmured Drew. "You said the right one would come on by when it needed us."

  Jerry rolled his eyes. "When it needed you."

  Drew glared over at JJ.

  "Why did we have Momma's Bunky?" Momma loved that mutt.

  Jerry opened his mouth, but Drew shot JJ a glare and took his hand, squeezed. Those big blue eyes were soft and sympathetic. "I'm really sorry, Thaine. She passed away a little over a year ago."

  "What?" He blinked over at JJ, feeling like he'd been sucker-punched. "Momma? Jerry?"

  JJ sighed and nodded. "Yeah, T. I'm real sorry, too. She was a good woman."

  "She had a heart attack," Drew told him, hand still holding his tight. "It was quick and painless."

  He stood up, started lurching around, still awkward and sore as fuck without his crutches, hand rubbing the back of his neck. Momma. Shit. Shit. His momma. She couldn't. Jesus. "What else? Am I bankrupt? What kind of truck do I drive? Do I still have my horses?"

  Where was his momma buried? What the fuck was all this shit?

  "Weren't we supposed to wait for the therapist to help with all this?" Drew asked.

  "She's not here, kid. You'd best just tell him what he needs to know." Jerry had little patience for following anyone else's rules.

  "Fine!" Drew sat back in his own chair and started listing off answers. "We aren't rich, but we're doing okay. You drive a cobalt blue Dodge Ram four by four, and yeah. Jesse's got the horses on his ranch. We've been talking about going into the bull business with him when you retire, maybe expanding the business to include broncs."

  "Ranch? Jesse? You're not riding?"

  His best friend shook his head, offering him a half-grin. "Nah, man. I broke my leg damn near four years ago. I'm do
ing real good for myself, got a spread a bit west of here."

  God, he was going to be sick.

  He looked over at that goddamn painting, started counting bluebonnets. One. Two. Three.

  "It's beautiful," Drew told him earnestly. "We spent your last break there. Riding and... loving."

  He met the kid's eyes, hating the hurt he saw there. "I'm sorry, Drew. I don't know you. I can't remember you. I tried."

  It was like he'd sucker punched the kid, the way Drew just kind of folded in on himself. Then the kid took a breath and nodded, straightened his spine. "I know. But you will. The doctors said there was no reason to believe the amnesia'd be permanent."

  "I'm sorry. I don't mean to hurt you. I just... None of this makes sense." Four bluebonnets. Five. Six. Fuck, he needed to change rooms.

  "I know you'd never hurt me on purpose. You're a good man."

  JJ gave him a look, half sympathetic, half impatient.

  He was done. He hurt. His head was killing him. He'd lost his momma, his memory. Five whole fucking years. "I want to go home, Jerry."

  "I'll go find the doctor. Tell him if he doesn't get his ass down here with papers I'm taking you without you being signed out." Jerry got up and came to him, gave him a quick hug.

  Drew was looking from him to Jerry. "What do you mean Jerry's taking you?"

  "I need to go home. I... I just need some time to think."

  Jesse winced, hand landing on his knee and patting some. "Thaine, man. You sure you want to do this?"

  "I need to go home." He wasn't going to lose it. He wasn't.

  "So we'll park the trailer at Jesse's -- he said we could stay with him until you were better. He offered right from the start. You'll remember when you're back in familiar surroundings."

  Jerry answered for him, shaking his head. "T wants to come home with me and I won't refuse him."

  "What... what about me?" asked Drew, voice real soft.

  He met those devastated eyes. "You can have the trailer. I won't just fuck you over. I won't, but I don't know you. I don't."

  "I don't want the trailer." Drew bit his lower lip, breath coming fast and loud in the otherwise silent room. "What about when you do remember? What about then?"

  "I don't know! What do you want, man? I belong with Jerry. I always have. Jesse? Tell him."

  Jesse stood, shook his head. "This is deeply fucked up and I'm not getting in the middle of it. Drew, you're welcome to come home with me. Always. Anytime."

  Fucking traitor.

  Drew stood, too, back stiff and straight, pride and hurt fighting in the kid's face. "If you. When you want to. I imagine Jesse'll know where to find me." The kid looked at Jesse. "I don't guess there's any reason for us to stay now."

  Jesse nodded. "Come on. Let's go." Those familiar dark eyes met his. "You're a fool, man."

  Well, hell. What was he supposed to say to that?

  The kid gave him a long look, eyes unreadable and then turned and headed out, not looking back.

  "Jesus Christ on a pogo stick." JJ's arm slid around his shoulders.

  "I. Fuck. Take me home." Shit, he didn't have clothes, anything.

  Jerry pulled out his phone. "Helen? You book me and a Thaine Russell on the next plane in from Love Field. I need an hour to get us there, but I don't want to be waiting all day in that airport. Okay. No, I won't be in until tomorrow, send all that to the house. Okay. I'll call him. I said I'd call him; he'll have to be satisfied with that. Call with the flight number."

  The phone was flipped closed and Jerry turned to him, hugging him hard. "You gonna be okay while I go get the doctor or should we just ring the nurse's bell until someone shows the fuck up?"

  "I'll be cool. I need to see if there's clothes here, my wallet."

  "I'll get the nurse to come back and help." Jerry gave him a kiss and looked him in the eye. "Hey. You've got to do what's right for you. The kid's got Jesse to hold his hand until he figures out this was for the best."

  "Yeah. I just... I hate feeling like an asshole."

  "Shit happens. I'm sure the kid knows that. Don't beat yourself up over it."

  He found a laugh. Hardass. Beautiful fucking hardass.

  Jerry grinned. "There you go."

  He got a good, hard kiss. "Make yourself handsome, T. We've got a date with an airplane."

  "Yeah. Yeah, JJ. Let's go home." That's what he needed. A solid night's sleep and a cup of coffee and to be home.

  Jerry nodded and kissed him again, long and deep. Then he was gone, the door closing behind him and Thaine was alone.

  For about ten seconds before the shrink finally showed up, a frown bringing her eyebrows together. "I thought your friends were going to be here?"

  "No. They're gone. You know where they'd keep my clothes?"

  "In the closet, but the doctor needs to see you and to consult with me before you can be discharged and I really think you need to fill in some of the details with your friends before you just walk out of here. Mr. Russell, are you even listening to me?"

  "Not really, ma'am. I'm going home."

  "You can't just leave!"

  He sure as shit could. This was fucking America, land of the free.

  "Mr. Russell! I'm going to get the doctor." She left in a rush.

  La-di-fucking-da. Oh. Cool. Clothes. Glasses. Wallet.

  Wait.

  Glasses?

  Damn.

  Jerry came back a moment later. "Doctor's been held up in the ER or some such bullshit, so I told the nurses we're going. They're running around like chickens." Jerry chuckled and then stopped. "Whoa. Since when do you wear glasses?"

  "I have no idea." He looked over at Jerry, more than a little wigged out.

  "Well put 'em on and find out are they just for reading or do they make you see better in general." Jerry made a face at his clothes. "Put these on and we'll hit the store on our way out to Love's Field -- you need clothes that aren't covered in your insides."

  "I can't get them jeans over my leg, man." Hell, he wasn't sure his briefs would fit up over them.

  "Where are the sweats we got you to wear for the physical therapy stuff?" Jerry started rifling around, clearly in a hurry.

  "The bottom drawer of that chest of drawers." He pulled his belt from the Wranglers, tossed the jeans in the trash. His Star of Texas buckle was one of his favorites. His lucky buckle. Shit, in five years he hadn't won one better? That wasn't a good sign.

  Not a good sign at all.

  "Here." Jerry helped him get the sweats on and a tennis shoe on his good foot. "Throw that fucking shirt away, T. There's a t-shirt here. I'll buy you new."

  "Find my boots."

  "I have your goddamn boots, cowboy. Will you come on? I'll get you all dressed once we escape from here."

  "Yeah. Yeah. There's a Shepler's down the highway, at least there used to be. Christ. I don't even know where my momma is buried, man." He had a driver's license, a credit card, about four hundred dollars in cash.

  "I'll hire a detective, T. Get him to find out all your financial shit and stuff, okay? In the meantime I'll take care of you."

  Jerry's hand slid along his spine. "Now finish getting dressed and we can slip out of here before they realize we're serious about leaving and come up with some shit to stall us."

  Thaine just nodded. Right now, he just needed to rest, to heal. To figure out what the hell was up.

  Jerry called for a taxi to be waiting for them and then took a quick glance around the room. "Looks like that's it, T. You about ready to get the hell out of here?"

  "Fuck, yes. Please." He nodded, looked for his hat. "I don't have a hat. Damn bull must've got it."

  A smile pulled at the corner of Jerry's mouth. "I remember you always felt naked without a hat on your head. I guess we can get you a new one of those, too."

  "Man's supposed to wear a hat, JJ." He winked, nodded, feeling like he'd stepped onto a big assed tilt-a-whirl, crutches in hand. "You ready?"

  "More than. Let's get on hom
e, T."

  "Yeah." He nodded, just followed Jerry out, trying not to think anymore, not to worry.

  Chapter Nine

  Drew walked out of Thaine's hospital room and just kept going.

  He didn't know if Jesse was following him. He didn't know where he was going.