He reels me into his arms. “You can. You can count on me for life.”
The auditorium is massive, but we have excellent seats, right in front of the stage. The show starts promptly at eight, and, despite my earlier protests to the contrary, I get sucked in almost instantly, fascinated by the apparent accuracy of the medium’s readings and the joyful, emotional response of the members of the audience. The energy is crackling and the buzz is electric as he roams the aisles, gesturing at various people, validating information to shocked gasps of amazement. “This is what they do folks. Your loved ones want you to have no doubt that the message is coming from them.”
When he halts at the end of our row, I almost stop breathing. “I’ve got a man here,” he says, looking between me and Ayden. “I feel like he’s here for you.” He points at Ayden. “He’s older, and he’s pointing at his heart. He died of a massive coronary. I feel like he could be your grandfather, that’s what he’s telling me. His name was Don or—”
“Ron,” Adyen says. “My grandfather’s name was Ron.”
He points at the signet ring on Ayden’s left hand. “He’s telling me that was his ring.”
Ayden nods, gulping, his eyes wide and dazed. My heart is racing. Never, in all our years of coming to shows, has anyone ever turned up for one of us.
The medium chuckles. “Okay, he’s showing me, like, this kinda funny story now, about a kid that burned his ass on the fire. He had to stand up naked in the center of the crowded living room while a woman with red hair put cream on his butt. Does that make sense to you?”
Ayden nods, his lips twitching. “That happened my dad when he was a kid. Grandpa used to love telling that story.”
The medium’s expression turns more serious. “Your grandpa’s telling me you’re troubled. You’re afraid to take the right path, and he’s worried about you.” Ayden’s face pales, and he goes really still. “Ron says it’s okay to be yourself and to make your own choices in life. Go for it. The people who love you will understand.” The medium’s eyes fall to me, and he smiles, before moving on to the next person.
“Are you okay?” I whisper to Ayden who still looks like he’s seen a ghost. I allow myself a little inner chuckle at that thought, cause he kinda has just seen a ghost. “That was pretty cool.”
He nods absently, still staring, with stark, wide, dazed eyes, off into space.
The rest of the show flies by, and before I know it, we are back in the Jeep and on our way home.
“Wanna grab some food?” Ayden asks a little while later, and it’s the first words he’s spoken since we left.
“I could eat,” I acknowledge, my tummy rumbling in agreement.
Ayden pulls into a diner just off the highway, on the outskirts of town. The place is lit up like the fourth of July, and it’s empty with the exception of an older couple sitting in a rear booth. We plonk our butts in a booth and order burgers and milkshakes. I stretch my hand across the table, lacing my fingers in Ayden’s. “Are you still freaked out?”
“A little,” he admits, propping his elbows on the table. “Grandpa died six years ago, but it feels as if it was only yesterday, and it was a shock.”
“You believe it?”
He considers my question for a long time. I slurp on my Oreo shake, waiting for him to reply. Slowly, he looks me in the eyes, and nods. “He knew too much for it not to be true.”
Inside, I’m a giddy mass of excitement. You’d swear someone had come through for me, but, after my melancholy last night and today, it seems like validation, that I haven’t wasted years believing in a load of nonsense. I take another slurp of my drink. I think of what the psychic said. “Is something troubling you? Because you know you can talk to me about anything.”
He digs his fingernails into his thigh. “I know that, and I would if it was anything serious.”
My eyes scan his face, and I know he’s lying, but I’m not going to push if he isn’t ready to tell me. “Okay, well I’m here if you ever need to talk.”
Things return to normal after that, and whatever tension I imagined seems to have disappeared.
Back at the house, Ayden helps me out of the Jeep, his hands lingering on my waist. His cheeks are flushed and red from the cold, and he’s gone all quiet on me again. We walk hand in hand to my front door. “Thanks for taking me tonight.” I peck him on the cheek. “It was mucho interesting.”
“You can say that again.” He grins, stepping away. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Lina.”
“Night, Ayd.”
I’ve only put one foot through the door, when his hands land on my waist and I’m spun around. I haven’t even a second to catch my breath before his mouth descends on mine and his fingers wind through my hair. His lips are soft but cold as they mold against mine, his kiss tender yet urgent. My arms encircle his neck, and he pulls me closer, holding me firmly in place as he angles his head and deepens the kiss.
Oh. My. God. Ayden’s kissing me.
And I’m kissing him back.
And it feels … good.
My hold on his neck intensifies, and I kiss him harder, parting my lips and letting his tongue enter my mouth. Ayden moans, and his kiss turns greedy as his lips worship mine. Our bodies are pressed together, and we’re kissing frantically, like we won’t ever get to do it again. He fists my hair in his hands, groaning as his tongue ravishes my mouth. I’m hot underneath my coat and sweater, and there are too many layers between us. I want to run my fingers over his skin, to feel his heart thudding under my hand.
He breaks the kiss, abruptly, keeping a firm hold on me as he presses his forehead to mine. “Lina, Lina.” His voice is dripping with desire, and our joint rampant breathing is the only sound in the still night air.
I peer into his eyes, and he cups my face. “Kissing you is every bit as amazing as I hoped it would be.” My cheeks flare up, and he chuckles. “Say something.”
“Um, wow?!” Not the most intelligent response, but his kisses have turned my brain to mush.
His smile turns hopeful. “Does that mean you don’t regret it?”
My voice is breathless when I speak. “I don’t regret it.” I shake my head. “I don’t regret it at all. In fact, I want to do it again.” This time I kiss him, and it’s softer and sweeter than our last kiss, but it still warms me on the inside.
He pulls away first again. “If we’re going to do this, I think we should take it a step at a time, to be sure we’re both in it for the right reasons.”
“What does this mean to you?” I don’t want any crossed wires.
He kisses the tip of my nose. “I want you to be my girlfriend. Half the school thinks you already are anyway. What do you say?”
I don’t stop to think about it. I just want to feel. To allow my emotions to decide without logic or concern or any other number of obstacles stopping me from taking a chance. Ayd is my best friend, and I trust him not to hurt me. I trust him with my life, and, right now, I want this with him. I like the way he makes me feel—safe, protected, loved, cared for. “I want that too.”
“Yeah?” His expression is hopeful again. “You’re sure you’re ready?”
I know what that’s code for—you’re sure you’re over him? “Yes, I’m ready. I want you as my boyfriend.” And it’s only half a lie. I don’t know if I’ll ever be over Devin, but I can’t spend the rest of my life pining for someone who doesn’t want me. While I still don’t understand it, Devin is hers now. He’ll never be mine, and it’s time I faced up to that fact and moved on with my life.
Besides, I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t know his own mind—who says one thing and does another, who hurts the people he professes to love.
I want to be with someone who sees me as their everything.
Someone who respects me and treats me right.
Mom has taught me that. My whole life she’s to
ld me to never accept being treated any less than what I deserve. When she found herself trapped in an abusive marriage after a whirlwind romance at eighteen, she tried to make the best of it at first, but after I came along, and the abuse escalated, she found the strength to walk away, to refuse to accept that treatment for herself or her daughter. I know it wasn’t easy at first—she’s been honest about that—but she persevered, and I’m determined to prove I’m my mother’s daughter.
I think I’d lost sight of that these past few weeks, allowing my anger and hurt to conceal the truth of the situation. Devin hasn’t treated me right for months, and I allowed him to treat me badly, to walk all over me like a piece of crap.
That ends right now, and the acknowledgment feels good.
Ayden cherishes me, and he makes me feel special and wanted, and although it’s risky, I just know if things don’t work out between us he’ll always be my friend. I’m taking control of my life and forging a new direction, and it feels great. “I didn’t realize it until now, but I’ve been waiting for you. I want this with you. Nothing would make me happier.”
The biggest grin splashes across his face before he lowers his mouth to mine, kissing me again. I inwardly swoon. His kisses are hot and sweet and I’m tingly all over. I can’t keep the happy smile off my face when he finally breaks apart. “I could kiss you all night long, Lina, but I meant what I said about pacing ourselves. There’s no need to rush into anything.”
And I appreciate that, because it’s one thing to kiss Ayden and agree to be his girlfriend, but thinking about having sex with him, about giving him my virginity, is a whole other minefield I need to work through. I kiss the back of his hand. “I agree, and I’m happy to take things slow.”
He leans in one final time, pecking my lips briefly. “Goodnight, babe. Sleep tight.”
I watch him trek across the gap between our houses, swinging his body over the fence and into his yard. My fingers trace my swollen lips, and I can’t stop smiling. I wave as he blows me a kiss before stepping inside his house.
As I turn to enter my house, my gaze lands on the person watching from the house next door. Devin is leaning against the front of his truck, staring straight at me. It’s too dark to decipher his expression, and I’m glad I can’t tell what mood he’s in, because Devin has ruined too many precious moments recently.
And he’s not ruining this special night.
I meant what I just said to myself.
Devin has treated me poorly for the last time.
He’s not going to ruin this for me.
I won’t let him.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Ayden and I spend the whole day together Sunday, and when he kisses me goodnight at my door, I think my heart might burst with sheer happiness. “Someone’s in love,” Mom croons when I step into the kitchen.
I can’t keep the dreamy smile off my face as I open the refrigerator, removing the carton of juice. “He makes me really happy.”
She brushes my hair aside, kissing my temple. “I’m glad to see a smile back on your face. You had me worried there for a while, kiddo.”
I pour a glass of cranberry juice and turn to face my mother. “You know what you said before, about loving two people at once, do you really believe that?”
She looks quietly contemplative. “I do, although it’s never happened to me, but I believe the heart has huge capacity for love, and the inner workings of a woman’s heart is a beautiful, precious, complex thing. Look how easy it is to love a sibling, a parent, and a lover at the same time in different ways? Who says you can’t have romantic feelings for more than one person at a time? And if you do, who is to say it’s wrong? All you should worry about is being true to yourself and treating those you love right.”
It always amazes me how open my mother is to the notion of love when her own experiences haven’t been good.
“Is it wrong for me to be with Ayd when I think I’ll always love Dev?”
“You need to follow your heart, sweetie. What is your heart telling you now?”
“That I want to give this thing with Ayden a try. I don’t think I ever really considered him before, but now it feels right.”
“Then that’s all that matters. You are with him for the right reasons, and you know he has a good heart, and I don’t have to worry about him treating you right because he already does.”
I try to keep Mom’s words close to my heart the next morning at school as Ayden and I walk hand in hand to my locker, reminding myself that I haven’t done anything wrong. Our hand holding isn’t unusual, and no one bats an eye. However, when he stops to kiss me on the lips outside the classroom door, sounds of shocked gasps and whispered words surround us, and I know I’ll be subject of gossip again today.
Ignoring the slack jaws and wide eyes, I drop into my seat, removing my books from my bag. Mariah angles her chair back, sending me a toothy grin. “I’m so happy for you guys.”
I smile. “Thanks.”
“Perhaps you’re not quite as virginal as you like to make out,” Alicia, one of Becky’s minions, coos, leaning on my desk, and putting her face all up in mine. “You’re really a sneaky little slut, aren’t you? Stringing both those boys along.” She tut-tuts. “Now your cover’s blown, it’s going to be open season.”
A few titters ring out, and she slides into a seat across from me with a smug look on her face.
“I’m not surprised you’re an expert on sluts considering you’re such overused merchandise. That was you blowing Michael Chavis in the chem lab the last Friday before Christmas break, wasn’t it?” I tap a finger off my chin, pretending to think about it. “Or was it Nick Farmer? Oh, my bad, he was the Wednesday.”
Laughter and a few catcalls echo around the room.
Alicia cocks her head to the side. “You think you’re funny? You won’t be laughing when Becky gets a hold of you.”
“I’m quaking in my boots,” I deadpan.
“You will be,” she hisses, glaring at me.
“If looks could kill, you’d be under ten feet of earth by now,” Gabi says, pointing her spoon in my direction. “Becky is fuming, and I fucking love it. About time someone stuck it to that sanctimonious bitch.”
“She’s just pissed over Friday night, but she’ll get over it. No doubt she’ll be back to her charming self in no time.”
“Heads up,” Mariah says. “Here comes lover boy.”
Ayden is walking toward me, his eyes like laser beams trapping me in place, looking super- hot and totally gorgeous and I don’t know why I’ve never properly noticed before. “Hey, babe.” He slips into the seat beside me, kissing me on the cheek.
“Hey.” My cheeks flush as I feel ten million eyeballs glued to the back of my head.
He chuckles, leaning in to plant a quick kiss on my lips. “We’ll be old news soon.”
But as the week progresses, the looks and hushed whispers continue, and it grates on my nerves.
Becky finally corners me on Thursday after P.E., in the changing room, shoving me into my locker with force. “Get lost.” I push her away, and her nostrils flare. Several of my classmates look over anxiously but no one says anything. Most everyone is too afraid to cross Becky to dare intervene.
“Or what? You’ll rat me out to your boyfriend? Can’t fight your own battles?”
“Ayden has nothing to do with this.”
“If that’s true, why did he threaten me?” She plants her hands on her hips, snorting out a laugh. “As if that carries any weight, but, honestly, I didn’t think you could be any more pathetic, but I was wrong.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I yank my bag out of my locker.
“Sure you don’t.”
I roll my eyes, slinging my bag over my shoulder. “I’d have to respect you to care about what you think, and I don’t, so, I don’t give two shits what y
ou believe. Now get out of my way,” I push past her, setting out to hunt down my boyfriend and find out what the hell is going on.
“I waited for her outside the bathroom at the theater and I told her to lay off you,” Ayden admits in the Jeep on the drive home.
I groan, propping my feet up on the dash. “You can’t get involved. It’ll only make things worse.”
“She fucking assaulted you, Lina, and you wouldn’t even report her!”
“Because I’m not a tattletale, and I need to keep my record squeaky clean. I don’t want anything jeopardizing my college place and you know that. Besides, it was weeks ago, and she hasn’t touched me since, and if she does, I’ll be ready for her next time. You need to let me handle this, or else I just look weak.”
He sighs. “I won’t sit back and watch her take crap out on you, so I’m not making any promises.”
I should be mad at him for treating me like a helpless idiot, but I can’t be mad at him for trying to protect me. I touch his face. “Thank you for protecting me, and I do appreciate what you’re trying to do, so maybe next time we can discuss it before you bitch her out?”
He leans over, kissing me quickly on the lips. “I can agree to that.”
“Good, because the last thing I want is that slut coming between us.”
“She won’t.” He swings the Jeep into his driveway. “We won’t let her.”
“You want to stay over tonight?” I ask, a little shyly. “Mom’s working a double, so she won’t find out.” He looks conflicted. “Or you don’t have to. It’s cool.” My cheeks flare bright red when I realize he might think I was asking him for sex. Since Mom found out he warmed my bed some nights, he hasn’t stayed over at all, and I just miss having him sleep beside me.
“Hey.” He hauls me into his lap, wrapping his strong arms around me. “I love sharing a bed with you, but your mom asked us not to do that, and I feel funny about going behind her back.”
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