Inseparable

by Siobhan Davis

  Another part of me wants to flee. Afraid to confront the magnitude of both our feelings and what it might mean.

  This room is the physical manifestation of all my dreams come true.

  But I’m terrified.

  And the fleeing part wins out.

  Racing out of Devin’s apartment, I run all the way home, not stopping until I’m safely tucked up in bed, curled into a fetal position, wondering what the hell to do now.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  Have you ever wished for something so badly, and then, when your wish has been granted, been absolutely terrified to embrace it? Like, it was okay when it was an abstract desire. When you were free to imagine it panning out the way you wanted it to in your own head, because there was no way in hell it would ever come true. But when it’s right there in front of you for the taking, all your bravado, and all your longing, transforms to anxiety. Because it was imaginary up to this point, and the reality is scary, even if it’s still something you want so badly.

  I’m rambling, talking to myself, acting like a crazy person. Gah! I don’t know what I’m saying or what I want. I’m even confusing myself.

  Mariah has a late-night study session at the library, and she won’t be home for hours, and I’m going out of my freaking mind. I could use her advice right now. I throw off the covers and pad to the living room, switching on the TV, in the hope it might distract me. When a knock sounds on the door five minutes later, I sit frozen in place, my heart banging against my ribcage in blatant panic. I don’t need to open the door to know it’s Devin.

  I’ve been expecting him.

  “Ange, it’s me. Open up. Please.”

  I’m still rooted to the spot. Terrified to open the door and confront everything I’ve ever wanted.

  I’m scared of what I might do.

  And equally scared I’m incapable of doing anything.

  “Baby, please open up. I need to talk to you.”

  Pulling my bravery cap on, I walk over and open the door, standing back to let him step inside.

  I close the door, flattening my back to it, staring at the ground. I’m acutely conscious of him standing in front of me, watching, waiting. The silence is charged with the usual electrical spark that always crackles between us.

  “On a scale of one to ten, how freaked out are you right now?” he asks in a husky voice.

  “About a hundred,” I whisper.

  “Look at me. Please.” I drag my gaze up, startled at the anguished look in his eyes. “I didn’t want you to find out like that. It’s why I deliberately didn’t have you over to my place.”

  I clear my throat. “Every time you were drawing, you were drawing me?”

  He nods slowly. “In case it hasn’t been obvious, I’ve never been able to take my eyes off you.”

  “Were you … were you there at prom?”

  His face lights up. “I was. God, Ange, you looked so beautiful.”

  Tears leak out of my eyes. “I couldn’t enjoy it, because you weren’t there.”

  He takes a step closer. “I wanted to go to you. To hold you in my arms and dance with you like I’d always imagined we’d dance at prom, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to show up and butt into your life without warning. Besides, Ayden was your date, and I wouldn’t do that to him. And I had to get back to the facility before dark. They had made special allowances to release me for a few hours so I could see you.”

  “Why, Dev? Why hide your feelings from me? Didn’t you know how I felt about you?”

  “Did you know how I felt about you?” He takes another step closer.

  “No. Never. But it wouldn’t have made sense … you were with all those other girls. You didn’t see me.”

  He closes the gap between us, standing in front of me, peering into my eyes. “You are all I’ve ever seen.” He lightly touches my cheek. “Trust me. And I wanted to tell you when we were younger, but I was too much of a pussy. Then stuff turned to crap after Mom left, and I was broken, too broken to drag you into my mess, but I never stopped loving you. Not once. I’ve loved you forever, Ange. It’s always been you. Only you.” He smooths my tears away with the back of his thumb. “And I didn’t realize you felt the same way until it was too late.”

  I wind my fingers around his wrist. “You love me? You really love me?”

  “I love you, I love you, I love you. I love you so much it hurts.” He presses his forehead to mine.

  My heart almost skyrockets out of my chest. More tears fall, and I can’t stop them. “You don’t know how much I’ve yearned to hear you say those words.”

  “I’m sorry it’s taken me so long, but now they’re out there, and I’m never taking them back.” He kisses my cheek. “I love you, Ange. I fucking love you so much.”

  Without pausing to think about it, I grab his face and fuse our mouths together. There’s nothing soft or tender about the marriage of our lips. Years of unrequited love and pent-up desire have meshed together in one explosive mix. His mouth is working fiercely against mine, his tongue plundering my mouth, and I’m lapping it up, matching his searing-hot kisses, one for one. My hands tangle in his hair as we ravish one another. He grabs me to him, thrusting his erection into my pelvis, leaving me in no doubt as to how much he wants me.

  I need zero convincing.

  I’m tugging on his coat, pulling at his shirt, ripping the material in my haste to feel his bare skin. We break apart for a second so he can remove my tank top and bra. Then our mouths are fused again, and we’re kissing like we’ve never kissed before. I jump up, wrapping my legs around his waist, and he holds me tight to his naked chest. Releasing my mouth, he rolls my nipple between his teeth, and my core throbs with need. He walks us toward the bedroom, kicking the door open with his foot. I point to my bed, and he throws me down on the comforter before crawling over my body, resuming his assault on my mouth.

  I fumble with the button on his jeans, my fingers trembling, and he chuckles. Standing up, he shucks them off along with his boxers. Before I can admire him in all his naked glory, he’s back on the bed, tugging my sleep shorts down with his teeth. When we’re both fully naked, he climbs back up my body, capturing my mouth in yet another searing-hot kiss. I grab fistfuls of his hair, yanking his body down on top of me, and we both groan as our bodies strategically align in all the right places. My hands explore every dip and curve of his torso, roaming freely over his toned abs and butt as he continues worshiping my mouth and my neck, sucking on that sensitive spot just under my ear.

  I’m writhing and panting like a woman possessed, and I need to feel him inside me now. I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want Devin. Pushing rationale aside, I refuse to feel anything but the heavenly sensations coursing through my body. Devin works my body like a skilled violinist plucking strings—knowing when to alternate between precise, measured gentle touches and determined, intense, hard strokes, tweaking my body until I’m primed to explode.

  Spreading my legs, I buck my hips up, gripping his butt and pulling him closer to me. Ripping his mouth from mine, he props up on his elbows, staring at me with dark, sultry, lust-drenched eyes. Our chests rise and fall at the same time while we hold a silent conversation.

  He asks a question. I give permission.

  Removing a condom from the pocket of his jeans, he rolls it on, his eyes never leaving mine. Bringing my wrist to his mouth, he plants a delicate kiss on my skin, in the exact place where my infinity tattoo resides. I shiver, feeling his touch all the way to my toes. Then he shimmies down a bit, positioning himself at my entrance, and he slides inside me in one powerful, confident thrust.

  I cry out as he fills me, submerged in the most incredible, other-worldly sensations. Every part of my body absorbs his touch while he holds himself still inside me. His fingers sweep reverentially over my body, caressing every curve, every ounce of bare flesh, and I’m putty in his
hands. He leans down into my face. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”

  “I love you too. I love you so completely. You’re my everything, Dev.”

  He plants the softest, most delicate kiss on my lips. “I feel the same. You’ll always be my whole world.” Then he starts moving, slowly and carefully, like he plans to savor each millisecond of our joining. His hands and his lips worship every part of my body as he moves inside me with infinite tenderness. I’ve never experienced anything like it, and I could stay locked around him for eternity and never get enough.

  Our first time is slow, and soft, and an unspoken eternal declaration of our love. The next two times are frantic, wild, and we devour one another, pushing our bodies to the max, screaming our releases in unison. Devin throws me over his shoulder, our sweat-slicked bodies slapping against one another as he pulls me into the shower with him. We take turns washing each other, and then he backs me into the wall, pushing my knee up high as he enters me hard and fast. “Harder. Oh my God,” I yell, lost in the throes of desire. Lifting myself up a smidge, I wrap both legs around him. He pounds into me like a porn star, and the sounds and naughty words coming out of my mouth are like they’re coming from someone else. Devin brings the inner sex kitten out in me, and I’m thrashing and moaning with wild abandon.

  We go back to bed and sleep for a couple of hours. I wake up in the early hours of the morning when Devin slides inside me again, my limbs all sore and sleepy, and I’m aroused in an instant. When we finally collapse in a heap of sweat-glistened skin, he spoons me from behind, and I’m more content than I’ve ever been in my life. “Love you, baby doll,” he whispers in my ear, and I pull his arms more tightly around my waist. “You’re mine. Now and forever, Ange. All mine.”

  Angling my head back, I kiss him passionately, pouring everything I’m feeling into the kiss. “I’m yours. I’ve only ever been yours.” His answering smile is ecstatic, and I’m so happy I could burst.

  I know we shouldn’t have done it like this, but I refuse to regret it.

  And I’m not looking back.

  He’s mine. I’m his. Now we’ve finally found our way to one another, I’m not letting him go. He’s mine for eternity.

  I wake a few hours later, confused as a gust of cold air slithers over my skin. Rubbing my sleep-deprived eyes, I glance over at Mariah’s unmade bed, grateful she obviously stayed at Cody’s last night. Neither of us had given any consideration to my roomie when we were ravishing one another. I stretch my torso, and my limbs are deliciously sore and achy. I look over at Devin, lying on his stomach, snoring softly. His hair is all messed up, sticking out in all directions, but he looks adorably gorgeous. I press a feather-soft kiss on his shoulder, only narrowly avoiding the urge to kiss him awake and start round six.

  A throat clearing at the door turns the blood in my veins to ice. All the tiny hairs rise on my arms, and bile swims in my mouth. In slow motion, I lift my head up, blinking profusely, praying my eyes are deceiving me. A little shriek rips from my mouth, and I yank the covers up, covering my bare chest.

  Ayden is dressed in military-green pants with a khaki long-sleeved button up shirt and matching tie. He’s wearing a cap, and there’s a duffel bag at his feet.

  He looks so handsome.

  So grown up.

  So angry.

  “How could you?” he asks, slanting a hurt look my way. “How could you do this to me?”

  CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

  I shake Devin’s shoulders, beseeching him to wake up. He starts stirring, and I redirect my attention to Ayden. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He purses his lips, and the anguished look in his eyes almost kills me. “How are you here?” I whisper.

  “I was granted leave to come home early for Christmas. I thought I’d surprise you on my way from the airport. Guess the surprise is on me though.” His lips curve into an ugly sneer.

  “How did you get in?” I ask, shaking Devin again, more firmly this time. He grunts, finally lifting his head up off the pillow.

  “I bumped into Mariah and Cody in the lobby. She gave me her key. She thought we’d need privacy for our reunion.” He snorts out a harsh laugh. “What a fucking joke.”

  “Ayd,” Devin says in a throaty voice, realizing we have company. “It’s not exactly what you’re thinking.” We share a look, and he’s letting me know he’ll do the talking. “Last night was the first night we’ve spent together.”

  A muscle ticks in Ayden’s jaw. “Don’t treat me like I’m an idiot.”

  Devin pulls me into his side, sliding his arm protectively around me. “I’m not. I’m telling you the truth. We kissed at Thanksgiving, but Ange pushed me away. She didn’t want to start this until she had spoken to you.”

  Ayden folds his arms across his broad chest, his eyes skimming over us in disgust. “Yeah, it sure looks like she tried real hard.”

  I know he’s hurt, and he’s every right to be. This shouldn’t have happened like this, but I can’t rewind the last few hours, and I don’t want to. Last night was magical. But I hate that we’ve hurt Ayden. He doesn’t deserve that. I need to try and make him see it from my perspective. To salvage our friendship before we collapse under the carnage. “I did try, but we can’t deny our feelings any longer. Neither one of us meant to hurt you, and I hate that you’ve found out like this, but you’re the one who walked away without giving me any warning, without any discussion of whether we were still together or not. I know it doesn’t excuse what we’ve done, but I haven’t been with anyone while you’ve been gone, not until last night. And let’s not pretend like we had this great love affair. You barely touched me half the time.”

  He stalks into the room, putting his furious face right up in mine. “So, this is about sex? If you wanted to be fucked like a worthless whore, all you had to do was ask.” Color blooms in my cheeks. “Excuse me for wanting to treat you with more respect than that.”

  “Don’t you dare speak to Ange like that,” Devin hisses.

  “Screw you, asshole. You’re in no position to interfere.” He prods his finger in Devin’s face. “That’s my girlfriend you’re in bed with.” He sends me a contemptuous look. “Did he fuck you good? Did he fuck your brains out until you screamed the place down? I hope you got your fill, because you know he’ll toss you to the curb now. You’re nothing but another easy lay. Another whore to fuck while he tries to plug that ugly hole in his chest.”

  “Ayden.” My gasp is laced with shock. I know this is hurt speaking, but he can’t talk to either one of us like that. We’re in the wrong, and we’ll totally own that, but it doesn’t give him the right to abuse both of us like this.

  Devin jumps up, rounding the bed, butt naked, shoving Ayden back. “You know that’s not the truth!” he yells. “You fucking know how I feel about her! How I’ve always felt about her!” He jabs his finger in Ayden’s chest, but Ayden roughly pushes him aside. Devin stumbles a bit, and I get out of bed, wrapping the sheet firmly around my naked body. Lining up behind Devin, I thread my fingers in his. His entire body is shaking; every muscle and sinew locked in a heady rage, and he’s primed to rip through Ayden. He’s beyond furious, spitting his words out as if they’re laced with airborne venom. “You purposely stole her from me! I know you planned this whole thing. Don’t try and pretend otherwise.”

  Ayden glowers at Devin. “You know shit.”

  Devin straightens up, and the tone of his voice is scarily menacing when he speaks. “I know you convinced me I had to stay away from her. That it was the best way to protect her.”

  “And knowing what you know, are you still denying that?”

  Devin’s jaw is taut. “It might have been for the best, but you used it to your advantage.”

  “Like I said, you know shit.”

  I finally find my voice. “Look, let’s get dressed, and then go out for breakfast and talk about this when we’re all calmer.�
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  Ayden snorts. “Yeah, I don’t think so, Lina. There’s nothing to talk about.” He glances at the wrinkled sheets on the bed. “You’ve already made your bed. Now you can lie in it.” He stalks to the door, bending down and swiping his bag. “Have a nice life together,” he tosses out over his shoulder, storming toward the front door.

  I run after him, almost tripping in the knotted-up sheet. “Ayden, please,” I beg. “Don’t go like this. Please. Even if we’re not together, you’re still one of my best friends, and I don’t want to lose you.”

  He turns around, one hand on the door handle. “You should’ve thought of that before you jumped into bed with him.” A look of intense pain spreads across his face as he stares at Devin. Devin wraps his arm around me from behind, pulling me into the protection of his body.

  “I came back determined to let you in. To tell you what’s been going on with me, but this … this fucks everything up.” He presses his forehead to the door, and his breathing becomes erratic. “I’ve lost everyone. Nothing’s changed, and everything’s changed.”

  Devin and I trade concerned looks. “Ayden.” His name is a whisper on my tongue.

  He lifts his head up, and the look on his face as he turns to us one final time sends chills down my spine. “There’s nothing you can say that will make this better. I want you to leave me alone. Both of you.”

  It’s early evening, and we’re in a corner booth of the diner, silently picking at the cold, untouched food on our plates. My eyes are still sore and bloodshot from crying. “He’ll come around,” Dev says. “He’s just hurt now. He didn’t mean what he said.”

  “What if he doesn’t?”

  “We just need to give him time. I know what it’s like to lose you, and he’s in hell right now.”

  I push my uneaten plate away, scowling. “If that’s supposed to make me feel better, you suck at it.”

  Reaching across the table, he takes my hands in his. “Babe, we’ll work through this. We’ll fix it. I promise. Once you and me are okay.”