by Eason, Mary
Cara slipped in next to Fran who whispered, “I’m so glad you came back. And brought this one with you.” She smiled and winked at Jase.
During all those cold nights in Paradise, she’d hoped but never truly believed she would return to Cartwright. Now, today, listening to the pastor as he read from God’s word, well, it felt as if she’d never left. She’d needed healing. Forgiveness. Had she found it here? Would she find it with Jase? Was there truly such a thing as second chances for them?
Father, if only it were true. Please help me find the right time to tell him.
One step at a time. One moment. Take it slow. Healing takes time. The words echoed in her thoughts. An answer from God. And she would. She’d wait for the right moment to tell Jase about what she’d left behind in Paradise.
“Oh, I meant to ask earlier how your meeting went last night,” she said after church as Jase held open the door for her and she climbed into the truck.
Once he’d removed his jacket and loosened his tie, he did the same.
He gave her his famous crooked grin. “Funny you should ask because something interesting came up I’d like to talk to you about. Want to stop by the house and have lunch so I can tell you all about it?”
With the awful secret that lay between them still weighing heavy on her heart, saying yes was hard to do, but she wanted to be there for Jase.
“Okay. Sure, that sounds good.”
When they pulled up in front of the house, she noticed the fresh coat of exterior paint first and glanced over at Jase who’d suddenly turned serous. “I figured the place could use a little sprucing up and the weather was decent for a few days. The year’s been a tough one, but I’m starting to have good feeling about it now.”
Cara looked away. She didn’t know how to respond.
Inside, he'd patched most of the holes and replaced the door. Cara didn’t mention the repairs, and Jase didn’t give any further explanation. The burgeoning friendship was still too fragile to reopen old wounds. They needed time.
“Make yourself at home. I’m going to run upstairs and change. I’m not sure what all’s in the kitchen if you want to take a look around and see what you’re in the mood for.”
Cara watched him take the steps two at a time in spite of his bum leg and marveled at how much he’d changed. Jase had finally become comfortable with himself.
In the fridge, she found everything needed for a fresh salad. She took the ingredients out along with some chicken and was half way through preparing the chicken to bake when Jase joined her. He’d changed into faded jeans and a comfortable sweatshirt and Cara couldn’t decide if he looked better dressed in a suit or in jeans.
“Let me do the chopping. Have a seat. You want some ice tea? It’s fresh. I made it yesterday. ” He took the knife from her and shooed her away.
Cara grabbed a couple of glasses and poured the tea. “So what’s your news?”
Jase glanced up at her. “Ah, it’s good to see something never change. You’re still impatient, aren’t you?”
“Most times.” Cara grabbed another knife and a tomato and started chopping, and he chuckled.
“Turns out, James, the man who runs our AA meeting is being transferred to another state and needs someone else to take over the meetings for him. He wants me to consider it.”
She stopped chopping and looked at him. The look of uncertainty in Jase’s eyes tore at her heart. In the past, he’d always seemed so confident in everything he did.
“And what do you think about it?” she asked.
He shook his head. “That’s just it, I don’t know. My first gut instinct was to say no way. I can’t do it. I’m the last person you can count on to not fall off the wagon tomorrow, but James told me he’d asked God for guidance and He wants me.”
Cara swallowed back the lump that had formed in her throat. Maybe this would prove to be Jase’s calling in life. Aunt Maudie used to tell her, God sometimes used one’s weaknesses to make us stronger and allow us to help others.
“Well? What do you think? I mean I’ve only been sober for six months myself. How can I be in charge?”
He needs your assurance. Give it to him.
“That’s just it, Jase. I think it’s because you’re still new to all this that you’ll be able to help those who are just accepting their illness. You’ll be able to give new hope to those who have been struggling for a while. In my opinion, I think you’d be perfect for the position.”
A weight lifted from his shoulders, and he grinned. “Really? You think so…hmm?”
“I know so. Don’t you remember Aunt Maudie talking about how God used our weaknesses to strengthen us and help others?”
Jase faked a cringe. “Oh, yeah…I remember, but I just thought she was pulling my leg. I mean, why would God want to use a drunk to help others? What have I got to offer anyone?”
Cara set down her knife and covered his hand with hers. “Jase, you have so much to offer. You have no idea how much. God would be happy to have you on His team. I think you should pray about it. Talk to Him. And listen when He answers.”
Chapter Thirteen
“So, guess who’s back in town?”
It surprised Jase that it had taken her this long to ask. He’d known it would be only a matter of time before someone told Cara that Rachel had moved back to Cartwright. Especially after Cara’s former classmate, Ginny Davis spotted Jase and Rachel exchanging pleasantries at the local grocery store.
Jase had intended to tell Cara about running into his former high school girlfriend, but with the decision over taking the lead for the AA weighing heavily on his mind, he’d forgotten all about running into Rachel the week before Thanksgiving.
While he and Cara spent the morning preparing a traditional Thanksgiving meal together, Jase had suspected something was bothering her. He asked. She’d said nothing. He knew better.
It took her until after they'd cleared the dishes and the coffee had brewed to bring up the subject.
Jase finished pouring coffee and handed Cara one of the cups. “Are you talking about Rachel?”
She seemed a bit surprised by his directness. In the past, they’d never really discussed his former girlfriend. He’d assured her that relationship was over long before he and Cara began dating.
“So, you did know.” Cara fidgeted with her cup, her telltale sign of nerves. “Have you spoken with her?”
Her roundabout approach amused him. Maybe there was more to her feelings for him than simply friendship. “I think you know that I have.” He reached for her hand and held it when she would have pulled away. “Come on through to the living room and tell you all about it.”
Jase sat down next to her. Cara clenched her hands together in her lap. She was nervous of what he had to tell her.
“I ran into Rachel last week while finishing up the shopping for today’s meal. She moved back a few months before you came home.” Jase wondered why this was so difficult to get out. He felt nothing but sympathy for Rachel. He guessed talking about your old girlfriend with your wife would never be the easiest thing to discuss.
“She and her husband are separated.” Jase glanced over at Cara and saw this bit of news didn’t surprise her. The Ginny Davis gossip train had been working overtime. “She and her three-year-old daughter moved in with her family. She told me Mark, her husband, was coming down for Thanksgiving. They’re going to try to work on things. She’s hopeful. She asked me to pray for them. I don’t think Rachel ever talked about God before. She’s changed. I guess that’s a good sign.”
Cara reached for his hand and squeezed it. When he looked at her, there were tears in her eyes.
“It is a good thing. I’m glad she felt comfortable talking with you about it. I’ll pray for her as well. I hope everything works out for her and her family.”
For the longest time, he couldn’t speak. Looking at Cara now, he had hope. She wasn’t running. She trusted him.
Jase touched her cheek. He was close enough to br
eathe in the scent of her. She smelled sweet and clean, like the woman he’d fallen in love with, and he’d never wanted her more. She closed her eyes. She’d seen the desires of his heart. Jase leaned in close enough to feel the uncertainty in her.
His hand lingered on her cheek and then cupped her face. He touched his lips to hers and stilled. Her eyes fluttered open, and they watched each other for moment. Then she was kissing him, and he was kissing her.
It took longer than it should to realize Cara was pushing at his chest. He loved her. He wanted her. He needed their marriage to work. Those words chimed through his head.
Reality intruded into those thoughts, and he reluctantly let her go.
Neither spoke, but he needed to. He wanted her to hear with his own words how much he missed her. How he wanted them to work out their differences and succeed at marriage this time.
“We-we can’t do this,” she whispered, her voice cracking with emotion. “I should go.”
He blew out a sigh. “I know. It’s not the right time. I know all of this, but I want you. I want our marriage to work so I’m willing to do whatever you need to be sure of me. Of us.”
Before she got to her feet, she looked at him. Jase would have given almost anything to look into her heart and know for certain. Did she want this marriage as much as he did, or was she looking for a way make him see that friendship was all she had to offer?
Chapter Fourteen
“Stella? Oh, my goodness, it’s so good to see you.” Cara somehow managed to get the words out when she opened the door and found her aunt’s best friend standing at her door.
She reached for Stella and hugged her close. “Please, come inside.”
Stella smiled, but there were tears in her eyes. “Honey, I just about gave up on you coming to see me. I decided to take matters into my own hands. I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to see you home again and to see you attending church with Jase. I thought you were gone for good. Just about broke my heart when you and Jase split up.”
Caught off guard, Cara couldn’t think of a single thing to say. Everything about the past year was still raw and fresh on her heart.
She cleared her throat. “Thank you, Aunt Stella. Come through to the kitchen. I just put on a fresh pot of coffee. Would you like some?”
Stella nodded her answer and followed Cara into the kitchen before removing her jacket. With December quickly approaching, the weather had turned colder. Already the weathermen were predicting the first heavy snow of the season for the upcoming week. With the store going through a slow period, Cara found herself with her first Friday free in quite some time. She’d chosen to spend it catching up on some reading. She hadn’t heard from Jase since their kiss almost a week earlier and couldn’t decide if that was a good thing.
Stella glanced around the kitchen where she and Maudie spent many a day together, talking about their childhood, and worrying about their children. “I can still see her sitting at the table usually drinking black coffee and reading that old Bible of hers.” There were tears in Stella’s eyes.
Cara felt the same way. Every single day something came up that reminded her of her aunt.
“I know. I miss her, too. Aunt Stella, please sit down and tell me how you’ve been. It seems we never really have time to catch up at church.”
Stella smiled as she took the coffee from Cara. Had she seen Cara’s reaction when she mentioned her marriage problems?
“I’ve been good. You know of course my daughter Sue is a grandmother now. Aiden and Fran have girl. She’s so precious. I keep busy with my committees at the church and my music lessons. I have a small group of children I’m teaching to play the organ, a dying talent. I visit Maudie almost every day along with Jase.”
It didn’t surprise Cara that Stella visited her aunt’s gravesite. They’d been best friends since childhood, but hearing Stella talk about Jase visiting with her certainly did.
“Jase goes with you? I didn’t realize you two spoke all that much?” Cara was curious how he’d survived this past week. Old demons had filled hers. She doubted all of her decisions. The biggest doubt being her return to Cartwright. Had she made the worst mistake of them all by coming home?
“Oh, yes. I stopped by today, in fact. It’s amazing the change in him since you’ve returned. He’s a different man. Thank God for answering prayer.”
Stella’s sincerity took her aback. “You’re right he is a changed man, but it has nothing to do with me.”
Stella shook her head. “Don’t sell your influence short, child. He needed you to guide him in the right direction. To take over where your aunt left off. It is because of you. God used you to answer prayers.”
There was nothing to say to that. She and Stella lapsed into thoughtful silence while sipping their coffee.
After a while, Stella glanced around the tiny kitchen. “You know I’ve always loved this place. It has such a homey feel. Maudie and I had such good times here. With our husbands and raising kids. When she lost her daughter, Polly, it almost killed her. Then you came along and Maudie’s world was complete. She was such an inspiration.”
Cara remembered her aunt talking about how devastating it was to lose her only child. “Yes, she was. I miss her terribly.” There were times still that Cara could almost imagine her aunt sitting in the living room in her favorite chair reading her Bible, or out back on the porch shucking peas.
Stella focused on her and Cara held her breath. It was almost as if she saw right through to her troubled heart.
“How are you really, child? You don’t look well.”
Cara’s hand shook on the cup. She didn’t know how to answer her friend. Physically, she’d never be the same. Emotionally, she was a train wreck waiting to happen. “I’m okay. This past year’s been hard.”
“Something else is wrong. Something happened, didn’t it? You know you can tell me anything. I love you like my own granddaughter.”
But she couldn’t. Her secret ran dark. She blamed herself for it.
Cara swallowed hard. “I can’t.”
Stella reached for her hand that rested on her cup and squeezed it. “You can.”
Tears were so close. They always were whenever she thought about the loss. Stella got out of her chair and enveloped her in a hug. “Oh, my poor baby. It’s okay. We don’t have to talk about it, but whatever happened it will be okay if you just give it to God. Let him give you strength. Talk to Jase. He’s a strong man. Let him comfort you.” Cara wiped her eyes and sat up straighter. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Please, don’t say anything to Jase.”
“Oh, Cara, you know I won’t, but you should talk to him about whatever’s troubling you. Let him be strong for you. It’s okay to lean on him.”
If only it were so simple. If only there wasn’t more to her story. “I will tell him. I just need more time. We’ve been getting along so well lately. I don’t want to do anything to spoil that.”
Stella actually smiled although Cara suspected she didn’t fully believe her. “That’s good. I’m praying and have a good feeling about you two now. You just have to be honest with each other. Trust each other.”
Someday soon, Cara knew she would have to tell Jase the truth. Everything about what happened in Paradise.
“Oh, goodness, look at the time.” Stella glanced at her watch. “I’d better go. I’m babysitting for Emma this afternoon while my granddaughter and Aiden go grocery shopping. They’re expecting me at their place in an hour.” She got to her feet and rinsed out her coffee cup. Cara did the same.
Stella hugged her once more. “It’s so good to see you back in Cartwright. Back home where you belong. I hope you’ll stay and work things out with Jase. He needs you as much as you need him.”
Cara wished she felt the same way. Jase was changing. Growing in faith and in God. She was always telling Jase to listen for God’s wisdom in his life but she hadn’t done the same in hers. She was still stuck in neutral.
“Yes,
I know you’re right,” Cara said as she walked Stella to the door.
“You’ll stop by and see me soon? You’re still my adopted granddaughter, and I miss you terribly. You know where I live. I haven’t moved.” Stella patted her shoulder.
“Of course. You’ll keep visiting Jase, won’t you? He needs all our support.”
Long after Stella left, Cara sat in the kitchen staring out the window as a perfect late fall day turned dark. Storm clouds gathered, and the north wind kicked up. And the first fat snowflakes drifted from the sky. She wanted to be with him. There was no one else she’d rather share the beauty of the snowfall with than Jase.
She grabbed her keys and jacket and headed out the door. If she thought about it, she’d change her mind. Talk herself out of going though she really wanted to be with him.
Cara parked in front of the house she’d once called home, ran up the steps, and rang the bell. It only took a moment for him to answer. He looked good. She noticed something that she hadn’t been able to put her finger on before now. Jase hadn’t looked this healthy in a long time. It was almost as if he’d made peace with the world. He’d grown stronger.
She’d blamed him for their failing marriage. She’d called him stubborn, refusing to get help for his drinking. Unable to change, but she’d been wrong. Maybe she had been the problem all along.
Surprise evaporated into delight. He was glad to see her, too. The awkwardness of their last time together all but forgotten. At least, so it seemed, for him.
“Hi there,” he said, his blue eyes twinkling with happiness. Jase held open the door wide. “Come inside. You have snow in your hair.”
Cara actually laughed as he brushed aside the two flakes sticking to her hair. “I know. Isn’t it great?”
She started past him, and he reached for her hand, keeping her close. Jase leaned over and kissed her cheek, wiping the smile from her face and reminding her of their last kiss. It hadn’t been nearly so innocent.
“Yeah, it’s pretty great. Come through to the living room. I think we need a fire, don’t you?”