by Eason, Mary
He still held her hand, but it was okay. She loved holding his hand. “I do. And I think we need to open all the curtains so we can watch it snow.”
While Jase built a fire, Cara opened all the drapes in the living room. The snow that had started with just a few flakes now fell thick and heavy, covering the grass and trees.
Cara sat on the leather sofa and watched as Jase added a couple more logs to the burgeoning fire, and she was content. She hadn’t felt this way in so long. Her secrets could wait until another day.
He sat close to her and watched the snow falling down along with Cara. “Want some cold pizza? I brought some home last night from Papa Joe’s. It should taste pretty good right now.”
Cara laughed at that strictly Jase comment. She couldn’t remember the last time she had pizza. “Sounds delicious.”
He stood and pulled her up beside him. “Come help me grab some plates and drinks. We’ll bring it back in here and watch the snow.”
She hadn’t felt this happy in a while. “And the fire. Don’t forget the fire. It’s gorgeous.”
Jase grabbed a couple of soft drinks and the pizza while Cara found plates and napkins.
She sampled the fully loaded pizza and closed her eyes in bliss.
“That good, huh? When was the last time you had pizza?”
She savored the bite before swallowing. “Too long. I’d forgotten how good it is. Thanks for sharing.”
He brushed aside a piece of cheese from her lips. “Thanks for stopping by. I’m glad you came. I’m sorry I screwed things up the other day.”
It was so easy for him. Talking, opening up. She never remembered Jase sharing his feeling so easily.
“It’s okay. It wasn’t just you. We both let things get out of hand.” Cara searched for something to change the subject to safer ground for her. “Stella stopped by today.”
He bit off a chunk of pizza and nodded. “Yeah, she said she was. She’s thrilled that you’re back. You know she’s missed you.”
“I know. She went on and on about how much you’ve changed.” Cara shifted next to him and studied his profile. Strong. Proud. Handsome. “She’s right. You have.”
“Umm. I don’t think I had a choice. When you’re at the bottom, you’ve got to make some changes or die.”
“How’s the leadership position going at AA?” At Thanksgiving, he’d told her a little about his first meeting at leader. The group's acceptance surprised Jase.
“Good, surprisingly. We have this one new guy. He’s barely twenty. Man, he reminds me of myself at that age.” Jase shook his head and glanced at the fire.
Cara loved it when he opened up about himself this way, but she didn’t interfere, only waited for him to continue.
After a minute, Jase said, “He started drinking before he was a teenager. By the time he turned eighteen, he was a hardcore drunk. We stayed late after the last meeting to talk. He wants me to be his sponsor.”
Jase seemed saddened to see a kid in such bad shape. Did he relate his past struggles to the young man’s? It would certainly make sense. The young man’s story was almost word for word Jase’s. ”That’s great. It sounds like he really connects with you.”
Outside, the snow had begun to fall harder. “It’s getting bad out there. I should go.”
Jase touched her arm. “Stay.”
The sincerity in his eyes took her breath away. “Jase…”
“No, I don’t mean it like that. I’m not asking you to sleep with me. Just stay.”
She wanted to, but her discussion with Stella had left her feeling emotionally vulnerable. “I don’t know…”
“I do. Stay.”
Cara looked into his eyes and saw the love that had been there so many times shining through and she let go of the last of her reservations. “Yes, I’ll stay.”
He smiled, and her heart felt lighter. “Good.” He leaned back against the couch and drew her into the circle of his arms. Together, they were content to watch the fire and snow until darkness descended, and fell asleep in each other’s arms.
Chapter Fifteen
Jase glanced up from reading the paper and found Cara standing, looking hesitant, in the doorway.
“Good morning,” he said.
He couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept uninterrupted through the night. Certainly not since Cara left. Until last night. He woke with the first light of dawn and found her still in his arms, the fire dying in the fireplace. Sometime during the night, they’d stretched out on the couch together.
Jase somehow managed to keep from waking her when he got up to make coffee. As dawn turned to daylight, the whole outdoors appeared covered in a blanket of white. He retrieved the paper, poured coffee, and enjoyed a simple morning until Cara appeared in the doorway. She seemed glued in place. She hadn’t budged an inch. She clutched her hands together in a defensive gesture. Her eyes held so much uncertainty in them that his heart went out to her. She was still unsure of them. He wasn’t. She needed him to ease her mind.
“Look outside.” He motioned toward the window and then looked at her. Yesterday had been a gift from God. Everything about being with her had clicked, but this morning, he sensed her uncertainty.
Cara moved to the window, a childlike wonderment replacing her doubts. “It’s so beautiful.” She turned back to him. “Oh, you know what we should do? Let’s put up a Christmas tree.”
Jase got to his feet and stood next to her. “A tree, huh? You still remember that last Christmas? The tree you picked out? It had to be fourteen feet tall if it was an inch. As I recall, I ended up cutting half the trunk off just to get it to fit in the house.”
She laughed at his teasing. “You loved it and you know it.” She was right. He thought about that Christmas a lot. It had been the perfect Christmas right down the way she looked in that red dress she’d worn to the intimate time they shared together. Had he known it would be their last Christmas together he would have done so many things different.
“Oh, do they still have the Christmas tree farm off Highway 60?”
It was easy to catch Cara’s enthusiasm. He liked where they were heading in their relationship, almost like falling in love all over again. “Yep. If I remember correctly, they open in a couple of hours, which gives us just enough time for breakfast. Want some leftover pizza?”
She made a face. “Uh, no thank you. French toast sounds better. If I remember correctly, you used to make the best French toast in the state of Montana.”
*****
Cara couldn’t remember the last time she’d had so much fun. Probably that last Christmas spent with Jase.
Sometime during the night, the snow must have stopped. By mid-morning, the temperature climbed enough to melt most from the roads and rooftops. Still, Christmas was in the air, and she wanted to make this the best one ever.
“Are you happy with the tree?” She knew she’d grown quiet on the ride back to Jase’s place, but not in a bad way. She was simply remembering all the past Christmases growing up. The fun she’d had while visiting her aunt and then later living in Cartwright.
She glanced over at him. He looked so unsure of himself. “Oh, yes, Jase, I love the tree. I was just thinking about some other Christmases, you know with Aunt Maudie.”
He took her hand and squeezed it. “I know. I miss her, too. She sure was proud to have you living here with her.”
Cara nodded, tears making it hard to see his expression properly. “She was so special. I don’t know what I would have done without her.”
He hesitated a second then asked, “What do you think about taking a trip together? Maybe the week before Christmas? Remember the year we went skiing in Breckenridge?”
She did remember. It had been their honeymoon. They’d spent the entire week rarely leaving the cottage Jase rented.
“We never did get on the slopes,” he added. Heat crawled up her neck as she blushed and Jase chucked. She was she he had been trying to get that reaction from her. “I head
there’s record snow already. I could rent that same cottage.”
Their conversation was heading toward dangerous ground. She needed to shift it back.
“Maybe something closer to the slopes this time.”
He smiled and she wondered if he were reading her thoughts. “You got it. With two rooms. You think Lucy will give you the time off?”
“I think so. She’s mentioned how hard I’ve been working. She suggested I should take some time off around Christmas.”
He nodded and focused on the road ahead. “Good, then it’s settled. Ask her on Monday. I’ll get the reservation in place.”
Even though it wasn’t a fourteen-foot tree, it took both of them to get the tree through the door and set into the stand. Once the tree was in the perfect spot in front of the double windows, Cara stood back and admired it.
“Do you remember where we put the decorations?” she asked.
“Should be up in the attic. Come on. Let’s see if we can find them.” Jase grabbed a flashlight and pulled down the stairs leading to the attic. He climbed up them to the opening. “Hang on a second. Let me find the light switch.”
Once the light came on, it became clear it had been a while since Jase came up to the attic.
“Watch your step. You don’t want to end up in the living room.” He took her hand and boosted her up the final step. The musty smell of forgotten Cartwright memories wafted up around her. She moved a little closer to Jase. Her steps leaving footprints in the dust. Here, once treasures mementos of someone’s life were now slowly decaying into history. The thought of the people who’d left those precious pieces behind for safe keeping tore at her heart. It was sad to think that even she and Jase probably had some things they’d once treasured and couldn’t bear to part with. It reminded her that time marched on relentlessly, leaving in its wake forgotten dreams.
“I think most of the decorations are over here.” He headed to the left of the room and Cara followed close behind. A thin layer of dust coated most of the storage trunks and old pieces of furniture.
He found a box labeled Christmas written by Cara and opened it. “Yep, this is one of them. The rest should be around here somewhere. I’ll take this one down and come back for the rest.”
Cara helped him carry the first box over by the door. Jase climbed on the step and took it down. Before he had gotten more than half way down, the phone rang. Cara heard him set the box down and answer it. “Oh, hi Aiden,” she heard him say.
While she waited, Cara glanced around the room. In the corner, she spotted it. The Maplewood roll-top desk Jase had made for her as a wedding present. He told her it took almost six weeks to make the desk after the wood arrived. He’d special ordered it. Cara had been so surprised and moved by the gesture.
She lovingly ran her hand across the desk then raised the top. Inside, Jase had inscribed their names and the date they were married within a heart. She’d been delighted when she found it. It had seemed full of promise for their future together. Now though, the sight of their names joined together gave her hope. She opened one of the tiny drawers and found a simple, white envelope bearing her aunt’s familiar handwriting with Jase’s name written across the front.
Cara’s fingers shook as she opened the envelope and took out the single piece of paper. As her Aunt’s words spilled across the page, tears blurred them from Cara’s eyes. The date on the letter was three months before her Aunt’s death. One month after Jase married Cara.
Its contents were simple yet heartbreaking.
Dear Jase,
You know how hard it was for me to accept my failures and come to you for help, but I don’t know what I would do without you. With all the medical bills from my cancer, I let the taxes for the place get behind and I don’t want to leave Cara with my debt after I’m gone. Thank you for offering to pay the back taxes for me but I have too much pride to accept charity. Instead, I would like to sell you the parcel of land behind my house. It is a fine piece of property and well worth the price of the taxes.
If you are agreeable, I’ll have my attorney draw up the necessary papers. You’ve been so kind to me and to Cara through the years. Like the son, I never had. That is why I feel I can ask you this one last favor. Please don’t tell Cara about the foreclosure. I don’t want her to think less of me.
Yours always, Maudie.
Her aunt was broke and dying of cancer. Her house had gone into foreclosure.
To pay the back taxes, the county threatened to auction it off. Aunt Maudie had hated confessing her troubles to Jase. She hadn’t wanted to take the money Jase offered her. She had too much pride. She was the one who insisted he buy the land because she wanted to keep it within their family.
Jase had married Cara for all the reasons he’d claimed.
Because he loved her.
She dropped the paper on the floor and covered her face. Dear God, how could she have been so wrong? How could she have believed the worst about the man she’d promised to love forever?
Another far more crippling thought dropped her to her knees as she prayed, as she hadn’t done since she was a child.
In the worst possible conditions, at the most unexpected time, dear God, don’t let him hate me. Please help me gain his forgiveness.
“Cara?”
His voice had never sounded more like a gift before. She scrubbed the blinding tears from her eyes and got to her feet.
“What’s wrong?” He stepped closer and spotted the letter. His expression twisted into bitter regret. “So you know.”
“Jase, why didn’t you tell me?” She closed the distance between them. “Why did you let me believe you married me for my aunt’s property?”
There were tears in his eyes as well. “Because I made a promise to Maudie. Because I wanted – no, I needed - you to trust me. As my wife, I needed you to trust me.” He never sounded so lost before.
She threw herself into his unsuspecting arms. After a fearful breath, in time, he gathered her close. So close. As if he wouldn’t leave anything to chance either.
For the longest time, neither said a word. They just held each other and forgot all about the cold.
“Let’s go downstairs. We need to talk,” Jase whispered against her ear.
They did. They needed to talk. She knew this. She needed to apologize. That could wait. Right now, she just wanted to hold him tight and realize how lucky she was that God had stepped in and forced her to let go of all of her foolish pride and shown her the truth.
If she hadn’t lost her job in Paradise, she would never have found the most precious thing in the world again. Her marriage. Her husband. The love she’d thought she’d lost forever. She trembled when she thought of how close she’d come to throwing it all away.
Father, please let him forgive me. Please let him still want me.
“Come on, you’re shivering. It is freezing up here.”
She hated letting him go for a second. When they reached the living room, Jase guided her to the sofa. “Sit down for a second and I’ll grab a blanket. Then we can talk.”
She did as he suggested because her legs just wouldn’t support her any longer. Jase returned with thick warm blanket, draped it around her, and tucked it in tight. When he was satisfied she was warm enough, Jase sat next to her and took her hands in his rubbing them to dispel the cold.
“That’s better,” he said. “You’re not shivering any longer.”
She just couldn’t seem to stop the tears. “Oh, Jase, I’m such a bad person. I loved you. I should have trusted you. I’m so sorry. So very sorry.”
“Shh…” He gathered her close and let her cry her. “It’s okay, honey. You’re back. You came back to me. Everything’s going to be all right now.”
If only she had enough faith to believe that. Jase had been completely honest with her from the start, never holding anything back. He hadn’t tried to hide his addiction either. She was the one with secrets.
“I’m sorry, Jase. I’m so sorry.”
<
br /> When he smiled at her, she believed everything might just be all right after all.
Chapter Sixteen
“So you know all my secrets now.” He leaned over and kissed her lips. Yet he sensed she still held back something. He didn’t know all of her secrets yet, and that drove him crazy. Why couldn’t she trust him still?
“Yes. I’m so glad.” Even with her eyes puffy from crying, she never looked so beautiful.
“So where do we go from here?” Jase forced himself to ask. “Do you still want to be my wife?”
Her reaction was easy to read. That he had to ask her the question appeared to break her heart.
“Oh, Jase, of course, I do.”
“But?” He knew there was something she was holding back.
“But I think I need a little time. I feel like such a jerk for doubting you, and I don’t want to screw things up again. I want our marriage to last.”
It wasn’t what he wanted to hear, but he’d take it. She wanted their marriage to work. She wasn’t running away. “Cara, I love you, and I’m not going anywhere. If you need more time, then I’ll give it to you. I’ll give you whatever you need because I don’t want to lose you again.”
She smiled through more tears. “Thank you, Jase. I don’t deserve you, but thank you for giving me a second chance.”
He touched her cheek, their eyes lingering on each other. For the first time, he was at peace, never doubting they’d work things out.
“Why don’t you see what decorations are in the box over there while I bring down the rest?” He got to his feet and held out her hand. Cara didn’t hesitate before taking it.
By the time, the last rays of sun had faded from the sky, the tree looked perfectly decorated and the house festive.
“It’s gorgeous. Even better than the fourteen-foot one.” She grinned at him and he chuckled.
“Yeah, and half the work.” Jase glanced at his watch and cringed. He hated leaving her. It had been another blessed day spent with the woman he loved, and he hated ending it.