A Heart's Forgiveness

by Joanne Schwehm

  I went to my parents and told them not to give me the money yet. There was no way in hell she was getting her hands on that account. It was bad enough that after we had split up, I found out she’d been banging some musclehead while we were married. Unfortunately, I couldn’t prove it, so she still got a nice monthly check.

  When Alex made Tyler and me co-owners in the club, I made sure she didn’t know about it. My lawyer had said according to our divorce agreement, she couldn’t go after my future income, but I knew Samantha. She’d make my life a living hell until she got what she wanted.

  “Well, I see you’re still bartending.” Samantha’s voice was like nails on a chalkboard and sent shivers down my spine.

  “Samantha.” That was all. No cordial banter. I didn’t want to spend any more time with her than I needed to.

  I wanted her out of the club. God forbid Julie walked in—I couldn’t imagine what type of scene my ex would create. Aubrey was upstairs with Alex, and I knew she had plans with Julie to look at wedding stuff tonight. My girl was set on being the best maid of honor a bride had ever seen—her words, not mine.

  “Brett.” She eyed me up and down. “You’re looking good,” she practically purred.

  Is she coming on to me? I nodded. “Did you want a drink?”

  She was about to order when I heard a commotion in the corner of the bar that stole my attention. Two female patrons were arguing and yelling at our fairly new bartender, Mike.

  Samantha clucked her tongue. “Some people don’t have any class at all.” She turned her nose up at the women talking to Mike.

  When I heard one of them tell Mike they wanted to talk to the owner, my eyes closed. I quickly prayed that he’d call Alex, but he didn’t. He put his index finger up to the women and walked over to me. I glanced at Samantha.

  “Brett, can you help me out? They want an owner, and you’re the only one available.” He looked at Samantha, not knowing who she was, and politely apologized for his interruption.

  Her eyes went wide as she realized what Mike had said. I nodded and followed him to the complainants. I straightened out their tab and gave them a drink on the house for the confusion.

  By the time I got back to Samantha, she was on her phone. “That’s right—an owner.” Her eyes shot darts at me. “The agreement states if he got a new job, not a promotion.” She nodded, said something I couldn’t hear, tossed her phone in her purse. She tucked her purse under her arm. “You owe me, you bastard! You’ll be hearing from my attorney.”

  I told Mike to cover for me so I could deal with this nonsense. Samantha followed me outside.

  “You have absolutely no right to any more money. You get enough from me as it is.” I paced the sidewalk and tossed my hands in the air as frustration took over. “Jesus Christ, Samantha, can’t you give it a rest?”

  “No. Our divorce agreement states that when you get a raise, so do I. You owe me.” Her impeccably manicured hand went to her hip, which jutted to the side.

  “The fuck I do!” My heart was beating so fast, it sounded as if I had a drumline in my ears. This was why marriage was a bad idea.

  Her entourage of friends exited the club and told her they were headed to the next club.

  She glared daggers at me. “Get your checkbook ready.” Her finger tapped my chest before she spun on her heel and walked away with her clique.

  My hand balled into a fist. I was about to pound the brick wall but leaned up against it instead. I needed to get it together and worry about my ex-bitch on Monday. I didn’t want Alex or Aubrey to know what had transpired. They were happy, and just because marriage wasn’t for me didn’t mean I wanted to rain on their happiness parade.

  After Samantha was out of sight, and I cooled down, I headed back in. The DJ had started playing, so many of the customers who had been at the bar were now dancing.

  Mike came over to me. “Is everything okay, man? I’m sorry about my mistake. I’ll cover the free drinks.”

  I smiled. Mike was young and a good guy. “Don’t worry about it. We’ve all made a mistake here and there. As long as we learn from them, that’s all that matters.”

  Alex and Aubrey were talking at the end of the bar, and I heard something about who was paying for the wedding. He wanted to pay for it, and she said she needed to talk to her parents, but she wanted to pay too. Money was nothing but a nightmare.

  I interrupted them. “Hey, Aubrey, make sure Julie doesn’t get any ideas while you’re gown shopping.”

  Alex shot me a look, and Aubrey’s eyes narrowed. She kissed Alex good-bye and left without a word to me.

  “What was that about?” Alex crossed his arms and shook his head.

  “That was about my greedy fucking bitch of an ex-wife who wants more money from me.” I swallowed hard. “I’m happy for you and Aubrey, I truly am, but hell if I’ll ever go through that again.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “Sorry, man. Not everyone is meant to take those vows.”

  Alex nodded, and that was the end of the marriage conversation. My energy was drained, and I was infuriated. I had an entire night ahead of me, so I would do what I needed to and push through with a smile, but all I wanted to do was go to sleep and pretend Samantha Chambers had never existed.

  I was so excited to help Aubrey pick out her wedding dress. It was funny how things happened. Several months ago, she had been looking for a muse, and we’d both ended up finding the loves of our lives. For once in my life, I was thinking about sharing the rest of my days with someone.

  When Brett had first told me he was falling in love with me, my heart almost ejected from my chest. When I said it to him, I was certain I was floating like a feather on a gentle breeze. Now there we were, my best friend and I, in love with two men who were as close to each other as we were.

  Once I had purchased every bridal magazine at the corner newsstand, I headed to Aubrey’s apartment. In the cab, I glanced at the beautiful gown on one of the covers. I would have loved to wear that one day. To think I’d never wanted anything permanent, but now I was in love, and marriage seemed like the next natural step for us too.

  The cab jerked to a stop, taking me out of my bridal-induced daze. I swiped my card in the payment machine, exited the car, and made my way up to Aubrey’s apartment.

  “Your maid of honor is reporting for duty,” I said into the box by the door. I was beyond excited for her and Alex, but especially for Aubrey. Her wedding was something she’d always dreamed of. When she opened the door, I threw my arms around her and squealed, “You’re getting married!”

  Aubrey giggled and squeezed me. “Yes, I am. Are you hungry?” She walked into the kitchen and came back with wine and snacks.

  “Ta-da!” I pointed at her coffee table, which I had covered in bridal magazines.

  “Oh my God, Julie, did you buy out the store?” She sifted through the publications, and her eyes went wide.

  “No, I stopped at the newsstand on my way here. I wanted to make sure you had all your options. Look at this one. The gowns featured in here have been worn by celebrities. Aren’t they incredible?” I flipped through pages while explaining the different gown styles: princess, mermaid, A-line, and so on.

  Aubrey looked at me with wide eyes.

  “Do you know what style you like? I mean, you have a kick-ass body, so I’d go with something straight, strapless, and hot. Alex will pop something when he sees you in something like this.” I pointed at the dress on the cover. “That’s what I’m going to get when I get married. When I was a little girl, I thought I wanted to be a princess, but I don’t know about all that fluff. Maybe I’ll get a gown that can be converted from poufy to short and sassy.”

  “How about we have dinner before we start checking off which ones I like?” Aubrey smiled and grabbed my hand.

  “Lead the way! Let’s eat. I can’t wait to get started!”

  We sat at the table, and when I looked at Aubrey, worry lines were etched across her forehead. I hoped this wasn’t too much on her.
Then it dawned on me that she and Alex had had a meeting with his dad about the wedding.

  “Oh hell! I totally forgot—how did it go with Alex’s dad?” I asked.

  She put a forkful of crisp lettuce in her mouth and looked at me. “Well, my future father-in-law had a lot to say. Let’s see, what should I start with? The part where Jack told us Mr. Pierce was upset because his beloved daughter, Leah, had been exiled from the White Orchid, or the fact that Leah was expected to be Mrs. Alex Logan, or that Alex should have me sign a prenuptial agreement?” She took a bite of her bruschetta and looked at me with tear filled eyes. “How’s that for a ‘welcome to the Logan family’?”

  “Are you shitting me? What did Alex say?”

  “To which part?”

  “To all of it. Who does that? What an arrogant prick.” I was so infuriated with Alex’s father. Aubrey didn’t need that. With all of her anxiety issues, his words could have sent her over the edge again.

  “Well, Alex told his dad that if he wanted Leah to be a Logan, then he should marry her.” She snickered. “Then he told him to stick the prenup up his ass.”

  I swallowed a big sip of wine, trying to squelch the desire to go kick his ass. “Thank God. I’m telling you, if Brett asked me to sign anything like that, I’d tell him to go to hell.”

  She nodded and put down her fork. When she looked at me, her eyes softened, and sadness flashed across them.

  “What’s wrong, Aubrey? I’m sure dealing with his dad isn’t easy, but Alex is all about making you happy. You don’t have anything to worry about.”

  “It’s not that. How do I say this?”

  “Okay, spill it. What the hell is going on?”

  She was fidgeting, and something was off. She must have opened and closed her mouth a half a dozen times before she spoke.

  “Do you and Brett talk about getting married?”

  “No, not really. I mean, we love each other, so it’s inevitable, right?” I smiled at the thought of being Mrs. Brett Chambers, but when she looked as though that would be the worst thing that could happen, my skin prickled. I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Brett and I had been seeing each other for months. Was he hiding something? I mentally slapped myself—that couldn’t be it. “What? What aren’t you telling me?”

  She cleared her throat. “I think you should talk to him about it.”

  “About getting married? Why?” My chest felt heavy, and fear coursed through me.

  “When I saw the guys earlier, Brett said…”

  “Brett said what?” I braced myself for what she was about to say.

  Aubrey whispered, “Brett said to make sure you didn’t get any ideas.”

  “He did?” I felt my hands tremble. What did that mean?

  “Yeah. Jules, I’m sorry. Maybe he was kidding. I mean, Brett is the comedian of the bunch.” Aubrey was struggling to tell me this, and that saddened me as well. I was there to help her, not to bring her down.

  “No, it’s fine. If he doesn’t want to marry me, that’s fine. But he won’t have me either. When it comes to Brett, I don’t want a boyfriend. I want everything.” My voice rose with anger laced with frustration. He owned both my heart and soul and I wanted a future with him. I’d thought he wanted one with me. I hated the person I’d become, and I had him to blame.

  “Please don’t do anything without talking to him first.”

  I knew she was thinking of her experience with Alex. Suddenly all of the bright hues decorating Aubrey’s apartment looked bland. “Oh, I will talk to him, don’t worry about that. Now let’s grab more wine and look at gowns for you.”

  We went back to the couch, and I picked up a magazine. “Oh, look at this one. It’s beautiful, and it’s a Vera Wang. I think you would look gorgeous in a sheath style. It’s a great silhouette for you.”

  “Isn’t Vera Wang expensive? I mean, it’s a stunning gown, but I don’t know.” Aubrey’s shaky finger traced the outline of the picture.

  I had a feeling she wanted to be frugal because of Alex’s father. “Yes, Vera Wang is expensive, but I’m sure your parents or Alex would buy it for you. Take a look at the intricate beading, and the chiffon is to die for. Did you guys pick a venue?”

  “Yes, we’re getting married in the small chapel next to Creekside Park, and the reception will be at Anthony’s.” She beamed as though she had told me she was having her wedding at the Four Seasons.

  My mouth dropped as I stared at her.

  “What?” she asked.

  “You’re marrying one of New York’s most eligible bachelors, and you’re getting married in a chapel and having a small reception at a restaurant?”

  “Yes. Since the guest list is small, Anthony is rearranging the restaurant to include enough tables and a small dance floor. It will be intimate. What’s wrong with that?”

  “Nothing, I guess. I’m surprised. This is society news. If you’re going to do that, then you need to have a gorgeous gown.”

  She shrugged. “Okay, we can go look at them, and I’ll try them on, but if it’s too expensive, I’m not buying it.”

  I tagged pictures with pink Post-It notes.

  “Are you okay?” she asked.

  I felt completely deflated, and I should have been feeling the complete opposite. I closed the magazine, tossed it on the table, and flopped back on the couch. All of the times Brett and I had been together and told each other we loved one another, never once had he mentioned that he’d never want to get married. Granted, we’d never discussed the topic, but he must have known at some point I’d want it all.

  “I’m sorry I told you what Brett said. I wanted you to know. Maybe what he said doesn’t have anything to do with you. Maybe because he was married before, he doesn’t want a big wedding. I bet that’s it. He probably wants to get married but doesn’t want all the hoopla.”

  “Yeah, maybe you’re right. I’m still going to ask him about it. I should go. It’s getting late.” I pushed myself off the comfortable cushions and gave Aubrey the best smile I could.

  “You’re okay, right?” Aubrey placed her hand on my shoulder.

  Although I should have felt comforted, my nerves were on edge. “Yes, I’m fine.”

  I kissed her cheek, grabbed my purse, and walked out the door. My head spun, and tears pricked my eyes. Maybe he didn’t want to marry me since he had been married once before. There was only one way to find out, and that was by going to the source.

  I called a cab and decided to wait for Brett at his apartment. The doorman, Jim, greeted me and told me that Brett wasn’t home yet, so I waited for him in the lobby. I watched residents and a pizza delivery man come and go, and I stared at the door, willing Brett to come through. All the while, I prayed that Aubrey had misunderstood him.

  Looking at my hands twisted in my lap, I heard Jim say, “Good evening, Mr. Chambers.”

  My head snapped up.

  Brett smiled at me. “Hey, I thought you were having girls’ night at Aubrey’s?” He gave me a chaste kiss.

  “I was there, but I wanted to come and talk to you.” I heard the tremor in my voice.

  Brett grabbed my hand and led me to the elevator. Once the doors were closed, he pulled me into his arms. I rested my ear on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

  “I wish you would have called me. I would have had Jim let you in.” The warmth of his voice penetrated my skin, and I had second thoughts about my visit.

  Nothing seems wrong. Maybe Aubrey misunderstood what he said.

  We walked into his apartment, and he crashed his lips on mine. I savored every bit of him, praying my tears would stay unshed. Deep down, I had a feeling Aubrey hadn’t misunderstood anything, and to say that I was terrified this would all come to a screeching halt would have been a pure understatement.

  “Do you want a drink?” He walked into the kitchen.

  I studied my glorious boyfriend as he reached into his refrigerator to grab a beer. “No, thank you.” I gingerly padded toward him. />
  “Okay, what’s wrong? You look like you lost your best friend. Did something happen at Aubrey’s?” He took a draw of his beer. “Did you two argue?” Sympathy flashed across his face, but something was off.

  “No, of course not!” I crinkled my nose at that ridiculous comment, then I shook my head and swallowed hard.

  “My night didn’t go as planned either. It actually sucked, but I know how to make us feel better.” He slammed back the rest of his beer and pulled me into his arms.

  “I want you.” His mouth devoured mine, and he thrust his tongue into my mouth, tangling it with mine. His hands grabbed my ass as he lifted me. My legs instinctively wrapped around his taut waist, and he pushed his erection against my core. He groaned, and I froze. I broke our kiss and turned my head.

  Leaning back, he looked into my eyes, his eyes darkened with lust. “What’s wrong, Jules?”

  “We need to talk.” I loosened my grip, and he set me down. He pulled away, and I had an aching feeling that that might have been our last kiss.

  His hand raked through his hair, and he let out a frustrated breath. “Now? Let me have you first, and then we can talk. I’ve had a long night and my share of talking. I want to fuck and go to sleep.”

  He pulled me close, but I splayed my hands on his muscular chest and pushed him away.

  “What’s your deal tonight?”

  All I could do was stare at him. Did he say he wanted to fuck? I had never been so insulted or felt so cheap. He’d never spoken to me like that. Shock ran through me. My world tipped off its axis, and our love dangled off the edge.

  “Seriously, Julie, what’s your problem?” When he crossed his arms, his biceps bulged under the sleeves.

  I was nervous. “First, I’m not your fuck buddy, Brett.”

  His head jerked back, and his eyebrows arched.

  “I love you, and I’m in this for the long haul.” I placed my hand on his forearm, which tightened under my touch as if I were burning him. “Don’t you want that too? To build a life together?”