A Heart's Forgiveness

by Joanne Schwehm

  Some said that in time, pain subsided and loss got easier to cope with. Well, not in my case. Getting over Brett was neither easy nor had time helped. I even added distance and that didn’t help. It had been over two months since I’d spoken to him, and the pain and hurt were still raw.

  My personal life was shit. I’d tried dating, but that didn’t work. I felt bad for my dates since I compared them all to Brett, and they didn’t come close. It didn’t help that I still wasn’t over him. Maybe if my heart had an on/off switch, life would have been easier, but it didn’t.

  My professional life, on the other hand, had blossomed. Not too long after the wedding, Brian had sent me to Italy to land a new account. He was over the moon because, if I could pull it off, we’d be an international company. The only downside was the account, Calabrese Vineyards, would be tying into Amoreaux, the wine room at the White Orchid.

  Thankfully, despite my personal issues, I secured the account, which took a couple of months. But now I was tasked with getting Alex and Brett on board. Who knew if Brett would still want to work with me? Aubrey had told me he asked about me every time he saw her, but per my request, she didn’t tell him much except I was still out of the country.

  My arm stretched to my nightstand to hit snooze on my alarm. Once the beeping ended, I rolled over and pulled the covers up to my neck. I hated getting out of bed, but I had a meeting with Alex about spotlighting Calabrese Vineyards in the club’s wine room. Roberto Calabrese was a traditional Italian winemaker. He’d loved keeping personal barrels of wine in his basement, where his business had started, but once his son and grandsons had taken over due to Roberto’s age, things changed. The old manual presses were retired, making it easier to fulfill more orders. Because of Roberto’s children and grandchildren, Calabrese Vineyards was one of the largest wineries in Southern Italy.

  One of Roberto’s grandsons, Luca Calabrese, had traveled back to the States with me. When I first agreed to go to Italy for our firm, Brian had connected me with Luca because he spoke fluent English thanks to his time studying in London. Listening to him speak as if he was from the UK with an Italian accent was funny. I had been picturing an older man when I went to meet him, but he was in his early thirties—only a few years older than I was—and one of the most gorgeous men I’d ever met.

  The thought of good looks and laughter reminded me of Brett, the man who would always own a large piece of my heart. Life without him had been difficult, and I’d forced myself not to ask Aubrey about him. But the day had come to see the man I’d once thought would be my forever.

  I got out of bed, looked out my window, and was greeted by sunshine and blasting car horns—there wasn’t anywhere I’d rather be. Italy was beautiful, and the Finger Lakes region was lush, green, and picturesque, but it had been too quiet. New York City was my home, and I was glad to be back—sirens and all.

  After my shower, I grabbed a cab and headed over to the W Hotel to pick up Luca. I sent him a text and told him to meet me outside. We pulled up, and I couldn’t help but smile when Luca walked through the brass door being held open by the doorman.

  He wore pale blue jeans, a light gray V-neck sweater with the sleeves pushed up to his elbows, a gold chain that picked up the rays of the sun, and his Dolce & Gabbana brown crocodile loafers that he had purchased on one of our shopping days in Capri. The man had impeccable taste. His deep chestnut hair rested on his shoulders, and he had a smile that could stop traffic.

  The cab door opened, and he slid in. “Buon giorno, bella.” He leaned over and kissed each cheek once, as Europeans did.

  I giggled. “Good morning, Luca. You can save your sexy Italian ways for the women who don’t know you speak English.” I winked and readjusted myself in the seat. I was so nervous. I’d decided to wear my fitted black pants, a red camisole with black lace trim that rested perfectly on my chest, and my short black blazer. Naturally, I had on a gorgeous pair of Prada pumps—I’ve always loved shoes.

  “You are so funny, bella. Not many women don’t like it when a man says, ‘Good morning, beautiful,’ in the most romantic language.” He winked.

  All I could do was shake my head and smile. “I’m so sorry. Did I bruise your ego?” I laughed, and he followed suit with a hearty chuckle.

  “No, no, my ego is fine. How could it not be? I’m with my gorgeous friend in one of the most exciting cities ever.” He looked out the window as his gaze rose, stretching his neck. “Mamma mia, those buildings are beautiful.”

  I leaned over to look out his window and was engulfed in his scent. It was clean and light. I loved it. “That’s the Chrysler Building.”

  My heart dropped knowing we weren’t far from Brett’s apartment building. I forced down the lump that had formed in my throat. I needed to focus since I’d be seeing him soon.

  “All the people are in such a hurry. The women even have tennis shoes on with suits. Do they ever stop and take a look around? They’re missing so much. This is why we Italians are more relaxed. We work, rest, and take time to enjoy life.” He shook his head and looked at me curiously. “Are you thinking about our meeting? Your face…” He waggled his fingers between my eyes. “You are tense? No?”

  Professional, Julie, be professional. Yes, Luca is your friend, but rein in your emotions. “It’s been a while since I’ve been back home. That’s all. I’m fine.” I had told Luca all about my failed relationship over a couple of bottles of cabernet, and he’d told me Brett was crazy.

  He grabbed my hand. “It’s him, isn’t it?”

  “Him?” I tried to sound oblivious, but that was a lost cause.

  “Brett. The man you told me about in Italia.”

  His voice was smooth and comforting, but I still felt out of sorts. However, there was no hiding my feelings. I figured better to explain in case things got weird during the meeting. “Yes. As you know, he’s a co-owner of the club. Before I came to Italy, I avoided him as much as possible, which wasn’t easy.”

  I thought of all the times I’d blown off going to parties at Aubrey and Alex’s because I knew he’d be there. Then Aubrey would tell me that he hadn’t gone and was spending more time with his brother, whom I hadn’t met. Maybe Brett and I hadn’t been as close as I’d believed. My lips quirked as I shook my head. No, we were close. I let out a breath.

  “Julie, if this makes you uncomfortable, I can meet with them alone. After seeing you in action at the wine room in the Finger Lakes, I think I can handle this.” He squeezed my hand.

  I gave him a reassuring nod. “No, I’m fine. Thank you for understanding, but this is my job, and I’m here to help both you and the White Orchid. I think Calabrese Vineyards and the club are an ideal match. Even more so than the wine bar in the Finger Lakes.” I smiled as the cab came to a halt in front of the White Orchid. I saw Alex’s Maserati and Brett’s black Range Rover parked in front, and my heart jumped into my throat. Truth be told, I was almost looking forward to seeing Brett… almost.

  Luca swiped his credit card in the reader before I could pay the fare. He got out and opened my door. “We’re good, yes?”

  “Yes. Thank you.” I smiled. “Let’s do this.”

  He opened the club door, and my eyes met Tyler’s, who was wiping down the bar. His model-worthy smile hadn’t changed. I thought his blond hair was bit longer, but as always, it was impeccably styled. Luca placed his hand on my back as we walked toward Ty.

  “Julie.” Tyler engulfed me in his arms. “You’re a sight for sore eyes. It’s been too long.” He let me go and looked at Luca.

  “Hi, Ty, it’s good seeing you too. This is Luca Calabrese, from Calabrese Vineyards. Luca, this is Tyler. He’s another owner of the bar.”

  Luca extended his arm and offered Tyler his hand. “Good to meet you.”

  Tyler’s eyebrows rose. “Good meeting you too. I didn’t expect you to speak English.” He chuckled. “Welcome to the White Orchid.” He was so laid-back I wished my skin was a sponge that could absorb his vibe.


  “Thank you.” Luca smiled as his eyes grazed the room.

  “So we’re scheduled to meet Alex. Is he in his office?”

  Tyler’s expression changed. His eyelids softened to a slow blink before he looked at me again. “Yes, they’re expecting you.” He looked as though he wanted to say more, but he didn’t.

  They. I nodded. “Thank you.”

  “Aren’t you coming?” Luca asked Tyler.

  “No, I’m more of the bar man. I try to leave the wine room to Alex and Brett.”

  My chest rose, and my heart rate sped up at the sound of his name. “Thank you, Tyler.”

  We made our way upstairs, and my nerves spiked with each step I took. So much time had passed, and so much had happened. I wasn’t sure what waited for me on the other side of the closed door. I knocked and said a silent prayer that I could keep my composure. It had been so long since I’d seen or even talked to Brett. The door swung open, and I was greeted by Alex.

  A natural smile grew across my face, and relief washed through me as I looked at him. “Alex.” I couldn’t help throwing my arms around his torso and resting my cheek on his chest.

  He kissed the top of my head as he held me close. “Jules, I’m so glad you’re back. Aubrey has missed you. Your FaceTime chats aren’t cutting it, and her hormones are out of whack.” He chuckled.

  I pulled back. Wow, he looked so happy. I knew it wasn’t because I was back but because of Aubrey and their baby on the way. The thought of spending time with Aubrey filled me with utter joy. “How about I come over this weekend?”

  “Great, we’ll have a barbecue.”

  I gestured toward Luca. “Alex, I’d like you to meet Luca Calabrese. Luca, this is Alex.” The two men shook hands.

  “Come in, please.” Alex motioned toward the small table in his office.

  Just as Luca’s hand went to the small of my back, I heard the legs of a chair scrape on the floor. For what seemed to be the first time in a lifetime, my eyes met Brett’s. I swallowed hard as I tried to keep on a brave face. His lips curled into a small smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

  “Julie, it’s good to see you.”

  Even after all this time, my skin still tingled at the sound of his voice. Keep it together, Julie. That needed to be my mantra. His eyes shifted between Luca and me.

  “Hi, Brett.” I turned to Luca, who was now at my side. “Luca Calabrese, this is Brett Chambers.”

  “Ciao, Brett.” Luca put out his hand. “It’s good to meet you.”

  Brett took his hand and briefly shook it. “Thank you, nice to meet you too.”

  “Ahem. Shall we sit and discuss your ideas?” Alex motioned for us to sit at the small table.

  I had no idea how I would get through this meeting. I made sure to sit between Luca and Alex so I wouldn’t be next to Brett, but then I had him directly in my sight.

  I steadied my nerves as best I could and began my presentation. “When I was in Italy at Calabrese Wineries, owned by Luca’s family, I was impressed. We had wine shipped here. Did you receive it?” I shifted in my seat. I should have asked that before we scheduled the meeting. I was so uncomfortable. I’d have given anything for Aubrey to be there to break some of the tension that filled the room.

  “We did. The white is chilled, and the red is breathing.” Brett said before he went to retrieve the bottles from the wet bar in Alex’s office.

  My eyes betrayed me as I drank the sight of the man I was once in love with. His charcoal gray slacks and black shirt, which hugged his muscular form, made my mouth water.

  Brett brought the bottles to the table, along with two glasses for each of us. I couldn’t help but notice the corded muscles in his forearm as he decanted the red wine. I stared at him as he expertly poured the burgundy liquid. When he looked at me, I quickly shifted my eyes away and prayed he hadn’t seen me gawking at him.

  Luca took the glass by the stem and made the wine swirl up the sides of the glass. He brought it to his nose and inhaled the essence. “Perfetto.” He softly nudged me with his elbow, taking me out of my daze. “Julie, this was your favorite, no?”

  I mimicked what he did. Once I inhaled the wonderful scent, I smiled. “Yes, it is. It has just the right blend of oak and fruit.”

  Alex raised his glass. “Cheers.”

  “Salute.” Luca clinked his glass against Alex’s, mine, and finally Brett’s.

  I looked across the table at my ex-boyfriend’s face. Something was missing. His features weren’t light and playful; they bordered on confusion and sadness. My body was beginning to react to him, but I couldn’t give in. I couldn’t go to him and hold him. So I softly tapped my glass against his and took a sip.

  “This is wonderful, Luca.” Alex smiled, then he tasted the chardonnay after he had a water cracker to cleanse his palate “This is just as good.” He placed the glass down. “So, Julie, what idea do you have about these bottles?”

  “Well…” I cleared my throat and glanced at Luca before I brought my attention back to Alex. “When Luca and I discussed what could benefit both the club and the vineyard, I thought about having a special label made especially for the club. Something like, ‘Made exclusively for Amoreaux by Calabrese Vineyards.’ The label can have a muted white orchid on it and, naturally, the name of the wine.” My eyes shifted between Brett’s and Alex’s.

  Alex raised his eyebrows as he bobbed his head, while Brett remained stoic.

  “This press will only be for you so it will be exclusive.” Luca chimed in. “Exclusively made for Amoreaux by Calabrese Vineyards.”

  “Right. No one else will have this press, and you have to admit it’s refined and easy on the palate. We can schedule private tastings for the elite.” I turned slightly toward Alex. “What do you think? Having your own wine label would draw in the aficionados, which means more revenue. Calabrese Vineyards is a wonderful name to be tied to.” I smiled at Luca. His pride in his family’s business was so apparent it made me proud, and I was an outsider.

  “Grazie, Julie. Yes, I think that we could both benefit from this.” His Italian accent came through and made me swoon.

  I wasn’t completely unaffected by Luca. This was business, but the man was fine. All the men in the room were beautiful specimens, but only one made my soul burn.

  “So let me see if I understand this.” Brett’s tone verged on annoyance and I wasn’t entirely sure why. “Your vineyard will have a special press of grapes solely for us? Who will be overseeing the project on your end here in the states? I wouldn’t expect Julie to fly to Italy every time we needed something.”

  The possessiveness in his voice made me draw my thighs together. But I wasn’t his anymore. I wasn’t anyone’s.

  Luca answered before I could. “Me. I will be, as you say, your liaison. I will travel back and forth overseas. Bella just brought us together.” He looked at me and smiled, making me do the same.

  “It’s Julie.”

  Brett’s deep voice made my head jolt in his direction. My jaw dropped in embarrassment.

  “I’m sorry, yes, Julie.” Luca leaned toward me and whispered, “I didn’t mean any disrespect.”

  I waved him off because it was no big deal. I scowled at Brett, who had his eyes on me. Warmth crept into my body.

  “I like the idea.” Alex stood. “Luca, let me show you the wine room.”

  I pushed my chair back to follow them, but Alex told me to stay. Dammit. I knew what he was doing, and I didn’t like it one bit. But it was too late. Luca had followed Alex out, and the room was so silent you could hear a cork drop.

  “Jules… please, can we talk? It’s been months.” Brett moved to where Alex had been sitting.

  The smell of his cologne made me sad. I remembered having that scent on my sheets, my pillow, and on me. “About this idea?”

  “No. I want to talk about us, not business.” Brett moved his hand to mine, which I swiftly pulled away as I stood.

  My feet somehow moved me to the window. I sa
w Brett’s reflection as he came up behind me. He caged me in with his arms and stared at me.

  I slowly turned. “There is no us.”

  He looked as if someone had given him a blow to the stomach. “Please, Jules, I haven’t seen you in so long. Talk to me. Please.”

  His pained voice mirrored the hurt in my heart, but I couldn’t do much about it. The feeling of his warm breath on my neck, as he spoke, reminded me of what we’d had, but I couldn’t go there. Not anymore.

  “What do you want to know?” My voice was soft, but I knew he’d heard me. I was uncomfortable between his arms, so I glanced at the right one, and he lowered both of them. I crossed mine. My eyes met his, and I raised my eyebrows. “Okay, what?”

  “How have you been?” His eyes panned over me from head to toe, and I did my best not to do the same to him. “You look gorgeous, but you always did.” He smiled, still without the spark in his eye that usually accompanied it.

  “I’m doing well, thank you. I’ve been busy working and traveling.” I shrugged one shoulder. “It’s been a great experience. How are you?”

  He chuckled. “How am I? Let’s see, how am I? Well, I’m not that great actually. I’ve missed you so much that it hurts to breathe. I think of you, and the world stops revolving. I wonder where you are, if you’re safe and happy…” He cupped my neck, and a surge of loss filled my pores. “If you’ve thought about me or us. I just want to talk to you.”

  “Brett, don’t.” I started to walk away from him, but he placed his hand on my forearm. My head fell back. I closed my eyes and let out a shaky defeated breath.

  “Hear me out, please.” His voice cracked.

  I knew he was sad, but I couldn’t have this conversation. “Brett, I’m here on business. That’s it. I don’t think we need to rehash the past. It’s over.”