A Heart's Forgiveness

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by Joanne Schwehm


  The thought of a pillow under my head made me more exhausted than I had been.

  Brett grabbed my hand and turned to his mom. “The monitor is on the counter, the formula is in the cabinet, and be sure to burp her more than once. The diapers and wipes are in her room.”

  His mother stared at him with a tight grin.

  “If she gets fussy, all you need to do is rock her for a bit or walk around.” We were almost in the bedroom when he tossed out, “Oh, and Lyn?”

  His cousin tilted her head to look at him.

  “No boys over while you’re babysitting.”

  I bit my lip to stifle a giggle. His mom shook her head while Lyn gave Brett the finger.

  “None of that either. Don’t go teaching my baby any bad habits,” he said.

  I mouthed “I’m sorry” to Lyn before we went into his room. “You’re terrible! Your cousin looked completely mortified. Seriously, they came to help.”

  Brett fell back on the bed. He rolled his head and patted the mattress next to him. I gladly laid my tired body down.

  “She’s used to my comments. Bentley and I are like her brothers. It’s our job to harass her.”

  “Still…” My eyes began to close.

  “Believe me, if I didn’t tease her, she’d think something was wrong. And just so you know, I wasn’t lying about Tyler. The two of them hardly said a word to each other, but their eyes told a whole story.”

  “I missed your birthday. I’m sorry.”

  He moved to his side and looked at me. My skin warmed under his palm as he cupped my cheek. “As long as you’re here for all of my future birthdays, it’s all good.”

  “I promise.” I smiled and yawned.

  “Let’s go to sleep while we can.” He turned off the monitor. “The one in the kitchen was on, right?”

  “Yes, I looked to make sure. Get some rest.”

  “You too.” His lips met mine for a gentle kiss. “I love you.”

  “Love you too.”

  That was the last thing I remembered until I thought I heard Maddie cooing. I opened my eyes, looked at the clock, and realized I’d slept for almost four hours. Brett wasn’t next to me, so my fingers clicked the monitor on his nightstand on, and I heard him. He was singing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” to Maddie, and my eyes welled with tears. His deep voice was smooth and soft. I propped my head on my hand as his voice filled my heart with more love for him than I’d already had.

  After the last verse, I heard a kiss. “I love you, Maddie. I promise you’ll always know where I am because I’ll never leave you. Even when you need a new diaper like now.” His hearty chuckle made me smile.

  After a quick shower, my muscles felt so relaxed and my body a bit more rejuvenated. When I went into the living room, Brett was on the couch, giving Maddie a bottle.

  “Hey, you two.”

  He craned his head back and smiled. “Did you sleep well?”

  “I did, thank you. Is your family gone?” I grabbed two waters out of the fridge and handed one to Brett.

  He smiled. “Yes, they said good-bye.”

  “They’re pretty great. Taking a break felt so good.”

  His face faltered, and his frown concerned me.

  “Did I say something wrong?”

  He shook his head before he leaned Maddie forward to burp her. “I appreciate you being here, but you haven’t been to your place in a while. If you want to leave, I’d understand. Plus, you need to get back to work. We both do.” He slid the nipple back between Maddie’s lips. “I need to start interviewing nannies.” His eyes focused on his daughter. “I’ll find you the best one.”

  “I’ve been thinking about that. I may have a solution, but you need to be completely honest with me. If you think I’m overstepping or you don’t want to do this, I’ll understand. My feelings won’t get hurt, I promise you.”

  He handed me the empty bottle, and I set it on the coffee table.

  “What is it? I’d never hurt your feelings.” He stood with Maddie and swayed back and forth while his hand made gentle circles on her back.

  I steadied my resolve and said a quick prayer that I would be able to articulate what I wanted to suggest. “Well, I work during the day and you work mostly nights. So I thought I’d ask Brian if I could work from home after three in the afternoon. Then I could watch Maddie while you work, and you wouldn’t need a nanny.” My hands trembled in my lap as his eyes widened. “I told you I’d help you, and the offer still stands.”

  “What if you need to be in the office for a meeting? I don’t want you jeopardizing your career. I know how important it is to you, and you’ve worked hard to get where you are. You’re fantastic at your job.”

  I approached him as he swayed with Maddie in his arms. I looked at her precious face before looking at Brett. “You both are the most important things to me. If there’s a meeting, it’ll be on the schedule and we can ask your mom. This isn’t the first time things like this have been done. I want to do this. I honestly do.” Our eyes locked.

  His crinkled in the outside corners as his cheeks lifted. He nodded. “I’d like nothing more than to have you with her when I’m not. But I have a way to make it even easier.”

  I tilted my head as he laid Maddie in her bassinet next to the couch.

  “Move in with us,” he said. “I’m going to look for a house because an apartment in the city isn’t where I want my daughter growing up, and you can help us pick it out. It’ll be ours.”

  “Brett…”

  I couldn’t tell if she was excited, confused, or happy, so I guessed she was stunned. “I don’t want to force you. I know we’re just getting back together, and now I have a daughter—it’s a lot for me to ask of you.”

  She frantically shook her head. “No, no, that’s not a lot at all.”

  Her arms thrown around my neck as mine wrapped around her back was all I needed to know she liked the idea.

  “I’d love to be here all the time. I just don’t know if it will be good for your situation. What if it makes matters worse?” Her body arched back as she studied my face. “Call your attorney tomorrow and, for peace of mind, ask what he thinks. You need to contact him anyway, right?”

  “Yes, but my attorney is a she. I’ll call her first thing in the morning. We can go from there?”

  “Most definitely. One day at a time.” She smiled brightly and kissed me, continuing to take my breath away.

  The following morning, Julie went to work, and I called my attorney. She advised me to get statements from the doctors in regards to Nikki’s state of mind when she departed the hospital. We needed a doctor to say that Nikki wasn’t depressed, just selfish.

  “I want to petition for sole custody,” I said.

  She advised me to wait five more months. If Nikki made zero attempts to make contact within six months of Maddie’s birth, it would be considered abandonment. My attorney didn’t think a judge would take too kindly to a woman who left her newborn and never inquired about her wellbeing.

  I reluctantly agreed. I wanted this over with, but I saw her point. “Six months. That’s it—no more. I want this taken care of, and I don’t care what it costs.”

  They would be the longest five months of my life. Knowing Nikki was out there somewhere made me anxious. But I wouldn’t attempt to contact her again, nor did I want anyone else to. I called Alex and Tyler and let them know to do the same.

  My next call was to a realtor. Alex had told me about a home in his area that had gone on the market which was vacant, so I made an appointment to go see it. Julie was working, so I grabbed a diaper bag loaded with necessities, buckled Maddie into her car seat, and we were off.

  Once I pulled into Alex’s neighborhood, I gave Aubrey a call to see if she wanted to come see the house with us. She jumped at the chance. I told her I’d pick her up, and when I pulled into her driveway, she was sitting on their porch. When she saw me, she got up and waddled to my car.

  I opened her door for her. �
�You look like you’re going to give birth any minute.” I smiled.

  Her eyes narrowed. “Thanks.”

  A chuckle escaped me, and I clamped my mouth shut since Aubrey wasn’t amused. Once we were in my car, I looked over at her. She looked great.

  “You didn’t tell Jules, did you? I want to surprise her.”

  “No, of course not. You’ve made her very happy already, and this will blow her mind.” She finally smiled.

  “Let’s hope it’s the right house for us.” I pulled down the tree-lined street and looked at the beautiful homes with large yards. “Wow, one of these would be great for Maddie.”

  “How is your little angel?”

  “Perfect. I never thought I could love anyone as much as I do her. Then there’s Julie, so I’m doubly blessed.”

  When we pulled up to the house, Aubrey and I stared at it. When we looked at each other, we had the same realization in our eyes. This is the one.

  The realtor took us around the house, and I pointed things out to Maddie even though she had no idea what I was saying. Her little blue eyes took in everything. I even showed her where her swing set would go.

  I offered asking price with a quick closing date. The realtor looked as though she’d hit the lottery when I told her I had an apartment in the city to sell. She said she had clients who may be interested.

  When we were back in the car, I turned to Aubrey. “Do you think Julie will like it?”

  Aubrey beamed. “She’s going to love it.”

  I looked skyward and thanked my grandparents. Without them, I wouldn’t have been able to do this. Aubrey put her hand on her stomach and groaned.

  “Hey, are you okay?”

  She smiled tightly. “I’ve been having Braxton-Hicks contractions.”

  I glanced at her as I pulled out of the driveway. “Um… who’s contractions?”

  She laughed. “Don’t worry about it. I promise I’m not going to deliver this baby in your car. I’m fine.”

  I didn’t find any humor in her comment, but she wasn’t concerned, so I didn’t say anything.

  “So when do you plan on making an honest woman out of Julie?” she asked.

  “Soon. Do you think she’ll say yes?” My eyes shifted to her side of the car. “Aubrey?”

  “My guess would be yes, but you need to ask her, not me.”

  “I’ll do that.” I pulled into her driveway, but something was off. She was frowning and sitting still, so I asked, “What are you thinking?”

  “I’m curious about why your views on marriage seemed to have changed. Please don’t misunderstand me, but it wasn’t too long ago that you despised the thought of marriage.” Aubrey shook her head. “You lost each other because of your views on a formal commitment, and now you’re buying a house and want to propose.” Her shoulders dropped, and her eyes lowered. “I hate to ask this, but do you want a wife or a mother for Maddie?”

  “You think I want to get married so I can provide a mother to my daughter?” I ran my tongue over my teeth. “I love Julie. Yes, I told myself I’d never get married again, but she’s different. My love for Julie surpasses anything I thought possible. I told you all those months ago that I was scared, and I still am but for different reasons. I need her because I love her, not because my daughter needs a mother.”

  Aubrey smiled and nodded. “Great. That’s what I thought you would say. Sorry, but Jules has always been there for me and had my back. It would have been remiss of me not to ask what your intentions are. For the record, she loves your little girl. You’re a lucky man.” She kissed my cheek then got out, opened the back door, and gave Maddie a kiss. “Bye, Brett. Thanks for letting me come today.”

  Knowing that I’d passed her test, I felt relief wash over me. “Take care of yourself. Go rest and stop having those whatever-they-are contractions.”

  She laughed and closed the door. Aubrey was right—I was a lucky man, and there was no way I would ever be without Julie again.

  About a week later, the realtor called to tell me the house was mine and she’d had an offer on my apartment. Time flew between my offer being accepted and receiving the key. Keeping the surprise to myself was killing me.

  When move-in day came, I took my girls to their new home. My mom had helped me furnish it, and all I needed to do was bring over Maddie’s bedroom furniture we had just bought for her.

  Julie was looking out her window. “Are we going to Aubrey’s? You made a wrong turn.”

  I placed my hand on hers. “No, we aren’t. I want to show you something.”

  When I turned into the driveway, she looked at the glorious colonial-style home. The house was a mixture of cedar siding and stone with a large porch that wrapped around the sides.

  “Wow, this is stunning! Who lives here? Is this your brother’s place?” She opened the door and stepped out. “The perennials are exquisite. Those colors are so vibrant.”

  I retrieved Maddie from the backseat, car seat and all since she was asleep. We walked up the porch steps to the double front doors.

  “Bentley doesn’t live here, but we should go see him soon.” I unlocked the front door. “Welcome home, Julie.”

  She gasped. “What?” Her face flushed, and her eyes widened. “This is your house?”

  I took her hand while carrying Maddie in the other one. “No, it’s ours. The three of us—our family.”

  “Oh my God, Brett!” Her head turned to the left and right as she took in her surroundings. She walked toward the fireplace and looked at a picture of the three of us on the mantel. “It’s really ours?”

  “Yes. Look, Jules, I know we said we’d take this one day at a time and not rush anything, but I feel as though I’ve loved you forever. If I hadn’t been so foolish all those months ago, we would have stayed together and been happy. But I screwed that up.” I looked at Maddie. “If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have my daughter, so maybe that’s why.”

  Tears filled her eyes as she stared at Maddie. “I love her so much, Brett. I wasn’t sure…” Tears streamed down her cheeks.

  I set down the car seat, took Maddie out, and held her close to my chest. “You weren’t sure of what?”

  “If…” Her breath hitched. “I feel terrible for even saying it.”

  “Honesty, Jules.”

  She placed her hand on Maddie’s back. “If I could love her.” She wept as she took Maddie and hugged her. “But I do, I truly do, as if she were mine. Please know that.” She peppered soft kisses on Maddie’s head. “Sweetie, please know I do love you.”

  I wrapped my girls up in my arms. “She knows, and I understand. Come on, let me show you the rest of the house.”

  Once we were done with the grand tour, we headed back to my apartment to put Maddie down for her nap. Julie and I made ourselves comfortable on the plush sofa, and she rested her head on my lap. My fingers played with her soft hair.

  “Jules, what you said back at the house about loving Maddie?”

  She looked at me with loving eyes. “Yeah.”

  “I’ve been thinking about something for a while, and I spoke to my attorney about it.” I felt my pulse quicken as nerves crept in. “I want you to be ours and for her to be yours.”

  “I’d like that too.” Her lips quivered, and my heart clenched.

  “Will you marry me?”

  Julie sat straight up and looked at me with wide eyes. “What?”

  I got down on one knee. “Julie Michaels, will you be my wife?”

  “Yes!” She stood and pulled me up with her.

  Our kiss was quick at first, then my lips claimed hers with unbridled passion. She would be mine, and I couldn’t wait to make it official.

  “I love you, Brett Chambers.”

  “I love you, Julie Michaels.”

  We went into our room. I opened my dresser drawer and took out a small velvet box. When I turned, she was looking at a picture of us when we first met, and my heart broke a bit over all the time we’d lost.

  “I’m so sorr
y for everything, Julie. When I think back to when I freaked out because of my past when all you wanted was for us to have a future, it kills me.”

  “It’s okay.” Her eyes glistened as she tightly grinned.

  “No, it isn’t. Samantha was all take. She was in it for what she could get, and I should have realized that you are the complete opposite. You’re all give. You’ve never acted as though anyone owed you anything or that you were entitled to anything.” I linked our hands. “You’re so special, and I promise you a lifetime of happiness. You own me—heart, body, and soul—and I’ll do my best to prove I deserve you.” She sniffled, and I kissed away her tears. “I had a romantic evening planned, but why should anything we do be conventional?”

  My shaking fingers opened the velvet box, revealing a two-carat round diamond in a stunning platinum setting. She covered her mouth, and I smiled. I took her left hand and slid the ring on her finger.

  “It’s beautiful.” Her eyes met mine. “Thank you.”

  “You and Maddie are the most important women in my life. We should be thanking you for loving us. Jules, I don’t want to wait. I’d like to call my lawyer and start adoption proceedings so Maddie will have you for a mother. What do you think?”

  Her head bobbed up and down. “Tomorrow wouldn’t be soon enough.”

  “So much for one day at a time.” I placed a chaste kiss on her lips.

  “We are taking a day at a time, but they’re our days and our time, which we’ve wasted enough of. Don’t you agree?” Her genuine smile warmed my heart.

  “Yes. I couldn’t agree more.”

  I laid her down and made love to her until Maddie woke up. It was then and there I knew my life was perfect.

  The following day, I contacted my lawyer and told her my plans. Unfortunately, she said I needed to prove that I had tried to contact Nikki for permission, which was difficult since I had no idea where she was. I decided to call my friend Ben Stone, who was a cop, to see if he could find out where she was.

  A few nights later, Julie and I were packing the rest of our things to move into our new home. Maddie was with my parents, so we were trying to get everything done while we were alone. My phone rang, and I saw it was my pal on the force.

 

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