Black than Blue

by Rebekah Weatherspoon

  “Well, you have to do something. You can’t keep this up,” Camila said.

  “You’re right.”

  “What does that mean?”

  I stood and grabbed a change of clothes from Tokyo’s closet. You’d have thought I’d grabbed an AK from the way Ginger and Camila were cautiously eying me when I came back into the room.

  “It means you’re right,” I said. “I’m sick of this shit. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I don’t love Benny. That shit is just crazy, but I have to deal with her, and the sooner the better.”

  “What are you going to do?” Ginger asked.

  “Don’t worry. I’m not going to kill her. Just an honest conversation. Once and for all.”

  “Where are you going?” Camila asked.

  “Not far.”

  I vanished to the Montgomerys’ porch and made myself comfortable on their swing. All was quiet across the street in Mama and Daddy’s house. If only I could get the same peace in my head. I texted Benny the address and told her where to meet me that weekend. She didn’t answer, but if I knew anything about her, I knew she’d show.

  Just to be sure, I called Faeth. She owed me for squealing. “Hey,” she answered on the first ring. “Is everything all right?”

  “Yeah. I need you to do me a favor.”

  Benny

  I couldn’t focus on media and culture, or my reading. I’d been doing my best to move on from what had happened the night of the game. Once again, Cleo had to turn my life into another one of her sick mind tricks. Our run-in had nothing to do with De’Treshawn, though I was glad he’d backed off. Cleo wanted to hurt me. De’Treshawn merely presented an opportunity for her to insert herself where she didn’t belong. This had been her game for years now, but after that night I knew I couldn’t make it easy for her anymore. I wouldn’t allow myself to care about what Cleo said or did any longer. I should have stopped her before she touched me or kissed me. It was a moment of weakness I vowed never to repeat again. She was sick, and I couldn’t continue to feed into her behavior.

  I had decided that moving on was all I could do. Trying to process my feelings would just make me more upset while Cleo went about her life with Tokyo in her lap and Andrew under her thumb. It was a kind of numbing ordeal, trying to push the emotions aside. I was slipping deeper into this state that crept over me recently. I cared less than I thought possible, wanted less. In truth, all I wanted was out. I wanted out of school and I wanted to move on from Alpha Beta Omega. I’d served my purpose. Camila had been fed and I knew how to live as a feeder. Now I wanted to get on with the rest of my life away from the silly, immature group responsibilities and away from Cleo.

  But that would be too easy. I looked at my phone again. The text from Cleo was still up on the screen.

  We need to talk. This Saturday night. Faeth will bring you.

  The address was for some place in Virginia. Once I was alone, I’d Googled the place she’d planned to lure me so she could murder me once and for all.

  “Where did you get this angled brush?” I glanced up from my homework and looked at Amy sitting at my vanity. She was busy digging through my makeup case.

  “My mother orders them from some place in New York.”

  “She needs to hook me up with that info. My brushes? They suck.”

  “You can have that one. I haven’t used it yet.”

  Amy smiled at me over her shoulder. “Thanks, B.”

  “You’re welcome. And speaking of my mother…” My cell phone started vibrating in the crack of my textbook. I scooped it up and hit Answer. “Hi, Mama.”

  “Hello, angel. Are you busy right now?”

  “Just hanging out with Amy and semi-studying. What’s going on?”

  “Your daddy and I wanted talk to you about something. Do you have a few minutes to video chat with your poor old parents?”

  “Sure.” I politely kicked Amy out, with the angled brush as a parting gift. Then I opened my laptop and pulled up my video chat client. A few moments later, I was face-to-face with my parents. My chest nearly seized up, I missed them so much. Mama was already in her pajamas, sitting up in bed sandwiched between Daddy and her favorite of our Chow Chows, Boomer. My Gus was probably under the bed.

  “There must be some big news if we need to video chat,” I said, trying to keep any hint of loneliness out of my voice. “What’s going on?”

  “It’s about your love life, angel,” Mama said.

  “What?”

  When Daddy smiled, his large fangs seemed to shine through the screen. “As you can see, your mama has failed my class on diplomacy for the fourth time.”

  “And your daddy seems to forget how much he hates sleeping alone,” Mama jabbed right back.

  “Diplomacy is nice, but what does it have to do with my love life?” When we all know I don’t have one.

  “Before we came to you with this proposal, your mother wanted to confirm that you were not in a relationship that she didn’t know about.”

  “And you told her that there was no way that I would start dating someone and not mention it to her at all?” I said.

  “Those precise words, my princess.”

  “Hey,” Mama said. “You two be nice to me.”

  “No. I’m not seeing anyone. Is there some horrible senator’s son you want to set me up with for diplomatic reasons?”

  “Not exactly.”

  I was shocked to be having this conversation. My parents had always let me make my own choices. A setup was not something I expected. Mama’s reply didn’t put me at ease. It must have showed. “Now, baby, I told your daddy that this was your decision, but I agreed that he should at least have the chance for you to hear him out.”

  “Okay.”

  “Our next tu’lah is nearing. This year marks the hundredth year in our cycle.” I was familiar with the gift-giving practices of Daddy and his demon-bourne brothers and sisters. Often large pieces of antiquities, lost treasures, and at times, pets were exchanged. Daddy’s sister Canaan once sent him a set of bagpipes because she knew he loathed the sound they made. Every one hundred years there was an exchange of humans.

  “You want to offer me?”

  “No, baby—” Mama started.

  “Paeno has asked for you. She would like you to go live with her in her palace in Beijing,” Daddy said. I’d never met Paeno or any of his other siblings. The six of them rarely gathered, and when they did, it was in a secret location. I knew Paeno was powerful, the most powerful of their kind. I knew Daddy had to bend to her will. What I didn’t understand was what she wanted with me, so I asked.

  “My sister has always expressed an interest in you. She wants you for her mate,” Daddy said so calmly I felt like I should be annoyed.

  It was times like this I hated dealing with demons. Their lives weren’t complicated by human emotions or daily stresses, but it was hard to understand their motivations and desires. I understood Daddy’s love for Mama and that he cared for me, but there were many moments that I simply had to accept the things he did. I was foolish to think I would get a real explanation about Paeno and her desire to have me. I couldn’t imagine that she wanted me for my looks. I could only think that she wanted me because I was the closest any of them had to a mortal child. Keeping it in the family, I supposed.

  But that element of why was second on my list of concerns. She didn’t want me as a feeder. She wanted me as her wife. I knew I’d be bound to another vampire after graduation, but I never thought I would mate one. Mating a human is the closest a demon can get to marriage, albeit one large step from a na’suul bond between demons. When I thought about becoming someone’s mate, I envisioned being at Cleo’s side. It bothered me that after all this time, after the shit she’d pulled recently, that I still wanted those vows to exist between us. They never would. They weren’t a part of either of our plans.

  “What are you thinking about, angel?” Mama asked.

  “Uh, I’m just thinking about seeing you guys ag
ain. China is far.”

  “Your daddy can come to you in a kitten’s blink and I’ll only be a plane ride away.”

  I dropped my pen and looked at Mama on the screen. “Do you want me to do it?”

  “I want you to be happy.”

  “And you don’t think I’m happy now.” The look on Mama’s face said it all.

  “I think you deserve something different and special.”

  “Paeno does sound different.” I sighed and shuffled my pen around on the smooth pages. “Daddy, what do you think?”

  “I think there is no better demon I could offer you. Camila is the best of my children, and she is not truly mine. Paeno will treat you like the princess you are, and she will give you everything you could ever want or need.”

  “No other reason?” I asked. I had a feeling there was something he was leaving out.

  Daddy let out a deep breath through his nose, and though it was only a slight movement, I could see his horns shifting under his skin. I knew what was coming. “I don’t want you to hold on to the idea that you and Cleo will ever be together.”

  That time, I felt like my chest did cave in. I swallowed and tried to blank out my emotions. “I don’t think that.”

  “Baby, we know you still love her,” Mama said.

  “I don’t love her.”

  “You do not speak the truth,” Daddy replied.

  I looked away from the screen and bit down on the inside of my lip as hard as I could. I wasn’t about to argue with my parents about this. Daddy had never liked Cleo, and Mama was nearly as devastated as I was when she dumped me. Another conversation about our end and my emotional demise would get us nowhere.

  “I thought maybe…I thought being with Paeno would help you forget about her,” Mama said.

  So it was that obvious, I thought. Cleo had done me in to the point that moving me halfway around the world to bind me to the most powerful demon on the planet was the only thing my parents thought would clear Cleo from my mind. I wanted to toss my pen across the room and slam my laptop shut.

  “When does Paeno want an answer by?” I asked Daddy.

  “She seemed to think graduation should give you enough time.”

  “That’s plenty of time. I’ll think it over.”

  “Remember, baby. It’s your decision,” Mama said. I tried not to snap at her when I answered.

  “I know. Thanks. I’m going to finish studying. I love you.”

  “As we love you, my princess,” Daddy said.

  I closed my laptop and my book. Studying was out of the question. I grabbed another box of cookies Jill had left outside my door, oatmeal raisin this time, then crawled into bed. I had no idea what Cleo had planned to say to me once I arrived in Virginia, but I would tell her that I was done with her, for good. I couldn’t let her affect me anymore.

  Chapter Six

  Benny

  It was a long three hours to Richmond. Clear skies turned to a light rain and then a light snow as we made our way south, which was pretty backward. Faeth sang along with every single seventies rock and pop song she could find on the radio. She seemed partial to Fleetwood Mac and the Eagles. I sat beside her in silence. Emotions I’d worked hard to ignore worked themselves up inside me. Several times, I felt the panic nearing the surface, but I pushed it down. I had to keep it together. Cleo was not worth losing control over.

  Finally, we slowed on a heavily wooded road. I could see some lights up ahead, a break in the trees, but Faeth pulled my car off to the side, then stopped.

  “She said she’d meet us here,” Faeth said. Right on cue, Cleo walked out of the trees into the path of the headlights, bundled warm in a gray hoodie and her leather jacket, not that she needed the heat. Faeth killed the engine and the illumination and handed me my keys.

  “Just call me, right? I’ll come pick you up.”

  “Thanks.”

  She vanished, leaving me in the car alone. I looked ahead, and once my eyes adjusted, I could see Cleo silhouetted against the darkness and the falling snow. I climbed out of my SUV. As I approached her, I had to fight back tears. I’d been preparing for this talk for days. I had no answer for Paeno, but I was sticking to my plan when it came to Cleo. But seeing her again made me miss the Cleo that used to be. I loved that Cleo, her smile and her laugh. This Cleo’s whole presence swirled with a menacing anxiety, spiked with anger so deep nothing I could do or say could extinguish it.

  I took a deep breath and straightened my shoulders. I wouldn’t cry.

  “Come on,” Cleo said. “It’s just up the street.”

  I didn’t say a word, just followed her fifty or so yards to the clearing. There stood a church, old and brick. Beside it was a smaller brick house. A few cars were parked around, not really in designated spaces. There was no clear parking lot or even defined boundaries to the land.

  “What are you thinking?” Cleo asked me quietly. We’d stopped walking. She let me take it all in.

  “I thought it would be bigger,” I told her honestly.

  “You didn’t Google it forty times?”

  “No.” I still didn’t like thinking about Cleo’s family, especially her mother, so I didn’t look up anything about their lives or their church. I didn’t want to know.

  “You surprise me every day.” Cleo’s sarcasm made me withdraw even more. “Saturday worship ended an hour ago, but my mama is still here.”

  I almost turned around and went back to my car, but Cleo grabbed my hand. I didn’t want to see Cynthia Jones. The last time I’d seen her was the day she came with her husband and Cleo’s brothers to clean out her room in the ABO house. Cleo had already kicked me out of her life, and I had to pretend my tears were for mourning the loss of their daughter and not my lover. I had to nod somberly when Mrs. Jones thanked me for being Cleo’s friend when all I wanted to do was tell her the truth. I loved her daughter and her daughter loved me. We had plans before the accident, I wanted to say. Plans you wouldn’t approve of, but I don’t care what you think. I’d skipped Cleo’s funeral. I couldn’t pretend with her family anymore.

  Cleo hid us beneath her cloak and we waited until two women came through the front door.

  “Did you see the way he was weaving and slurring?” one said to the other.

  “Drunk as a skunk on payday.” They both shook their heads and laughed as Cleo pulled me inside.

  The sanctuary was empty but for Cynthia Jones, who stood up in her pulpit. A worn Bible was open in front of her. Her words were quiet, but her gestures were animated. Cleo favored her, their faces very similar, but gray was starting to streak Mrs. Jones’s hair, which she had done up in an elegant, outdated French twist.

  We sat near the back in a wooden pew, surrounded by the familiar smell of used hymnals and prayer books. I fought the urge to strip off my jacket. It was a million degrees in there, the furnace pumping against the cold outside, mixed residual heat from the hundred people who had recently praised their Lord. Of course, I started sweating. I didn’t belong there.

  Suddenly, Cleo’s father came from a door off to the left. He held up a glass of water to Cleo’s mother.

  “Here you go, my sweet lady,” he said. His words slurred together.

  “Go lie down downstairs,” Mrs. Jones suggested, but Barry made his way up the pulpit steps and laid a sloppy kiss on Mrs. Jones’s cheek.

  “I think I will. The spirit of your sermon tonight? Girl, you wore me out,” he said. She gently pushed him away.

  “I’ll wake you up when I’m fittin’ to head home.”

  “Whatever my girl wants.” Barry slowly made his way out of the room, singing Al Green as he went. It wasn’t a smooth exit.

  When he was gone, Mrs. Jones sagged against the wood surrounding her, probably praying that her family didn’t have that kind of secret to keep. Sucks being like everyone else, I thought. Eventually, she went back to her scripture and what I assumed was preparation for the Sunday morning service.

  “Why did you bring me here?�
�� I asked Cleo.

  “I wanted you to see what I can’t touch. Every night I come to see my mama, and I can’t say anything to her. I can’t hug her. I wanted you to see what I lost.”

  I couldn’t fight being pissed. I thought we’d talk about us, maybe the sorority and De’Treshawn. I didn’t want to rehash the past like this. I knew what Cleo had lost, but I also knew exactly what she had gained. Her freedom.

  I looked at the burgundy carpet and my boots. This church didn’t have kneelers.

  “What did your mother know about us?” I asked.

  “She knew you were my best friend.”

  “Exactly.” I stood and walked to the door. Cleo quickly followed me. I walked outside back into the cold. I didn’t care if Cynthia Jones saw the entrance to her church swing open and closed without anyone coming or going. Maybe she needed to believe in ghosts.

  I only made it as far as the road before Cleo stopped me with a hand on my shoulder. I turned to face her.

  “I told you I wasn’t ready,” she said. “But I was going to tell her. After graduation, like I promised you.”

  Cleo used to have a lot of qualities I admired in a person. She was brave and confident. She was kind and selfless. She didn’t let anyone boss her around, anyone but her mother. We would have gone on forever as friends and then roommates and then secret lovers when Cleo finally caved to her mother’s pressure and married some man of her mother’s choosing. I loved her enough, though, to hold on to the hope that she would follow through on that promise.

  “No, you weren’t. You wanted to, but I saw how things were, Cleo. You were never going to tell her.”

  Her nostrils flared as she clenched her fangs to her bottom teeth. Her anger as a demon was frightening, but I wasn’t afraid of the human who controlled the vampire inside. It was the human you have to fear, Daddy had told me. Not the animal.

  “How was me not being out to my mama any worse than you keeping us a secret? Why couldn’t I meet your mama? Why couldn’t we tell the girls and Camila? We were both feeding her. We could have enjoyed that together,” Cleo said.