Black than Blue

by Rebekah Weatherspoon

  “You’ll stay down here,” Ms. Leanne said. “But show Cleo around some more. Introduce her to Faraut and Douglas. Oh, and Mary and Omi are coming.”

  “They are?” Benny asked. I looked at Ms. Leanne with the same surprise. It was movie night, after all.

  “You bet. Mary’s been wanting to meet Cleo forever. I just can’t shut up about you two. I’ll call you down when dinner is ready.” With a wave and an air-kiss, Benny’s mama left us on our own. The dog followed her.

  I dropped our bag at the foot of the bed and looked around the room some more. There were no personal touches around the room, no signs of family, but there were little trinkets like candles, and in the bathroom a few seashells that probably told a fuller story of Ms. Leanne, or even Benny, for anyone who cared to dig deeper. The room we’d been in before was pretty bare.

  “Are you ready for the grand tour?” Benny asked as I stepped back into the bedroom.

  “Yeah.” Benny took me around the entire lower level of the house, which I’m pretty sure extended beyond the floor plan of the stories above. I saw the outer sitting room to Dalhem’s office, another library, a few more bedrooms, one that did have more of a personal feel to it, and the room where we’d spent our first night as a bound couple. Along the way, we collected two more dogs, Leo and Keel. Same breed, different color. When we reached a kitchen built to handle the population of an elementary school, a fluffy, blue-gray dog sprinted full speed for Benny.

  “Gus-Gus.” She fell to her knees and let the dog kiss her all over her face. I’d heard a lot about Gus. This was her true puppy love. I knelt beside them and was slavered with Gus’s affection. Leo and Keel took this as an opportunity to smell and lick me on a more personal level. “This is my baby,” Benny cooed in Gus’s face.

  “Aren’t there two more?” I asked, leaning away from an overeager Leo.

  “Yeah. Boomer and Sandwich are in Daddy’s office.”

  “Sandwich?”

  “Daddy named him. Don’t ask.”

  “Who goes there?” a booming voice called from around the corner.

  “It’s just me,” Benny replied. We stood, and the dogs bumped our sides as we made our way over to two gentlemen by an industrial stove. One, a demon with a barrel chest, a bald head, and a black handlebar mustache, had just thrown some chopped onions into a sauté pan. A gray-haired human sat on a stool beside him, flipping through the New York Times. He wasn’t as wide as the man on supper detail, but he was in shape. He lowered his paper and gave us both a good looking over.

  “This is our chef, Faraut, and our driver, Douglas. They’re boyfriends,” Benny joked. I could tell then just how close she was with the two men. It was rare for her to be so at ease.

  “No. We cannot stand each other,” Faraut said, reaching out to shake my hand. His French accent was thick. “It is our love for this darling girl that keeps us together.”

  Douglas smiled and nodded politely, but didn’t stand. He was in full chill mode. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. You are the new mistress of the house?”

  “Sort of.” I smiled back at him.

  “Here. I have braised the beef to perfection.” Faraut grabbed a chunk of meat from a nearby pot and held out a piece for me and then one for Benny. My mouth started watering before it even hit my tongue.

  “Damn. That’s good,” I said with my mouth half-full.

  “A perfect assessment. There is a mousse for dessert,” he replied. He pinched Benny’s cheek for added effect.

  “Thank you,” she said. “We’ll be back.”

  After we said our see-you-soons, I, along with Gus and Kepper, followed Benny to the upper floors.

  “I should have guessed you’d have a chef and a driver. At least they aren’t black,” I teased her as we walked.

  “Shut up. Douglas is Mama’s driver. He’s ex-military, so Daddy feels comfortable when he escorts Mama out during the day. What are you thinking?” Benny asked when I didn’t have a snappy comment.

  “I’m wondering if he has a buddy.”

  She took my hand this time and said, “I’m perfectly fine going out by myself during the day. Douglas attracts more attention than he deflects.”

  “I’m not worried about you. I’d feel bad for whoever decided to kidnap your ass.”

  “Hey!” Benny almost hip-checked me into the wall. I pulled her in front of me before she got a good knock in and draped my arms over her shoulders.

  “I was thinking about you and the baby.”

  Benny laughed but wrapped her hands around my wrists and led me down another hallway. “You say that like I’m already pregnant.”

  “You are. I knocked you up in St. Martin. Sorry. But seriously. It is something to think about.”

  Benny stopped at the bottom of a flight of stairs and turned around. “We’ll worry about it when the time comes. I want to show you my room.”

  We walked up to the third floor and Benny took me down a bright, white carpeted corridor to her bedroom. I shook my head in disbelief at the sign hanging on the door. “Princess Benita’s Palace.” I didn’t give her a hard time about it, though.

  My brothers and I had destroyed every piece of furniture my parents held dear. My name could still be found scrawled in bright red crayon under Daddy’s TV stand. Benny’s room held the only evidence that a young person had ever lived in this house. Her bedroom was easily triple the size of the bedroom I’d had growing up. Another king-sized canopy bed took up one corner of the room, the other side extending out to accommodate the needs of a princess: a vanity, a chaise lounge, a window seat that had been constructed sometime after the house was built.

  There were cloth tack boards on the walls filled with pictures of Benny and the girls. Stuffed animals and ABO trinkets were on various surfaces.

  My attention was snagged by a corner of the room that housed an enormous array of beauty pageant crowns, sashes, and trophies. I made right for them, in awe that Benny hadn’t mentioned this part of her life at all.

  “These aren’t yours, are they?”

  “These are mine.” Benny pointed out a now-obvious division in the collection to a shelf topped with tiaras and little trophies. “These are Mama’s. Miss South Carolina.” I glanced at the most elaborate crown in the bunch, but not the largest, then back at the smaller cluster of prizes that belonged to my bunny. I had a shitload of questions, but let them drop the moment I spotted a glamour shot of little Benny in her pageant finest.

  I picked up the frame for a closer look. No five-year-old should wear that much makeup. “Oh my God. Look at those cheeks.” Benny was suddenly still. I put the picture frame down, freaked out that I had really embarrassed her. “What’s wrong, baby?”

  “Cleo, I didn’t tell you the whole story about my real father.”

  This was exactly what I didn’t want. We’d come a long way, and I didn’t need her to dig up any painful memories to justify these new parts of her life that she was sharing with me. “B, you don’t have to.”

  “Yes, I do, because I know you’re wondering about Mama, and I’d rather you know the truth than have you come to the wrong conclusion.”

  “I won’t—” Benny stopped me with her I-can-see-right-through-your-bullshit face. “Okay.”

  “A year after she won this crown, she was at a function at my granddaddy’s country club. My real father had been courting her for a while, but…” Benny always got to the point, and I could tell she was deciding what information was absolutely necessary.

  “Once her year as Miss South Carolina was over, she knew he’d propose. But he didn’t. He said something like he wanted to finish law school before he settled down, but that night he attacked her on the golf course. That’s how she ended up pregnant with me. She wasn’t going to say anything, but when she missed her period twice, she figured she had to come clean. She was scared to tell my grandparents, so she told her best friend Stevie, thinking Stevie would give her some advice. Instead, Stevie told the whole town that Mama wil
lingly had sex with my real father and she’d made up the rape because she didn’t want to get in trouble. After my granddaddy found out, he forced Lamont to marry Mama the next day.”

  “Benny.”

  “People knew. Everyone knew, but people still treated Mama like she had done something wrong. Granddaddy made things even worse by paying for Lamont’s law school like he owed him something.”

  “How did he end up working for Dalhem?” We didn’t get along, but I couldn’t believe that Dalhem would knowingly let a dirt bag like that into his nest.

  “Granddaddy kept pulling strings for him, and eventually, he was bound to this demon named Karl.”

  “That’s a good vampire name.”

  “I know. We should have known he was up to no good. Karl was executed too after their plan failed.”

  “What did they try to do exactly?” I knew there had been some serious foul play involved, but again, Benny never really talked about it.

  “They tried to kill Paeno.”

  “Great.” I couldn’t seem to shake this demon.

  “But even before he died, Mama and I were all each other had. I was the little brat who ruined his life, and Mama was the tainted beauty queen he had to put up with. When I started getting heavier, he became even more disgusted with me, but Mama would always stick up for me. It was the only time she ever stood up to him.”

  “She wasn’t standing up for herself,” I realized.

  “No. When I was old enough to understand the names he was calling me, I started eating more to make him angry, but Mama was eating less. She’s gotten help, but it comes and goes. She’ll be nearing a healthy weight and maintaining it for a couple months and then she stops. And of course Daddy gives her his blood, so things that would usually be affected, his blood fixes that.”

  “But he can’t fix what’s going on inside her mind.”

  Benny shook her head. “He would have to wipe her mind completely and give her another existence, except that doesn’t work. It would just leave her crazy with parts of her memory trying to resurface. When we first started dating, I wasn’t ready to expose you to that.”

  “You thought I would judge her? That’s what you meant?” I could hear Benny’s words that night in the churchyard loud and clear. I was mixed up now. I knew why she’d left this part of her history out, but maybe if she’d told me… I let the what-ifs go and urged her to finish.

  “And maybe you would judge me too. I thought you would see how we were and you wouldn’t want to deal with it. I didn’t want you to think she was a bad mother for not taking care of herself and for letting me get this way.”

  “Benny, every family has problems and secrets. Remember, you so nicely pointed out mine.” I took her face in my hands and kissed her softly on the lips. “I am not judging you or your mama. I am judging your piece-of-shit father for the way he treated you both, but I’m not judging you.”

  I kissed her again, and this time she stepped closer to me and claimed my lips with hers. She was still hurting inside and I could feel it at every point where our bodies touched.

  “I love you, no matter what you look like. I don’t care what size you are. But if you’re eating to hurt yourself, then I do want to know.”

  Benny started to turn away from me. “I don’t know anymore.”

  “Come here.” I walked her over to the window seat and pulled her into my lap. She sighed and finally leaned against me.

  “I lost the weight I did walking around campus so much, but I try not to think about it. That was one of the reasons I loved you. I knew you didn’t care how fat I was.”

  “You are not fat. I want you to be happy and healthy, whatever size jeans that comes in.” I didn’t know what else to say. Benny’s weight had never been a problem for me. I knew she was self-conscious about it sometimes, but I never knew it ran this deep.

  “I passed my last physical with flying colors,” she said quietly.

  “That’s good to know, but if you want to talk about it, I’m here, okay? If something is bothering you, tell me.”

  “I will.”

  “I love you,” I said, kissing her neck. She let me hold her for a while, and soon the clouds over her mood started to lift. I hoped she remembered how much she meant to me. I hoped she understood that I would never let anyone hurt her the way her father had ever again.

  “There’s something else I wanted to show you,” she said. I followed her over to her bed and sat beside her on the floor. Benny shuffled to all fours and started digging for something deep underneath the bed frame. I didn’t resist giving her butt an affectionate pat. She emerged with a wooden chest, complete with gold hinges.

  “Ooh, Benny’s secret box.”

  She shrugged dismissively, then flipped the lid. She pushed it toward me for inspection. The first thing I pulled out was her old bunny tail, a white ball of fake fur attached to a pretty sizable black plug. Beneath a few of our other toys, I found the remains of our previous relationship. Cheap jewelry, pictures, so many pictures I’d thought I’d lost. Three of my favorites, Polaroids of us kissing from the night of some random toga party. Benny had pressed them into a frame with a small bouquet of violets I’d given her the same day. Some of the keepsakes had been in my room and I thought were now lost to Mama and Daddy’s storage shed.

  “Jesus, B. You kept everything. I was wondering where this stuff went.”

  “Barb and Paige grabbed a few things out of your room.”

  I pulled out my monogrammed ABO hoodie and ran my fingers over my name stitched into the sleeve. I remembered the day I gave it to her. She wanted it, as a piece of me, but she’d been embarrassed that it wouldn’t fit. It did. “You kept this too?”

  “Yeah,” Benny said, her voice suddenly shy. “I would sleep in it when I came home on vacation.”

  “For how long?” How long had she been carrying me with her like that?

  “I never really stopped. Christmas morning, this year. I had it on.”

  I rested my hand on the side of her neck and begged her to look my way. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Because I thought you hated me.”

  “I never hated you. I just hated your reactions to certain things. We should have just talked.”

  “We’re talking now, though.”

  “We are.”

  “Tell me about your family. I know you miss them.” Benny slid closer and pulled my hand into her lap. “Tell me about them.”

  My sister-queens knew what I’d been doing all along. Andrew knew that I went home nearly every night, but it was nothing I could really talk about. What could I say? My parents were struggling through, but my brothers were living, getting on just fine without me, and it killed me inside. But I needed to talk about them. I needed to grieve losing them in my life, and Benny was the only person who could help me with that.

  “My brothers are doing well. Stephen moved to Charlotte. He’s a chef now.”

  “That’s great,” Benny said with a genuine smile.

  “Yeah, he could always cook better than me. Better than Daddy.”

  “What about Maxwell and Nathaniel?”

  “Max and Tina have two kids now. Max Jr. is two and Angelica is five months. And I’ve never held them. Never talked to them.” Benny reached up and touch my face. When she pulled away I could see the tips of her fingers moist with my blue tears. My next words just flowed. “I miss Nat the most. I miss Mama and Daddy like crazy, but Nat…”

  “He was your best friend.” I nodded after Benny wiped another tear away. “I remember you saying that. You know he misses you too.”

  “He does. He’s getting along better these days, but in the beginning I would sit on the roof every night and listen to him cry. He would talk to me and I couldn’t answer him back.”

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”

  “It’s…Daddy’s drinking now, and Mama’s pretending he’s not. Nathaniel wants out, but Mama keeps insisting he needs to live at home a while l
onger. I know part of it is me. She doesn’t want to feel like she’s losing another kid. I think she just needs a distraction from Daddy. She wants to pretend like nothing’s wrong.”

  “I know a little something about that.” Benny jumped up and grabbed a box of tissues, then joined me back on the floor. I wiped my face, glad that I was done with the tears for now.

  “Nat’s been coming home later and later, and Mama’s been ignoring Daddy more and more. And there’s nothing I can do.”

  “I can’t change things with my family and you can’t change things with yours,” Benny said. “So let’s be our own family. You and me.”

  “I like that idea, bunny.”

  “So do I.” Benny moved a little closer and cupped my cheek. Her thumb grazed over my lips.

  Because my demon seemed to suddenly have something to prove, I shoved Benny’s keepsake box aside and tackled her to the floor. I kissed her hard, my lips pushed at her, my tongue sliding into her mouth the moment she opened to me. She kissed me back just as fiercely, grabbing at my sides as she shifted her legs to fit perfectly on either side of mine. That keyed into my demon’s more animalistic needs, and before I knew it, I was wrapping her winter boots around my back and grinding her hips into the carpet.

  When she broke away from my lips and let out the sexiest, breathy moan I’d ever heard, I just happened to glance up at her bedroom door. I chuckled, wondering if it was locked.

  “What are you laughing at?” Benny gasped.

  “This is the first time I’d have to worry about someone’s parents walking in when I’m trying to get my freak on.”

  “She always knocks.” Benny grabbed my chin and brought our lips back together. I growled into her mouth, letting my fangs drop a little more in anticipation of what was sure to happen next. Dry-humping always made me hungry.

  And then Ms. Leanne knocked on the door. “Girls?”

  “What did I tell you?” Benny sat up and gently nudged me off her. As she stood up and straightened her clothes, I closed my eyes and counted to five to get my dental boners under control. I flashed to my feet the moment Ms. Leanne poked her head in.