Black than Blue

by Rebekah Weatherspoon

So it was arranged. One night a year, when Paeno took audiences with demons from other regions, I would be allowed to see Benny. Jillian, who was still pretty breast dependent, was allowed to come and go as she pleased, once she was weaned. We talked about me keeping her, but I found a speck of comfort in the thought that Benny wouldn’t be across the world alone. She would have a very important piece of our family with her.

  Whenever I wanted, I could visit Jillian at a secure location, away from Paeno’s palace. Our baby wasn’t part of the bargain, but Benny and I could only see each other once a year. Our visits would be supervised. If I tried to reclaim her, I would be killed. If I bit her, I would be killed.

  I imagined the first visit would be a joyous reunion, filled with tears and catching up. I’d make love to her, supervised or not. But over time, Benny would grow more distant. The older Jillian got, she wouldn’t recognize me as her mother, but just as some demon who came around with gifts and emotions, filled with guilt and longing she wouldn’t understand. Paeno would get exactly what she wanted—my wife and my child.

  In our last few days together, I didn’t dominate my bunny. It wasn’t what I wanted. I made slow love to my wife. I held her as much as I could. I took so many pictures of her, with Jillian and Leanne, even as she slept. I needed something tangible to hold on to.

  We flew overnight in a private jet to Beijing. I shifted twice during the flight and slept as a cat on Benny’s thigh. When I was able to hold my human form, I held Jillian. Changed her and sang to her, songs she would never remember. Walked her the length of the cabin.

  A short limo ride and a long walk through the palace grounds later, the three of us arrived in a large receiving room where the switch was to go down. We were told Paeno would be with us shortly. I had to say good-bye. I held Jillian. I needed more time with her close to my heart. She was awake, blinking as she looked at our surroundings, taking it all in.

  I took Benny’s cheek in my hand. “I love you. Do you hear me?”

  “Yes.”

  “I love you more than anything.”

  “I know, Cleo. I love you too. I will always love you.” Benny reached down and grabbed my ring finger. “Remember this, okay?” Her hand moved up to my ruby pendant, which still hung from her neck. “She can take the blood bond, but she can’t erase our vows. She can’t change the fact the we are a family.”

  “Don’t let her all the way in. Please. Don’t let her make you forget me.” My voice cracked, but I couldn’t help but smile when Jillian tried to shove her fingers into my mouth. Benny laughed and freed my lip from her strong baby grip.

  “Give me time. I’ll come back to you. I swear. I’ll be such an annoying brat, she’ll want to give me back. No one wants to kidnap a spoiled princess. You said so yourself.”

  “What’s going on?” Nat was standing in the doorway with his demon by his side. I’d caught their scents moments before, but my girls were my focus. I glanced at Nat and saw that he was dressed to leave, in jeans and light jacket and sneakers. Still, though, he was under Paeno’s spell.

  “I’m taking you back,” I said.

  “What? Why?” Nat looked frantically to Xiang. “I want to stay with you. My family doesn’t love me like you do.”

  “No, Nat. You have to go home,” I insisted.

  Paeno appeared on the other side of the room, still enormous with her giant wings folded behind her back, but with the face of a woman. “You can’t imagine that his life would be better here with me. That he is happy with Xiang.”

  “You stole him from my family,” I growled.

  “Or I led him to his true life and his true happiness. This sense of security, familial bonds, the entitlement of bondage between parent and child. It is false. This mother and father of yours give you physical life, but you are not alive until you seize your own control.”

  “Then let him say it for himself. Let him tell me what happened and what he wants, on his own.”

  “You may speak.”

  Nat squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. It was a few moments before he looked at me again, but finally, his eyes were clear.

  “Cleo.” It was him this time, my brother present in his own mind, the sweet kid I remembered. When he stepped toward me, he pulled me into a hug, lightly squeezing Jillian between us. “We thought you were dead.”

  “I know. I’m sorry.” I pulled back and scanned his face. He was still present and in the moment. “I gotta get you home. Mama and Daddy—”

  “I can’t. Paeno was right. I have nothing to go back to. I was failing out of school. I was sleeping with a married man, and Mama…she wouldn’t let me move out, but she knew about me and Deacon Fuller. She just kept her mouth shut about it. She’d rather me sin with a married man than acknowledge that her son was gay.” That admission alone was so much to hear, that we had been the same for all those years, sharing the same secret, but Nat had more reasons to stay.

  “You have to consider the time too. Xiang said I’ve been gone for a crazy long time. A year or something? How can I just go back? How will I explain how long I’ve been away? Where I’ve been? How I’m completely okay?”

  “We’d give you a new memory,” I said. Mary vowed to try to rewrite his experience, erase any knowledge of any demons, including myself, to help him get back to his life. If it didn’t work, he’d have to become a feeder. It was the only way.

  Nat shook his head and looked longingly at his demon. Clear blue tears lined Xiang’s eyes. “No,” Nat said. “I don’t want new memories. I like the ones I have.” Jillian made a little eeping noise that broke up the mood. Nat touched her curly hair. She reached out to him with her little fingers.

  “I helped with this?” he asked.

  “I guess so.”

  “What’s her name?”

  “Jillian Joy,” Benny replied.

  “Cute name. Cute kid.” Nat scratched his goatee, then took Jillian’s finger when she offered them again. “Take your family home. I should stay. For real. Go. I’m okay here. I mean it. I’m fine.”

  How could I fight such a selfless act when the most selfish part of me was telling me to take Benny and Jillian and run? “What about Mama and Daddy?”

  “I don’t know.” He shrugged. “They think you’re dead, right? Maybe it’s time I’m dead to them too.”

  “Nat—”

  “What else can I do? It’s not like I can bring Xiang over for Sunday dinner. Mama would shit a duck. At least if they think I’m dead they can try to move on.” He had a point, though I wasn’t sure if that was altogether true.

  “Can I see him again? Or is this it?” I asked Paeno.

  “You have fulfilled the tu’lah if he remains. You will be granted your visit annually.”

  “That’s good, Cleo. I can still see you. Just take her deal and let’s end this.”

  I looked to Benny. She was just as conflicted as I was.

  Xiang stepped forward and held out his hand to me. I clasped his palm. “You have my word. Demon to demon. I will continue to take care of him. To love him.”

  Xiang opened his mind to me, and damn if he wasn’t so sincere. Paeno was a special kind of horrible bitch, but Xiang was a good man. He showed me what he could of his life with Nat, and I knew he was telling the truth. Nat was safe with him. Safe and happy. This zombie routine Paeno had Nat under was an act she only put on for me, to show exactly what she was capable of.

  Again, it was impossible for me to articulate my forfeit. Could I do this to my brother? Nat made that decision for me.

  “One year. Come see me. We’ll show Xiang how Americans do barbecue.”

  “Okay,” I finally said. “One year. I love you.”

  “I love you too, Patra.” Hearing him call me by Stephen’s nickname for me, I knew he was thinking clearly. That his humor was back. I knew he would be all right. I hugged him again, and Xiang, and then they left. A year was a long time, but we could make it work.

  Ready to break the hell out, I grabbed Benny�
�s hand and made for the door. Paeno blocked our exit. She seemed to have more to say.

  “Your child is special.”

  “We know.” I shifted Jillian away from her.

  “You know nothing,” Paeno snapped. She drew her talon down Jillian’s cheek. The kid didn’t seem the slightest bit afraid. “Your child is special. She is not capable of forgetting you. She is of your blood, and it is your blood that makes her special. It is what makes her soul pure. Keep her safe.”

  The man who’d escorted us through the palace returned just as Paeno disappeared. We didn’t wait for a proper invite. We followed him right back to the car.

  *

  Two days later, Mama and Daddy got the call. Nat’s body had been identified as a John Doe who had died in a house fire in Rochester, New York. A feeder willingly played the part of a friend Nat had met on the Internet. The whole story was fabricated. He’d gone to visit friends. He’d taken the bus just for the adventure, and he’d died.

  A week later, they put his ashes to rest. Nathaniel’s memorial seemed like a twenty-four-hour affair.

  I waited the whole time, switching forms as the sun traveled across the sky and set again. Around midnight, as the last of the mourners left Mama and Daddy’s house, Mary and Omi found me sitting on the Montgomerys’ porch.

  “I’m about done here,” I said as I stood from the swing. My shirt was stained from my tears, but I’d change it before Benny saw me again.

  “This one time, we can help them,” Mary said.

  “How?”

  “It’s just a few simple words. She can forgive, and he can put down the liquor. They can be okay.”

  I wanted to say no. I had to stop trying to control the world. I had to let my parents’ lives play out the way they would without any vampires interfering. Then I pictured Daddy surrounded by those bottles, and I changed my mind. They would never get their two youngest children back, but they would have each other. As a couple, they could be whole.

  I rubbed my eyes, then looked up at Mary. “Please.”

  “I shall return.”

  Omi pulled me close with an arm around my shoulder. “You are a good daughter, Cleopatra Jones. A wonderful mother and wife and sister. And a phenomenal vampire. Do not forget that.”

  I was too choked up to respond. Omi hugged me tighter.

  A few minutes later, Mary returned.

  “All set.” She took my other hand and we vanished home.

  *

  Both my girls were waiting up for me. Gus and Leo were keeping them company. When I popped into the bedroom, Jillian clapped from her spot between Benny’s legs. Clapping was a new thing. It was so fucking cute I could barely stand it. I shot her the biggest smile, clapping right back as I made my way to the bed. I flopped facedown on the covers. My purr rolled out of me as Benny ran her fingers down the back of my neck.

  “How was it?” she asked.

  I huffed out a weary sigh, then perched up on my elbows. Jillian wanted the report too. I leaned forward and blew raspberries on her cheeks. I needed a dose of her baby smell.

  “It was nice. Everyone came out. His old friends from high school. The deacon he was with was crying a little too much.”

  “Think he gave himself away?”

  “Maybe. I’ll e-mail Xiang in a little while. Let them know how it went.” I sighed again as I went for Jillian’s little toes.

  “What do you need, babe? What can I do for you?”

  “Right now I just want to lie here.”

  “And later, my darling Cleo.”

  “Later? Later, I want you naked. We’re going to do five, twelve, and half of number nine.”

  “Only half?”

  “I don’t want my bunny gagged. I wanna make use of that pretty mouth. As soon as this little boogie boo goes back to sleep.” I leaned over and nibbled Jillian’s cheeks again. When it was clear she had all she could handle, I laid my head down on Benny’s thigh and slid my hand up under her shirt. I was out cold a few minutes later. Lord knows it was easier to sleep these days, knowing my girls were so close by and the rest of my family was, at least, safe.

  About the Author

  After years of meddling in her friends’ love lives, Rebekah turned to writing romance as a means to surviving a stressful professional life. She has worked in such various positions as library assistant, meter maid, middle school teacher, B-movie production assistant, reality show crew chauffeur, D-movie producer, and her most fulfilling job to date, lube and harness specialist at an erotic boutique in West Hollywood.

  Her interests include Wonder Woman collectibles, cookies, James Taylor, quality hip-hop, football, American muscle cars, large breed dogs, and the ocean. When she’s not working, writing, reading, or sleeping, she is watching Ken Burns documentaries and cartoons or taking dance classes. If given the chance, she will cheat at UNO. She was raised in southern New Hampshire and now lives in Southern California with an individual who is much more tech savvy than she ever will be.

  You can find Rebekah at letusseeshallwe.blogspot.com.

  Books Available from Bold Strokes Books

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