My Kind of Forever

by Heidi McLaughlin

  “You can ask for their autograph if you want, but only if you give me a discount on my bill.”

  “Um…”

  “She’s only kidding. I’m Liam,” he says as he shakes her hand. I wasn’t kidding, but whatever. “That’s Harrison and JD,” Liam points to the guys, who are stuffing their faces in the corner. They wave, but make no effort to get up. I don’t blame them. Eating is my top priority too.

  “I listen to you guys all the time.”

  “Thanks, we appreciate the support.”

  “Do you follow me on Twitter?” Jimmy asks, except it sounds like Twitt-errrrr. My nurse blushes. I roll my eyes and hand her the stick from my Popsicle. It was very good, but now I’m uncomfortable because the baby is kicking my bladder and kidney. Plus, my back still hurts.

  “Are you okay?” Liam asks.

  “Baby is kicking a lot and my back hurts.”

  “Here, sit up.” Liam puts his food down and tries to crawl behind me to massage my back. It’s working except I feel like I have to go to the bathroom.

  “Oh crap. I just peed the bed.”

  People laugh, and yeah, it’s funny, but it’s also embarrassing.

  “I’ll get you fresh sheets, Josie,” my nurse says as she leaves the room.

  “Oh God, Liam, something’s wrong.” I close my eyes as pain rips through my abdomen.

  “Mom?” Noah’s voice rings out.

  “Everyone get out of the room. Mom, can you get the nurse?” Everyone except Liam files out of the room just as the nurse comes back.

  “What’s going on Josie?” she asks me as she checks the printout next to my bed. “Let’s see if your water broke.” She lifts the blanket just as I let out a long wail.

  “Well, it looks like we’re having a baby right now.”

  “What do you mean, right now?” Liam asks, panic lacing his words.

  “Oh god, Liam, it’s coming out. I can feel it coming out.”

  He moves away so I can lie back on the bed. I grip his hand as another contraction comes. They’re so strong and it feels like nails are being scraped against my skin. I start breathing heavily in between and when my next one comes, I can’t help but push.

  “No, don’t push yet, Josie.” The nurse tells me as she’s scrambling to get my bed ready.

  The doctor comes in with a yellow gown on and a stupid smile on his face. I want to kick him in his smug little face for thinking this is the time to smile. Behind him are a team of other doctors and a machine that my baby will have to go in. They’re busy setting up and all I want to do is cry because it’s too early.

  “Didn’t want to wait, huh?”

  “Yeah you know I thought what the hellllllll!” I cry out as another contraction hits. Once it subsides, Liam is wiping my forehead with a damp cloth.

  “Mr. Westbury, when I tell you to, help Josie to sit up so she can push,” The doctor says as he places my feet in the stir-ups and sits down between my legs.

  “Look at me,” I say to Liam to get his attention. I know he’s getting pissed that a man is about to deliver the baby, but we have no choice.

  “He hates his job,” I say, trying to lighten the mood even though I’m in pain.

  “Here comes another one, Josie. Go ahead and bear down,” the nurse says as she and Liam help me sit up. I scream out and start panting.

  “I need drugs.”

  “It’s too late,’’ she says.

  I turn and glare at her, but she doesn’t back away.

  “It’s burning!” I scream.

  “Almost done, Jojo. You can do this.”

  “What do you know? You did this to me. I should’ve learned the first time I had one of your kids.”

  Liam doesn’t balk at the fact that I just insulted him.

  “I love you so much, Jojo. You’re my life, you and the kids. I can’t imagine what a day looks like without you in it. I’m so fucking lucky you chose me to be the father of your children. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen and I can’t wait to meet our baby. I hope she looks just like you.”

  “It’s a boooooooyyyyeeeeeeeeeee!” I say as I bear down again.

  “Okay, the shoulders are out. Suction,” he says. “Do you want to look?” he asks, looking up at Liam, who shakes his head. “One more push, Josie, and you’ll have your baby in your arms.”

  When the next contraction hits, I grunt, pushing down as hard as I can to squeeze the little human out of me. The soft wail of a baby cry fills the room and everyone cheers.

  The doctor holds the baby up for us to see.

  It’s a girl.

  She’s a girl.

  We have a daughter.

  “Oh my God, we have a daughter,” I say through tears.

  “I told you, Jojo.” He says, as he kisses me. “I love you so much.”

  “Dad, would you like the cut the cord?”

  Liam nods and takes a pair of medical scissors from the nurse and cuts where she says to. Then she takes my little girl and places her on my chest. Liam is right by my side before I can even blink.

  “Liam, look at her. She looks just like Noah did when he was born.” She’s tiny, but long and can fit in my arm. Her hair is dark, with a little nose and perfect lips.

  “She’s beautiful, Josie. God, she’s so beautiful. Thank you.” He kisses me again before kissing her. His tears fall onto my hand as he looks at our daughter. “Look at how tiny she is. I could carry her like a football.”

  I laugh and kiss him. “We have to give her a name.”

  “Yeah we do,” he says as he runs his finger over her dark hair.

  “Hey, baby girl, can you open your eyes for Mommy and Daddy?” I run my finger along her cheek, back and forth until she opens her eyes quickly before shutting them again. They’re dark, but will likely change.

  “Aside from calling her Noah Junior, I’m stumbling for names. Mason?” Liam asks. I shake my head.

  “What about Betty?” I ask, just as Liam blurts out “What about Page, with an i?”

  “I like Paige,” I say.

  “I like Betty, too.”

  “Betty Paige Westbury? And we’ll call her Paige?”

  “And not Mason?”

  I shake my head.

  “Hi, Paige,” he says. Her mouth opens in agreement.

  “Sorry to interrupt, but we need to take her and get her vitals. Then we’ll be taking her upstairs for observation.”

  I reluctantly let her go and tell Liam to go with her. I don’t want her alone.

  “Before you take her, we need to introduce her to our family. They’re waiting.”

  The nurse nods and carries Paige over to the station they’ve set up. Once she’s weighed, measured, cleaned and has had her Apgar test done, she’s bundled up and placed in Liam’s arms. He sits down next to me and pulls out his phone.

  “Smile, Mommy.” I don’t, I lean in and kiss Paige’s head instead. This is how I want her first photo to be.

  Once my delivery doctor leaves, the nurse opens the door to let everyone in. My mom walks in first and covers her mouth as tears start flowing.

  “Oh my, it’s a girl. She’s so tiny.”

  “Very tiny. She weighs five pounds, six ounces and is nineteen inches long. I bet she’ll be tall like her mom,” Liam says as he looks at me. I never thought he could look at me any differently until now. To see the love in his eyes when he looks at me is breathtaking. I lean in and kiss him in front of our family and friends.

  Once everyone is in, Liam turns Paige to face everyone. Noah sits beside me, begging to hold her. It’s funny how his tune has changed now that she’s here. At first, he didn’t want a sibling, or maybe it was just another boy he didn’t want.

  “Everyone, the Westburys are overjoyed to introduce you to Betty Paige Westbury. We’ll be calling her Paige.”

  I look to Bianca for a reaction and get what I was expecting. Tears are falling and she’s mouthing “thank you”. All I can do is smile. Smile at my family and friend
s. If it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

  My mouth is parched and my throat hurts. My hands seem heavy as I try to move them. As I open my eyes, I squint even though the lights aren’t very bright. My tongue darts out to wet my lips, but they’re still dry and feel chapped.

  “Here.” I turn to the sound of the voice. It’s Harrison.

  “Where am I?”

  “You’re in the hospital, mate.” It’s good to know that JD is here as well. I wonder where everyone else is.

  Harrison brings a straw to my lips and I suck greedily, taking all that I can to wet my mouth and soothe my throat.

  “What am I doing here?”

  “There was an accident,” Harrison says as he puts the plastic cup back on the track. He’s sporting a beard and I’m not sure I like it. I slowly move my head to look at JD and find that he has one too.

  “What happened?”

  “An eighteen-wheeler lost control and hit the bus. You were sitting up front, talking to the driver when it happened. You were thrown to the back of the bus, breaking your back. You’ve been in a medically induced coma for six months.”

  “What? What about…” I can’t imagine what Josie must be going through and for me to be hurt in the same type of accident as Mason; her mind must be going crazy. Why isn’t she here? Where are my kids? The last thing I remember is Paige being born.

  “You need to calm down. You don’t want to accelerate your heart rate,” Harrison says.

  “What town are we in?”

  “Some rinky dink place called Beaumont.”

  Harrison doesn’t smile when he says it, but I know he’s happy. I’m happy. I smile at him, but his expression doesn’t change.

  “You love it here, don’t lie.”

  “No, I don’t. The sooner we get back to Los Angeles, the better.”

  “What are you talking about? Where’s Josie? Where are Noah and Paige?”

  “Who the hell are Josie and whoever else you said?”

  I look from Harrison to JD, who shrugs. “I gotta get out of here and find my wife. Where are Katelyn and the kids? Jenna and Eden?”

  They shake their heads and push me down on the bed. I start to hyperventilate, needing air.

  “Maybe the accident did damage to his brain.”

  “Liam, calm down. Sam is right down the hall getting coffee. She’ll be here in a minute.”

  “I don’t want Sam,” I cry out. “I want my wife.”

  “Sam is your wife.”

  I wake with a startle. Someone is sleeping next to me and there’s a crying baby somewhere in the house. I turn away from the person and look out the window; I’m in Los Angeles. Tears prick my eyes. I just had the best and worst dream of my life and now I’m back to square one, except I don’t remember marrying Sam or having a child with her.

  I want to cry. My dream was so vivid, so clear. My life was good. I made my amends with people and started living again. The cries get louder, stirring a sleeping Sam next to me. Something tells me I’m the one who should get up, but I don’t want to. I want to go back to sleep and remember Beaumont, Josie and the children we had.

  “Liam, Paige is crying.”

  “Wh… what?” I roll over at the sound of the voice I remember so clearly. Even through the darkness I can see her bright blue eyes shining up at me.

  “Are you real?”

  “Yes, and so is our daughter. Go get her, please.”

  “I fucking love you so much.” I kiss her on the lips, trying to savor the moment, but my princess is down the hall needing her daddy so I must go to her.

  “Hi, Princess,” I say when I approach her crib. Her blue eyes, wet with tears, look up at me and she pouts her tiny mouth. She lets out a quiet wail, telling me that she needs me. I hope that someday she realizes how much I need her.

  “Did you have a nightmare?” I ask as I lie her down on her changing table. I hand her a little rattle to keep her occupied while I change her diaper. “Daddy did, and it was bad. I dreamt that it was me who was in an accident and not your Uncle Mason, and when I woke up in my dream, I didn’t have you, mommy or Noah. When you started crying, I woke up again, but I was confused about being here so I thought I was only dreaming about having you.” I pick her up and kiss her rosy cheek, holding her to me. She snuggles into my neck and tries to seek out the milk wagon. I make sure to put her pacifier in to keep her quiet for the walk to the kitchen. By the time we get there, she’s sound asleep.

  The white lights from the Christmas tree sparkle against the darkness of the room. I stand in the large picture window that overlooks Hollywood. The city lights illuminate the valley, making it look alive. Paige is barely four months old and being plagued by an earache. Her first airplane ride didn’t go as planned. Nick calls it an ear barotrauma. I heard the word trauma and freaked out on him until he called it an ache. An ache I can deal with.

  We are in Hollywood for a few reasons. We decided to spend Christmas here and Yvie and Xander are getting married on Christmas night at Harrison’s pad. I’ve taken to calling it a pad because he yells at me each time I say condo. Earlier in the fall he was able to buy the upstairs “apartment” and convert his into a two-story, giving him and Katelyn more room with the kids.

  Everyone is here with us, except for Nick and Aubrey. They flew to Africa to see Aubrey’s parents, who are on a Mission, and introduce them to their son, Mack. He’s a cute baby with blonde hair and blue eyes, just like Aubrey. Josie says he’s going to be a looker when he’s older and I tell her as long as he’s looking away from Paige, I’ll be happy. Nick thinks I’m joking, I’m not.

  After Paige was born, and we brought her home, life became crazy. The guys, with the help of Jenna, Katelyn and the grandmas, all busted our asses to get Paige’s room ready. We put up a fresh coat of paint, new curtains and those clingy things for the walls to make her room into a castle. Not to mention all the new furniture that didn’t come assembled, even though I tried to bribe them. Harrison, JD and I spent twelve straight hours screwing in nuts and bolts while the girls shopped. Truthfully, it was the longest day of my life - not because I was putting a crib together, but because I was away from Josie and Paige for the day.

  I’ve come to realize I’m the over obsessive dad. If you have a cold, don’t come over. If you haven’t washed your hands, don’t touch my daughter. If you smell, haven’t showered or your clothes are dirty, stay far away. Those are the things that concern me the most. I’m working on watching my language around her as well, but that seems to be the hardest part of all.

  Paige wiggles in my arms, letting out a faint cry. I pat her bottom to lull her back to sleep. I’m the midnight feeder, the one who gets up with her if she wakes up at night, and the one who takes the late shift when the kids are sick. This is my time with them, especially with Paige. When Noah’s sick, he lies on the couch and I sit next to him, but I’m there to help when needed. It’s actually my favorite time with them, the one on one. It’s at night when I can clear my thoughts, and when I’m holding Paige in my arms, the lyrics flow. She’s my inspiration, my reason for being.

  After she was born, I took a hard look at my life. Josie and I sat down and hammered out a plan... for now, the music stays and Josie is happy with that. Before Paige was born we said we’d spend summers in Los Angeles, but now that JD and Jenna have moved here permanently, I have a feeling her stance might change.

  Josie’s hesitation is her parents, but since they’re retiring they’re willing to travel. My hesitation is Noah. He’s going to excel at Beaumont High and part of me would like to see him do it in my number. I’d like to see his name next to mine in the record books. Ultimately, I’m letting him make the decision. If he wants to stay, we’ll stay and make everything work. I wouldn’t be the only musician in the world to have two houses.

  After the first of the year, my mother is moving into her former home. I own it, and will continue to until her divorce from my father is final. Apparently, my mom coul
d live with the mistreatment and emotional abuse, but would not live with adultery. I don’t blame her. The money she was left by her father is in my name as well, something my father will never be able to touch.

  I have no qualms about setting my mother up. We’ve made amends, and she’s been a rock for Josie and me. It pains me that my father destroyed such a beautiful light. I have no doubt my mom would’ve reached the highest peak of stardom, although if it weren’t for meeting Sterling, I wouldn’t be here today.

  Shortly after Paige was born, I sat down with Josie and asked why the name “Betty”. She finally confessed that during our issues earlier in the year she had gone to the attic and found a box full of stuff that had belonged to my grandparents, a box I didn’t know about. I spent an hour going through the contents, learning about whom my grandfather was and how much he loved not only my grandmother, but my mother as well. And I forgave Josie on the spot because if she hadn’t done that, she wouldn’t have felt connected to my grandma enough to name our daughter after her.

  The band has a new manager and record deal with Capitol Records. We’ll be back in the studio once the holidays are over and looking to go on tour by the end of next year. Josie and the kids plan to join me once football is over, but only until baseball season starts for Noah. His sports life is important to me.

  Our manager is just like Sam, but nicer and missing the evil bone. The wives balked at first, but once they got to know Mira, they brought her into their fold. I do think, however, that it’s a case of “keep your friends close, but your enemies closer”.

  The light behind me comes on and I turn and see Noah eyeing the tree. I smile and look down at the presents pouring out from underneath it.

  “Santa came,” he says. Over the past few months, he’s changed. He’s grown a few inches and has started keeping his hair short like me.

  “He did.”

  “Do you think any of those are for me?”

  I shrug and rub my hand on Paige’s back. “I don’t think Paige can open any yet so I’m willing to bet most are for you.”

  “Awesome. I’m going to go wake everyone up.”