Secret Desire

by Gwynne Forster

  He took her hand, walked with her to the back of her house, and stopped. Holding her hand, he gazed into her eyes as though seeking the answer to some mystery. Drenched in moonlight with the black waters of the Atlantic looming loudly behind him, an eerie backdrop, he made an awesome figure, at once a dangerous and a sexy, exciting animal. The aura of imperilment that swirled around him scared her just enough to make her want to test him. He enticed her, drew her as a magnet lures a nail. He smiled down at her, his wonderful gray eyes promising her everything. In that moment, she knew he would be hers if she had to swim an ocean to get him. And she knew, too, that she had to wait till he freed himself from guilt about his former wife’s death.

  His left hand rested on her shoulder, light and gentle. “Kate, someone got into your store last night. He cut the glass.”

  So that was it. The accelerated beating of her heart thundered in her ears, deflating her ballooning desire for him. “What happened? I knew that call had to do with Randy or me. What was…the damage?”

  “He got in by cutting the glass next to the door. An obvious professional, who looked at the lock and knew he couldn’t pick it. Except for riffling through your desk, there’s no evidence of tampering. Apparently, money wasn’t his objective, because there’s some in your cash register. Any idea what he’d want?”

  “No. Maybe he thinks I keep my keys in that desk drawer. Remember the last man who accosted me as I was closing the store? He asked me for my house keys.”

  “Why would he want to get into your house? Certainly not to harm you. He has plenty of opportunities to do that, which is why I have Cowan trail you home and meet you in the mornings.”

  She rubbed her arms to ward off a sudden chill. “Luke, I think we ought to go back.”

  “Cowan had the glass replaced, and I’ve got a man in an unmarked car right in front of your store. I don’t think you need to leave here now.”

  She took a deep breath. Being a dependent of the Portsmouth Police Department was not in her plans. She intended to be independent, and that meant paying her way. “How much did it cost to install that glass?”

  “I don’t know. Cowan’s brother’s in the business, and he did the job.”

  “Thanks. I’ll ask Officer Cowan. It’s my responsibility, and I’ll take care of it. Your friend cleaned the graffiti off the store and wouldn’t charge me. Now, Cowan’s brother has replaced that entire glass front. As things go, I don’t know what I’d do without the bunch of you wonderful guys. But I’m paying for this.”

  “That’s between you and Cowan. If you want to pay for it, I can’t blame you. It’s right, it’s what I’d do, and I wouldn’t expect less of you.”

  Without thinking, she moved closer to him, grasped his arm, and rested her head against his shoulder. At last, he understood her, and for the first time she felt completely comfortable with him, able to share her goals and her dreams with him. Yes, and her disappointments. He didn’t ask her to be what she wasn’t.

  He must have sensed what she felt, for he held her loosely and kissed her forehead. She stepped back, looked at him, and knew her smile matched the one that blazed across his face. They shared a togetherness, a blending of mind and heart that she’d never experienced with anyone else. He walked to the swing, sat down with her and rested her head on his shoulder while his left arm protected her.

  “Kate, I know I’m ready for something solid with you. Right now, I feel closer to you than I’ve been to anyone. But I don’t want these feelings I have for you to take over my life at a time when I need all my wits to save you. Can you be patient, sweetheart?”

  She sat up and looked him in the eye. “What will I be waiting for?”

  He grinned. “Baby, you shoot from the hip. You’ll be waiting for me.”

  He wasn’t going to have his cake and eat it, too. “You can make that plainer, can’t you?”

  He laughed. “All right. Could you put Strange on your back burner?”

  “Strange?” She caught herself. No point in giving him the idea that he didn’t have any competition. She let herself appear to give his question deep thought.

  “Come on, Kate. I know you’re not crazy about him, but as long as he wants you, he’ll be after you. I want you to give him the boot.”

  “I can’t keep him out of my store.” His fingers combed through her hair until his hand rested at the curve of her neck, softly and affectionately. She resisted snuggling closer. “Wouldn’t it be against the law to tell him to keep out if he hasn’t done anything wrong?”

  “Are you trying to make me think you’re dense? Come off it, Kate! If you’re not interested in the guy, I wish you’d tell him.”

  “If I do that, who’ll take me to the mayor’s Fourth of July barbecue when some top-heavy dame comes to town sporting a rhinestone tiara?”

  “Ouch! You know where to stab. I get your point. Next time Mrs. Armstrong and her gang ask me to do my civic duty, I’ll say I’m busy.”

  She moved back to his shoulder. “Good. I’ll see what I can do about Lieutenant Strange.”

  They swung quietly on the porch while the rising wind chilled them with the Atlantic’s cool and salty air. She watched the stars dance in the heavens in a wild flirtation with the brightest moon she’d ever seen. No sound from creatures of the night reached her ears, only the loud and boisterous cavorting of ocean waves.

  She hated to bring their moment of peace and her sense of belonging with him to an end, but she had something to tell him, and he’d probably object to it.

  “I…uh…I have to attend a regional booksellers conference in Baltimore week after next. Jessye will take care of the store.”

  “What about Randy?”

  “I thought I’d leave him with Madge Robinson. Jessye can be flighty.”

  “Let him stay with me.”

  Her head spun around. “You’re serious? Suppose you have an emergency?”

  “The conference is on the weekend. Right?”

  “Uh, yes. Well, if you’re sure you want to.”

  He tipped up her chin and gazed into her eyes until a strange dizziness washed over her and she wanted to know him, to experience him in all his maleness. With as much willpower as she’d ever exerted, she pulled back, because she’d promised herself and him that she wouldn’t push him.

  And still his gaze pierced her whole being, shattering her emotions. He stood, raising her with him, and held her close. “Don’t you trust me to look after him? If I didn’t want to do that, I wouldn’t offer. Our weekend together could be a constructive time in Randy’s life—and who knows, maybe mine, as well.”

  “Of course I’d trust you with my child’s care. You saved his life, and I’d trust you with mine. You…You’re a wonderful man.”

  Again, he stared at her, penetrating the essence of her, dismantling her defenses. “I can’t help it, I…Honey, open your mouth for me. Kiss me. Kiss me.”

  She swayed to him, entranced by his lover’s eyes, and her parted lips trembled in anticipation. He moved toward her, so slowly that she almost screamed in frustration. His lips touched hers at last, hot and sweet. Oh Lord, how she needed him! His arms tightened around her, and frissons of fire shot through her as his tongue plunged into her, loving her and staking his claim. She knew he could hear the wild, crazy thudding of her heart as it threatened to fly from her to mate with his.

  He spread his legs and tucked her hips between them, and she could feel him. For the first time, he was hard against her, letting her know who he was. Tremors possessed her body when he moaned aloud and trembled in her arms. Uncontrollably. Her hands went to his buttocks to hold him closer, to feel more of the man in him, and she undulated helplessly against him.

  “Kate, honey, I need you. I’m out of my mind wanting you. Kate. Kate, love me…lo—”

  He broke the word as wrenching screams reached them through the window.

  “Randy! Just as I feared.”

  She stood where he’d left her when he charged in
to the house. Rooted to the floor. Unable to move. Shackled by her need of him. After a few minutes, she opened the screen door, went inside and walked slowly to Randy’s room. She found her child tight in Luke’s embrace with tears cascading down his face.

  “He’ll be all right. He may have these for a while, but he’ll be okay,” Luke said in what she knew was an attempt to set her at ease.

  “I thought I was drowning,” Randy said.

  “You weren’t going to drown, not as long as I had breath enough to swim. You understand that?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  She watched Luke Hickson stroke her son’s shoulders and head, reassuring him, giving him a father’s strength, and she couldn’t speak. Stunned at her reaction, she walked back to the porch and sat down. How had she let herself do it? With her arms wrapped around her middle, her head lowered and her eyes closed, she rocked back and forth in the swing. She’d sworn never again, and she’d meant it. But God help her, she loved him. She loved him! He’d become her life. Her second nature. Everything! But as much as she knew he cared for her, Eunice Hickson still possessed his mind, if not his heart. She couldn’t do battle with a dead woman. He might never be hers.

  Luke stood beside Randy’s bed, looking down at him once more asleep, in precious oblivion. When and how had that boy crawled into him? What he felt for Kate didn’t explain it. If she went out of his life, he’d still love that kid. He saw much of himself in the boy, a version of himself as a youth—the stubbornness, refusal to compromise about a principle, faithful execution of responsibility at all costs. He shook his head in wonder. That youthful, rambunctious swagger that was so much like his, and the willingness to stand up for what he wanted and believed in, no matter the stature or size of his opponent.

  He stepped out of the room, took out his cell phone and punched in Cowan’s number. The only way out of that morass of conflict was the arrest and conviction of whoever was after Kate. And he’d swear that her in-laws had nothing to do with it.

  “Any news on that break-in?” he asked Cowan.

  “This beats me, Luke. We’ve received calls identifying a man corresponding to both the white and the black police sketch. We’re still running fingerprints but, so far, nothing. The guy obviously wears gloves. He’s a professional.”

  “Thanks. That doesn’t surprise me. Stay on it.” He hung up.

  He didn’t want Kate to go to Baltimore, but he couldn’t ask her to give up her freedom. He found her on the back porch and didn’t like her demeanor one bit, but he didn’t think she’d want him to comment on it.

  He sat down and took her right hand in his own. “I think we have a problem with electronic eavesdropping. I know you want to go to that conference in Baltimore, so I’m not going to ask you to reconsider. But please don’t tell anyone, not even Randy.”

  “But I can’t—”

  “Please, honey. A couple of hours before you leave, tell him you’ll be out of town for a few days and that he’s staying with me. I’ll make all your reservations from my private office phone, because I know that’s not tapped. Just give me your dates and preferred departure and arrival times.”

  Taking over again. Exasperated, she didn’t look at him. “Life would be easier for all of us if I just moved overseas. I’m tired of this whole scene. I came here with such hopes, anxious to make a life for Randy and me, to be my own woman, independent of in-laws and away from—” She stopped, shocked at what she’d almost revealed. “Away from the past,” she said, hoping to foil any suspicions her lapse may have aroused.

  His deep, resonant voice lacked its usual authority. “I imagine how you feel, and it troubles me all the more because I’m the guy whose job it is to find those crooks.”

  Immediately, she released his hand, and her arms enveloped him. “You’re doing all that can be done, and I know you’ll find the culprits. I know it down deep in me. You’ll succeed.”

  His hand stroked her back, idly, slowly, as if he were in a reflective mood. “You have such faith in me? But how can you, when I haven’t been able to do the one thing you needed me to do? Don’t invest me with more than I deserve. I’ll never let you down if I can avoid it, but I’m just a man.”

  And what a man! “And I’m not doing that.” She didn’t like the direction in which the conversation was headed, and decided to change it.

  “Did it occur to you that we’re wasting good moonlight? I could have been getting into your business. You said you’re forty-two. Height and weight, please.”

  He pursed his lips as though figuring out a difficult formula. “Uh…I’m six foot four, and two hundred pounds right out of the water. What else?”

  She quickly erased her mental picture of him rising like the Greek god Poseidon from the swirling waters of the Atlantic, proudly bare, and shook her head, clearing it of passion’s debris.

  “Let me see your palm.” She made a ceremony of looking at the lines in his right hand. “What’s your birth date?”

  He raised both eyebrows and cast a skeptical glance at her. “November the fourth. Why?”

  “My Lord! A Scorpio. I never could get along with Scorpions. Me and those things just do not mix.”

  His voice, low and gentle, almost business-like in tone, might have been directed to a stranger. “Baby, what the hell are you talking about?”

  She ignored his apparently serious mien. “I am trying to understand you, and that’s something you should appreciate. Men are always grumbling about not being understood.”

  Why was he grinning? She hadn’t said anything funny.

  “I think you’re mistaken. It’s usually a certain class of married ones who aren’t understood, but that only occurs to them when they’re hitting on another woman.”

  “Great. So you’re understood?”

  He’d stopped grinning. Now what? “What’s wrong with your English today? You didn’t phrase that right, either. If you want to know whether I think you understand me, the answer is, well enough for now. When I need you to understand me better, I’ll help you.”

  He’d maneuvered them back to shaky ground. “I wish you wouldn’t be so obtuse,” she grumbled. “Tell me straight out that you don’t want me digging into you and your personality.”

  He winked his left eye, putting her off. “You don’t have to dig. I want you to know me. I said you understand me, and I don’t think I need to explain the rest of it.”

  Thank God for her dark skin. A rush of blood heated her face, and she wanted to bite her tongue. He’d practically said that when he made love to her, he’d teach her to understand and meet his needs.

  Flustered, she hedged. “Whatever you say.”

  His resolve to free his mind for the work he had to do, to limit their involvement while he solved her case, had begun to demand of him more than a man should have to sacrifice. It mocked him, for he knew himself. If he gave in and surrendered to his need of her, nothing else would matter. Having her and loving her would become his zeal, his only passion. All else would have to take what was left of him.

  He stared down into the soft greenish brown eyes that could so easily mesmerize him, at her flawless complexion, face free of makeup and full sweet lips, and he had to divert his gaze as his hunger for her racked his body. He’d give anything to know how long he had to wait.

  “Will you let me take you to the airport and meet you when you come back from Baltimore? It’s important to me, Kate.”

  “All right, if you want to. Thanks.”

  He let himself relax. If she’d told him it wasn’t necessary, he wouldn’t have been surprised. “I’d better say good-night. It’s been a long day.”

  “Yes, and what a day!”

  She looked at him expectantly, but he didn’t want another trip to the brink, as it were, so he kissed her cheek, jumped over the porch railing and went home.

  Kate had never attended a booksellers conference, and she reveled in the excitement of being among so many authors and representatives of major publishing h
ouses. Being a member, one of the sellers, heightened her confidence in her ability to succeed with her store. If only Nathan were there to see her making deals with publishers and arranging book-signing engagements with famous authors! She knew she had to stop caring about the way he’d demeaned her and lessened her worth in her son’s eyes, and she would. With each day, she grew more like the Kate she’d been before she met Nathan Middleton—proud, competent and ready to take the world by the horns. And she was going to prepare herself to resume teaching if she had to go to the university at night and practice the piano until her fingers hurt. Who said she couldn’t teach and own a store, too?

  No programs were scheduled for Saturday afternoon, so she rented a car and headed for the Chesapeake Bay Bridge. After driving about an hour and forty-five minutes, she pulled into a rest stop and consulted her map. She took Route 32, exited onto Route 50 and headed for Cambridge, a fishing, canning and shipping town of about twelve thousand people. She wanted to visit the place where she and her beloved father had known so much joy in days long past. He’d taken her there every summer to spend a few weeks with an army buddy and his wife to swim, fish, sail and go crabbing. Tears nearly blurred her vision as she mourned what her mind remembered.

  She became aware that she saw no road signs, stopped and checked her map. She must have taken the wrong road. She drove several miles, saw an old farmhouse and stopped there to ask directions.

  “How do I get back onto Route 50?” she asked an old woman who swung an ax like a woodsman as she cut logs.

  “Ain’t nowhere near here. A good twenty to twenty-five miles over yonder.” She pointed south.

  Kate looked at her map and couldn’t find a road eastward from Route 50. “Could I use your phone, please?”

  The old woman’s cackle gave Kate a shiver of unease. “Phone? I ain’t even got ’lectricity. Wait’ll the storm passes, and I’ll lead you over there.”

  Storm? Kate didn’t see a cloud, but she didn’t think it wise to question the old woman’s wisdom. “How long do you think that’ll be?”